Blessed and Cursed

Disclaimer: Devil May Cry and its characters = © Capcom. I don't make any profit from this story.

Chapter 1 – Tides

"I am truly sorry, Nero."

These had been the last words Kyrie had said to me. As if they would ease the pain, as if they would make any of it better.

Oh Kyrie… after all, this was unexpected.

I regarded the white envelope that rested in my right hand. The paper was thick and its texture was smooth – it felt a little like the surface of a canvas.

There was a red wax seal on the front, a fleur-de-lys embroidered on it in a neatly manner.

Damn, what happened to the girl I once knew? This was just snobbish.

I knew what this envelope contained. It was an invitation. An invitation to a wedding. Kyrie's wedding, to be more precise.

I did not love her anymore. She took care of that, that was sure. Leaving me is one thing, but leaving me for that bastard was another.

Jacques de Durfoit – a Frenchman who was just as prissy as his ridiculous name. I still don't know why she had chosen him over me. But there was no need to wrack my brains about that anymore. It was over – long ago.

I don't like recalling the day she left me.

She had entered our shared apartment with a serious expression on her face. Unusual. Normally she would have jumped straight into my arms, happy or sad, never serious and lost in thoughts like this.

I knew about Jacques back then. He was "just a friend" that went to art college together with her. Sure, she talked a lot about him but at that time, I didn't really see that as a problem. I was too occupied to rebuild Fortuna and hunt the leftover demons anyway. Back then, everything was still damaged from the savior incident.

Anyway, she came to me and looked straight into my eyes, saying "I'm leaving."

And that was pretty much it.

I was too shocked to even realize that our relationship was broken. How come it had been so fragile that it only took two words to shatter it?

"I'm leaving." So she left.

The next day, her things were already packed and she was turning to leave when I caught her at the door.

"So, that's it?", I had asked, calm for some reason although I wanted to scream at her, "You're just leaving me like this. No explanation? Nothing?"

I was done. We had gone along pretty good in fact but between us there was lingering a lot of silence. Should I have paid more attention to her? I couldn't help but be tired after I came home from all those patrols and she knew it. Nonetheless, I didn't know how to satisfy her anymore. I mean, I had been ready to give my life to save her. What more could I give her to make her happy? These were words that I never spoke out loud because I couldn't stand hurting her. And now…

"I'm sorry, Nero", she replied, her expression softening, "But the heart wants what it wants. And mine chose Jacques. I don't know why and it hurts to just leave you like that."

This was the point when my vision went red. She turned to touch me but I slapped her hand away.

"It hurts? Are you fucking kidding me, Kyrie?", I asked angrily, "Do you even realize what you're saying?"

I was afraid to hurt her – I've been keeping everything bottled up inside because I was afraid to lose her. The only one who accepted me in this city. I didn't want this to fall into pieces.

She lowered her gaze, avoiding my eyes.

"Believe me, you can't fathom how much it hurts", I spat. I didn't want to say it! I wanted everything to turn normal again.

She was still avoiding to look at me.

"What's your problem?"

Did she just ask me what my problem was? I just glared at her, completely dumbfounded.

"What?"

"What's your problem?", she repeated, louder this time, finally looking into my eyes. Her brown orbs held an expression I have never seen before – anger. I had never seen Kyrie angry. Not a single time in all those years we have known each other.

"Jacques cares for me, he loves me, we just fit together!", she cried suddenly and sobbed lightly.

"What about me, huh?", I asked, "I saved you! I risked my own life to save you! I saved this damn town and everyone but no one thinks that I deserve a small thank you!"

I was raging like a bull now. "You betrayed me, Kyrie!"

"I betrayed you?", she shrieked in a high-pitched voice, "You are the one which is possessed –" She stopped herself, slapping a hand over her mouth.

We stared at each other in horror. The cat was out of the bag. That was it.

Of course, I already had started to feel the tension between us. We both had ignored it. Well, I had hoped that it was just a low… after the savior incident and the death of Credo, Kyrie's older brother. I had tried to convince myself that we just needed a break. That things would go back to normal again. I really clung onto the very last string of hope but now I realized there was nothing I could hold on to anymore.

We didn't really share a romantic relationship. The reason I didn't want to lose her was more because I didn't want to be alone.

"So you just replace me with some other guy?", I asked a few minutes later, turning away from her. I couldn't look at her. Whatever used to connected us was gone. "Just like that? I never expected you to do this. Never."

Silence. Again.

"I am truly sorry, Nero."

With that, she was gone.

Shortly after, I moved into another apartment. I couldn't stand to stay in the apartment she used to live with me.

