Name in Lights

By: K-promises-fall

Summary: Paris has a problem, and the solution isn't coming as easily as she would like it to. Written in Paris' pov. Paris/Rory. :P

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls. If I did, the show would be very VERY different. BE HAPPY I DON'T OWN IT.

WARNING: The following contains yuri/ girl-girl / lesbo. Yeah… whatever you want to call it. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT THEN SHOVE IT! NO ONE'S TELLING YOU TO READ THIS!!!!

O O O

It's simple. Either what I am about to do, will end in disaster or glorious triumph. I keep telling myself that hoping that I'll some how believe it. I mean, it's not that big of a deal right? I've done harder things than this. I stare fear in the eyes and watch as it crumbles before me. Nothing gets to me, nothing. Except her... Ugh, who am I kidding? I'm pathetic. This was all her fault!! If she never got transferred to Chilton I wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't be stuck thinking about her perfect smile, her perfect laugh, her perfect sense of humour, her gorgeously perfect eyes and her overall perfect perfectness. See how much she affects me!!!!! Perfectness is not a word! I have a very extended vocabulary. I know words that most people would never hear in their lifetime, AND I know how to use them. I do NOT have to resort to making up my own words to get the point across! I am better than that. I said it before and I'll say it again, it's all her fault.

This incisive pathetic rambling of mine is probably confusing you. Normally I wouldn't really care, but this is a special case. I need to have someone understand what I'm going through right now. First off, my name is Paris Gellar. Straight A student, perfect attendance record, head debater at Chilton High, president and the main editor of the Franklin etc. etc. and, I am not afraid to admit it, the bitchiest person you will probably ever meet. I'm serious, mess with me and you will be going down so hard people will be scraping you off their shoes for the rest of your life.

Now for the object of my current discomfort. Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, better known as Rory. When I first met her she was the undeserving farm girl who was lucky enough to have good enough grades and rich grandparents. To put it simply, she was a threat. She dared to enter my territory. I would crush her. As time went by I am inclined to say that something went horribly horribly wrong, but to be honest, it went horribly right. Gilmore and I became... friends. It was unavoidable and it totally blindsided me. She was smart. Competition smart. Unlike Madeline and Louise, I could hold an intellectual conversation with her for more than 30 seconds without worrying about the topic shifting to boys or some other petty issue.

We were continuously paired up on assignments and had to work together on the Franklin. It didn't help any that Rory was a fricken' angel. She could never do wrong. She was nice, smart, funny, beautiful, and unlike me, she had a mother who was her best friend, and a boyfriend who she had a great time with. I'll admit it, I was jealous. You would be too if you had to live my life.

For a time, we just stayed friends. We were still rivals, but we were in the friends category as well too. That was when it happened. There was going to be a Romeo and Juliet production at our school. Of course, who else would be Juliet but Rory, and to my absolute HORROR, my crush, Tristan was picked to be Romeo, and I could do nothing because I was a damn understudy. Annoyed me? Yes it did, very much so in fact... but I got over it. Then Madeline and Louise came to me and showed me a tape of Tristan kissing Rory, and it wasn't the rehearsal kiss. My crush had a crush on my friend/rival. Said friend/rival still had a boyfriend, and this bad boy named Jess who was trying to take her from said boyfriend. One would think she had enough testosterone in her life already, and here she was kissing the one and only crush of my life. Was I pissed? HELL YES! I had put my trust in her and she broke it, she knew I liked him, and here she was kissing him while I had my back turned! How could she do that?

You would think that would be the end of our friendship, I did too. I was already going through what I would say to her when we met next. I would crush her. Then another part of me spoke up. A part of me that I was sure never existed until that moment in time. I was jealous. But I was jealous of the WRONG person! I was jealous of Tristan. Weird? Extremely. My brain actually froze when I noticed this bizarre feeling. My brain NEVER freezes. It's always going on and on and on. I almost missed Louise saying that they would make the tape public, but I stopped her. Trust me, that tape will never see the light of day again.

