Title: I Miss My Friend
Author: Madame Spooky
Category/Genre: Character Death.
Rating: PG-13 (Scully's mouth)
Spoilers: None.
Feedback: YOU BETTER! =) Send it to: AnJo323@aol.com
Summary: This is a SONGFIC. It's based on the idea that Mulder is dead, and
Scully is left alone. This is before they ever became involved. RIGHT
before. We're talking just about to make UST into RST, and then BANG.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, Chris and FOX own them. I'm not making money,
so please refrain from the lawsuit.
WARNING: Shipper friendly. This story requires a box of tissues if you are
the type who cries easily. Also, if you've never heard the song "I Miss My
Friend" I suggest you download an MP3 of it. The story will be
more.effective to those who have listened to it or are listening to it as
we speak. Enjoy!
~*I MISS MY FRIEND*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Scully was already an emotional wreck and the funeral wasn't even over. In fact, it hadn't gotten to the hardest part. The eulogy. The one she was expected to give in less than three minutes. The one for Mulder. God, she didn't believe it even now, after seeing him in the coffin. It wouldn't sink in. It wouldn't settle. Her brain wouldn't let the thought process totally. Mulder. Is. Dead. She still half expected him to jump out of the coffin and yell "GOTCHA!". Then she would slap him, scream at him for being such a jackass, and then get herself permanently attached to him by plastic surgery. Or skip the being mad and just jump on him, wrap her arms around his neck and never let go again. Anything but this. She thanked herself mentally for having memorized him a long time ago. She could never forget him now, even if she tried. His face, his skin, his lips.Oh his lips. Those brown eyes, and the way they use to light up when he heard the word "Supernatural". The way he smiled at her when she said something she hoped he would find funny, even if it was just to humor her. The way he stood by her all the time. The way he smelled. How he use to stand so close but never touch her. The sound of him cracking sunflower seed shells with his teeth. She felt two hot tears fall from her eyes before she knew she was crying. Use to. She would never hear that again. Never smell him. Never see. Her breath caught in her throat as it constricted and blocked her rational thought. Never see Mulder again. Never look into his eyes, never debunk his theories, never see him. She wondered how she would get through this eulogy when she could barely make it through the funeral itself. "Now, I would like to ask Dana Scully to please step forward and say a few words." Oh Jesus, here it comes. The final goodbye. The last time she'd ever see him. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to stand. Her body was numb, or so it seemed, as she took those few steps to the podium. She couldn't believe she was here. Speaking at Mulder's funeral. She kept praying she'd wake up. She cleared her throat silently before she spoke. "Through the past six years of our lives, Mulder and I became very close. He was one of the best friends I've ever had. He's touched everyone around him very deeply, including myself. He never let me give up." She had to swallow again before she could continue. ".Never let me give up on myself. Only a year ago, when the X-Files where closed, I was ready to walk out. He told me that I needed to be strong. He said I was his only friend, and that I owed him nothing. I never.I never got the chance to tell him this, but I owe him everything." Her voice caught at the last word, and tears began to flow freely down her cheeks. "He was my best friend, the person I could turn to about almost everything in my life. Everything but the one thing that meant the most to me. I never got the chance to tell Mulder how much he meant to me. How clear he made everything seem sometimes, and how much of a lifeline he's been to me. I never thought I'd be standing here. I always thought there would be tomorrow. Another day to tell him.Now I know that I was wrong. There where so many things left unsaid. I wrote him a letter, which I'll now read to you." She cleared her throat and opened another piece of paper. "Fox, I hope, some day, you can forgive me for never telling you what you needed to hear. I've never told you how much you've meant to me, or how lucky I was to be assigned to the X-Files six years ago. At first, I thought it was going to be just some scam and debunking project, and you proved me wrong. You taught me that friendship is the most important thing in someone's life. You taught me how to trust." She wondered if she could read the rest with Skinner, and almost everyone else from the FBI, in the audience. Damn them. This was important. "You taught me how to love. Mulder.I never once told you how much I looked forward to coming to work every day, in hopes that I would be able to see you for just one minute. I never said to you, "Thank you", for showing me what it means to care about someone more than you've ever cared about anything in your life. I never said I was sorry for hiding my feelings because I thought that it mattered to everyone else. I didn't say how much I needed to have you around me. I never told you how much space you've filled in my empty heart. I never told you that I hated going home, because it wasn't to you." By now, she was near sobbing, trying to get the words out, needing him to hear them one way or another. She could never tell him face to face. And now she hated herself for waiting so long. "Fox, I've come here today to tell you goodbye. Wherever you are, Fox, save a space for me. If I could change anything in the past six years, it would be to tell you this sooner. I'm sorry I waited so long. Love always, Dana" She closed the letter and turned, looking at a lifeless Mulder laying in the coffin. Her chest filled with pain, her breathing hitching as she sobbed. "I love you, Mulder.I love you." She felt arms around her, and her mothers voice trying to calm her down. Before she knew it, she was seated again, crying on her mothers shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dana Scully's Apartment That night
