Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. If I did, then I wouldn't be on here. Or maybe I would...
South Park hadn't changed much over the years, to the extent that, from just a cursory glance, the town didn't appear to have changed at all. However, even in the most unchangeable of people, time went on. It had been three years since Chef had died, the first time Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny gazed upon the total finality of death, and the first death that the first three could recall despite Kenny's constant death and rebirth. It had been three years since Stan's parents' divorce and his "shit everywhere" faze. And three years since Mr. Garrison's decision to remain a man, though neither he nor the faculty were ever able to quell the low-stakes gambling over who or what he was going to become next.
As the warm August morning began, three boys stood peaking through a fence, eyes like hawk's daring from the backdoor to the small wooden outhouse in the yard. A boy with jet-black hair and wore a blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans and another boy with a green baseball hat jammed firmly in place were both arguing with the third, a meek-looking boy voicing weaker and weaker protests as time went on.
"Come on, Butters. Kenny would do it!" Kyle told him.
"Then why don't you get him to do it?" Butter asked in disgust.
"Because he's being emo about "not being able to die" or something," Stan explained dismissively, "You're the only one that can do this."
"I can't do it. His farts smell like monkey-turds!" Butters argued.
"Look, this is the perfect opportunity for us to get back at Cartman. Don't you remember all the things he's done to you?" asked Kyle.
"Well... He did trick me into thinking I was the only person alive after a meteor hit by dumping me in a landfill... And he pretended to be my robot friend in order to embarrass me, but I got him back for that. Oh! He did trick my parents in thinking I was gay!"
"See, that's why you need to do it!" Kyle told him forcefully.
"Well... Alright! I can do this I-," Butters began only for the other two boys to push him over the fence. He took a deep breath and hid behind the outhouse just as a fat kid slammed the back door open against the wall, not caring about chipping off what little paint remained upon it.
"I'm sorry, Poopsiekins, but Ferñando is still have trouble with the plumbing," came a voice from inside the house.
"Mom! That lazy spick has "been having trouble with the plumbing" since you hired him two weeks ago!"
"There's a lot of kinks for him to fix, honey."
"Ahg! God-dammit," Cartman grunted, waddling towards the outhouse in obvious annoyance. He hadn't changed much in the past three years, save that he was steadily becoming annoyed with his mom being difficult. Nonetheless, he entered the small structure and unleashed a pert fart as he sat down for his morning dump. Unfortunately for Butters, however, Cartman's gas was much too potent for mere wooden walls.
"Ah!" gasped Butters, instantly gripping his nose.
"That doesn't help, Butters! Just hurry up and do it!" Stan whispered as loud as he could without alerting the Fatass.
"Er. Are you sure lighting his fart on fire is such a good idea?" Butters asked uncertainly.
"It's not as bad as sliding a heated knife down Kyle's back yesterday. It's about time he got a taste of his own medicine!" Stan argued.
"Well... If you say so," Butters said, fingering the bruise on the back of his neck from the last time he got grounded. No, he must not puss out. The others kids got grounded even more than he did. He wasn't going to be the only one complaining about how much it hurt when his dad beat him and called him worthless. He poked a hole in the back of outhouse before lighting a match and nervously holding it in there as Cartman released another burst of gas. He grunted, covering his nose lest he breathe in the foul air.
"Hey!" Cartman exclaimed and Butters couldn't help but laugh along with the others as they heard what sounded like a flame burst to life.
"How far do you think it went?" Stan laughed.
"I don't know!" Kyle exclaimed.
"Are you sure he's not hurt?" Butters asked uncertainly.
"Stan, Kyle, Butters! I'm going to seriously kick the crap out of you! I'm going to cut off your balls and make you eat it you fucking douchebags!" came a pained but furious Cartman.
"Does that answer you question? Come on!" Stan shouted at him. Butters nodded and had only taken a few steps when a burst of flame erupted from the middle of Cartman's back yard.
"Oh, pumpernickel!" Butters cursed just as Cartman rushed out, fire blazing in his eyes. He screamed and ran over to the fence, Cartman's still unpantsed form chasing after him. Kyle and Stan grabbed his arms, pulling him over the fence before Cartman could latch onto him.
