Ok this is my Buffy 'alternate universe' thing. I'm just gonna start at
the beginning of the series and.go on..from there. So, I hope you like it,
but um..if you don't too bad I'll just keep posting because I'm a sad loser
w/ no life. Pity me. No, don't. just kill the FTBG!!!!!!!!(molly - I
assume you'll know whom I speak of.)
OK so.this begins right after the movie when Joyce and Buffy move to sunnydale
Scene1:
(Joyce's car pulls up in front of Sunnydale High. Buffy climbs out and leans down to talk to her mother.)
Joyce - Now Buffy, you meet me right here after school.
Buffy - You wish! I am SOO going clubbing with my buds!
Joyce - What club? What 'buds'?
Buffy - Good point. SO, right here?
Joyce - Yeah. Love you.
Buffy - That's nice. (slams passenger door and walks over and into school)
MEANWHILE: (Xander stares at Buffy's.leg.as it sticks out from beneath her mini-mini- mini-skirt. Unfortunately, he is on a skateboard, and crashes into Cordelia. Arms and legs fly everywhere. Cordelia and Xander both appear extremely disgusted.)
Cordy -EEEWWW!!! Stop molesting me you freak!!!!!!
Xander - EEEWWW!!! I am NOT molesting you! I do NOT molest people, and if I did I would NOT molest YOU of all people!
(Cordelia runs away with shouts of 'ahhhh! Unclean! UNCLEAN!' Buffy walks up to where Xander is sitting on the ground. He starts to drool on her shoe)
Buffy - eewwww!!!
(Xander starts to wipe it off0
Buffy - Stop molesting my shoe!!! (kicks up and knocks xander over with a well-placed foot in the chin. Runs off muttering that her shoe it 'unclean')
Xander - (muses to himself) what is it with these people??! I made a PUBLIC announcement at the end of the year that my days as a molester were over. Didn't they get the memo??
CUT TO:
(Classroom. Buffy sits in the back next to cordelia. Teacher prattles)
Teacher - Blah blah blah blah blah 1815 blah blah blah blah blah page 557 blah blah blah blah blah.
(Kids start turning to page 557)
Buffy - (to cordelia) I think we're supposed to go to page something or other, but I don't have a book, because I'm just so stupid that I wouldn't have gotten one before school started. Can I look at yours.
Cordy - Book..term unfamiliar..cannot compute!!! (explodes)
Buffy - (raises hand) Um, this girl just exploded..
Fade off teacher TO:
(Library. We see Giles reading at one of those little stupid table things that change size, shape, and position in every episode. Willow and Buffy walks in.)
Willow - So, this is the library. Look, books. They say I'm a geek but you never see me actually reading outside of class so I guess I'm a computer geek who wears laura ashley.
Buffy - (looks blank, nods politely) oh....
Willow - And this is the librarian, Mr. Rupert Giles. (gives him a small, flirty wave, which he returns, then clears his throat and gets up.)
Buffy - (sees wave, takes it in, barfs on Willow's shoe)
Willow - ...(runs out to bathroom)
Giles - Well, I guess we're alone.
Buffy - (obviously uneasy having seen flirty wave thing) yeah..
Giles - Well, you can call me Giles because my first name's stupid and no one seems to remember that I'm a school official and that I should really be called mr. (he is british, fyi)
Buffy - right...i'll just...be going now...
Giles - (grabs huge 'vampyr' book, runs and throws it at her, she catches it) No! You are the chosen one!
Buffy - (Opens book, sees back issue of 'playboy' with willow's head pasted on the cover, barfs all over the book, runs out.)
Giles - Hey! That was my favorite issue!!!
OK so.this begins right after the movie when Joyce and Buffy move to sunnydale
Scene1:
(Joyce's car pulls up in front of Sunnydale High. Buffy climbs out and leans down to talk to her mother.)
Joyce - Now Buffy, you meet me right here after school.
Buffy - You wish! I am SOO going clubbing with my buds!
Joyce - What club? What 'buds'?
Buffy - Good point. SO, right here?
Joyce - Yeah. Love you.
Buffy - That's nice. (slams passenger door and walks over and into school)
MEANWHILE: (Xander stares at Buffy's.leg.as it sticks out from beneath her mini-mini- mini-skirt. Unfortunately, he is on a skateboard, and crashes into Cordelia. Arms and legs fly everywhere. Cordelia and Xander both appear extremely disgusted.)
Cordy -EEEWWW!!! Stop molesting me you freak!!!!!!
Xander - EEEWWW!!! I am NOT molesting you! I do NOT molest people, and if I did I would NOT molest YOU of all people!
(Cordelia runs away with shouts of 'ahhhh! Unclean! UNCLEAN!' Buffy walks up to where Xander is sitting on the ground. He starts to drool on her shoe)
Buffy - eewwww!!!
(Xander starts to wipe it off0
Buffy - Stop molesting my shoe!!! (kicks up and knocks xander over with a well-placed foot in the chin. Runs off muttering that her shoe it 'unclean')
Xander - (muses to himself) what is it with these people??! I made a PUBLIC announcement at the end of the year that my days as a molester were over. Didn't they get the memo??
CUT TO:
(Classroom. Buffy sits in the back next to cordelia. Teacher prattles)
Teacher - Blah blah blah blah blah 1815 blah blah blah blah blah page 557 blah blah blah blah blah.
(Kids start turning to page 557)
Buffy - (to cordelia) I think we're supposed to go to page something or other, but I don't have a book, because I'm just so stupid that I wouldn't have gotten one before school started. Can I look at yours.
Cordy - Book..term unfamiliar..cannot compute!!! (explodes)
Buffy - (raises hand) Um, this girl just exploded..
Fade off teacher TO:
(Library. We see Giles reading at one of those little stupid table things that change size, shape, and position in every episode. Willow and Buffy walks in.)
Willow - So, this is the library. Look, books. They say I'm a geek but you never see me actually reading outside of class so I guess I'm a computer geek who wears laura ashley.
Buffy - (looks blank, nods politely) oh....
Willow - And this is the librarian, Mr. Rupert Giles. (gives him a small, flirty wave, which he returns, then clears his throat and gets up.)
Buffy - (sees wave, takes it in, barfs on Willow's shoe)
Willow - ...(runs out to bathroom)
Giles - Well, I guess we're alone.
Buffy - (obviously uneasy having seen flirty wave thing) yeah..
Giles - Well, you can call me Giles because my first name's stupid and no one seems to remember that I'm a school official and that I should really be called mr. (he is british, fyi)
Buffy - right...i'll just...be going now...
Giles - (grabs huge 'vampyr' book, runs and throws it at her, she catches it) No! You are the chosen one!
Buffy - (Opens book, sees back issue of 'playboy' with willow's head pasted on the cover, barfs all over the book, runs out.)
Giles - Hey! That was my favorite issue!!!