Setting: After an argument (see my story The Argument) Hiei gives Kurama the name of his therapist. This is the Monday after. Hiei visits first.

"I had a relapse this weekend." Hiei was sitting on the couch, alone. His partner, Kuwabara was not with him this time. He used to accompany him to every visit but only shows up occasionally.

"What do you mean, Hiei?" The doctor had his notebook out. He always kept very detailed notes on his demon clients, this one in particular. He was conducting groundbreaking research concerning the psychiatric profiles of demons and whether therapy could be beneficial to them. This particular client was one of his greatest successes. It had taken him months to persuade Hiei to be a part of the research, it was confidential of course.

"Kurama accused me of taking Kazuma for granted." Never one for many words, he knew he would have to keep probing before Hiei opened the floodgates to reveal the entire story.

"What specifically did he say?"

"He made some sly ass comment about how lucky I am that Kazuma grinds my coffee and squeezes oranges for juice. He's just jealous."

"Did he say anything else?"

"Yes. He commented on our…intimate encounters."

"How would he know anything about that?"

"Well, we talk. He is my friend. And this weekend we did some…demonstrations."

"I see." The doctor was intrigued, but kept his expression diplomatically bland.

"Do you have to know what the demonstrations were about?"

"Only if it pertains directly to the argument that led to the relapse, Hiei." The truth it, the doctor was dying to know, but he maintained his professional decorum. He could probably piece together what happened from the small amount of information that Hiei provided.

"Well, in one of the demonstrations Kazuma revealed his…"

"His what?"

"His dick, no cock, uh, penis, sorry." Hiei struggled to use proper names as the doctor insisted he do during the sessions. Whether he knew it or not, it helped tremendously with his social skills.

"How did this cause a problem?"

"Well, Kurama was staring at it," Hiei continued. "Kazuma is very …large. And Kurama was staring and he started getting hard. His boyfriend Yusuke got mad and they got into a fight about it."

"How did this contribute to the argument?"

"Well, first he said that the reason I don't let Kazuma be on top much is because I was insecure."

"Is that true?"

Hiei glared at him. The doctor looked at him expectantly. Once, those looks would have him quaking in fear but now he just waited calmly until Hiei answered his question.

"Well, the weaker one is usually the one on the bottom."

"So Kazuma is weak?"

"No! Of course not! How dare you!"

"Hiei, I just asked a question. You just stated that Kazuma usually assumes the submissive role in bed and that the weaker one is on the bottom."

"Well, I didn't mean it like that."

"Well, what did you mean?"

"I don't know, I just…I mean…"

"We will return to that question. However you said that he 'first' stated that you were insecure. What did he say next?"

"Damn, you don't miss a word, do you?"

"I try not to. So what did he say?"

"He said that Kazuma was too much for me to handle."

The doctor was almost surprised this Kurama guy wasn't dead. Hiei had made a lot of progress indeed.

"Is that true?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Hiei lept from the couch.

"Hiei, please tone your voice down. I only asked you a question. Why are you so offended?"

"You just said that I won't let my lover fuck me because I can't handle his dick!" Hiei exclaimed.

"Language, Hiei." One of his rules was that his patients not use profanity or vulgar terms unless they were quoting someone or recalling a situation. "And I did not say that. I only asked you a question, which you have yet to answer. Is sex with Kuwabara uncomfortable?"

"You sound just like Kurama," Hiei responded, an unpleasant sneer on his face.

"What did Kurama say?"

"He exacts words were 'Perhaps it is uncomfortable for you. Kuwabara is of formidable girth'."

"I see." This Kurama character was getting more and more interesting by the minute.

"You have yet to answer my question, Hiei."

"And what would that be?"

"Now you are stalling; very unlike you Hiei."

Hiei grunted in irritation. "Fine. Yes, it is uncomfortable. It hurt like hell the first time. Felt like my ass was split in half."

"How did Kazuma react?"

"He was apologizing all over the place and promised that we never had to do it that way again."

"But you did."

"Yes."

"Why is that?"

"I've never been one to back down from a challenge."

"So does it hurt as much?"

"Not as much as the first time. And it depends on how long we wait in between and how much time he takes to prepare me."

"Prepare you?" The doctor was not homosexual and not a sex therapist so his knowledge of these things was not what it should be.

"Yes," Hiei replied, a touch of irritation in his voice for having admitted his secret and having to elaborate on it. "Stretching me out before he enters me."

"I see."

"If he takes his time and really stretches me out, then it only hurts a little when he enters me."

"What about lubricant?"

"Well yes, that's a given," Hiei snapped.

"Is overcoming the challenge the only reason you would take the submissive role in bed?"

"What do you mean?" Hiei studied the doctor intently, trying to decipher some hidden meaning behind his eyes. As usual, he drew a blank.

"Do you get any pleasure from the experience?"

Hiei thought on that question. After the first few strokes it was pleasurable. Kuwabara had not been a virgin and was already a skilled lover. He had never bottomed before Hiei. Whenever they switched roles it was always a pleasant experience for Hiei. Also, Kuwabara's passive aggressive form of dominance was exciting. If Kazuma wanted Hiei to do something in bed, he could get him to do it. But Kuwabara was a teaser, and Hiei was impatient. The pleasure and frustration combined from Kuwabara being seme was always exhausting.

