A.N.:

Well hello there people, and welcome to the world of never return, a special place where you lose all your sanity xD RandomGirl2k5 would know, right ;)
anyway, before you start reading:
WARNING! the next chapters (that means not this one but the next ones xD) will contain some explicit scenes and the weirdest events - well of course there will be stuff like this, it's Katja and Hana we're talking about in here! o:
anyway, the warning is there, so if you do not want to read something... awkward and possibly wrong, please don't xD
I had troubles with this fic, and this pairing especially, I mean, Katja is only 10, come oooonnn, y u do that Hiroyuki Yoshino , why?
why do you make me feel awkward for writing something like this?
but as it was a friend's request, I gladly answered with a few haunting guilt xD
anyway, I do not own Seikon no qwaser, 'cause if I did, Katja would be older x'D but then she wouldn't be Lolita...ugh what to do o:

Hana POV

I woke up this morning, and surprisingly, this time I was actually in my own bed. My heart trembled in fear and excitement; was it all a dream? Those awful, but happy and precious moments of bliss and pain, had they been only a dream, a mere fantasy? That girl never existed?

I got scared – more scared than the thought of possibility that she might still be here. If she was here, I would eventually get abused and tortured trough the day. And if she only existed in my head, I…

I would feel so lonely…

My heart raced as new thoughts crossed my mind. Confirming that the feelings of the memories seemed so real and denying that they are true by the fact that everything seems to be real in dreams, made my head spin.

I was getting nervous as well. What am I going to do? Should I stay in this state of puzzlement or just make myself confirm my fears. What if she's not here? How would I feel? What would I do? Would I feel relieved? Or would I be lonely and sad? And if she's here, would I be happy or shocked? My heart kept on beating fast and with every beat it hurt more.

I was trying to calm my breath when something else decided not to help me with my situation. Tears filled my eyes and threatened to fall down. I tried to gather all of my strength to concentrate on fighting off those unwanted tears, and let my breathing do as it wished. I don't want to cry, I can't cry, not because of something I don't know…

But, what was causing the appearance of my tears? Was it fear of her gone, or fear of the truth? Or is it despair? That I unconsciously know that she's not there, and that would make me very sad? Aaaauugh! So many emotions! Mixed all together! And all I could think of was HER! Ekaterina Kurae. Why does my morning and happiness revolve around that sadistic Lolita? And is she real or just my fantasy?

In the dream; or the reality, I liked her a lot, more than I should. I could say that I have cared for her; despite her tormenting, embarrassing, humiliating and harassing me in so many different ways, I could feel my heart tremble every time she called out to me, or I was very near her. The thoughts that ran through my mind were "I want to be with her. I want to be helpful to her. I want to show my loyalty to her." I could say that I loved her in a way. Even though I tried to disrespect her orders sometimes, it was just to get her any kind of attention. It was a fault; it got the best of me every time I carved for her. But, the abuse is the only way for her to touch me like that. She was too young for anything else. It all haunts me still, but it is who I am…

And after everything she had done to me; if it were up to me, I would never let her get hurt.

I covered my face, digging my fingers into the skin, concentrating on the physical pain. I gritted my teeth, trying not to cry. I will be strong, I will not cry over something stupid! Baka Hana! Stop torturing yourself and turn around. See if it's true or not! See if you've wasted your love on a devious but sweet young girl from your dreams. TURN AROUND!

Katja POV

Somebody was moving on the bed. I opened my eyes fast, as it was my reflex because of the thought that it was Hana wanting to do something perverted again. On the contrary, she was just lying beside with her back turned to me.

'Hm, turning your back to your Queen, huh? Well, I think that deserves a punishment.' I grinned at the thought, but before I got to do anything, she squirmed and let out some strange sounds I've never heard her produce.

'What is with this girl? Does she want a death wish? Or she's just missing the tortures? That hentai. I'll show her…' And she had started to weep slightly. 'Crying for more? Or is it a dream she's having? Oh, this girl…'

I looked at her back tensing, wondering what the hell is wrong with her and waiting for her to turn around because I was not in the mood to move myself yet, nor did I have any wish to talk any time soon. So I settled with entertaining myself with watching Hana's reactions until I go to sleep once again.

Hana POV

Painful groans just jumped out of my mouth as I started to squirm. What am I going to do? I am so scared! So scared of getting to know the truth. SO scared of being alone, without her in my life, who I care for from the bottom of my heart.

'I have to turn around! I have to face the truth! I have to calm down!' My back tensed as I was eating my tears and calming my heart. 'I will do this! I WILL do this! I just need to calm down a bit... yeah, that's right.' And finally, my breathing slowed down and tears slowly flew back in; but the heart was still thumping hard and aching. I felt ready to face the reality after a few minutes of calmed breathing. I had taken a few deep breaths before turning around.

A.N.:

It's not bad so far, riiight? xD