Now I had to get my mind around a totally different concept. The concept that I, Paris Gellar, a GIRL, had romantic feelings toward Little MISS Perfect, Rory Gilmore; AKA the golden child. I felt like I was now part of some sick and twisted play that Shakespeare wrote, and if he didn't he would have taken credit for it. The ghastly demon loves the righteous angel. The pauper loves the princess. My life just kept getting better and better. They could make it into a movie; put it up on the big screen and it would be a hit. What was worse, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to be with Rory Gilmore. Frightening thought. What was it I said in the beginning about staring fear in the eye? Because right now, I am as scared as I'll ever be and crumbling. Normally, I would have just ignored any and all feelings Rory unknowingly stirred within me (I WAS NOT A LESBIAN!!!!), but they just kept coming at me stronger and stronger.

I guess I could compare it to an earthquake. It started out small and ignorable but then everything just kept coming until it rocked my very foundations and I ended up getting a B in one of my subjects. I kept telling myself that like all earthquakes it would pass and I would be able to move on. But now I know better. I forgot one important detail, after the earthquake, after the calm, to expect a disaster that would leave me scarred for life. I forgot that during the calm the tide pulls back and then the tsunami comes roaring in. The tide had already pulled back and I could see the start of the enormous wave. I never learned how to surf... or swim for that matter.

Graduation is three days away, and I plan to tell Rory how I feel... today. Bad timing... would there ever be a good timing? Right now I'm in the Franklin office waiting for Rory to read the note I left in her locker and come to see me. A part of me wishes that she won't show, though I would be extremely disappointed that she didn't find me important enough to take a few minutes out of her day. But at least then she would have already given me my rejection and I could go on my way without having to worry about her knowing my deadly secret. I call it deadly, because it could be the end of me. Just the idea of her reaction of my confession stung deep within. I felt like crying. Another drastic change, Paris Gellar cries for no one!!!!!

I keep finding myself looking at the clock watching the slow progress the minute hand made, I was actually starting to think that Rory wouldn't come. I wasn't important enough, or she didn't get the message. She might have taken her books home with her... The door knob twisted and I could feel my breathing stop and my heart clench. Maybe it wasn't her. It could be the janitor or... or... Rory stuck her head in first and her eyes landed on me. "Paris?" She said it slowly as if unsure about something... maybe why she was here, heh, I couldn't blame her, I was wondering the same. The rest of her made its way inside and she locked the door. I tried to swallow the knot in my throat as she continued to look me straight in the eye while talking, "Is everything alright?" I could feel my heart beat faster when I heard the genuine concern in her voice. Okay, so she did care, at least somewhat. I managed to squeeze out an "everything's fine". Rory's eyes narrowed slightly. For a second I wonder if she caught my lie, but it didn't look like it. I think. "Okay then, so what did you need me for? Nervous about the graduation?" She was half right. I'm nervous... but it's not about graduation.

Rory looked confused for a second and she tilted her head slightly to the side. DAMMIT! She has no idea how cute that looks! She stayed like that for a while then said a silent "Oh" before sending a gentle smile my way. I am thoroughly convinced that she knows exactly what I want to say and simply wants to torture me to make it all the more painful. My heart rate wasn't slowing down for now. "You're nervous about going to Harvard?" Okay, that caught me off guard. I had completely forgotten about Harvard. This most definitely is proof of how badly Rory is affecting me. I have spent my whole life studying working hard being the best so I could go there. Harvard was my life... and I had forgotten the most important thing, the acceptance letter. Rory must have read my shocked face as a "yeah, how did you know" because she started talking about how everything would be fine and how I would do great there and fit right in.

My mind was entering full panic mode by now. My life, my dreams... I was forgetting about them because of Rory. Nothing like this was ever supposed to happen. This is a major shift in my path to victory, this is a major shift in me, and I don't think I'm handling this well. Did I ever used to breathe, it seems like so long ago now, another breathe would be good... Oh God I can't breathe!!!!!! "Paris!!" My head snapped up and there I saw the cause of all my problems.

