"Can't count the years on one hand
that we've been together
I need the other one to hold you
Make you feel, make you feel better"
Mickey didn't count the minutes or hours or days Ian was gone. He would have killed himself if he had done that.
208 weeks. 1460 days. Thats how long Mickey waited to tell him everything.
Ian still looked just as hurt the day he came home as the day he left, and Mickey couldnt help but know he was the reason why. He was the reason Gallagher was heartbroken. He was the reason Ian ran away.
The night Ian came to see him, He saw the light flicker back into his eye. He saw the grin that haunted his dreams and he felt the tremble of the even more muscular man on his skin.
They fell back into old patterns, but the patterns had changed positions. They now moved more freely. They moved more openly.
Mickey quietly laid his head over Ian's chest while the younger boy slept, and Mickey softly locked their fingers together and whispered but the sleeping boy had always wanted to hear. The three words that made the sleeping boy feel better. Three words that made him feel like he wasnt alone in all of this.
"It's not a walk in the park
to love each other
But when our fingers interlock,
Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it
'Cause after all this time, I'm still into you"
Mickey's words were full of venom. His fists were full of rage. Any time Ian talked to another guy, he could already hear the breaking of bones and the smooth, sticky feel of blood over his knuckles.
Once, They went to a bar after work, and a quiet attractive guy set next to Ian, and asked for a lighter. Ian handed it to him, and Mickey's heart ached seeing the other guy touch 'his' Ian's hand.
"Gallagher?" Mickey whispered as a warning. Ian knew that tone too well.
"It's just a light, Mick. Chill" Ian whispered back, not wanting the other guy to hear.
"So what's your name?" The stranger asked the redhead.
Ian knew not to talk to the guy, as he could hear Mickey's rage bubble in his throat. Sometimes, Mickey's jealousy was really hot. And other times, it was really usless and unbearable.
After a few moments, the stranger still kept talking, and Ian still ignored.
"Too good to talk to me, huh firecrotch?" The stranger said loud enough to send anger flowing through Mickey's entire body. No one calls Gallagher 'Firecrotch' except him.
With a swift movement, Mickey was off of his bar stool and had the stranger on the floor bloody and broken.
"Mick, we need to leave" Ian said as sirens approached.
Both boys shot out of the door and ran through alleys. If felt like old times. When Mickey beat that old dude and Ian took off with him. Those are memories that Mickey kept locked in a special place, so no one could find them. Sometimes, not even himself.
Ian took Mickey by the hand and smiled as they finished the block near their apartment.
"You are so fucking stupid sometimes" Ian said as he smashed his lips to Mickey's.
"Then Leave" Mickey dared with a smile forming on his lips. . It was an empty dare, but it was always a dare he Gave Ian the option of taking. And after being together for 5 years, Ian never once took it literally.
I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you (I'm into you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let 'em wonder how we got this far
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah after all this time I'm still into you
"Just fucking leave. Do it. LEAVE damnit" Mickey yelled to Ian.
He had bad days where he would get so fucking drunk he would pick fights with Ian. Ian knew those were the days when Mickey thought about his mother. And today was her birthday. Mickey always got belligerent drunk on her birthdays. Ian had never met her and never asked to. He knew what Mickey would say. He knew Mickey better than he probably even knew him self. It was a scary thing.
On nights like these, Ian had a bag ready. He would always go stay at Mandy's until Mickey cooled down, which most of the time was the next morning, when he would wake up alone and not know what had happend the night before.
"LEAVE" Mickey yelled as he threw framed pictures from the walls, glass breaking on the floor. Clothes scattered throughout the apartment.
"Alright Mick. I'm leaving" Ian replied as he packed his bag. He tried everything possible to keep Mickey calm in times like these. And the easiest thing to do was leave. '
As Ian slipped his shoes on to walk out of the door, Mickey emerged from their bedroom in nothing but his boxers. Ian's favorite boxers. A smile sprawled across Ian's face and his thoughts went to his memories. The first time Ian had seen these boxers was the night he returned from war. His heart jumped and butterflies flew around in his stomach. Ian ran to Mickey, wrapped his arms around his neck and his lips planted a quick kiss onto Mickey's.
"You know where I will be when you wake up." Ian whispered, as to not agitate the angry man even more.
With a scowl, Mickey ripped his body from Ian's arms and went back to wallowing in their bedroom as Ian walked out of the door.
