Author's note: Not quite sure what this is.
I wonder if you ever think of me. I mean, I would hope that you do. I would hope that I meant enough to you that I still cross your mind from time to time.
I wonder if you feel remorse. I'm sure you do. At least, I hope. I can't expect you to feel sorry for me, but you're compassionate. You feel for everyone. I wonder if I still count in that group.
I see you with him. At first, it ate at me. My unstable mind told me I had to hurt him to get you back. I needed to get him out of the picture for good if I ever wanted you back. But then one day, I saw you two. And you were smiling. It was a smile I hadn't seen in a long time. You were happy. I knew I couldn't take him from you then. Because all I wanted was for you to be happy.
But I still have to wonder if you care about me anymore. I know why you left that night, I really do, but I'm always wondering if you realize how much you hurt me by doing it. It broke me. You broke me.
When Julia left me, I was a mess. But she didn't have a choice. Even if we hadn't fought that night, she would have rode her bike home and died anyway. There was nothing she could do. She had to leave.
But you had a choice. I know you made the right one for you, but it stung more. Julia didn't want to leave. You did. You got a choice to stay and you gave it away and left.
A thought came to me the other day while I was writing. I wondered, if Julia had the choice to stay that night, would she of? We had a very hard relationship, but I've always wondered if she would have made the choice to leave me...just like you did.
I just want you to be happy, Clare. You deserve that. I don't personally know Jake, but he's lucky to enjoy your smile. Even though I envy him that, I know what it's like to smiled at that way. I can guess how he feels. I don't think he deserves you - I don't think anyone is good enough for you, really - but if you're happy...then I can deal with that.
Maybe one day I'll be happy, too. Years from now, when we've both graduated and moved on from each other. Maybe I'll meet a nice girl that made me feel the way you did and I'll fall back in love all over again. Maybe you'll go through more boyfriends and you'll find the perfect one and get married and have kids and live.
Maybe we really don't belong together. Maybe you were right.
Life is full of maybes, isn't it? It's funny how much someone can affect your life. When I ran over your glasses, I'd never thought I'd fall in this deep. I never thought you would love me back. I took a chance with you and got my heart broken.
I just hope one day, I can take a chance again.
Author's note: I don't even know what this is. omg.