A/N: I'm back! This is my very first attempt at Harry Potter fanfiction, so I invite you to look it over with an appraising eye as you read to see if I'm doing an alright job capturing the universe so far.
I have always been fascinated by the community's visceral hatred for Peter Pettigrew – no other, much more powerful villains are even close to as universally despised in this universe, save for perhaps Umbridge. Likely due to this disdain for his character, there are very few full-length fanfics that have Peter change his ways at any point in his life. I found this to be a rather sorry state of affairs, and thus opted to give this "Peter Redemption Fic" a shot.
It begins before he'd ever dream of betraying his friends, though he is still weak, pathetic, self-hating, and cowardly. I hope to explore the untapped potential of his character here, seeing what might happen if he tried his best to hold to the Light even in the face of insurmountable Darkness. I intend for him to change a great deal throughout the course of the story, and eventually I do believe he may develop some morality and a deeper appreciation for people besides himself, as well as the resolve to stand with everyone against the Dark Lord.
Thus begins my new fic: Rise of the Fourth Marauder!
For those of you who read my two other ongoing Shuffle! fics, please note that I haven't forgotten about them, I'm just experience severe Writer's Block.
Warning: In general, this fic will be fairly mild-mannered despite having an M-rating. However, this chapter and a few others will have some quite gory, disturbing content. There is a rape scene in this one, so feel free to skim over that particular section if you don't like reading such things.
Disclaimer: Though it should be obvious given the hundreds of thousands of fanfic authors who have written about this wonderful fiction universe before, I deny any ownership whatsoever of the property that is the Harry Potter franchise.
Rise of the Fourth Marauder
Chapter 1 – A Spoonful of Nightmares Makes the Sanity Go Down
I stared down my reflection with a frown, sickened by what I saw.
What is wrong with me? Everyone else always seems to just have their lives slide in place at all times…I have trouble just having the confidence to talk to even my very best mates.
And today is the day that I vowed to those same intimidating mates - nice, loyal, sure, but quite intimidating all the same with their obscenely perfect looks and nearly omnipotent mastery of spells – today is the day that I said I'd ask out Alice Fenten. If I was in her shoes today, looking at the overweight, anxious, sniveling arsehole of a kid that I'm looking at right now in the dorm bathroom mirror…I would turn me down and either laugh hysterically or shiver in fright at the idea. I rather felt I'd prefer her to shiver in fright, somehow – I've been laughed at far too many times in my life.
The other Marauders have always somewhat insulated me ever since they took me under their wing in my third year. I've always felt enormous gratitude for this, and it's only when I'm among the four of them that I enjoy people at all…I don't know how I could survive without them.
In general, though, I'm a guy who's always adored being completely, entirely alone. It's only then that I feel complete peace, and no longer have to be constantly attempting to look and act like anything approaching a respectable human being.
However, I'm alone now, and an ominous feeling has still covered me since I awoke. It's possibly due to my imminent embarrassment from surely getting turned down by Alice, the girl I've fantasized about holding in my arms since our first year. She has always been extremely sweet and understanding, not to mention incredibly adorable and fanciable. However, I can't help but feel that my magic is trying to warn me, as it sometimes does, that bad things in general will happen today. I can only hope that her complete rejection will be the worst of it.
"Orchideous," I casually cast, smiling with modest pride at the small bouquet that appeared from the tip of my wand despite my unease. I figure flowers can only help my cause. I am fairly certain that, no matter what, when my friends spot Alice today, they'll force me to ask her out at the earliest possible opportunity, so I have to be ready.
My first attempt at anything romantic that wasn't just in my head…was to be today. I gulped, sweat running down my meaty neck. This is terrible.
But I can't change it. Part of being a Marauder and a Gryffindor is sticking to your guns, your mission, and your promises, despite whatever urges you might have to run away screaming.
I quadruple-checked my clothes, my aromatic charms, my complexion, my hair, and my bladder before nodding in shuddering resolve. I know I'm completely doomed. But I'm going now to get this heartbreak over with – it's the price I have to pay for having such great mates.
I clenched my teeth and walked out to the common room, trying to project an aura of determination. My eyes skirted about, looking for Alice. To my chagrin, the adorable, curvaceous, sweet, angelic, PERFECT woman was seated on a couch beside her friends Mary MacDonald and Lily Evans.
The Marauders looked up at me and waved jovially. I'm trapped now. At least I can get it over with!
Blushing and sweating quite charmingly, I began ascending the steps from the boys' dorm when, like I'd been hit with a Jelly-Legs Jinx, my jittering legs gave completely out. Fear and horror filled my mind – there was nothing I hated more than public humiliation!
With a grunt and a whimper, I felt the entire Gryffindor Common Room's eyes on my bulky body as my head bolted straight down, cracking with audible pain on the steps. I tumbled down the rest of the stairs, my body shaking with ridiculous soreness from such a small fall.
I groaned, trying to hold back my tears as laughter enveloped the room. My life will never be something that comes naturally to me…I really do NEED someone to be there for me, someone who won't judge me…and neither my mates nor any girl could ever be that person for me. I am destined to be a broken marionette for the rest of my life.
As quickly as I could, I tried to stand up.
"Here, take my hand," a friendly voice said.
My vision unclear, I gratefully accepted Remus Lupin's offered hand and stood up next to him.
"Are you alright, Peter? That was an awful fall!" he murmured.
I blushed, feeling the whole room still looking at me with deranged amusement. Only Lily, Alice, and Remus seemed compassionate.
"Thanks, mate," I muttered, walking shakily over to the Marauder's corner.
"Graceful fall there, Wormy," James said with a smirk.
"Wasn't it, though?" I said tiredly. I ran my finger along my teeth and winced when I noticed that a couple had loosened during the fall. I'd have to have Madam Pomfrey check them out later on.
"So, ah, I couldn't help but notice that one Alice "Bubble Arse" Fenten is in the room with us," Sirius trailed off meaningfully as Remus took a seat next to him.
"Oh, piss off, Snuffles," I growled, feeling much more mutinous than usual towards the leaders of the Marauders. "Obviously we should make an exception at the moment, seeing how I just certainly lowered her opinion of me even lower than it likely already is."