No contact for almost a year. No calls, texts, nothing. I fell into a hole – and I still tried to repress all the things I had done the past year.

But now… now she even invited me to her wedding. How did she even know my new address?

I think it is justified for me to say "What the fuck?" at this point.

Why does she think this was okay?

I tore at my hair, shaking my head but that didn't clear anything up.

"Aw, damn it all to hell." I muttered under my breath and broke the seal, pulling out the golden card.

A formal invitation, littered with flowery phrases allover.

Typically Kyrie. And this was generic Fortunian junk. She loved the color white, I knew that – and the invitation fitted perfectly into Fortuna's general scheme of white and gold but nonetheless this felt kind of wrong. Kyrie used to be creative, she went to art collage too after all. Usually, she would take things like these and add her own twist to it. Well, maybe she didn't try hard this time – not for me anymore.

The wedding would be next week, in the church nearby. Well, I could catch a glimpse at least. Looking at how the girl I once had even imagined I would marry myself would look like in her dress – Well, on second thought it might be a bad idea…

Kyrie did not only leave me for this guy but also because of my demonic descent. My devil bringer gave it away at first glance.

I really couldn't blame her for that, could I? Humans were always afraid of things they couldn't explain to themselves, of things they couldn't comprehend. When we argued, she also almost said that I was 'possessed'. She didn't think of me that way before she new about my bringer – and I looked different from all Fortunians with my silvery hair, light blue eyes and fair skin. Back then, I wasn't an abnormality to her.

After the savior incident, I decided for myself to never wear that sling again. It was a pain in the ass to wrap the whole bringer and put this thing on every day and I've had enough of that. I endured the stares the townspeople of Fortuna gave me – they would stare anyway, even if I wore that sling. They eyed my hair, my clothes, everything. I didn't fit in here, I've always noticed that. But since Kyrie left, it bugged me even more.

Of course, there was nowhere I could turn to. I wasn't happy in this town, on this damned isolated island – but there was nowhere else to go. Fortuna still had some demons that popped up every now and then and taking missions to hunt them down was barely enough to make a living. Sure, I had applied for jobs but no one wanted to hire the weird kid with the demonic limb. Even if it was the kid that had saved Fortuna from an evil fake angelic statue.

I began to visit the mainland. Some small and dirty cities were there after all. Towns where nobody knew my name. I started to go into bars, started drinking and passed out regularly. It didn't help me to numb the pain.

I started sleeping around with people I barely knew. Well, at least this did help me to find out several things about me – like the fact that I preferred men over women. Maybe this was why I couldn't make Kyrie happy. Well, I didn't really give a damn about her anymore anyway. I don't give a damn about anything, in fact.

Since I already was seen as a freak in Fortuna, I changed my appearance – I used to color my hair every other month some time ago, black, red, blue, even green – but somehow I preferred my natural hair color in the end. I got my ears, tongue and nipples pierced. I got tattooed.

Hell, I didn't even know myself what got me into all of that. All I knew was that I was tired of everything: of this town and its people, of life and of me. I was desperately searching for something, anything to numb the pain, something that could fill the emptiness.

There was nobody to pull me out of this, I have gotten out of my dark phase by myself. Actually, I didn't know how I achieved that. It was as if somebody had flicked a switch inside my head, telling me I couldn't go on like that.

Nonetheless, I still felt fucking empty. My way of life had settled into a boring routine and I didn't know what was worse – the depression or this nothingness.

I didn't want to think about that. It was a phase, it was over.

Back to the savior incident. Yeah, townspeople seemed to have forgotten that it was me and Dante, the son of Sparda, that had saved them.

After the savior incident, the city had been renovated and by now, it was restored to its former glory. It happened quite fast, actually…

My thoughts drifted to Dante. I couldn't help but wonder what happened to the demon hunter. We didn't speak since the incident.

A smile made its way to the corners of my mouth when I recalled our first battle – he had underestimated me and I had first kicked him in the face and then pinned him with his own sword onto the huge statue in the opera house of Fortuna.

I really admired the man's fighting style, I have to admit that. And I still owed him – Yamato was the constant reminder of this.

Why did he give me the sword in the first place? "The only gift worth giving" – didn't he say something like that?

I wonder if he thinks of me, too –

Wait, what?

I shook my head. Why did I even think so much about him? Maybe because he left such a huge impression on me because of his fighting style? Because he saved my ass? Because he gave Yamato to me? Because he looked so –

Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck is going on in my head?

Why are such thoughts crossing my mind? I didn't think of Dante like that.

