6
A/N: I'm in a new neighborhood tonight. I'm an NCIS writer, and I still love my McGee, but Scorpion has promise, and Toby is a heartbreaker so I thought I would wander over. Here's a oneshot about Toby and his Happy. Sheila
The Shrink
The bartender sighed as he watched the three men dart out of the restroom. Like idiots, they broadcast their misdeeds with furtive glances and harsh whispers. They looked his direction and he growled. "Get the hell out of my bar."
They stumbled over one another in an effort to get out the front door. It was late. The jazz trio had left hours ago. Only the regulars at the bar were left, nursing drinks and staring glassy eyed at the TVs bolted to the ceiling.
The bartender shook his head. "Keifer, watch the damn till for a minute."
Keifer barely acknowledged him as he strode by. He thought about knocking on the door to the john, but forty years of tending bar left little mystery as to what he would find on the other side. He pushed through the door and saw exactly what he expected slumped in the corner of the room behind the urinals.
"Toby?"
A long groan responded. "Oh, my colon."
"Should I call for EMS?"
Eyes still closed, he shook his head. "Ivan, I was beat harder than this in fifth grade."
"Alright, give me a hand. Let's get you up."
Toby winced as the bartender pulled him upright. "My hat."
Ivan scooped up the hat and steered him toward the sink. Toby winced into the cracked mirror. "Hematoma under left eye, possible hairline fracture. Swollen jaw. Abdominal hematoma. Possible internal bleed."
"You sure you don't want me to call a bus?"
He shook his head again, and splashed water on a cut at the corner of his mouth.
"Did they grab up your cash?"
"Yup. I got nothing but the emergency $20 I keep in my shoe."
"You know what I've said about playing craps in the back alley."
Toby snorted. "It was like shooting fish in a barrel. I won $800 in 23 minutes."
"Then you were smug and arrogant, and had to rub their noses in it."
He closed his eyes. "Yeah. I can't seem to help myself."
"And so the suckers who probably would've just walked away to lick their wounds, dragged you into the can, beat you, and took their money and yours."
"Maybe, I wanted it that way," he murmured.
"You're a real mess, you know that?"
Toby sighed and stated into the mirror. "Are black eyes ever sexy?"
Ivan took him by the arm. "Let's get you a drink."
Toby climbed the stool carefully and rested the unbruised side of his face on the bar while Ivan pulled a bottle of scotch from up high and poured two fingers. He slid it in front of Toby.
One of the regulars frowned, "Hey Ivan, why are you always so nice to this arrogant hump? You never pull from the top shelf for any of us."
"Do something other than whine and keep a stool warm and I might have a reason," he said glaring at the row of regulars watching him.
Toby stared at the amber liquid in the highball glass and dipped a finger in and then brought it to his lips. "Nectar of the gods."
"I had real hopes for you tonight, Toby," Ivan said as he polished leaned against the till and polished mugs. "You had a positive vibe and you brought in a real pretty girl."
Toby responded with a heavy sigh as he contemplated a more effective delivery system for the scotch. Lifting his head was still low on his list of options.
"You had a smile on your face. You bought her the salmon dinner. The two of you listened to jazz. I was feeling real good about it for you."
"I did a study once," he drawled as he stroked the side of the glass with his finger. "I wanted to see if I could predict what a person would say just by face expressions and body language. It was an informal study, of course. It required that I quickly formulate an expected response before they spoke. I made 1354 predictions over a three week period. I used Scorpion as my control group. I thought I would start with them and establish a baseline, and then seek out normals- people like you and expand my study."
Ivan chuckled. "How'd you do, Doc?"
"With Walter, I was accurate within a few words 84% of the time, with Paige 93%, with Sylvester 95%, and with Happy, the lovely lady you saw tonight, I was accurate 97% of the time. I can read her like a book- a very sweet, sexy little book."
"What was she telling you tonight?"
"She didn't know it was a date," he said as he tried to lift his head. He winced and slowly rested it again. "I told her that Sylvester was coming. Then I told Sylvester that health inspector had been here, and found 16 code violations."
"Hey!" Ivan frowned. "I don't like people maligning my joint."
"I know. I'll tell Sylvester it was a lie in the morning. Of course, he'll forgive me right away. He always does."
"So, you lured her here, and she found you out."
Toby pursed his lips. "I thought if I got her some place outside of work, she might see a new side of me."
