Disclaimer: you know the drill, I own the paper this is written on and that's all. In tormented by inner demons Matt and his lovely wife Allison (Ally) were celebrating Ally's pregnancy with their family and friends. About 6 weeks later at her clinic, Ally's doctor found a second heartbeat and pronounced the baby to be twins a boy and a girl. This is three years later. Allison during her pregnancy had to quit wrestling (as vixen) for obvious reasons and had taken up an old love of cinematography and shortly after the birth had won an Oscar for it. This is 'mummy's award' don't worry it will all make sense later. The children's names are Hallie Mya Hardy and Luke Anthony Hardy. Hallie has big brown eyes and shoulder length brown hair that she always wears in pigtails (sort of like boo in monsters inc.) whereas Luke has short spiky auburn hair and pale skin. Also Trish is 'dating' bradshaaw (Jon). "I.I.didn't mean to.it.it." Luke's tears were enough to melt even the hardest hearts so naturally his father didn't stand a chance. "Don't cry, lukie," Matt Hardy said to his small son. "Mummy and daddy know that you didn't mean to break mummy's award." Luke half-smiled and stopped crying. His 3yr old twin sister ran in. "mummy's still crying and now she's telling Trish" Hallie reported. This brought on a fresh wave of tears. Hallie hugged her wailing brother, he was no doubt the frailer of the two and she looked after Luke.well usually. "I'm sorry but I don't know why you're so upset about it, I mean you only did it when you were out injured." Good god, Trish was so dumb but with Mongrelle and Tygra on the road she was the only one Ally had to talk to. "Pregnant. Trish, not injured I was out pregnant and I'm only emotional for the next few days. Understand?" Trish was amazed. "You can actually choose your emotional state? Wow that's so cool!" Ally shook her head sore from crying and rubbed her tummy sore from 'the woman's curse'. 'Its not worth it' she thought. "So how's Jon?" Ally decided to change the subject or she would have been forced to point out Trish's stupidity. Trish sounded like she was off in a dream, "he's fine . oh yeah he's fine" Ally didn't like what was going on so she just hung up and went to see her little ones, all three of them. Matt was sitting in the 'big, comfy chair' (as the kids called it), he had a kid on each knee and all three were asleep. Ally smiled and went to catch this precious moment with her camera; she had just adjusted the focus and the lighting around them, when something grabbed the back of her leg. "AAAARGH!" the scream not only woke the twins and Matt but gave the offending Jeff a heart attack that forced him backwards over the coffee table and onto the hard polished wooden floor below. Ally composed herself and turned to Jeff who was wearing an open black shirt, studded belt and tightish jeans and said calmly to his face. "I am going to kill you slowly and painfully." Luke got a very worried look on his face "but mummy you said it was wrong to kill" "NO!" Hallie butted in " she said it was wrong for us to kill." She gave her mum a big toothy smile that was gorgeously evil. Ally turned to her husband and picked up a newspaper which she proceeded to roll up "any objections, mattie?" she knew that she had ultimate control over him when she called him by his pet name. Matt shook his head and gave Jeff an equally evil smile. By this time both Luke and Hallie had also rolled up newspapers and the three advanced with their weapons held high. Jeff never stood a chance. He just lay on the floor and took it like a man. That is, until little Hallie gave an almighty war cry and hit him hard in the balls. Jeff tried to yell but no sound (that could be heard by humans) came out. Matt burst out laughing and held his sides to stop them splitting. Allison hated to be the punisher "Hallie Mya Hardy, come here at once." The little girl held her head as high as her weapon and proudly marched to her mothers side. When she saw the look on her mum's face, she began to explain herself. "Mongrelle told me if a man does something that you don't like hit him hard in the balls as hard as you can." Ally grabbed her baby in her arms and stood over Jeff. 'Man she looks miffed' Jeff thought. He hadn't heard the previous statement he had been nurturing his crushed balls but he now looked up to find himself surrounded and something told him they weren't playing anymore. Matt was furious, he wrenched Jeff to his feet by his throat. "Hallie," Matt said slowly "what did UNCLE Jeff do to you?" he shouted this in Jeff's face to emphasize it. "He didn't do anything to me daddy it was mummy he touched" said Hallie confused. Ally shuddered and tried to make sense of what her daughter had said. Matt shook Jeff till his head rattled and his nose bled. "When Hunny?" asked ally. Hallie was even more confused, "before a minute ago." "Yeah!" said Luke " he scared her when her grabbed her leg" Matt stopped shaking Jeff. He had made a dreadful mistake, he also when realization hit dropped his brother at his feet. Jeff was unconscious and his nose was still bleeding. "Daddy!" cried Luke horrified "you killed him" Matt froze and looked at his hands. Ally laughed "no Hunny he's just sleeping" she said scooping up her other baby. Matt was really freaked out "should we wake him and tell him?" Ally passed him the phone and the address book. "Nah, let just think you snapped, babe." She laughed again "so who wants pizza?" *3 hours later* Jeff awoke in a beautiful floral-quilted waterbed, wearing only his boxers; he was tired and sore. He could hear strange laughter and an oddly familiar feminine voice humming. 