"Tell us about your friend who found the mirror with you."
The question hung in the air around her, and she looked off to the side, the others falling silent as she stared at a rock far off past the tents.
How could she explain Tamlen?
He had been her rock, her constant companion, her greatest supporter… Her other half.
They had never been individuals, no, they had always been them.
Even her earliest memory held him. She had been sitting on the ground drawing scribbles in the sand while Ashalle sat on one side and Tamlen on the other, both smiling as she pronounced what it was she had created.
There were a thousand memories since that first one. A thousand moments in her life that were wrapped as intricately together with his as the finest spinning of metal that Master Ilen could create.
Attached at the hip is what Ashalle would often say, smiling that knowing smile of hers when they took off into the woods together as children and returned laughing and covered in dirt. It didn't diminish as they grew older and fighting in the dirt turned to talking and thinly veiled attempts at flirting. The hours she lost in his company were more than she could even remember now, though she often strove to keep the ones she did remember precious and clear because she didn't want to lose him completely.
He had been the one to encourage her to become a hunter, partly because she was good with a bow yes, but also because that was what he was and there was never any need for either of them to say out loud that they would go into it together.
No other path ever even crossed her mind.
She had always known where they were headed and the thought was an exciting one that she had always looked forward to. She had never even thought to wish for anything different because nothing would ever be better than building a life with him.
They had started on that path too. Their first kiss had come immediately after she had taken down her first lone kill. Tamlen had let out a whoop of excitement and scooped her up by the waist to twirl her around. After setting her back on her feet his lips had followed her, settling over hers while her mind still spun.
Neither of them had known what they were doing, so it had melted into laughter and more trying until they were both breathless and twined together so tightly she wasn't sure where she ended and he began.
It had been perfect.
They had talked about it after that, and kissed more, and dreamed about the future. They had agreed to wait to announcing their intentions until after she got her vallaslin.
Not that it mattered.
Everyone knew what they were to each other. It was only a matter of when they would take the next step.
They had had so many plans, so many innocent, simple dreams… and then they had found the mirror and the future that they had been leading towards their whole lives was lost in a matter of moments.
She could feel the pressure behind her eyes and she blinked them a few times before looking down to the mug in her hand, the liquid left in it sloshing pitifully against the bottom as she lifted it to take a drink.
The silence continued to stretch around them, the others caught in the heaviness of her mood and unsure how to backpedal from the question, so she saved them with a small tilted smile that she couldn't pretend was more than it was.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked over to see Zevran beside her, his eyes curiously solemn as he watched her, understanding painted over his face.
She had been lucky to find him, lucky to get a second chance at any type of romantic companionship, especially when she wasn't sure she deserved it.
But as lucky as she was, and as special as she thought him, he wasn't him. He fit her heart and made her glad but there would always be an empty space in her soul, a dark spot that she kept shoved down because there was no point in mourning forever.
Tamlen wouldn't want her to.
He would want her to be happy, to move on, just as she would him if their positions were reversed.
"He was…" She trailed off, all the things he was getting jammed in her throat, and after that false start she gave a shake of her head and her smile widened slightly. "He was my friend."
It was enough.