Losing everything and everyone is enough to destroy a man. Everything you fought so hard to protect just torn from you as if you were nothing more than a defenseless child,they say you should take comfort in the fight? at least you tried,that does very little for a man in the dry bleak reality. Material possessions aren't as shallow as we all say they all hold memory's and a sense of achievement with the added security that they are eternal,they don't just walk away or wither and die because they have no choice in the matter.
Lucius sat an empty room sheltering him. How he longed for his wifes possessions. Her perfume? or perhaps one of her favourite pretty dresses that would make her smile so genuinely? Gone,they were all gone. Even the bed they shared now belonged to some stranger who took its meaning for granted. He imagined a young man adventurous in his conquests of the opposite sex,night after night. desecrating his wifes very memory. His whole body was numb but he still fought to show his anger straining his wrists to clench his fists tight in part anger and beautiful smile haunted him and the memory of her words toyed with his limits. He could almost hear her inside the silence a low gentle whisper "I love you" but of course he was going mad. The room was old now,it had always been old but only now did it look different from its previous life,it reflected the wreck of a man he had become. Like the captain of the ship he mocked he too had went down with the ship or he pondered...had the ship went down with the captain? He hadn't moved for days his only indication of time being that the sun would rise and fall as normal. The world kept on turning even in his anguish, when did the world become to brutal.
When you love someone so much you don't truly realise it. When they go it's not a metaphor there's a real pain of the body that aches. First you are shocked in utter disbelief,your body goes numb and as if under a spell your body goes still and your unable to function without true effort. Then the pain slowly creeps but your stuck. The myth in this metaphor is that it's only a metaphor and that the pain stems first from the heart which now has an empty space, why would your heart be missing a part? it had no real puncture to open a gaping wound. It starts first at the finger tips so you can't even fight it,excruciating. Then slowly like a burning poision it travels through you and any thought of that person acts as another flame again starting at the most important defense you could have. You can't hold your hands up to hide or comfort the pain. The worst pain though Lucius thought was definitely in the wrists, they were so sore. The blood that ran through them felt as if it was being forced and would break his skin over flowing draining everything he was away from him.
Lucius had snapped truly driven mad and he knew this but their is nothing worse than knowing your own madness. He had committed crimes so awful and unforgivable but he truly had no idea why he had committed them? anser this question please' He never could reply to his own questions. He didn't regret his previous crimes or misdeeds in war or even before then. untill now he thought he would forever be a proud man completely arrogant of his own actions. He had lost his wife,his home and all he had left truly was his son.
A beautiful baby boy when he was born the very vision of perfection in a child. Such a smart boy. He grew to be more than Lucius could ever wish for and would have carried the malfoy name well,back to victory and higher status but that would never happen now. His beautiful soft pink lips would never speak vows to any significant other. Lucius trembled at the memory of Draco, he remembered Draco as the young man he had seen before it all happened. The boy who was always trying to impress him and do good through misguided direction,his little dragon who when first tried to ride a broom fell off but refused to give up.
Madness isn't your friend and it doesn't care if it breaks you. In fact it will break you again and again untill your nothing left. Lucius tried to imagine Draco happy with friends now like the sun still moving despite his own current situation but the madness wouldn't allow him to be soft upon him self. He couldn't see with rose tinted lenses and saw only the last memory he was fighting so hard to forget. His broken body slumped against the wall Lucius had so savagely catapulted him against,grey terrified eyes staring aimlessly unable to cry. Blood all Lucius saw was blood. Dark red covering his son's pale white body spilling on to the floor. Lucius remembered the release he felt and was ashamed to admit he even experienced a sexual release.
Draco's body had went limp and suddenly he had stopped struggling he simply lay there and uttered words Lucius forgets. He was to busy violating him, he was so tight. So soft and bruised so easy. It was the best release he had felt since he him self was young. Every thrust he felt him self draw away from the scene and his memory would become a blur and had forgotten what had happened next.
Lucius cried out an agonized cry for help. He was weak and hadn't eaten or drank a good quenchable amount of water in how long. He had lost his home,his wife. Then raped his son? Why had he done this! His baby boy,precious baby boy. Left in another room of the house his cries and pleas were continuing echoing through out. Obviously Lucius had hurt him to the point where he was unable to seek help or move but left him alive and aware of the pain he must be suffering. What kind of farther was he? What kind of man? His child lay in agony and he remained here. Numb.
Lucius wanted to move. He had lost everything. Madness wanted him here,till the day he would finally wither and die. He had no energy to fight it so remained staring,pondering,listening.
His finale thought was not a moment of clarity when the time had come. No resolution of why had done what he had done but simply the words his son had said whilst he had taken him so viciously. Those words ceiling his coffin driving him to utter madness.
"I forgive you"
(A/N I think I was in a pretty bad mood when I wrote this but I posted it anyways, hope you enjoyed it...you get what I mean. Review and please tell me what you think! Positive or negative i'd love to see your view.)