Why and How
Chapter 1
A/N: Greetings, and welcome. This is not my first foray into the writing field, but it is the first piece of fanfiction I've written in about 7 years. I'm intrigued by the Naruto world, and by the many possibilities it has. This story here is really more of a philosophical statement than anything else, but I think it shows promise. It'll contain a good bit of everything, should I decide to continue it.
For the record, yes the ages of the characters are going to be skewed a bit. The age of the genin when they graduate will be 16. I suppose I just have issues with writing about 12 year old killers-for-hire.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor is this story to be used for personal profit in any way.
There is arguably no greater teacher than life. Uzumaki Naruto is one young individual who would undoubtedly attest to this, had he ever had the state of mind to do so. Indeed, Naruto would fervently preach the gospel of life, as really, it had been the only teacher he'd ever had. Naruto, being so incredibly young, is a somewhat surprising source of wisdom, but the weight of his adorably pitched soprano words is undeniable. Naruto excelled at one thing above all others, and this fact is unsurprising, as it is the one lesson Life stresses above all others. Survival. Naruto was a survivor, in every respect of the word. Naruto embodied survival, he lived it, he breathed it, he reveled in it. Life was his paper, and survival his pen, through which his glorious symphony would be composed. Or so he'd like to imagine anyway. Their relationship was intimate, and that intimacy bore potent fruit.
Survival, while strongly emphasized, is not the only lesson to be found in life. Naruto would consider the wisdom of Life to be boundless, as his world was continually illuminated with each new day. Yes, Life was an incredibly gifted teacher. No one could deny that. And in accord with all great teachers, Life was loved. By Naruto, and by almost all who experienced it. But not all.
Life, as any good teacher is want to do, teaches both the good and the bad. Life teaches what it means to experience joy, and for that Naruto is grateful. Life teaches what it means to experience sadness, and for that Naruto is grateful. Naruto has a somewhat unique distemperment you see, which is undoubtedly the result of his identically unique circumstances. Naruto experienced loss before he ever experienced joy, and because of that, he is different. This one simple fact is the reason Naruto values Life so resolutely. For because of this, Naruto knows that pleasure derives its meaning from pain. To experience one without the other is to experience nothing, for what is the joy of victory without knowing what it means to face defeat?
Naruto knew, and from it, he shaped his world. As his nose was once again ground into the dirt for his invisible crime, he meditated on it. The fury of his undeserved attacker grew with every moment, with every passing second of apathy on Naruto's countenance. Naruto did not scream. He did not grunt. He did not cry. The pain was unbearable, but his shallow breath remained constant, never wavering, never giving an inch of satisfaction to his attacker.
Before Naruto could ever fight back physically, he knew how to win mentally. For nine long and arduous years he endured the grueling trials of his singular teacher. He was constantly reminded that he was different, with every glower and every fist. He was beaten, physically and emotionally, to the point of exhaustion each and every day. When he first learned to speak, his first question was simple. Straightforward. Expected, even.
"Why?"
The answer was swift and merciless, as his tiny body was forced to endure yet more pain. And that was when he learned the futility of why. Naruto was a quick study when it came to survival, and he realized very soon that the less he spoke, the less he was beaten.
But Naruto's decision to limit his words did not quell his raging curiosity. He continued to think, and to ponder on why he was given the proverbial short straw. And soon, he came to a realization that shaped his life. Why didn't matter. Naruto knew as he watched the behavior of the other children from the shadows. He saw their behavior, and he saw the result. He saw their brilliant smiles, their cheerful words, and most importantly he saw the happy replies these children received from their parents. And so he was confused, for in those children he saw himself, and could not understand why he was treated differently.
And then he saw the spoiled children. He saw the tantrums, the pouting, and the overall poor behavior, and he saw the swift punishment delivered by the supervising parent. And he knew then, that he didn't deserve his treatment. He knew that he had done no harm. He knew that he had never caused anyone pain, that he had never projected negativity in such an abhorrent way. Now Naruto couldn't put it in quite those terms, being a rather uneducated young lad, but he understood, and that was all that mattered. Yet still he was beaten, and still he realized he had much to learn.
Opening one bruised, swollen eye, he beheld the face of his attacker, and instantly memorized the man's staggering brown eyes. Even through his pain, Naruto found himself overwhelmed by the emotion within those eyes, the sense of loss and pain so palpable he felt he could almost touch it. Naruto saw that pain, and he understood it. But he did not accept it. Never would he accept the blame for a crime he did not commit, and never would he accept to being the victim of a senseless punishment. This was a man who had lost his way. Perhaps his wife had died, or perhaps he was unemployed and homeless. Naruto, being still so young, couldn't imagine the types of horrors this man must have seen to have obtained such grief filled eyes. But Naruto knew that whatever this man had experienced, it wasn't through any fault of his.