"Right, but you see," Sirius said, leaning forward conspiratorially and beckoning me closer. "Alice Fenten, who has an incredible arsehole, in case you didn't know…"
"Please stop bringing that up," I sighed. Sirius had stolen away many young, willing witches' innocence since his reign began at Hogwarts. I wished he would have spared my crush from his insatiable appetite, like he had James', but I guess that my unlikeliness to ever capture Alice's eye factored in somewhat. As well as James being someone he respected.
"You can't make me!" Sirius sang, sticking his tongue out. "Anyway, the way I got her arse cupping my todger, see, is that she has a very compassionate heart beneath those supple knockers."
Remus groaned and hid his face in his book as James and I wrinkled our noses at each other in annoyance.
"So, if you go after her while she's feeling sorry for you, you just may get an invite to a broom cupboard with her voluptuous body." Sirius finished, smiling. "I must say, Wormy, I'm proud of your selection for your first prey!"
"I've had her selected since first year!" I groaned.
"But you didn't do anything about it, did you?"
"W-well, I tried, but…"
"Anyway, now you have an obligation to give her a shot," James spoke up with a friendly smile. "That's why we made this deal with you, Wormtail. If we don't do anything to you, you'll never actually come out and make a move on your own!"
"I-I might!" I said indignantly, but I knew they were right.
"Sure, sure, now, off you go!" James said, getting up and prodding me towards the girls.
"Remember, act pitiful and pathetic!" Sirius advised. "And try to look incredibly sexy while doing so! And only look at her baps with your peripheral vision."
"I'll try my best," I sighed. I paused a moment, called upon my hidden Gryffindor courage from deep within my chest, and strode forward with desperate insistence.
Sirius and James promptly began singing "For he's a jolly good fellow" before I turned around and violently signaled for them to cut it out.
Very aware that several eyes were still on me – didn't they have anything better to look at? – I made my way over to Alice's couch. I was startled when Lily abruptly stood up, stretching in a way that could only be described as incredibly sexy. I gulped. How am I supposed to be able to talk to beings as psychotically beautiful as these girls? The Ravenclaws in our year were the homely ones – perhaps if I was sorted there, I would have been able to stand my ground and talk with girls better in general. But no. I'd fallen in love with Alice Fenten.
And here I go.
As Lily suggested that they go down to breakfast, I cleared my throat squeakily. As she and the two seated girls looked at me curiously, I shakily walked around the couch so I could see Alice, my heart firing off like a thunderstorm.
"I, um…I-I-I, um…" I fidgeted, feeling for all the world completely nutters, "W-would it be alright if I s-s-spoke to Alice in p-p-private?" I said, my words sounding slightly like begging to my ears.
Mary looked at me like I must be mental, Lily smiled prettily, and Alice just looked confused.
"Just whose permission are you asking, Peter?" Lily grinned. "We don't control Alice's every move!"
I silently cursed her for making me ask the humiliating question again, but shakily made eye contact with the girl I'd desired for so long. As our eyes met, my body ran cold with shivers. I'm perpetually nervous in general, but I felt well and truly over the brink of panic then.
"Uh, Alice, c-c-c…"
She was kind enough to save me the humiliation and got up, moving to my side with a warm grin to me that melted my insides and made me uncontrollably giddy and completely unable to function at all. "Of course we can speak in private, Peter," she said in a delicate murmur that made my heart detonate repeatedly. "Go on down now, girls, I'll see you in a bit!"
Lily and Mary abruptly got up and left Alice standing next to me…VERY next to me, in fact…bloody hell.
"So, to what do I owe the honor of a visit from one of the Marauders?" she asked me coyly.
"Alice, I…" I took a deep breath. "Oh! Th-these are for you!" I exclaimed, shoving the bouquet I'd magically designed to her…noticing only after I did so that the flowers were looking a bit worse for the wear after I'd flattened them during my fall.
She giggled as I said, "Oh, crap! Um, Orchideous!" With a lavender-colored flash, I crafted a new bouquet for her, and handed it over. "Th-there you go," I said, with a slightly hysterical laugh. "Now you can have two bouquets, one only slightly buggered."
"You are too kind, sir!" she smiled. "Thank you."
Wow. WOW! She didn't react negatively! What do I do? What do I DO? I hadn't prepared for such an eventuality!
My teeth shuddering from my hyperactive nerves, I said, "A-a-a-alice, I…I have always found you to b-be one of the n-n-nicest, most amazing, and c-c-certainly most, um, uh, beautiful g-girls..." Her eyes widened in surprise. "W-w-wait, I mean, to me, you ARE the nicest, most amazing, and m-m-most beautiful girl, um…in, um…in Hogwarts." I ended with a sheepish smile.
Her mouth hung open for a bit before she recomposed herself, blushing slightly. That blush made my heart stop completely. I…ME, Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew made Alice bloody Fenten blush? I could now die happy. I was very tempted to stop now before I ruined things.
"Why, thank you, Peter – that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me!"
"So, um, s-so…" I looked at her in abject fear. I took one final breath and then said it, unfortunately loud enough for the entire room to hear: "Would you like to go out with me?"
I heard the Marauders whoop and cheer behind me, and I smiled briefly but kept my gaze focused on Alice's reaction.
"W-well, Peter," she said, quite red now, "I…I'm sorry but…"
A very, very bad sort of chill descended upon me.
No. No! I don't want to…I CAN'T hear what she's about to say! What do I do? Perhaps I can put her under an Imperius Curse? No, no, she probably would still find the resolve to hate me even if the Dark Lord himself Imperiused her to love me.
"I…I don't think I have those sort of feelings for you, Peter," she said, looking quite apologetic. Despair and gloom filled me as I stared blankly at her. "It's just…you know…I think you're a really sweet guy, I really do, and…"
My first and only love…hates me. I can read between the lines! She's just too damned nice and perfect to say it.