"Hiei?"

Lost in thought, Hiei had neglected to answer the doctor's question. "Yes, I do."

"I see. Let us revisit a question I asked you earlier. Are you insecure about letting Kuwabara assume a dominant role?"

"Not anymore."

"What happened to change your feelings?"

"Well, after the first few times I enjoyed it and I didn't feel weak by letting him do it."

"I see. Did the sexual issue lead to the relapse? Or was there something else?"

"No."

"Well, what led to it?"

"The other stuff he said."

The doctor waited.

"He said that Kazuma would leave me, and that he was only with me because he felt sorry for me."

Now the doctor was really impressed that Kurama was not dead. Particularly after what Hiei said next.

"He also said that I couldn't love Kazuma because I didn't have anyone to love me."

"And what did you do?"

"I almost killed him."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

"I had a knife. I would have cut his head off if Kazuma hadn't stopped me."

"Is Kazuma the only reason why you didn't kill him?"

Hiei looked at the doctor. "What do you mean? I just said that I was going to decapitate him."

"From what I understand, both you and Kuwabara have stated that you are stronger. Also, your speed is such that you could have killed him before Kuwabara could stop you. Is that not correct?"

Hiei thought. The doctor made an excellent point. He could have killed Kurama. He was definitely fast enough. But he hadn't. Perhaps he had held back on purpose. Could it have been dare he say it, his conscience?

"Perhaps your conscience held you back." The doctor added, penetrating his thoughts.

"Hn."

"Hiei, you know I do not allow you to say that in our sessions. You must express yourself."

"Perhaps."

"Let us now explore some of the other statements Kurama made to you."

"Which one do you want me to start with?"

"Either is fine."

"Well, the thing about Kazuma leaving me really upset me. As you know, that is my biggest…it occupies my mind often."

"I am well aware. I also have heard Kuwabara swear that he never will. Did you not perform a mating ritual?"

"Yes, that just means he cannot take another mate. As Kurama pointed out, he could still leave me."

The doctor was itching to get Kurama on his couch.

"Do you not trust him to stay with you as he promised?"

"He might change his mind."

"Do you think that is likely?"

"I don't know!" Hiei exclaimed.

The doctor waited. Another phrase Hiei was not allowed to say was 'I don't know' when it came to a personal question. He had to provide an answer.

"No," he finally decided. "I know that he won't. Deep down, I know. But something still makes me worry. Some little voice just doesn't want me to be happy."

"How loud is the voice?" The doctor and Hiei had linked the 'voice' to Hiei's comfort level. A loud voice indicated he was very uncomfortable and in an unsure situation. A whisper represented baseless insecurities.

"A whisper; barely a whisper." Before the doctor could speak, he continued. "I know it means I'm making a big deal over nothing, I am really trying, doctor.

"I know, Hiei. I am very pleased with your progress."

Hiei shifted a little at the compliment. "Thank you."

"It seems as if that comment did not upset you the most. Which comment was it?"

"The one about Kazuma only being with me because he felt sorry for me and that he doesn't love me."

"Why did this upset you so much?"

"I don't want people feeling sorry for me." Hiei said with disgust. "I'm not a charity case."

"Is that all?"

Hiei glared at the doctor. "Is that not enough?"

"I am asking you that, Hiei."

"He implied that Kazuma didn't love me.; and worse, that I couldn't love him."

"Why was that worse?"

"What kind of person can't love anyone? He implied that my childhood and young life was so screwed up that I could never be healed. That all this therapy wouldn't help me. That I would be screwed up forever."

"Did he say that?"

"No."

"Then why assume that's what he meant?"

"That's how I took it."

"Have you had any nightmares recently?"

"No. Not in nineteen months, and six days."

"How is group therapy going?"

"Don't you know?"

"Hiei, I am not present at the meetings and am not privy to what goes on in them."

"Then why should I tell you?"

"You don't have to. I only wanted to know if the group is beneficial or not."

"Yes, it is helpful. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only screwed up one out there."

"You keep using the term 'screwed up'. What do you mean?"

"I mean…damaged, by mistreatment or loneliness."

"I see. No, Hiei you are not alone. But you have a support group as well as Kuwabara."

"Yes, I do."

"After listening to you Hiei I do not agree with your diagnosis of a relapse."

"Why not? I almost killed Kurama."

"Almost killing someone and killing someone are two different things. And you stopped yourself. Your nightmares have not returned and you have also realized your role in the argument."

"Yeah will, Kurama is just as screwed up as me. I gave him your number, he might call you."

The doctor nodded. He did not mention that Kurama had already made an appointment for Friday due to doctor/patient confidentiality. Hiei would find out from Kurama eventually.

"Well, Hiei our time is up. See you next week?"

Hiei stood. "Don't you have any homework for me?"

"Go back and rewrite the discussion that you had with Kurama. Write what you would have said now that you have discussed it with me."

Hiei left.

Great Progress, Hiei! What will Kurama have to say? The doc is anxious to get inside that pretty little head of his. Find out in the next session of The Shrink!