"Oh, you mean the side that leaves her alone at a table while you start hustling tourists in the alley."
He shrugged. "She looked like she was having fun for awhile. She liked her salmon and the music and I was going to start a conversation about engines. I studied up on engines for her, and then she did a thing with her face."
Ivan narrowed his eyes. "What thing?"
"Remember, I can anticipate her responses up to 97%. I could read it so clearly. She was considering her next words. Happy never considers her next words. She's confident. She insults me, on average, 37 times a day. I find it endearing."
"What was wrong with what she did?"
He lifted his head again and gingerly propped it upright on his hands. Getting the scotch down his throat was beginning to look more promising. "A person considers their words when they are considering people's feelings. Happy doesn't do that with me because we generally keep it surface. But this time she wanted the right words. I knew that meant she was going to let me down. I was about to get the "we're better off as friends" speech. It's the worst speech in the world. The "nails on chalkboard" of all talks. I couldn't take it so I bolted."
"She waited almost an hour for you."
"It's better this way," he said softly. He reached for a straw and put it in the scotch. Then he gently sipped.
"Tell me how it's better."
Toby looked up. The swelling in his left eye was slowly squeezing it closed. "I've been coming in here for five years. Every Tuesday."
"Toby Tuesday," Ivan smiled.
"I'm a jerk. I'm self-destructive. Self-loathing. I'm an addict. Imagine life with me. You've seen my ex-fiancée. She ran away so far she doesn't even want me to repay her. Why wish that on a woman as special as Happy Quinn?"
Ivan's eyes flicked to the left quickly, and then he spoke a tad louder than before. "So, she's probably just a rebound, right?"
"Happy Quinn!" Toby snorted. "She's nobody's rebound. Never! Are you blind, Ivan?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, she's pretty enough, but your ex-fiancée was also a looker. You can find pretty girls all over L.A."
Toby sat up and slammed the bar with his palm. "Happy fuckin' Quinn eats pretty girls for breakfast. Are you kidding?! She's…amazing. She's so…I don't even have the words. She's loyal. She's a warrior. Ten times braver than I'll ever be. Brilliant. Strong. Grounded. She's everything I've ever wanted and more. She's the one person who could truly save me. I mean it. For her, I could be someone people would be proud to know. Ivan, your instincts are so off on this. What the hell is the matter with you?"
"Ah, I guess it's late."
Toby touched the side of his face gingerly. "You got some analgesics back there?"
"Aspirin, you mean."
"And maybe some Ibuprofen. I'm swelling up like a balloon here."
"Still think you need a trip to the ER."
He shook his head slowly. "I deserve this. I got scared when she looked at me like that. Should've taken like a man. She's right, you know. Being friends is the only possible option for us. Anything else, and I would hurt her, and they'd never forgive me for it. I'd lose the only family I have left."
"You're an idiot," came a distinct voice. She sidled up on the stool next to him.
"Happy," he said blinking. "Why'd you come back?"
"I went home, and then I thought about how you were going to self-sabotage and do something stupid because of how you treated me."
"How long were you behind me?" Then he turned on Ivan. "And you knew! I must need an ER. I saw the eye shift and the vocal raise, and didn't even consider it."
Ivan shrugged and walked away.
He turned back to her. "I'm a jerk."
"I've met you."
"I want it to be simple for us. I want to just be a good guy, someone you can be proud of, but you make my heart hurt, and I just get crazy."
She twisted her perfect little mouth. "Yeah, we gotta work on that."
"I'm sorry."
She touched the side of his face and he flinched. "You think there might be a hairline fracture right about here?"
"It crossed my mind."
"You shouldn't have walked out on me."
He sighed. "You did a thing with your face."
"I wanted to tell you something."
"What?"
She nodded and looked away for a moment. Then she licked her lower lip. "You can't hate yourself anymore. That's what ruins the idea of us. As long as you think you don't deserve me, you won't. That's what I wanted to tell you."
His breath caught. "Really? Is that it? I can try."
"Not good enough." She held his face in her hands.
"Okay," he swallowed. "I'll do better."
"Okay."
They stared at each other for a long moment. Then Happy jumped off the stool. "Let's get you to the hospital."
"I'm starting to like myself, Happy. I can feel it."
She turned away from him, hiding her smile. "Baby steps, Doc. Baby steps."
The End