No dignity left in me at all, I collapsed to the floor, fell to one knee and bowed to her, genuflecting as low as possible. "Alice, please, I BEG of you! You are the only person I've ever loved! Please, just give me a chance! I promise I'll make you happy! I'll do anything you want!"
There was a long silence. I grimaced, listening hard for any reaction. My ears were wringing, my body shivering.
"Peter," she said, very seriously, "You aren't listening to me. I don't, and probably never will…have feelings for you. You don't want me to pity-date you, do you?"
"Of COURSE I do! Just having you in my life at all would be heaven!"
She crouched down in front of me and tipped my chin up. It was very, VERY difficult for me to not look up her skirt or at her shapely chest, but I tried as hard as I could to not betray her dignity with my eyes. "You're such a sweetheart, Peter, but…I'm at a place right now where I'm looking for someone who I want to be with forever…and I just know that that person isn't you. And you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them."
"I deserve? What on earth…have you SEEN me? I don't deserve anyone at all! I'm pathetic…" I stared at her with tear-rimmed eyes, struggling to keep my face from twisting into a sob. "I c-c-certainly don't deserve you, and I'm sure that's why you turned me down. I knew you would. I just knew it."
I got up then and grimaced, looking away from her deliriously beautiful, concerned face. "I'm sorry if I didn't handle this with the proper decorum," I said snidely. "You're the first girl I've ever asked out, you see."
"Peter, come here," she said, looking a bit upset. I didn't need to be told twice as she swept me up into an intimate embrace.
I'd only ever hugged my mother before.
But this was incredible! I could feel every delicate, perfect contour of her body pressed gingerly against my hideously overweight one. I tried my best to memorize the precise feel of her curves, her skin, her touch, and her pretty hair dangling against the side of my face.
She pulled away then, and once again I had to summon ALL my willpower not to look at her breasts. "I'll always be your friend, okay? I'm sorry things couldn't be different."
I nodded emptily. "Yeah, me too."
She kissed me on the cheek and smiled painfully beautifully as she walked out the portrait door, leaving me in my ruin. I turned around after a dejected, bashful moment and nearly collided with the 7th year Gryffindor Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Blimey, watch where you're headed, fatty!" he chuckled. "You wouldn't want to besot my incredibly alluring self with your floppy fat rolls, now would you?"
"Sorry," I said, bowing my head to him in apology.
"Chin up, you ugly blighter!" he sang, slapping me lightly in the face. "Do you know what I like to do when the ladies don't want to open their snatches for the most incredibly desirable man in the world?"
"…masturbate?"
"No, of course not!" he beamed. "I sing like the sexy piece of arse that I am! Allow me to demonstrate…"
"Lockhart, I'm really not in the…"
He ignored me and launched into a jaunty song, hopping around on one leg as he did so. "IIIIIIIIIIf you're down on your luck and you just don't give a fuck, and you're wallowing in the muck, then she's squirting – better duck! Then you…"
I regained my mental faculties enough to walk away from him as he continued to dance and sing while several Gryffindor women of evidently questionable intelligence stared at him with open desire. However, not two steps away, Lockhart abruptly shut up and skipped over to block my path back to my mates.
"I jest, I jest!" he grinned brilliantly. "Now then, clearly she didn't give you the whole story!"
"Why would I EVER possibly listen to you?"
"Because I was there the entire time, old chap! And I don't know if you noticed, but I am quite the Casanova with the lady types!" He shimmy-shaked his shoulders about with apparent delight. "Now listen, the lovely Miss Alice neglected to give you any solid reason for disliking you enough to not even give you a chance…"
"She said she just didn't like me," I said gloomily.
"No. One doesn't "just not like someone" to that extent without extra deterrents, dear boy! Do you follow? Most likely, she thinks you're fat and ugly to the point that you literally suffocate her desire. In addition, you never display any confidence whatsoever! And take it from someone who just exudes confidence like the scent of wild fig berries in the morning wind – ladies like a confident chap!"
I grimaced, realizing that he was probably right.
He patted me on the shoulder. "Normally I'd suggest that you should work on fixing those few problems…but I daresay you're beyond hope. Do yourself a favor and don't even try to make a move on any other women that aren't cross-dressers, savvy? It'll only save you heartache in the-URGH!"
James clocked him in the face, causing the older boy to fall flat on the ground, dazed. I smiled appreciatively at my awesome mate but my eyebrow started twitching as several fawning girls swooped down and tended to Lockhart.
"Bloody hell, that guy's annoying," James muttered, rubbing his knuckles.
"I'm sorry about Alice, Peter…it seemed like you gave it your all." Remus told me sympathetically.
"Yeah, err…I was hoping you'd be able to experience the awe and wonder of her naked body," Sirius put in with a glinting smile. "She would've been a great first for you."
I glared at him a moment, but I looked back down at the floor after a moment. "Well…at least…now I don't have unrealistic expectations."
The group was quiet for a second. When I looked up, I noticed that something had changed. The three of them had put my rather nightmarish morning out of mind, and had moved on to the normal topics of conversation – precisely, anything that didn't involve me. Quidditch, Lily, food, pranks…ordinarily I enjoyed listening to their glorified dialogue and attempting to get a word in edgewise. But not today.
I decided to go back to the dorm and hole up there for day, and was approaching the stairs when I heard Remus say "Peter? You coming to breakfast?"
I sighed, turning to look at them with my watery eyes. "I'm…good, today, thanks."
Remus nodded, sympathy in his eyes. "I understand. Would you like me to take notes for you in class?"
"That would be very much appreciated," I grinned with relief. "Thanks, Remus!" I smacked right into a pole sticking out of the staircase rail as I turned back around, to the snickers of some nearby students.
For a long time, I lay sprawled on my bunk, eyes wide open. I never expected anything different to happen today with Alice. So why do I feel even more worthless than usual?
I sighed, unable to avoid my thoughts – a ratlike voice, which sometimes talks to me in my head, kept insulting every little thing about me.
You should've made an excuse and ran away like the little coward you are. You should have known that a goddess like Alice would never deign to lower herself to you!
I know…I know…I know…
You're hideous.
Can't argue with that.
Never try to match the others, you'll never amount to anything.