Naruto didn't care as to why this man was hurting him, because he knew it didn't matter. Naruto saw, and he understood. He may not have known why, but he knew how. He knew and he treasured how. He suffered, because he was too weak to prevent it. Again and again, the fists descended upon his small frame, and the rags he wore began to grow heavy and wet with blood. With every blow, his resolve grew. He would become strong. He would never have to suffer again. He would change the way things were. He would control his destiny.
Abruptly, the punishment stopped, and Naruto was able to groan out a sigh of relief. With every fiber of his being racked with pain, he willed himself to roll over, and stare at the beautiful sky, a beauty so ill-befitting his current condition. His chest heaved, and with a sickening spasm, he coughed up a sickening combination of phlegm and blood. Crawling to his knees, he panted in an attempt to control his breathing, but collapsed soon after, his body unwilling to obey. His head ringing, he vaguely heard the call of his name before he was claimed by fatigue.
"Naruto! Naruto! …Naru—"
He awoke feeling numb, and distantly he realized that his body was covered in bandages. He would have snorted had his mouth not also been covered, he had never needed bandages, and he doubted he ever would. Pain was a temporary thing, and Naruto had grown accustomed to its coming and going. No matter how severe the injuries, Naruto would recover. It was something he expected, just as he expected the injuries to come in the first place. His life was a vicious circle, but he was not content to let that lie.
"Ah, Naruto, awake I see," came the soft tenor from the doorway. Naruto jerked himself upright, and winced at the instantaneous spasm of pain it caused him. Taking in his surroundings for the first time, he realized he was in a hospital room, and that his visitor was none other than the Hokage himself. He noticed the tired look in the old man's eyes, which completely contradicted the smile on his face. He sighed as he realized the nature of the visit, and readied himself for the words he did not want to hear. "Naruto, I'm so—"
"Jii-san, I'm tired." The interruption was so abrupt it took both of them by surprise. Naruto, realizing he had unwittingly provided himself a chance to speak, took it. "I'm really tired of it all. You know by now I dun care bout much. I want it all to stop." The Hokage heaved a long drawn out sigh, and for a brief moment looked like a simple old man who'd seen far too much in his lifetime.
"Naruto, what do you expect me to do? You don't understand how hard I've tried to make things different. You don't understand how much time I spend each and every day lamenting your situation." He paused mid speech, and glided over to the window, causing Naruto to shiver as he was once again reminded of just what it meant to be Hokage. The effect was lost soon after, as the Hokage's shoulders drooped, and he proceeded to stare out into the village.
"I hate it. I hate what they do to you, and I hate that I can't stop it. But I love them. I love this village. It's why I am where I am today. Naruto, I know you've suffered greatly at the hands of my people, but they are not bad people—"
"Stop Jii-san, just stop. I'm not stupid. I've gone through this all my life. I've heard your speech a million times by now! But I've realized, Jii-san, it don't matter…I can see everything you see. I can see how amazing this village is, I can see how amazing the people are. But they can't see me, and I gotta accept that. As things are, I can't do anything about it. I'm too weak, old man. That's why you gotta help me, I don't want to be weak anymore!" His exclamation seemed to echo through the room, causing Sarutobi to turn around in surprise. He looked at Naruto as if taking him in for the first time, before nodding to himself, coming to some conclusion that Naruto could only guess at. Naruto's breath was tight, as he waited anxiously for the old man's reply.
"Why? Why do you want to become strong Naruto? What will that bring you?"
The anxiety died immediately, overtaken by a supreme rage that caused Naruto's body to quiver and his fists to clench.
"You know Jii-san, I HATE THAT QUESTION! Why!? Because I want to prevent it. I don't ever want to be hurt again! I don't deserve this! I KNOW I DON'T! I don't think people should have to go through this…but as I am now, I can't do anything about it. " Naruto stopped his tirade for a moment, taking a second to calm himself down and think before he spoke.
"I don't really know if I can change people. But I do know that I can change myself. If you won't help me, I'll find some other way, because this is the last time I fall asleep in my own blood." Naruto's words were heavy, and the wisdom and depth within caused even the Hokage to pause.
