Common Sense
by Bratling
Disclaimer: Not mine. I hugged them, squeezed them, called them George, then gave them back like a good girl. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman belongs to Beth Sullivan and CBS.
Author's Note: This story will probably get me quite a few virtual rotten tomatoes thrown at me! Dr Quinn is set in the 1860s and 1870s, when birth control was uncommon at best, illegal at worst. Remember, such things as family planning didn't exist until Margaret Sanger opened the first such clinic in 1916. (Margaret Sanger was the first to import diaphragms, too, which were illegal at the time.) "Soiled doves" AKA prostitutes in the old west used coins instead of... say... diaphragms, and while it was possible to get condoms, they were stiff things made from sheep intestines. (This is what you learn from PBS and the History channel!)
Thus it surprised me in what I'm going to call the Truth arc in seasons five and six that Michaela and Sully indulged in potential child-producing activities while he was missing/presumed dead/on the run. After all, without ruining Michaela's reputation, how in the world would they explain a pregnancy that didn't involve "scandalous" behavior or Sully being alive and her knowing where to find him? Michaela and Sully are smarter than that! Her miscarriage in season six could have gotten them into serious trouble, because it was a tacit admission that she knew where he was and was in contact with him... Therefore, for the purposes of this, forget "Comfort of Friends" ever happened. This begins somewhere before the last scene of "All that Matters".
"Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much."
-Zora Neale Hurston
Michaela was dreaming. Somewhere, in the back of her head, she knew it, too. But the day at the waterfall had been a good one-even in hiding, she still had her husband. Just to be able to hold him and kiss him had been a relief, and she had been more than... enthusiastic when things had gone... further. She had been so worried and distraught for so long that what they had done had been just as much out of relief as it had been out of desire.
The dream started to change-time sped up, and her body had changed. She looked and felt much like she had when she was pregnant with Katie. Not only that, but for some reason she was in jail.
Sergeant O'Conner stood outside the cell-which didn't make sense as he was dead. "Where is he, Dr. Quinn?" the Army man asked with a sneer.
When she didn't answer, the sneer turned into a leer. "We know you've been lying ta us," the man said. "Unless your condition comes from a... different source of income-doing things no decent woman'd do." He reached through the bars to fondle her breast.
Michaela sat up in bed, breathing heavily. She reached over for Sully's pillow and hugged it to her body, breathing in the comforting scent of his hair. She wasn't pregnant. While it was true that they'd made love at the waterfall, her monthly had come since then, so there was no way they'd conceived a child that day. But they could have. How could they have been so stupid? Sully and their family were safe only as long as the Army didn't know where he was and that she was in contact with him.
She drew in a deep, shaky breath. They had to be careful. More careful than they'd been. Michaela shivered. She enjoyed what she and Sully shared immensely, but if it would keep all of them safe, she'd gladly forego it.
Michaela threw back the covers, pulled on her wrapper, and got up to check on the children. Quietly, so as not to wake Colleen, Matthew, or Brian, she made her way to the baby's room first. She looked in the crib and put the blanket back on the child. Katie always kicked her blankets off in her sleep. She smoothed back the baby's wispy blonde hair, then leaned over to kiss Katie's forehead.
"I'll do whatever it takes, Katie," she whispered, "to bring your Papa home."
Following instinct, she went to Colleen's room next. "Sully, NO!" Colleen said, tossing and turning in her sleep.
Quickly, Michaela moved to her daughter's side. She pushed Colleen's tangled blonde hair away from her face. "Shh, sweetheart," she murmured. "Your Pa's safe; all of us are okay."
"Sully," Colleen murmured, settling down. "My Pa."
"That's right, sweetheart," Michaela said as she pulled the blankets up and tucked them around her daughter. She pressed a kiss to the girl's forehead, then left the room, shutting the door gently behind herself.
Silently, she entered her boys' room and smiled a bit as she saw Brian, so close to the edge that he had almost fallen out of bed. With a lot of effort, she moved him closer to the middle of the bed and tucked him in again.
"Ma?" Matthew's voice, blurry with sleep, made her toward towards him.
"Shh, go back to sleep, sweetheart," she said, her voice soothing. She pulled his blankets up a little and ran her hand through his hair. Matthew's eyes, which had been opened a crack, fluttered closed and his breathing evened out.