They are far too incredible…better just to keep making sure they tolerate me.
You're incredibly stupid.
Hey, that's not true! I could be smarter if I tried to apply myself!
You have no spine.
My back is indeed made out of rubber.
You're so pathetic, you can't even fly a broom!
I don't see how anyone CAN balance on those things!
You're a pervert. The only lover you'll ever have is your own hand.
Ouch! But true on both counts, though I don't want it to be so.
Your acne is terrible.
It's not THAT bad!
You sweat more than any spell could ever cure.
…yeah.
No amount of cologne could cover up your smell.
Do I really smell that bad?
You can't control your bladder when you're nervous!
That was only…um…four times! But, you're right…no one will ever forget that…I'll always be ridiculed by anyone who knows of those times…
You'll never live up to your family name. No one even likes you, amongst all your relatives!
…well, at least they pretend to.
Look at you, skipping class when it's the only way you could improve yourself!
I don't have the will to go today…
You're weak willed!
Tell me about it.
Everyone who has ever known you will never take you seriously, forevermore.
…
You, Peter Pettigrew…are a failure. You're even worse than a failure…
You are NOTHING.
I am nothing. That's what am I. I'm just a whisper of a person, never striving to be or achieve anything.
Reality began wavering as thoughts emptied from my mind. I finally knew stillness…
The silence morphed and took my dazed mind through a mass of colors and images. I lost track of the passage of time, letting my mind wander through astral planes, golden spheres of bizarre designs, and infinite emptiness itself.
Some time later, I felt a curious presence that was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I've always had a vague awareness for people and their auras…and this presence felt…musty…old…alien…and somehow both frightening and comforting at once.
"Who…who's there?" I moved my lips. All I could see was darkness and a few golden equilateral triangles floating about. I couldn't feel the ground at all. Where the hell was I? Certainly not in Hogwarts anymore.
"Hello, young kit," I FELT something say. I didn't hear it at all. I just comprehended its words with my body. "My title is Avaxeous. You would do well to commit it to memory."
I couldn't see this Avaxeous' shape whatsoever, but I could sense it. Somehow, I realized it was masculine, but also feminine. It carried with it a number of auras that I'd never felt before.
Neither of us communicated with the other for a long moment. I struggled to think with my sluggish mind before deciding upon saying "What can I do for you?"
"Very good. You have a servant's heart, young kit. And you have the power to prevent great tragedy. Now, observe."
While I disagreed fundamentally that I had any power with which to do anything, I kept my mouth shut and looked on as the blankness of astral space gave way to a vivid scene in front of me.
In the moving image, I saw myself…or, to be precise, I saw an older version of myself bowing to an eerie figure who was deathly pale…and who had glowing red eyes.
"The Dark Lord," I realized aloud in awe and fear. I realized that this may be the future…though the fact that the future me was bowing at all to that thoroughly wicked creature was sickening. Surely I would never willingly bow to such a person! But the scene moved to show my arm, which was quivering profusely, as the Dark Lord said, in a calm though vaguely enraged voice. "And you, Wormtail? Do you desire to commune with my Brotherhood of Purity and Darkness?"
"I d-d-do desire it," the future me said, causing me to gasp and pale in horror. What the bloody fuck? How could ANY version of me possibly say such a thing?
"Will you serve me and me alone for the rest of your life?" the Dark Lord continued, looking bored and contemptuous.
I better not! Ask for death first! Kill yourself now, you miserable prick!
"I will be your loyal slave for all time, my master, even in death."
I screamed disjointedly from horror and a complete lack of any grounds on reality! It couldn't be true! It wasn't possible! Yet…I felt…watching those, I somehow understood, perhaps with Avaxeous' assistance, that they were things that were to happen in my own lifetime.
After I'd calmed down a bit, still seething as I viewed the Dark Lord brand me with a Dark Mark, the scene changed.
I was now viewing a town lit up with a strange blue hue. Bizarre flames the color of a bluebird feathers wrapped all around the village. Everything was deathly quiet.
One Death Eater stood in the middle of the street, in front of a shaking redhead girl whom I didn't recognize. Lily? No…it wasn't her…but I still felt drawn to her somehow.
"Don't Peter!" she pleaded, making my blood run cold with terror. I'd never heard a woman so upset say my name before…it wasn't an experience I wanted again. I could hear the fear and betrayal that she felt towards me in her words. "You're better than this."
"And I will continue to grow in power," the Death Eater version of myself told her from behind his mask. "Goodbye, Tessa. Avada Kedrava!" The girl began to cast a Protego Horribilus to block it, but was too late…I watched with violent distaste and self-hatred as the girl collapsed to the bloodstained ground, now no more than a pile of bones and organs.
I had never seen a dead person before, and by the time I brought myself back to watching the vision, I realized the future me – Death Peter, I'll call him – was heading hurriedly towards the sound of loud screaming. Death Peter seemed deeply distraught, and I certainly was…the person screaming sounded like she was being raped.
And I was disgusted to see, when Death Peter turned the corner, that Lucius Malfoy had a girl under some sort of rope-binding hex and was having his way with her in the middle of the alley.
"Please, help…whoever you are! PLEASE! NO!" the girl exploded with stark, insane terror. She had brilliant, gorgeous white hair, despite looking no older than twenty. But her beauty was made quite disturbing by the predicament she was in. Lucius had covered her innocent, delicate body with freshly-bleeding gashes, and her breasts were punctured by hundreds of needles.
I had never seen a naked woman before…and I couldn't help staring in innocent fascination…but the scene proved too grotesque for me to handle. As Lucius continued raping and torturing the suffering girl, I couldn't help vomiting from sheer inability to mentally cope with what I was seeing.
"Quiet, you!" Lucius drawled, sounding far, FAR too happy for this situation. "Sectumsempra! Sectumsempra! Sectumsempra!" I was unable to keep watching as the curse repeatedly flayed her alabaster body, ripping gallons of blood from her.
Death Peter seemed quite disturbed. "Stop, Lucius!" He commanded. I was somewhat proud of myself – even as a Death Eater, I hadn't sunk low enough to tolerate that. "You can't do this! She's a pureblood!"
"Don't presume to tell me what I can or can't do, Wormtail!" Lucius hissed at Death Peter. As he continued to hump her from behind amidst her ragged screams, he grabbed her needle covered breast and squeezed, stabbing them further in. Her moans went up several octaves to screeches.
"PETER! PETER! HELP! HEEEELP MEEE!" the white haired victim screamed.
"Go! Kill him now!" I demanded of my future self.
"Verdimillious!" Death Peter cast, summoning a lance of green energy that arced toward Lucius menacingly. Without even stopping humping her, Lucius waved his hand and redirected the energy away from him.
"Crucio!" Lucius cast on the girl, and her body shook violently, blood foaming out of her mouth and erupting from all her open gashes.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah," he murmured, picking up his pace as the girl continued to fall apart at the seams.
"Sectumsempra! Aqua Eructo! Avada Kedrava!" Death Peter cast at Lucius in quick succession. He brought up a few shields to block them.
He chuckled wryly. "You are too weak, Wormtail. I would punish you, but you are just so hilariously inept that it wouldn't even matter." He then silently cast an Entrail-Expelling Curse on the beautiful lady, effectively making her a shell of skin and bones, without any organs left. Her intestines and all attached organs burst forth out her belly as blood poured out from her mouth and every other inch of her. Her face was purple now, and she kept gasping but couldn't seem to get any air.
"Ahh…I always like to finish with that. You might try it sometime," Lucius said as he pulled out, his own penis covered in her blood. Death Peter shuddered as Lucius proceeded to Sectumsepra her quivering husk of flesh repeatedly until she was clearly dead.
I began weeping uncontrollably for this girl I'd never met before…my feelings were exploding in a hundred different directions.
The scene changed, showing me back at the Dark Lord's side.
"What news, Wormtail? Where are they hiding the boy spoken of in the prophecy?" the red-eyed echo of a man asked me in a slimy voice.
A boy in a prophecy? What the hell was he on about? Regardless, I felt rather relieved that there didn't look to be any visceral rapes in this vision. I also found something about the Dark Lord disturbingly enticing. I listened in to hear what my older self had to say.
He hesitated for a few seconds, before saying, "M-m-my lord, they live in Godric's Hollow in West Country, England. The-the-the Potter cottage is there."
My eyes widened. Did…did I seriously just deliver James to the Dark Lord on a silver platter?
"Ahh…perfect." The Dark Lord looked quite pleased, and visibly relaxed. "Let us nip this troublesome little prophecy in the bud, shall we? I daresay the Chosen One will have a difficult time slaying me from the grave!"
All the Death Eaters and my future self laughed politely. I found myself thinking furiously, looking intently at everyone I could see in the vision. There were only four Death Eaters whose faces I could see – Death Peter's, Lucius', Bellatrix Black's, and Snape's. I growled, beginning to tire of these visions. The Marauders and I could kill them all now, before any of this happened!
The scene changed again, and I had a feeling that I wouldn't enjoy this vision much at all. I winced as a slightly older James Potter opened the door with a "Hullo?" only to come face-to-face with the towering form of the Dark Lord.
"Protego Maxima!" James cast, evidently ready for an attack.
The Dark Lord counterattacked with a bright, bluish-white bolt that illuminated the entire street. James staggered backwards, his brief shield completely vaporized.
"Expelliarmus! Stupefy! Duro!" James managed to send out the three almost simultaneously, but the Dark Lord wordlessly absorbed the spells before smirking and silently casting a purple slash of fire that hit James and knocked him out cold.
"Transmogrify!" the Dark Lord cast with almost a chuckle of amusement in his voice.
James seemed unprepared for this spell, and I felt my stomach drop as I watched my loyal, compassionate mate drop to the ground and begin screaming high-pitched in torturous pain - quite unlike his normally stoic self.
"James!" I heard a feminine voice cry out from above, in the scene. I winced, feeling even guiltier now – he had a girl with him…and a son, probably, given the conversation in the last scene.
I watched with watery eyes as the Dark Lord grinned ferally upwards. The girl must have been looking down at them from a staircase. "And the ugly mudblood wretch makes her entrance! How droll! I'll be with you in a minute, luv!" the Dark Lord said evenly, clearly enjoying himself.
"Lily – RUN! Get away!" James said desperately between spasms, although it barely sounded like him. His body was changing shape in grotesque ways, causing him clearly intense pain.
Lily, huh? I felt a brief surge of happiness for James – apparently at some point he was finally able to be in a relationship with the one girl he'd ever cared about. But I felt rather complicit in the Dark Lord being here with them, likely to kill the beautiful couple…even though it was my future self who turned them in…I still felt sickened and horrified that I could ever do such a thing.
With a wave of his wand, the Dark Lord raised the now unrecognizably twisted form of James Potter into the air and proceeded to use another silent spell to rip James in half at the torso, blood fountaining from him. "Expulso," the Dark Lord said cheerfully, chuckling to himself as what was left of James exploded into a liquid state with a deafening crack. "You were an amusing pureblood whelp to slaughter, Mr. Potter," the Dark Lord informed the blood that coated the entire room. "I hope your fellows in the Order of Phoenix provide as much enjoyment. Now! On to the main event!"
I watched with despair as the Dark Lord stomped up the steps with a sinister smile on his steps. So help me, if he torture-rapes Lily too, then I might as well shoot myself in the head! I can't think of anything I'd rather see less.
"Stay back! Don't hurt my Harry!" Lily warned, looking even more vibrant and gorgeous than she currently did at school. My breath actually hitched from how heavenly she looked. James was a lucky man…before…
"He won't feel a thing, my dear," the Dark Lord said. "I'm afraid, however, that his death is non-negotiable."
"I'll die before you touch him," Lily cried out, grief strangling her angelic voice.
The Dark Lord continued, ignoring her. "I have been asked to preserve your life, however, and I'd be happy to do so, seeing as you couldn't possibly be a threat to me. Apparently one Severus Snape fancies you enough to beg for me to spare you."
"Expecto Patronum!" Lily cast the charm, producing a beautiful crystalline doe.
"Very nice," the Dark Lord complimented mockingly before dissipating it with the wave of his hand. "I am invincible, you know. Why not embrace the coming of a new era? You are newly single, after all! Why not offer your sexual services to my noble and quite loyal servant Mr. Snape? I guarantee you'd be loved and well cared for!"
Lily hiccupped in grief, holding a shaky wand to him. "Please don't…please…take me instead, and spare Harry's life!"
The Dark Lord rolled his bright red eyes. "Leave it to a mudblood to be hopelessly moronic. Oh well. Avada Kedrava!" she let out a bloodcurling scream and fell to the ground, quite lifelessly. I shuddered and vomited again at the sight. He watched her for a moment before shrugging , walking over to the crib, and stomping violently on her skull a few times in a seemingly random fit of rage. Once her cranium was sufficiently shattered, he held Harry aloft and pinned his wand to the infant's forehead.
The scene changed again. Any relief I might have felt at narrowly avoiding viewing James's son's probable murder was soon cut short as I realized a much, much older Sirius was in a dark, indoor room with a stone floor, dueling wordlessly and very rapidly with an also much older Bellatrix. Both looked quite mentally disturbed, and I gathered that the slaughter of James's family was likely the cause of Sirius's apparent grief and mental trauma. No evidence of my wisecracking, supportive playboy mate was discernible in the man. As they dueled, I looked around for familiar faces and caught a glimpse of an also-haggard looking Remus. Good…he had survived this long. I didn't see myself anywhere…and I somewhat hoped I'd died by this point…I rather disliked this version of myself.
I saw Sirius gradually get more confident, but I winced and somewhat saw it coming when his cousin managed to hit him with a Killing Curse. I looked away from the frighteningly lifeless look in his eyes as he fell backwards through a swirling arch of some kind of energy.
I was a bit startled when the scene changed yet again. Why the hell was this future so TERRIBLE?
This time, I had to squint my eyes to see what was happening – there were figures wrestling on the floor of a lightless dungeon. Another, a boy whose red hair was discernible even through the darkness, looked on silently. I wondered at first why they weren't fighting with magic, but realized that they must all have been stripped of their wands.
I then noticed that one figure on the ground had a shimmering silver hand. After my eyes adjusted, I realized, with some disgust, that one of the two was Death Peter, but he looked much, much uglier and more decrepit than usual. He was actually so hideous that it was terrifying. I shuddered but looked on, wondering why this hopeless version of myself was even fighting a child at all.
"Don't, Wormtail…remember your friends!" the boy said, struggling admirably against the vice grip of Death Peter's silver hand. I looked at my future self with disgust. Where on earth had I gone wrong? It would have better if he'd died a long time ago.
"Quiet! The Dark Lord will reward me for finishing you, Potter!" Death Peter growled, dodging the kid's punches and kicks as he continued strangling. I supposed this boy must be some relative of James' – which would explain why the kid was trying to appeal to Death Peter's former allegiance with his family.
"You…owe me…a life debt…Wormtail…" Potter grounded out.
"I don't owe you any-"
"You would be dead if I hadn't stopped them from killing you! You know this!" Potter coughed painfully.
Death Peter hesitated, quite obviously, for a moment, during which the silver hand abruptly dropped Potter's neck and crunched upwards around his own neck.
I had by now caught on to the theme of these visions, and was hardly surprised that I was to watch my future self perish. Unlike the others, I felt a kind of sick fascination at seeing my own demise – Death Peter certainly deserved it.
So as droplets of blood spilled out from Death Peter's neck and the two kids attempted to pull the hand off him (quite kindly of them, actually, considering he'd just been trying to murder one of them), I just looked on intently. What I was watching was justice for the betrayal of James. Memorizing the pain and horror on Death Peter's face would be something I'd use from now on to remind myself of just what could happen if I made all the wrong choices in life.
I decided, once and for all, that this would not be me…no matter what.
I had half expected the series of visions to be over, but now found myself in a place I recognized very well – the Shrieking Shack. Instant contentment rushed over me just from being here – it was in this building that I had first known true friendship between me and my mates. Endless fond memories rushed through me, and I used the positive feelings to brace myself for the likely horror I was about to witness.
Expecting to watch Remus's demise, I was surprised to look about and see only an older Severus Snape and someone I assumed to be the Dark Lord, although his appearance had changed monstrously since I'd last seen him at Godric's Hollow.
"Let me find the boy…I know I can find him, my Lord. Please."
I stared at the older Snape in surprise. He looked like he'd taken far better care of himself than the future versions of Sirius, Remus, and I…he actually looked much more noble and graceful than he'd ever looked in my world. I wondered if he had prospered due to serving the Dark Lord…but that didn't explain why Death Peter was in such a sorry state. Perhaps Snape just blossomed later in life.
The Dark Lord, unfortunately for Snape, didn't seem moved by the appeal. "I'm sorry, Severus, but you must do this one last task to serve your Lord. You have been an adequate servant."
"No…" Severus whispered, gripping his wand.
"Goodbye." The Dark Lord cut sideways with his wand, ripping a gouge through Snape's neck which splashed the whole of the Shrieking Shack with his splattered blood. "Feed, Nagini," the snakelike man said, waving a hand at an enormous monster of a snake that had been coiled in the corner. The beast launched itself at the man who had so often been the Marauders' victim, feasting on him like it was starving.
It was certainly unpleasant to watch, and I felt a little bad for him getting betrayed by the man he'd sworn allegiance to. But he had surely committed countless sins as a Death Eater, and I'd never much liked the bloke anyway, so my horror was somewhat muted. No one wants to watch a person get devoured by a mini-basilisk, however. I did wonder why Avaxeous chose to show me this particular vision. I suppose it had its reasons.
The last vision placed me inside Hogwarts, which looked much the same as it did today…besides the fact that corpses littered the stairs. There must be a battle here in the future…likely connected with the Dark Lord's presence in the Shrieking Shack.
It certainly didn't look like the Hogwarts side was winning, judging from the number of dead students strewn throughout the place.
I felt quite emotionally distant, now, but braced myself when I noticed Remus Lupin dueling a hairy Death Eater on a staircase that seemed content to swing around in midair. It almost seemed to be attempting to dislodge the wizards riding it.
I didn't want to see Remus die…even more so than I didn't want to see Sirius or James, I realized. I wondered why, since I'd always privately feared him for being a werewolf. I suppose it was due to the fact that he had always been one of the kindest people in my life, even in the throes of his hairy little problem. He'd never fail to give our victims a compassionate look, and would always offer to help out anyone who was needy or alone. He was…a great man, I realized, now that I understood I was about to see him die.
"I don't want to watch this," I mouthed.
"This is the future. You must watch," I felt Avaxeous respond.
As this being seemed incredibly powerful, I decided it would be best to follow its instructions, despite my grief.
Sure enough, the Death Eater soon put Remus on the defensive and faked him out with a few wordless spells before hitting him with a quick Killing Curse. Tears dripped from my eyes once more as I watched his lifeless corpse tumble down the stairs, the Death Eater kicking it in amusement as it rolled past.
The vision stopped abruptly and I found myself floating in darkness again, but for a few golden triangles spinning about me.
"Now you know what will be, young kit," Avaxeous told me, seeming to confirm my theory about these being visions of the future.
"Why?"
"I do not understand your question," I felt it say. "Do with your life what you will."
"Peter! Peter Pettigrew!" I heard a very quiet voice say from somewhere far, far above this black, golden realm. It seemed urgent.
Curious, I tried to focus on this voice.
As I did so, I suddenly erupted from the void-like realm and back into reality. My head was spinning and the voice was deafeningly loud now, like it was under a Sonorus.
"Peter, wake up! Are you alright?" Lily Evans' voice flattened me.
"Yes, yes, please stop screaming!" I winced. My ears rang with a high pitched note, making my eyes water, and I felt incredibly nauseous.
"Oh, good!" After a moment, I turned to look at her, shakily. She continued, "You vomited in your sleep."
I turned my head to my right and, sure enough, my sheets and bed were matted with a cake of vomit…I think from when I saw Lucius…I shuddered at the memory.
"You're lucky you did it to the side," she said, gently, "rather than choking on it. Do you feel alright now?"
"I don't think…I'll ever feel alright again," I shivered, wrapping the filthy blankets around me. I was basically in a state of shock about everything I'd just experienced.
"I'm really sorry about Alice," Lily said in a hushed voice. "It's too bad she wouldn't give you a try."
"Alice?...Oh. Oh, right." I had completely forgotten about the reason I came up here. That whole fiasco seemed so trivial now…even my earlier despair seemed like a waste of energy. I had seen too much…I would have never wanted to see someone die in any scenario, and I'd just seen all my friends…
I lurched forward again, vomit spewing out from my throat.
After a moment of silence, Lily cast "Tergeo!" and I felt the vomit slip off my face and bedding into nothingness.
"Thanks," I croaked, struggling to sit up and look at her. "Er…wh-what are you doing in here anyway?" It was a little strange and comforting to see her alive again…I felt rather ominous, however, about what was to come in her not-too-distant future. Merlin knows I would like to change things…
"Well…I came to find you and bring you to Potions." Lily said, crossing her arms and leaning her weight on one leg. "Seeing as you didn't attend Herbology this morning, I assumed you were planning on skipping classes for the day in light of Alice rejecting you. However…you seem to not be feeling very healthy."
I very briefly checked her gorgeous body out, as I often did, but was surprised to see that I felt quite disgusted at the very idea of thinking of her sexually. I wonder if it had something to do with watching that rape…or perhaps just watching her get killed…or witnessing her actually being married to James.
I nodded my head twice dumbly. "M-maybe I should go see Madam Pomfrey."
"Yes, but…" Lily looked a little intent on reaching some sort of conclusion. "Today is the day Professor Slughorn is pitting the two best Gryffindors against the two best Slytherins! And you're the best Potioneer in our year besides Severus and myself!" I could see her competitive streak flash in her gorgeous green eyes. I now understood what she wanted from me.
Potions is the one subject that I seem to have a knack for, although Slughorn never seems to acknowledge me…he appears to think I'll never amount to anything of value. Lily and the rest of the Marauders, however, have all said I'm a fair Potioneer.
I sighed. "How m-m-much time till P-p-potions class begins?"
Looking excited, she clasped her hands together and smiled. "In twenty minutes."
I nodded. "Er…let me shower right quick…I'll m-m-meet you down there, alright? It'll be the one class I go to today."
"I'll wait in the common room!" she beamed. "I hope you feel better soon!"
"And Lily," I said quietly, "please don't come in here uninvited. You never know if we'll be decent or not."
She wrinkled her nose in apparent distaste at the resulting mental picture. "Good thinking."
As I walked to the bathroom and quickly stripped for my shower, I realized with much confusion that Lily had evidently been watching me sleep for a bit. I wonder why?
After I took a brief shower and tripped down the stairs to meet her, we began the long descent to the dungeons.
"So, I'm really sorry about Alice, Peter. I can put in a word for you, if you want!"
"I, um…it's okay, you don't need to bother," I said with a nervous smile. "She clearly…"
"…isn't thinking things through logically." Lily ran a hand through her incredible hair, looking like a professional model at every single moment. "Love is just like any other subject. You can make sense of it by looking at it from a detached, logical point of view."
I nodded dazedly, and vaguely listened to her go on about her theories on love. My mind could NOT get the grisly images that I'd witnessed out of my head. Death Peter had betrayed them…and directly killed some redhead girl. Lucius…is a complete monster that needs to be ripped into shreds for what he did to that poor girl. I don't know if I can ever unsee what he did to her. I certainly can't stop seeing her body in precise, macabre detail with every step I take. It's driving me mental! I always used to try and picture the naked bodies of any girls who'd walk past me, but when I try that now after seeing what Lucius did, I just feel horrible and sickened at myself. And then Lily and my friends, and even Snape…all dead…
What do I do now? Perhaps I should pay more attention in Divination. I have absolutely no knowledge on how to handle having seen these visions.
What are some absolutes, then? Things that I can for sure take away from this?
Hmm…
For one, I now know that, in the future, I apparently become a Death Eater, betray my friends, murder innocent people, and remain hideous and pathetic until the day I die. Sirius, Remus, Snape, and the mysterious white-haired girl all seem to be murdered without any input from my traitorous actions, however.
The question is…how fluid is the future? Can I alter any of these events? I don't see why not. For the Death Eater one, it'd be just as easy as saying "No. I'd rather die," or not being in that predicament in the first place. I could also just off myself here and now, couldn't I? That could prevent some of these events from happening. Not all, but some. And it certainly would change the future, wouldn't it? I didn't really fancy ending my life, but at least I could take a risk and allow my friends to live a better life.
But the Dark Lord would still be out there, wouldn't he? It looked like he was winning in the future, and quite capable of murdering my friends anyway.
Perhaps Avaxeous showed me these visions because it wanted me to do something to prevent the Dark Lord from carrying out his reign. If I killed myself without first trying to stop the Dark Lord, then I would have done nothing to stop the bleakness of the future from happening. Right? Clearly, everything is dark and ruinous in those visions – there must be SOMETHING I can do to change that fate from becoming reality. But even with the small pieces of information I do have…what kind of edge could that possibly give me or my friends? The Dark Lord seemed entirely untouchable and nearly omnipotent…
I looked to Lily, who was now discussing the Charms homework from last night with me as I kept nodding to her and grunting disinterested responses.
I suddenly thought of someone who would most likely have a use for my information.
Dumbledore. He would surely be able to help!
Thus resolved to pay a visit to the Headmaster after class, I dazedly tried to enter back into Lily's conversation as we continued our descent to the dungeon.
I froze on the way down one swinging staircase that had new significance to me.
Lily stopped chatting and looked back when she noticed that I was no longer with her. "Peter? What's the matter?"
I grimaced, eyes pinned on the spot where Remus received the Killing Curse. Like me, he had never been a remarkable duelist…I wonder why he even bothered to try dueling with a Death Eater. Surely he knew he was throwing his life away! So that meant he'd found something he was willing to become a martyr for…but would such a meaningless death really help anyone?
Unlike my death, if I were to kill myself. I'd guarantee a number of people would survive, right? Though, something else might cause their deaths in my stead. So nothing is really certain. The Dark Lord would surely still have us all killed in some manner.
So, no. Martyrdom is not the answer, I believe.
I realized Lily was waiting for my response.
"Um…I was just thinking about…martyrs…"
"Really? Why now, all of a sudden?"
"When I was asleep just a bit ago, you know, um…I had a dream where, if I killed myself, I could lengthen my friends' lives by just a little."
"Ah…so that's why you've seemed so distant today." Lily said, nodding in comprehension. "I thought you were just crushed from Alice's rejection."
"Yup." I said, simply.
"Was I one of the friends whose lives would be lengthened by your suicide?" Lily said without a trace of seriousness in her voice. Clearly she didn't put much stock in dreams…I wondered what she would do if she were the one to have seen the visions? I doubted she would believe me if I told her what I saw. I'd very likely lose what little respect she had for me if she thought I believed in their validity.
"Yes, actually."
"Well, I'll have you know that I'd rather have you alive and well than give me any amount of added time to live, Peter," she said, smiling gently. "Please don't ever consider killing yourself, even if it's on someone's behalf. You would hurt everyone more by doing so."
"Yeah? Like who?" I muttered.
"Sometimes people don't realize how much they value someone until they're gone. So, the fact that they do value you at all should be enough for you to want to stay alive." She walked up and clasped her tiny hand in my plump, sweaty one. "I would be hurt by your death, Peter. Especially if you did it for me."
I blushed and nodded in understanding. "Th-thank you, Lily."
"OI!" James called from the bottom of the stairwell where Lupin died. I jumped and quickly dropped Lily's hand. "Sorry to cut short your bloody tryst here, but we've got a contest about to start down in Potions!"
Lily crossed her arms. "We were having a deep conversation, Potter." She spat his name like an insult. "Something you could never comprehend. And you shouldn't blame us for your own incompetence in every single subject."
"I am very competent, Evans!" James contradicted her. "Especially in deep conversations, for your information."
"Oh, spare me," Lily groaned. "A deep conversation for you would likely involve how DEEP you can stick your wand up your own arse!"
I chuckled at this.
James fumed. "I'll have you know it doesn't go very far up my arse at all! Not that I tried it or anything." Lily and I giggled to each other. "NOW! You two lovebirds better race down there before Padfoot and Alice get stuck being our representatives."
"Sure thing, Prongs!" I saluted him. "And it was nothing, don't worry."
James eyed me dangerously, mouthing the words 'Off' and 'Limits,' to which I mouthed 'I bloody know.'
I took comfort in the fact that I was very much back in the present as I listened to James and Lily berate each other all the way down to the dungeons.
A/N: Hello all! I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! As this is my first foray into the world of HP fanficdom, please let me know what worked for you and what didn't! And absolutely feel free to correct any technical inaccuracies; I'm very willing to go back and change anything, especially since this is just the first chapter. And I'd really like to know what parts you liked in the chapter, in particular – this will be useful for knowing what kinds of scenes to focus on in future chapters. :)
I also welcome one-word reviews, if that's all you have time for! :) I know you're a very busy person, and may not have the time or the frame of mind to write an in-depth analysis of the work so far – just a tiny review will make my day. Even if it's negative, lol.
I have a good amount of the fic planned out on paper, though I'm not completely sure what the pairings will be. Feel free to weigh in. I'm also planning to introduce a couple key original characters that will NOT be Mary Sue types, as far as I can help it. They're the two girls that got killed in the Lucius flash-forward, and their purposes and reasons for existence will be made clear in time.
I hope to keep Peter as being essentially himself, but to also fix a few key flaws in him as the story goes on. Rather, I'd like to make him the Marauder that he could have been, still being Peter Pettigrew.
Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you next chapter!