'Husky' thought Jeff 'oh.my.god!' he stared in horror at the doorway a long, shapely fishnet stockingclad leg caressed the doorframe, Jeff gulped. The leg was followed by a turquoise dressing robe. The girlish figure had a towel draped over 'her' face. Jeff didn't know what to think first his brother had snapped and throttled him to unconsciousness and now his brother's wife was going to give him a strip show. The mysterious figure, Jeff assumed to be ally, turned 'her' back to him and undid the robe. Jeff backed up to the headboard. The towel was ripped of the head and the robe dropped. Much to Jeff's relief the hurricane lunged at him. Jeff nearly didn't have enough time to yell, "SHANE HELMS GODDAMN! I'LL KILL YOU!" Shane landed on the bed next to him and batted his eyelids "what or who were you expecting Jeff?" hurricane teased. Jeff pushed him off and grabbed at his own trousers hanging from a chair. Shane was rearranging himself on the bed "so you wanna know what happened?" "No I don't I want to know what the hell you are doing here and who took off my clothes" he spun "it wasn't you was it?" Shane was lying provocatively on the bed wiggling his eyebrows. Jeff shook his head and found out quickly that he shouldn't have "OW!" and walked to the kitchen. "HEY! Someone who clearly hates to be ignored in here" Shane was now bouncing on the bed trying to remove the stockings. 'He is so weird' Jeff thought 'its no wonder he's dating Tygra' Jeff fixed himself a strong coffee and took some painkillers for his throbbing head. "Beep beep coming through. The hurricane number sixty nine turns around the bend and comes up for the final straight.hey where's my coffee?" Jeff strode up and looked Shane dead in the eye, he felt Shane pull back. "Well I thought a pretty girl-in-training like yourself could fix her own damn coffee" he looked down "and take off her own tights." Hurricane had been unable to roll down the tights so he had kept them on and hoped no one would notice. A key turned in the door, Shane dove over a table and yelled "BURGLARS!" Jeff laughed out loud. "Shane." He looked behind the table and was surprised to find Shane not there. "Shane?..Shane? Would burglars have a key?" "Maybe," Shane popped up behind him "maybe they're organized." Jeff justified this with the only response he thought appropriate "moron!" He pushed hurricane on his ass, on the sofa. "Uncle Jeff, Uncle Shane" the twins chorused stampeding into the living room. "Do you know these kids? I don't know these kids. Do you know these kids?" Shane was playing up to the kids and as usual they just ate it up. "Uncle Shane, it's me Hallie and this is Luke. You remember don't you?" Leaving Shane to wrestle the kids, Jeff tore through the house checking all hallways and rooms till he ran headlong into his brother. "Dude, I'm sorry 'bout the whole trying to kill you thing" Matt was trying to be sincere but Jeff was bouncing up and down like he had to go to the bathroom. "Second door on the left dude you know that." Jeff stopped jumping and glared at his brother. "Oh thank god you're here. I was just thinking I woke up half naked a minute ago what I really need now is sarcasm from the one that almost killed me." Jeff retorted. Matt wasn't happy "Touché" Matt pushed his brother away then pulled him close. "What's wrong is it the kids? Are they okay?" Matt looked at him funny "did you kill Shane?" Jeff rolled his eyes "I wish. what's he doing here anyway?" "It was Ally's idea she didn't want you to wake up on your own in an big, scary, empty house she thought you might call the cops on me or at least plant dynamite around my side of the bed. Ah speak of the devil" Ally walked in with a pizza box and a shitload of coats under her arm. "Matt this is very important I need to know.hi Ally" Jeff had never been more chuffed to receive a dirty look from her. " For something so very important you sure are easily distracted . Jeff?" Matt sighed his brother was lost. "Jeffrey Nero Hardy!" Matt managed to side step the fist that came his way shortly after his outburst and pinned Jeff to the ground. "Jeff. what?" Matt prompted. Jeff started slowly "I woke up and I was very nearly naked. Who took my clothes off?" Matt got off his brother and pointed in silence to Ally. Jeff stayed on his knees "NOOOOOOOO!" ally spun from the hanging hooks. Jeff was lying on the floor pretending to convulse. Matt could feel the cold glare he was getting from his wife she laughed at his guilty face "liar!" she slapped out at Matt playfully. "He did. He wouldn't let me" Jeff got up happily and looked relieved. Allison decided to play off it. "You should have seen what he wrote on your ass though." Jeff ran for the nearest bedroom with a mirror, Hallie's. Allison followed close behind with a camera. Jeff rushed into the blood red bedroom and bent over in front of the mirror to see the writing *FLASH* that wasn't there. Jeff pulled his pants back up and looked at the congregation at the door Ally had gone to put the camera away. But the rest of the family was there plus Shane of course. Shane surveyed the blood red walls of the room of the 3-year-old. "Um, Matt.has Hallie been spending time with Mongrelle?" Matt nodded "yeah I must admit I'm a little worried about that." Ally returned and Hallie took her mum's hand "we caught Uncle Jeff with his pants down" Hallie and Luke laughed. Ally nodded "that was definitely a Kodak moment!" Jeff sat next to Hallie's bed, looking like a scolded child, his hand under the bed searching. Allison realized what Jeff was looking for. "Hallie, Hunny did you empty the water pistol Mongrelle and Tygra gave you?" Hallie shook her head. "No and its called a super soaker" Jeff stood in front of them he had taken one of Hallie's black ribbons (another of Mongrelle's gifts) and tied it around his forehead. Rambo style. Jeff wiggled his nose and walked slowly over to his extended family "asta la vista baby" Jeff spent the rest of the night chasing his family around their house with Hallie's super soaker knowing that before long he would be on the road again. Going without seeing his precious niece and nephew for months on end and having to make the dreaded phone calls, the ones that always left him numb the ones that ended with . "I promise I'll come back soon." To be continued