Looking in her eyes I finally remembered how to breathe again. And with it I found the past solution to all my emotional problems. I couldn't help it, I snapped. "This is your entire fault, you know!" "What-" "Everything was perfectly fine before you came here. I was perfectly fine! If you hadn't shown up I wouldn't have to go through any of this! I did my best to keep you as far away from me as possible but you just kept coming back! And then through some weird convenience you actually became my friend! That was not supposed to happen! You should have hated me, whispered things behind my back, glared at me anytime we came face to face, but no! Little miss perfect just had to be in the good graces of everyone, includingthe most hated person in the school!"

I paused to catch my breath and Rory took this as an opportunity to get a word in. "Paris what are you talking about?" "I'm talking about me!!!!! Nothing is right with me anymore and it's all your fault." Again, "I didn't do anything." "Yes you did! You got in. No one was supposed to be this close to me and you got in. You messed up everything! Now I can't even concentrate. All I ever think about is you, and everything that has to do with you! Day in and day out! It's driving me crazy!" For a brief moment the thought came to me that people walking by outside the office could probably hear every word I was saying. I really and truly did not give a fuck. I was on a roll.

Rory was stunned, I took no notice and continued to get everything out. "It doesn't help that you're always there. Every time I succeed in getting you out of my thoughts you show up and I'm right back to square one! You have me confused and- and scared and feeling a whole bunch of other things I've never felt before and of which I had no interest in feeling. You're the problem Gilmore, with me you're always the problem and I'm sick and tired of not being able to solve it and get you out of my head!"

I was breathing hard now, and I'm ashamed to say I was crying too. Rory just stood there. I could tell that a lot of things were going through her head. Her eyes widened slightly with the realization of what I was implying. I didn't want to hear her ask that question. "Yes..." my voice was oddly quieter now and quivering too from the crying. "Yes, Gilmore; I love you. There I said it." For the next few minutes I couldn't look at Rory. I just started at the carpet while trying to stop my tears. Telling her was the easy part, waiting for her outcry of disgust and flat out rejection was the hard part- painful too.

Rory's feet interrupted my view of the carpet and I slowly willed myself to look up. She had a small smile on her face; it helped me to calm down slightly. To my surprise she hugged me. Of all the reactions, this was not one I was expecting. Did she pity me? I didn't want pity, but I couldn't bring myself to push her away. "That was all that was bothering you?" That was all? "You get this type of reaction often?" That was meant to be a cutting blow, but the soft quiver in my voice ruined it. "No." Then she pulled away and kissed me. "Just you."

I will say that what happened after that was absolutely none of your business. In a strange way- extremely strange, Rory felt the same about me... maybe not as much but the attraction was there. She told me that she had been thinking of breaking up with Dean for a while now. I shouldn't need to say that I was relieved. Of course people outside the office had heard everything I said, which resulting in us having to sneak out the window if we wanted to avoid a frenzied crowd of hormonal idiotic boys and dispassionate girls. And by the next day, the new of my confession was all over the school. Rory and I were continuously bombarded with questions and hate mail from your everyday homophobes. It was alright though. We ignored all notes in our lockers and changed our email addresses. I have no idea how pretty much the entire school got our old ones. It was annoying, in more ways than one. But we pulled through. We only had to endure 2 days of everything, and then make it through the graduation ceremony.

All in all, excluding Miss Gilmore's shocked but okay reaction to everything it all went okay. Right now, we're at the Gilmore mansion. Rory invited me to Friday night dinner. She was coming out to her grandparents. As much as I respect Mr. Gilmore, I was ecstatic about seeing his wife's reaction. It would most definitely be worth all the drama I went through.

­­ End

K: Uhhh… I was bored… This is what happens when my internet isn't working properly… I have NOTHING to DOOOOO!!!!! Cries pathetically. Review. I wouldn't mind.