From past experience, Michaela knew that sleep wouldn't be coming any time soon, so she went downstairs. She grabbed a medical journal, stoked the fire, and sat down in one of the wing back chairs to read. Checking on the children had become a nightly routine. She'd always done it when coming back from a late night emergency, and had peeked in on them to make sure they were okay when she'd first gotten them. But now, it was for her own reassurance. She needed to-just to know that despite Sully's absence, the rest of her family was safe, still there, and still breathing. She knew it was irrational, but it didn't feel right anymore for him to not be there. And part of her felt that with Sully not here, she had to constantly check to make sure everyone else was.
Colleen came downstairs, rubbing her eyes tiredly. She'd had a rough night. Sure, they knew Sully was safe now, but it was still a long, hard road before he could come home. She stretched a little before grabbing a basket to go gather eggs with. Just as she started the door, a rustling sound made her look over at the fireplace. She put the basket down and walked over to one of the wing chairs, where she found her mother fast asleep, her long, tangled brown hair falling into her face, and the blanket she had been covered with puddled at her feet.
Gently, Colleen picked up the blanket and tucked it around Dr. Mike, and then pushed the tangled hair out of her mother's face. Between her usual routine, caring for Sully, and for them, she knew that sooner or later, her mother would have to find some way to rest-she'd thrown herself into taking care of everyone, and as usual, had neglected to take care of herself. Without waking Dr. Mike, Colleen quietly went back upstairs and knocked on her brothers' door. "Matthew?" she called, and then waited.
A few minutes later, Matthew came out of the room, still pulling a suspender over his shoulder. "Yeah, Colleen?" he asked.
"Ma fell asleep downstairs again," she said, as she started towards the stairs. "Think you can carry her upstairs?"
"Sully should be here," he said. "He can make her take care o' herself."
"I know," Colleen said. "But he ain't, so it's up to us. Can you do it?"
Mathew frowned. "She ain't that heavy," he said. "An' she's lost weight since all this happened, 'cause she ain't been eatin'. I think I can. I know Sully could."
Together, the two siblings went downstairs. Once there, Colleen grabbed the basket again. "Brian still asleep?" she asked softly. "Katie was a few minutes ago-I figure I can at least gather the eggs before I get her up and dressed."
Matthew nodded absently as he slid his arms under their mother and picked her up carefully. "I'll be right back," he muttered, and then headed towards the stairs.
Colleen sighed and went outside to gather eggs. The chore didn't take long at all. Once she was done, she put the basket on the front porch and grabbed the milk bucket. A few minutes later, she was milking the cow, deep in thought.
Matthew joined her, mucking out the stalls and spreading out fresh, new hay. She finished stripping the last of the milk from the cow, and without a word, took the fresh milk to the spring house and poured it into a new container. With a soft sigh, she skimmed the cream out of yesterday's take, and put it with the rest for making butter later, and then headed back to the barn to help groom the horses.
"You know that's Brian's job," Matthew said as she picked up a curry comb.
"I know," she said. "I suppose I oughta start makin' breakfast, but..."
"You don't want ta wake Dr. Mike up," Matthew finished her thought.
"Yeah. We got lucky with her, y'know?" she said.
Matthew shrugged. "We gotta clear Sully's name," he said. "An' make her take better care o' herself."
Colleen stared at Flash, concentrating hard on brushing the mare's coat just so. "There's this girl I know from my boarding house," she said, as if she hadn't heard. "Her parents are gone, too, an' she was raised by an Aunt and Uncle... she's always bein' twitted 'bout livin' on charity. Says they only are payin' for college so's she c'n support herself an' pay 'em back." She paused. "Keep thinkin' that if Ma hadn't willingly taken us, we coulda ended up like that."
"I know," Matthew said as he grabbed another currycomb. "Or we coulda ended up livin' in the immigrant tents with me tryin' ta support th' three of us, too." He was silent for a few minutes. "I should get Brian. We gotta talk about what we're gonna do to help Ma."
Colleen hurriedly finished what she'd been doing and grabbed the hoof pick to check Flash's hooves. After a few minutes checking to make sure that the horse's hooves were free of dirt, rocks and gravel, she put away her tools. "I'll get him up after I clean up a bit," she said.
Matthew nodded absently as he grabbed the hoof pick. "Remind him that he's suppose ta feed the animals afore school," he said.
Colleen didn't answer. Instead, she went back up to the house, grabbing the basket of eggs on her way inside. She placed it on the table, and then put some water on the stove to heat for cereal. Grabbing a cloth, she wet it and then began to clean off the eggs. There was comfort to be found in her chores. It was things she'd been doing every morning for years. While it was true that she'd readjusted and found a new routine in Denver at school, the familiar, homey tasks gave her a slight sense of stability. It was true that some of them actually were part of her mother's morning routine, but she was happy to take them over so that Dr. Mike could get some rest.