"…You've said it yourself Naruto, you've seen the beauty of the village. Isn't that something to protect? Isn't that something worth fighting for? Is all that you really have; yourself?"
Naruto let out a humorless laugh, sounding all the more like an old warrior, and nothing like the young child he was. He began to unravel the bandages he was encased in, taking some time to deliberate before unveiling his answer.
"You're asking me to see the good without the bad. You're asking me to ignore what I experience, and to ignore what I feel every day. I can't do that, Jii-san. I just can't. I'm not looking for revenge. I'm just out there to make my own way. To write my own story, and not to let these people write it for me." Naruto finished unwrapping himself, and stared at the bandages, as if it were a reminder of all the horrors he'd been forced to undergo.
"I want what I can't have. I want to live my own life," he finished, and met the Hokage's appraising brown eyes with his own pair of icy cerulean orbs. After a while, the Hokage shuddered, and collapsed into the only chair in the room. He held his face in his hands.
"What would you have me do?" came the muffled reply. Naruto smiled a genuine smile, and even in his depressed state, Sarutobi felt himself uplifted. And he knew. He could feel it in the very air he breathed. He was about to unleash something magnificent unto the world, and not once would he regret it.
"You want me to what now?" came the irritated grumble. Jiraiya looked incredibly put out at having been summoned back to the village, and his irritation was growing with every passing me moment he spent in the office of his aged sensei.
"I don't believe I stuttered. You taught the father, and now it's time for you to teach the son. What's the matter, Jiraiya, are you going to deny Naruto as well?" The Sandaime's voice sounded equally irritated, though his ire was more due to fatigue then any real anger at his student. Jiraiya snorted in reply, putting up his hand in an attempt to calm his sensei.
"Don't try to guilt trip me, old man, you know as well as anyone about my somewhat…obscene habits. If I remember correctly, it was one of the reasons you gave for not leaving Naruto with me in the first place. What's with the sudden change of mind?" The question gave Sarutobi pause, and he chewed softly on his pipe for a moment, unsure of how to accurately address the question.
"I'm a fool, Jiraiya," he said finally, and was content to not elaborate on the terse response. Jiraiya waited a few moments expectantly, before replying confusedly.
"Stating the obvious doesn't really help me much here, sensei."
"Must you be a smart-ass? No, Jiraiya, I don't think you understand. I have…overestimated the capabilities of my own people. It's had a great effect on your new ward, but its not all negative."
"Referring to the villagers inability to let go of the past?"
"If you want to put it that way, I suppose. Whatever you call it, it's shameful to witness, and murder to live with. Naruto's latest encounter left him unidentifiable, Jiraiya. He's lucky to have such amazing regenerative abilities, because without them, I doubt he'd have survived." Jiraiya stood from his seated position, anger beginning to cloud his face.
"Who's responsible? Where is the bastard?"
"I…don't know. The assailant was cunning if nothing else, he left nothing that could be used to identify him. Of course he wouldn't need chakra to assault a child, so right now the investigation is a stand still. Even worse, no chakra means it could have been a villager or ninja. It's ludicrous, Jiraiya, and Naruto's right. It has to stop." Jiraiya bristled at the crime, but couldn't help but agree with the logic.
"You're willing to take this chance? Right now, I doubt he has any loyalty to this village. That sounds more like a security risk than anything else." Sarutobi looked unhappy with the implication, and took a deep drag on his pipe before replying.
"And that's where I'm at a loss myself. I'm doing this because it's what Naruto deserves, results notwithstanding. I have no evidence beyond what I can see, but that boy is no threat to anyone who doesn't provoke him. He says he doesn't hold any desire for revenge, and when he speaks you just can't help but believe him. If there's one thing Naruto's good at, it's learning from the mistakes of others. He won't let the past hinder him. He'll make Konoha proud." Jiraiya chuckled a little, in spite of the graveness of the situation.
"He's got that Minato charm, eh?" The smile was infectious, and Sarutobi couldn't help but grin as well.
"Indeed. He will amount to something amazing, there's no doubting that."
"And I suppose he'll need a bit of guidance to get there, eh?"
"Yes, I suppose he will. I thank you, old friend." Sarutobi knew the conversation was over. Jiraiya would do as he was asked, and only time would show the results. He relaxed into his chair, taking yet another deep drag on his pipe. Jiraiya stood and waved his goodbye before making his way towards the door. As he walked, he seemingly faded into the shadows, until there remained no evidence he had ever been in the room, leaving Sarutobi to ponder listlessly,
"Why do I even have a door? Really?"
