Disclaimer: Not my characters
A/N: Today is a two-fer! Here's another one shot!
VERY loosely based off I hate u, I love u by Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien
She was toxic to him, and he knew it. Still, he felt the pull of attraction, the need to be near her no matter the cost. The cost happened to be his soul, his sense of self, and at times, his emotional welfare. No matter what happened, they always came back to each other and while there'd been plenty of times over the past three years when he could have sought out love elsewhere, Joe only wanted her.
Stephanie.
She was in the arms of another man, even this moment. She was conflicted, Joe knew, because Joe was one half of what she needed romantically, but Ranger was the other half. They were two different coins, with many similarities and yet just as many differences.
Joe knew his mistake was that he cared too much, and he started acting in a way that was not becoming of any man, but especially one who had a family history of abuse. He tried hard to be the exact opposite of his father, yet sometimes he yelled at Stephanie out of his own fear, and he heard his father fly from his mouth. He'd been seeing a therapist for that very reason.
He never wanted to see Stephanie or his children cowering in a corner because he raised his voice, and spewed so much vitriol that they thought he was going to hit them. He had to let Stephanie be Stephanie, even when he himself felt the unfathomable and uncontrollable terror that the things that happened to her invoked in him. He had to let it go, because that was one of the biggest things Ranger had going for him.
Ranger let her do what she wished, despite the fact he loved her, or maybe because of it. That was a bitter pill for Joe to swallow, but it was made just a little bit better with the knowledge that although Ranger loved Stephanie, he would never actually be with her permanently. His own demons prevented it.
Joe respected Ranger for that, for the fact that the man knew his limitations and acknowledged them. It didn't make it any better though, because Stephanie was with him, and Joe was alone. Incapable of loving another woman the way he did Stephanie Plum. Ranger got the girl, and Joe got to be alone.
Stephanie thought that every time they were on a break he hooked up with other women. The truth was, there hadn't been another woman since the day that Stephanie Plum popped back into his life. He was utterly devoted to her, and he was trying to change his behaviors so that when the end inevitably came for Ranger and Stephanie, whether it be five days or five years or even fifteen years from now, he would be the man she needed him to be.
All Joe wanted as an adult was to be a husband, a father, and a better one of both than his dad had been. He wanted none of those things if Stephanie wasn't by his side, and he was a lot more comfortable being alone than being with someone who would never have all of him. He hated her, and he loved her, for much the same reasons.
Her toxicity to him came in that she had absolutely no idea. No idea the depth of his feelings for her, perhaps because he always had such a difficult time showing them. He didn't spoil her the way she deserved; she wasn't one of those women who required the fancy things, and he could afford to do more than he did for her. He yelled at her, berated her for doing her job, and he let their jobs come in the way of the happiness they could have found together even if they never ended up wanting the same things in life. Even if she never ended up wanting kids or to be Mrs. Joseph Morelli, they could have had a great life together.
Maybe, one day, they would.