She had told her mother she wanted to be alone that night. Who could blame her? After the funeral and burial (she'd tossed a dozen roses into Mulder's grave), Skinner had come up to her. He looked like he was crying, and told her he was sorry. None of it mattered anymore. She'd told Mulder what she'd gone to tell him. She couldn't eat anything. Her body was rejecting it's normal sequence of things as she laid on her couch, numb again to everything around her. Her eyes where fixed on the T.V., but it wasn't turned on. She was pale. Had anyone walked in at that moment, they would think she where dead as well. She felt dead. The radio was playing. She didn't remember turning it on. Hell, she didn't even remember laying down on the couch, but here she was. She looked to the bottle in her hands. Captain Morgan was keeping her company tonight. The bottle was almost empty now, the last inch warm and foul. She sat it on the floor and rested back into the couch. Was that her third or fourth? She couldn't remember. She listened to the soft music play through the air from the radio. As she did, her head buried into her hands and she began to sob again. The realization sank in at that exact moment. Mulder.is.gone.forever. The comforter around her provided no warmth for the ice crystals that pierced her heart at that moment. No comfort, for that matter. Her body felt heavy, and the pillow under her head did little to stop the pain of realization that kept washing over her. Mulder. Dead. Mulder. Dead. It was like a bad movie, playing over and over in her mind, not letting go. She wouldn't be able to call him and tell him she was hurting. She wouldn't be able to go to his house and sit in his arms and hear him say it would be alright. The song on the radio caught her ear. It made the pain worse, but it released so many tears and unresolved feelings. She listened as she cried.
I miss the look Of surrender in your eyes The way your soft brown hair would fall I miss the power Of your kiss when we make love Oh but baby most of all I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss the colors That you brought into my life Your golden smile Those big brown eyes And I miss your gentle voice At lonely times like now Saying it'll be alright I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss those times I miss those nights I even miss our silly fights The making up The morning talks And those late afternoon walks I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss my friend She closed her eyes tightly, and as she cried herself to sleep, her last waking thought was- ~Mulder, I love you. I miss my friend.~
~FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hope you like it. I got the idea as soon as I heard this song on the radio (and started crying, just like the sap that I am.) Please, PLEASE let me know what you think. It's my first fic, let alone my first attempt at character death. Thank you all for reading=)
~Madame Spooky~ AnJo323@aol.com
NOTE: I truly suggest you all find this song somehow, and listen to it either after reading this (which is obviously the case if you're reading THIS right now) or during your reading. It makes a lot of difference if you're listening to it while you read it, even before its lyrics are put in the story.
~*I MISS MY FRIEND*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Scully was already an emotional wreck and the funeral wasn't even over. In fact, it hadn't gotten to the hardest part. The eulogy. The one she was expected to give in less than three minutes. The one for Mulder. God, she didn't believe it even now, after seeing him in the coffin. It wouldn't sink in. It wouldn't settle. Her brain wouldn't let the thought process totally. Mulder. Is. Dead. She still half expected him to jump out of the coffin and yell "GOTCHA!". Then she would slap him, scream at him for being such a jackass, and then get herself permanently attached to him by plastic surgery. Or skip the being mad and just jump on him, wrap her arms around his neck and never let go again. Anything but this. She thanked herself mentally for having memorized him a long time ago. She could never forget him now, even if she tried. His face, his skin, his lips.Oh his lips. Those brown eyes, and the way they use to light up when he heard the word "Supernatural". The way he smiled at her when she said something she hoped he would find funny, even if it was just to humor her. The way he stood by her all the time. The way he smelled. How he use to stand so close but never touch her. The sound of him cracking sunflower seed shells with his teeth. She felt two hot tears fall from her eyes before she knew she was crying. Use to. She would never hear that again. Never smell him. Never see. Her breath caught in her throat as it constricted and blocked her rational thought. Never see Mulder again. Never look into his eyes, never debunk his theories, never see him. She wondered how she would get through this eulogy when she could barely make it through the funeral itself. "Now, I would like to ask Dana Scully to please step forward and say a few words." Oh Jesus, here it comes. The final goodbye. The last time she'd ever see him. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to stand. Her body was numb, or so it seemed, as she took those few steps to the podium. She couldn't believe she was here. Speaking at Mulder's funeral. She kept praying she'd wake up. She cleared her throat silently before she spoke. "Through the past six years of our lives, Mulder and I became very close. He was one of the best friends I've ever had. He's touched everyone around him very deeply, including myself. He never let me give up." She had to swallow again before she could continue. ".Never let me give up on myself. Only a year ago, when the X-Files where closed, I was ready to walk out. He told me that I needed to be strong. He said I was his only friend, and that I owed him nothing. I never.I never got the chance to tell him this, but I owe him everything." Her voice caught at the last word, and tears began to flow freely down her cheeks. "He was my best friend, the person I could turn to about almost everything in my life. Everything but the one thing that meant the most to me. I never got the chance to tell Mulder how much he meant to me. How clear he made everything seem sometimes, and how much of a lifeline he's been to me. I never thought I'd be standing here. I always thought there would be tomorrow. Another day to tell him.Now I know that I was wrong. There where so many things left unsaid. I wrote him a letter, which I'll now read to you." She cleared her throat and opened another piece of paper. "Fox, I hope, some day, you can forgive me for never telling you what you needed to hear. I've never told you how much you've meant to me, or how lucky I was to be assigned to the X-Files six years ago. At first, I thought it was going to be just some scam and debunking project, and you proved me wrong. You taught me that friendship is the most important thing in someone's life. You taught me how to trust." She wondered if she could read the rest with Skinner, and almost everyone else from the FBI, in the audience. Damn them. This was important. "You taught me how to love. Mulder.I never once told you how much I looked forward to coming to work every day, in hopes that I would be able to see you for just one minute. I never said to you, "Thank you", for showing me what it means to care about someone more than you've ever cared about anything in your life. I never said I was sorry for hiding my feelings because I thought that it mattered to everyone else. I didn't say how much I needed to have you around me. I never told you how much space you've filled in my empty heart. I never told you that I hated going home, because it wasn't to you." By now, she was near sobbing, trying to get the words out, needing him to hear them one way or another. She could never tell him face to face. And now she hated herself for waiting so long. "Fox, I've come here today to tell you goodbye. Wherever you are, Fox, save a space for me. If I could change anything in the past six years, it would be to tell you this sooner. I'm sorry I waited so long. Love always, Dana" She closed the letter and turned, looking at a lifeless Mulder laying in the coffin. Her chest filled with pain, her breathing hitching as she sobbed. "I love you, Mulder.I love you." She felt arms around her, and her mothers voice trying to calm her down. Before she knew it, she was seated again, crying on her mothers shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dana Scully's Apartment That night
She had told her mother she wanted to be alone that night. Who could blame her? After the funeral and burial (she'd tossed a dozen roses into Mulder's grave), Skinner had come up to her. He looked like he was crying, and told her he was sorry. None of it mattered anymore. She'd told Mulder what she'd gone to tell him. She couldn't eat anything. Her body was rejecting it's normal sequence of things as she laid on her couch, numb again to everything around her. Her eyes where fixed on the T.V., but it wasn't turned on. She was pale. Had anyone walked in at that moment, they would think she where dead as well. She felt dead. The radio was playing. She didn't remember turning it on. Hell, she didn't even remember laying down on the couch, but here she was. She looked to the bottle in her hands. Captain Morgan was keeping her company tonight. The bottle was almost empty now, the last inch warm and foul. She sat it on the floor and rested back into the couch. Was that her third or fourth? She couldn't remember. She listened to the soft music play through the air from the radio. As she did, her head buried into her hands and she began to sob again. The realization sank in at that exact moment. Mulder.is.gone.forever. The comforter around her provided no warmth for the ice crystals that pierced her heart at that moment. No comfort, for that matter. Her body felt heavy, and the pillow under her head did little to stop the pain of realization that kept washing over her. Mulder. Dead. Mulder. Dead. It was like a bad movie, playing over and over in her mind, not letting go. She wouldn't be able to call him and tell him she was hurting. She wouldn't be able to go to his house and sit in his arms and hear him say it would be alright. The song on the radio caught her ear. It made the pain worse, but it released so many tears and unresolved feelings. She listened as she cried.
I miss the look Of surrender in your eyes The way your soft brown hair would fall I miss the power Of your kiss when we make love Oh but baby most of all I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss the colors That you brought into my life Your golden smile Those big brown eyes And I miss your gentle voice At lonely times like now Saying it'll be alright I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss those times I miss those nights I even miss our silly fights The making up The morning talks And those late afternoon walks I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say To make me laugh again Who let the light back in I miss my friend I miss my friend She closed her eyes tightly, and as she cried herself to sleep, her last waking thought was- ~Mulder, I love you. I miss my friend.~
~FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hope you like it. I got the idea as soon as I heard this song on the radio (and started crying, just like the sap that I am.) Please, PLEASE let me know what you think. It's my first fic, let alone my first attempt at character death. Thank you all for reading=)
~Madame Spooky~ AnJo323@aol.com
NOTE: I truly suggest you all find this song somehow, and listen to it either after reading this (which is obviously the case if you're reading THIS right now) or during your reading. It makes a lot of difference if you're listening to it while you read it, even before its lyrics are put in the story.