Naruto sighed in content as he sat curled up in his shadowy corner of the playground. He had long since grown past his desires to intermingle with the children there, but it always gave him joy to look at how happy the children were, and how much fun they were having. It was one of the few things that made him genuinely happy.
Naruto had been overjoyed to hear that the Hokage was willing to succumb to his desires. He would finally have a sensei, someone to guide him along with the path to strength. Soon, he would no longer fear the reactions of these people to his presence. Soon, he would be able to walk with pride, knowing he would never have to submit to inhumane torture ever again. He would be free.
And so Naruto was especially jubilant today. He was so caught up in watching the antics of the children, he almost completely froze up when a loud slap resounded throughout the area. His eyes narrowed, and he unconsciously shrank even further into the shadowy corner, focusing on locating the disturbance, and preparing himself to run if necessary.
Naruto was incredibly surprised to see what appeared to be a white-haired old man grinning stupidly at one of the more attractive mothers in the area. Naruto watched in fascination as the woman began an incredibly long speech about the rights of women, which included an equally long list of names she had for people like the old man who would infringe upon those rights.
Now Naruto, being nine, didn't understand any part of the lecture, but he did understand that a woman being angry and raising such a ruckus couldn't lead to anything pleasant, and picked himself up from his seated position, prepared to slink away before he was noticed.
"And just where do you think you're going?" came the drawl, causing Naruto to completely freeze up, his mind berating himself for having stayed too long. Turning his head slowly, he fell back in surprise to see the very same old man who had been standing over fifty yards away no more than two seconds ago. He began to scramble away, attempting to make his escape before a small crater formed directly in his path, the source being the clenched fist of the old man.
"Heh, don't run kid. We need to talk." Naruto, realizing he was outclassed, forced himself to relax and calm his raging heart, which threatened to burst out of his chest if it kept up such a furious pace. His face completely blank, he stared upwards at his apparent attacker, too focused to notice how no one in the area seemed to be paying them any attention. The tension elevated with each passing moment, Naruto still ready to attempt running at a moment's notice, and the old man looking completely nonchalant, as if appraising Naruto.
"Names Jiraiya, kid. Old Man Hokage sent me to get you. Said you'd probably be hanging around here. Me and you, we're going on a trip." Naruto's eyes bulged, completely not the expectating the statement. He ran over the brief encounter in his mind, noting the man's apparent speed and strength. Hostility completely forgotten, Naruto began to glow with happiness, his approval of his appointed instructor evident for all the world to see. In a brief moment of uncharacteristic affection, he rushed over to Jiraiya and hugged him, relishing in his very presence.
Jiraiya's eyes softened at the spectacle, and tentatively he reached down and ruffled his new ward's hair.
'Just like his father…' he thought, before glancing up to look at the heavens. He smiled briefly before speaking.
"C'mon kid, we've got no time to waste. You've got a long and hard road ahead of you, you know. You've got seven straight years that you'll be spending with me. We'll get acquainted along the way. You ready for this?"
Naruto sucked in his breath, enthusiastically nodding his head, too overwhelmed to speak. He turned and regarded the playground, becoming confused as he finally noticed the strange behavior of the villagers, who acted as if they didn't see him at all..
"What did you do?" he asked softly, and Jiraiya couldn't help but notice the concern laced in the boys voice.
"Hoho kid, nothing to worry about. Just a little proximity genjutsu, to give us a bit of privacy, so we can get going without any trouble. You know, by the time we come back, we'll have traveled the entire world." He flashed Naruto a cheesy grin before turning and pointing towards the gates of Konoha with an overdramatic flare. Knowing the boy had no real possessions besides what he wore, he bellowed, "Let's go!" and commenced his march down the street.
Naruto paused for a moment to slightly reevaluate his previously overwhelmingly positive opinion of his new sensei. He shook his head, in obvious disapproval at the man's overdramatic antics before jogging to catch up with him. When he reached the gates, he paused, turning to take in the village one last time.
"Until we meet again, Konoha…" he whispered, before flashing the village a brilliant smile, and running to meet his sensei. Jiraiya patted the boy softly on the shoulder, before they began to move as a unit, walking briskly into the approaching horizon. His face took on that empty look again, and he began to giggle uncontrollably as he imagined their first destination. He always was a sucker for those beautifully tanned Wind Country women.
Postscript: That last line is misleading, I am not going to be detailing the seven year training trip. The story will commence with the return of Naruto, and all that entails. Tell me watcha think. Until next time.