"Recount the night that
I first met your mother
And on the drive back to my house
I told you that, I told you that I loved ya
You felt the weight of the world
fall off your shoulder
And to your favorite song
we sang along to the start of forever
And after all this time, I'm still into you"
"Do you want to meet her?" Mickey asked Ian as they sat on their couch watching some movie neither of them were paying attention to, because they were both coming down from their high.
"Huh? Who?" Ian asked, confused because he really had no idea who the fuck Mickey was talking about.
Mickey mumbled and took a swig of the open hot beer on the table and lit a cigarette. "My mom. Want to meet her?" he asked
Ian really didnt know how to respond. He didnt want Mickey to feel like he was pushing it. So, he nodded.
—-
As their car trudged thought the empty streets of Chicago, Ian noticed where they were as the car pulled to a stop. A cemetary. He imediatly knew why Mickey didnt talk much about his mother. Ian only thought she took off when they were teenagers. He didnt know anything else. No one had ever really talked about the mother Milkovich. Not even Mandy.
The boys got out of the car and Mickey took out a cigarette and lit it. He either smoked like a freight train or bit his lip when he was nervous and didnt know what to say. It was dark out, so they were alone. They really didnt need to find words for each other. Ian was just going to let this happen on Mickey's terms.
Madeline Milkovich
Proud Mother, Daughter and Wife
January 13th 1968 - December 28th 2008
As both boys stood over the head stone that Marked his mothers grave, Mickey took Ian's hand and began sobbing. Ian had never seen Mickey cry since the day he returned back to southside. Ian just squeezed his hand and let him cry.
"It was an overdose. I had just woken up to go to school. Walked into the bathroom and found her with a needle in her arm." Mickey said as if Ian had asked. It was a question in his mind, and for a moment, he thought Mickey could see it when he looked towards him, with a look of 'please dont leave me' in his eyes. And it all seemed to make sense as to why Mickey took it so hard when Ian left. He really had no idea.
"After she offed her self, life got really shitty at home. Terry turned into this monster that I couldn't recognise. He did a complete 180. Who he is now is NOT who he was when she was here. " Mickey whispered, as if the cemetery was filled, and he only wanted Ian to hear his words.
After a while, Mickey let go of Ian's hand and walked closer to the headstone and pressed his fingers into her name.
"Mama, This is Gallag- Ian. This is Ian." he started. "His name is Ian. And mama, you always told me when I found someone who meant as much to me as I meant to you, that you wanted to meet them." he said as he again began to cry. "He has this really stupid looking red hair that burns bright in the sun. Sorta like yours. He has these bright green eyes. The most beautiful green eyes. You would absolutly think he is beautiful, Mama. "
Ian looked on over at Mickey, listening to every word Mickey was saying. The words brought a weird sence of peace to him.
"He has these freckles across his face and they remind me of you. In fact, just him as a person reminds me of you. He has an amazing heart. He sees through me. He sees through the shitty attitude, through my broken words and even through the bullshit. Thats why I brought him to meet you, mama. Because.. well, Because I love him, Mama, and I wanted you to know that."
Mickey rubbed his fingers over her date of death. "I was so scared I was going to lose him. You see, Shit went down with dad. Alot of shit. You dont need to know about it. I dont need to worrying like Mandy. She worries alot, just like you Mama. And every day, its harder and harder for me to talk to her or even look at her. She looks just fucking like you."
Ian stepped a little closer to Mickey and placed his hand on his shoulder.
"I keep telling her to come talk to you. But she is hard headed. Like you." Mickey says as he places his free hand on Ian's hand and stands back to his feet.
He takes his other hand, the one he was running across his mother's name, and wiped his swollen eyes and sniffled.
Ian grabbed mickey by both shoulders and pulled him in to hug him. Mickey buried his face into Ian's neck and began sobbing.
—
As both boys sat in the car, driving back to their little apartment, Ian took Mickey's hand into his and looked over to him.
"I love you, Mick" Ian said in a whisper, to not scare the older boy as he drove.
The rest of the drive home was quiet, but Mickey held Ian's hand in his the entire way.
After finally having Ian see him this way, Mickey felt a calm rush over him. He knew then and there, that he made the right decision. Introducing him to his mother was a hell of alot easier than he thought it would be.
After 7 years together, Mickey and Ian still looked at each other like they had just met; They looked at each other like it was the first time. They looked at each other like they were the last two people to inhabit the world. And Mickey was okay with that. Because he was in love.