Colleen cleaned the last egg, and then took the eggs out to the spring house. She supposed it would save a trip to take them the same time as the milk, but the full milk pail was heavy and had a tendency to slosh. She hurried back to the house, checked the pot of water and then headed upstairs. She knocked on Brian's door. "Brian?" she called quietly.
"Comin', Colleen," Brian's muffled voice said.
She went next door to Katie's room and quietly opened the door. Wide awake, Katie grinned at her, showing off all three of her teeth. "Up!" she demanded.
Colleen happily complied. "You're wet, Katie," she said with a grimace.
Katie clapped her hands cheerfully.
It only took a few minutes to strip off the baby's nightgown and diaper, and a few more to sponge her off. Katie started trying to get away, but Colleen managed to put on a clean diaper and day clothes, anyway. Picking up the baby she went back downstairs to get the cereal started. She settled Katie in the high chair and put some oatmeal on to cook just as Matthew and Brian came in. Colleen turned to face them, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulders and crossing her arms over her chest. "We need to talk," she said bluntly. "About how to help Ma get Pa back."
Michaela entered their bedroom, and put the lamp down. She started towards the bed and was almost there when the lights suddenly went out. The door swung shut behind her and she jumped at the sound of it latching. She turned around, her heart beating fast to find Sully behind the now closed door. "Sully!" she hissed. "There are soldiers outside!"
Sully kissed her quickly. "They're asleep," he murmured."I just passed 'em. Don't worry-I'll be gone before sunup." He took off his jacket and tossed it into the corner.
Michaela pulled back slightly and looked at him. "I can't let you do this," she whispered sharply.
"It's like you said," Sully paused to kiss her, "All I want us for us to be together." He kissed her again, more deeply this time, pulling her firmly against him. One kiss led to two, and then to three. Michaela tangled her hands in his hair pulling him closer to her. He picked her up and laid her on the bed. "And I'm willing to do anything to make that happen," he finished softly, leaning in for more kisses. He wrapped his arms around her as their passion began to build.
Michaela was of two minds-on the one hand, her head was telling her that they had to stop, that with her in supposed deep mourning, they couldn't do this. On the other hand, she wanted him, physically and emotionally. They'd been forced to spend so much time apart that she wanted that aspect of their relationship back as much as she wanted her next breath.
Sully began to string kisses down her face and neck, while his hands busied themselves unbuttoning her blouse. He pushed it aside, and continued kissing down her body, pulling one of the straps of her camisole down.
The logical voice in Michaela's head finally won out. "Sully, stop, we can't," she said, pulling one of her hands free of his hair and laying it on his chest.
"'Chaela," he started.
She shook her head and then leaned in to give him a short, sweet kiss. "You've been missing for six weeks, and everyone thinks that you're dead and I'm in mourning... If we do this and I fall pregnant-"
Sully closed his eyes and swallowed, hard. "I wasn't thinking," he admitted hoarsely. "I miss you-I miss this."
"I know," she said as she reached up to caress his cheek. Michaela kissed him again. Just being able to hold him and kiss him had to be enough for now. "McKay has already searched the clinic and the homestead," she said. "If I turn up pregnant, it's enough for him to follow through on his threat to put me in prison."
Sully's eyes darkened and his body stiffened. "He threatened you?" he questioned, his voice tight.
"He was trying to scare me," Michaela said calmly. "It didn't work-we're staying together and the children and I will do whatever it takes to clear your name so we can be a family again."
Sully let out a ragged sigh. "I'm so sorry I dragged you and the kids inta this," he said.
"You did what you had to do," Michaela said quietly. "We already discussed this."
"I know," Sully said. "It's just-"
"Shh," Michaela murmured. "Hold me tonight?"
"All you had to do was ask," he said quietly. Sully threaded his fingers thorough hers and kissed the back of her hand fiercely before he got up and began to change into his night clothes and she into hers. It wasn't long before they were cuddled together under the quilts, her head tucked under his chin. "i love you," he murmured.
"I love you, too," she whispered back. Slowly, she drifted to sleep, finally feeling safe because she was in Sully's arms. He soon followed her. The next morning, as promised, he was gone before sunup. Michaela sighed a little when she woke to an empty bed. Somehow, they'd clear his name because he was the one person that she didn't think she could ever live without.
End.