Disclaimer--not mine. really wish they were. Not making any money from this. REALLY wish I was.
Letters to Cordy, Take One -- Distraction
Xander glanced up from his letter to see the blond vampire leaning over him.
"What, you still got a thing for the cheerleader?"
"No, of course not. Besides, she's in LA. And I am in Sunnydale. How would that work?"
"Sunnydale isn't all that far from LA, you know. You could go and visit. Frequently."
Insert patented Spike leer.
"Spike, I am not in love with Cordy. And besides, even if I was, she's in love with someone else."
"Ohh, let me guess. I don't think that it's the ex-watcher. From what you were telling me, that's been over and done. She was never into chicks . . . no. No, no, no, no, no. She is not in love with the Poof."
"Why not? Deadboy's kinda nice in the tall, dark, and incessantly broody sort of way."
"Because he's Angel!"
"Yeah, I think that we all know that he is Angel. Kinda the name of the company. Besides, he likes her. A lot. I've seen them together, and I think that they are kinda cute."
"Ooooh, no. You may be a poof, but you are not going to call him 'cute'. Cute is a four-letter-word, pet!"
"Well . . . yeah. It is. And hey! Who are you calling a poof?!"
"No, as in a bad language word, the kind that you won't let the Nibblet use yet."
"Oh. Ok. But who are you calling a poof!"
"Pet, you bugger and are buggered by guys. That makes you a poof."
"But – But – But, so do you! And I don't bugger guys! I bugger – I mean, I have sex with you!"
". . . I'm not a guy?"
"No, that not what I – Okay. You are a guy, but you are Spike. There is a difference."
". . . ."
"Oh, you know what I mean!"
"Pet, maybe you should go to sleep. You seem a little . . . unintelligible."
"Huh?"
"Ok, Xan, finish your letter, and come sleep."
"Sure, mommy Vamp. Be there in a minute."
A few minutes later
"Xan, why are you still writing?"
"Because...I haven't finished yet."
"Pet, it is really time for you to come to bed."
"But . . . but . . . Cordy's letter . . ."
"Pe-et."
"But – "
"Come 'ere, love."
"Spiiike....."
"Mmmm.....yes, luv?"
"Ooooh....yeah.....right there...."
"Just finish your letter tomorrow, yeah?"
"Letter? Huh? Oh, yes, there please..."