i.
dean was always told there was beauty in life.
from old houses that retained the stench of late-night pizza, shrubs that came to life with a distant buzz near the flowers, to the scratches and little gimmicks of the chevy impala.
it was a little hard to point out,
these little beauty marks,
but they were there.
so it hits home when cas tells him to appreciate life and their angelic surrondings, to pick up the nearest flower and smell its aroma.
but dean picks up a flower, multiple flowers, and one by one he smells them.
he claims they all have the same stench.
cas tells him hes not trying hard enough, to dig deeper.
dean laughs.
he dug deeper once,
almost killed him.
ii.
all his life hes seen the living and the dead.
he asks cas whats to dig beside their graves.
the angel rambles on about silly childish board games and clean cut grass.
dean knows hes off the wall and insane, so he leans against a desk and rests.
his ears catch sentence;
you can always dig for humanity
dean chuckles and laughs because cas is troubled and crazy so the beer he chugs down his throat doesn't burn him at all.
humanity
he's lost his marbles.
iii.
dean is angry.
he demands that cas take responsibility for his actions.
he doesn't.
he tells cas to screw life and beauty and pay attention to war and cause.
but hes not a fighter.
just a stupid little soldier with his head too high.
so he tells dean he destroys everything he touches.
he prefers to watch honey bees fly,
green grass grow.
amazing, isn't it?
iv.
dean decides to look harder.
he sees cas.
the angel embodies self-recklessness and insanity but he represents peace in the most unsuitable fashion.
dean wants to understand just a little bit more, about this beauty bullshit.
but hes just talking to a brain dead man.
so he looks at things from a new perspective;
realizes cas is sane in an insane way, sam drifted long ago, life is just there-
but hes not digging deeper.
never.
because hes not going to be his friend who is over his head and dead.
always trying to make amends with himself.
because hes not losing his mind tonight.
[but where was his mind in the first place?]
he laughs and laughs and he can finally feel the burning sensation of alcohol fill his throat.
it's honestly really amazing, isnt it?
a/n: okay so this isnt my first spn fic but its my first one posting online /smile/ anywhoo its late excuse me while i stay up later
i do not own supernatural or the characters involved in this story.