As if to mock me, my brain decided this was the right time to replay the memory when Dante and I met in Fortuna forest. The way he looked when he had let himself fall down into the forest beneath him, falling down with his arms wide open –

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

So maybe I did think of him like that. I didn't get why though. Maybe he was the only one I knew who fully accepted me the way I was? He didn't question my demonic descent. He didn't question anything, in fact. He had helped me. I brood too much.

I heard a rip and looked at my hands – I had torn a corner from the invitation I still held in my hand.

Right, the wedding.

Well, I could at least make the effort and go there – after all, I was some kind of brother to her, right? I could always leave, too… right?

Brushing off the thoughts, I got up and grabbed Red Queen and Blue Rose.

Fortunately, I had received a mission earlier that day. Maybe slaying some demons could ease my mind.

"Where are all these guys coming from?"

This was the hundredth scarecrow I sliced through with Red Queen – but more kept on appearing. It pissed me off.

Unfortunately, scarecrows and assaults were the only kinds of demons that were left in Fortuna now. Especially scarecrows were quite boring enemies. The only exception to that were those mega-crows – they were at least a bit of a challenge due to their size. With the other monsters, it always was the same story: slice, stab, shoot, grab, slam. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat. Always in the same pattern, the same routine.

I grabbed another one by its head, jumped up and slammed it into the ground where it dissolved into black smoke.

At least their number decreased.

Shoot, grab, slam. Repeat. And repeat. Over and over and over, just as always. I was missing the adrenaline that used to run through my blood terribly. There was no challenge in slicing and dicing through hordes of the same demons. Every move was predictable.

Shortly after, there were none left.

I attached Red Queen back onto my back and holstered Blue Rose. Time to collect my payment – if the client gave it to me, of course. Increasingly often, clients decided to just keep the money and chase me out of their homes, calling me names and such.

Really, people of Fortuna – what the fuck is wrong with you? Demon hunting is my job, so I expect to get paid. Somehow I have to pay the bills, you know!

But no, people kept looking at my arm and were scared shitless. Where's the logic in that? Calling me to dispatch demons and when I'm done, they chase me away, saying I am a demon. I don't get it and it makes me sick.

A little later, I returned home with a paycheck. The amount was ridiculously low though.

I cursed under my breath and unbuttoned my coat. A hot shower, yeah, that sounded great.

I went to the bathroom, undressing all the way there.

Somehow, my life had went into a boring pattern which repeated itself every fucking day.

Mission. Shower. Eat. Sleep.

Every fucking day.

Also, all the missions were boring. It was as if I was cursed. Firstly, I fell into depression and after a year of a hellish self-destructive cycle life settled into a boring circle in every aspect. Maybe I would die of boredom soon, who knew? Maybe I even deserved it because of my demonic heritage?

I let the clothes slide down my body and turned on the tabs of the shower.

Shortly after, the water started to warm up and I stepped into the warm spray.

My tense muscles immediately relaxed and the water washed away the demon blood which clung onto my skin. I lathered myself up with soap, satisfied that the demonic stench faded from my skin and that the water ran clear again.

I leaned against the tiled wall with my back, hissing as the still cold tiles touched my heated skin. Slowly, my right hand crept lower and lower until it reached the erection I was sporting by now. I gripped the base and started to stroke myself.

In my mind, I was pinned to the wall by a body similar to my own, the shoulders slightly broader, the chest chiseled to perfection. I imagined that someone stroking me, my eyes rolled back in bliss and my head fell back a little, colliding with the wall but it didn't matter. Finally, I was able to relax entirely, bringing my body and soul into balance. I guess I was really sexually frustrated…

I sped up my strokes, smearing a bead of pre-cum across the tip before the water washed it all away, arching my back a little and groaning silently. Soon I started to pant, lazily rubbing circles across my abs with my other hand, picking up the pace on my erection once again. My left hand slid lower, teasing my balls swiftly. I licked my lips a little, moaning and writhing as I finally felt the pleasure peak.

"Mmh, Dante!"

I froze, shocked.

Did I just got off of thinking about Dante? Dante Sparda, this arrogant, good-looking – wait.

I think it's time for me to go to bed. Today was just too much. First the invitation to the wedding and now… this. Now it was official: I started losing my mind! I need sleep. I think too much. Sleep, now. I dried myself off and staggered into my bedroom, falling onto the bed and staring at the ceiling.

The last time I had seen Dante was about one year ago. After the savior incident, we hadn't talked to each other. Why did I think about him now?

I rolled off to the side, closing my eyes. It made no sense to think about that now. I didn't have answers to those questions and I really needed to focus on the upcoming wedding.

I don't think it would be a good idea to join it, after all.

A/N: This is my first fanfic for DMC. Also this is my first attempt at yaoi. English is not my native language, so if there are any errors, just tell me ^.^