"Come on, we got to go!" Stan told him.
"What about Cartman and the fire and the-," Butters began, but he was already being dragged away by his two friends.
"Dude, you have no idea what our parents will do to all of us if they discovered we blew up Cartman's backyard. Why the hell you'd do that?" Kyle demanded.
"I just did what you told me!" Butters said.
"Whatever. No one's hurt and with luck, no one will trace it to us. This won't go to bite us back in the ass," Stan declared.
"Just as long as my parents don't find out," Butters muttered, to which both Stan and Kyle nodded in agreement. They had no idea how much this would bite them in the ass, however...
"So, you're saying you didn't see anyone suspicious around here this morning," Sergeant Yates asked Lian Cartman, a notepad in hand and surrounded by a couple deputies while a team of firemen were unraveling a hose from a fire-engine to putout the fire, which had begun to spread around the backyard.
"No. Not that I know of. And Ferñando was with me the whole time," Lian replied evenly, gesturing to a handsome, oddly shirtless, Hispanic man at her side as she offered the officers a plate of cookies.
"Hey! I did! Stan, Kyle, and Butters were outside my outhouse and lit one of my farts on fire!" Cartman accused.
"Not now, kid, the adults are talking," Yates dismissed.
"Hey! I was your psychic!"
"Sshh. Now, are sure there weren't any devil worshipers looking to open up a portal to hell?" the sergeant asked seriously as Cartman began to sulk.
"Oh, goodness no," Liam replied.
"Hmm... Has the Geological Survey gotten back to us on those scans and soil samples? Any trace of supernatural elements? Is Cthulhu rising agin? Any explanation on why this yard blew up?" he asked a deputy.
"No sir, but they did find large traces of Natural Gas in the samples," an officer replied.
"Damn. Inconclusive," Yates cursed.
"There is too an conclusion! Stan, Kyle, and Butters were jealous of me because I was so awesome and they weren't and they tried to kill me!" Cartman shouted just as a limo pulled up in front of the house, which had now begun to burn.
"Excuse me," a man asked, stepping out of the limo, "Is this the Cartman residence?"
"Who gives a crap?" Cartman asked sulkily.
"Well, I do. And Colorado Oil and Gas Fracking Company. We believe that there may be Natural Gas beneath this town and we'd like to buy this land to find out," the man replied, straightening his tie.
"Well, this is our home," began Lian Cartman, but Cartman silenced her.
"Mom! You're not screwing me out of this! How much?" Cartman asked, his full attention on the man now.
"We are willing offer you $100,000, which, I'm sure is more than fair..."
"Oh, no, dude. You're breaking my balls. You're going to make millions if you find Natural Gas in this town. I want $10 million."
"But, but we're not even sure if there is any..."
"Well, maybe the Chinese are prepared to be more generous," Cartman stated, pulling out his cellphone and dialing a number, "Oh, Mr. Hu..."
"Alright! Alright! We'll pay you more. Just don't tell anyone. We can't compete with the Chinese." the man said quickly.
"Ah. Sawwy! Wong number!" the fatass stated in a bad Chinese accent before hanging up, "Good. Now, if you want this to remain secret, I suggest you come up with more green."
"I-I'll call my supervisor," the man stammered, hardly believing a mountain town seventh-grader could have such business savvy.
"Well, alright. I suppose we can inquire about those three boys," Sergeant Yates began.
"No!" Cartman said, rubbing his hands, "I want to see Kyle's face when he realizes he just made me a millionaire!"
A day later, South Park became a boom-town.
A/N. Alright. I'd like to say, first of all, that this was inspired by watching news segment on people discovering that North America was rich in Natural Gas, enough to rival Saudi Arabia with oil, and that companies were starting to notice this and how a few towns have become "boom-towns". Thus, I came up with an idea with South Park becoming a boom-town. If you are interested, read, review, and submit OC's who are moving to South Park's booming economy amidst this Recession:
Name:
Age: (12-13 for the same grade as the boys)
Gender:
Appearance:
Race: (minorities piss Cartman off so feel free to do so!)
Religion: (same as above)
Personality:
History:
Crush?:
Other: