Let's Get A Physical
Power Rangers, Minions, Doctor Patient
The Putty Patrollers crowded the gang of six pushing them ever closer to the ledge of the building. Their clay fists pounded the air as they drew nearer.
"What do we do?" whispered the blue ranger.
"On the count of three we are all going to attack," whispered back red.
"Uhh guys, I'm kinda stuck in the middle here," said yellow loudly. He was pressed on three sides by his teammates, his fourth side was open to the strong gusting wind pulling him off the side of the building. He made the mistake of looking down and immediately felt dizzy. He wobbled precariously.
"Three, two ONE!" shouted the red ranger, and all at once five of the rangers struck the Z-logos on the Putty Patroller's chests. The clay beings exploded, their shards hit other Z-logo's setting off a chain reaction of epic proportions. The force was so strong the rangers had to brace themselves. And as they did, a nudge from a red covered elbow hit a blue covered chest, which caused a blue covered back to knock a yellow covered shoulder, which caused a yellow covered foot to step off the ledge.
The yellow ranger plummeted down 45 storeys, his little bitch screams gave way to the sickening crunch his body made as it hit the pavement.
The other five rangers looked over the edge. Tears welled up in their eyes when they realized just what had happened. The yellow ranger was dead.
Alpha 5 held a clipboard up for Zordon to read.
"Hmm," pondered the floating head from inside his energy tube, "these guys all appear to be quite short."
"That's why we are putting them through power ranger training, to make sure they're good enough," Alpha 5 replied, he turned to the clipboard to look at it.
"Don't call it training, this is simply a physical," said Zordon.
"How can you conduct a physical… there's nothing physical about you," called the black power ranger from his spot on the sofa. A laugh track echoed through their base.
Alpha 5 left to go bring in the candidates as the rest of the power rangers filed in to size up their possible new team members. The red one held a large crushed velvet box, inside was the yellow rangers power coin.
Bob, Phil, Stuart and Kevin entered the main room of the Command Center. Their eyes were wide in awe as they saw the expanse of electronics lining the black sparkly walls.
"Banana," Kevin said in wonderment, his one eye grew so large it seemed to eclipse his entire face.
"Why the fuck is that one dressed as a baby?" The black power ranger yelled a Zordon. He gestured wildly at Stuart who was in fact wearing a diaper and drinking from a bottle.
"There is no kink-shaming in the Command Center." Zordon said without emotion, "you should know that more than anyone else."
The black ranger's helmet blushed red as he sat back down. However, the red ranger was not about to drop this topic.
"No Zordon. I refuse to have this pervert on our team. It would tarnish the image of the yellow ranger. I can't allow you to do that to Trini," red commanded. He took off his helmet and looked Zordon right in his big hologram eyes.
"If you feel that strongly," Zordon said, he motioned with his eyebrows for Alpha 5 to remove the disgusting minion.
A/N: Stuart was kink shamed so hard he stopped dressing like a baby in public. This explains why he chose to dress like a baby in the first movie and like a maid in the second one. His kinks were forced to evolve, there are not two Phil's.
And then there were three.
"We are going to begin with your physicals, please step behind the curtain and remove your overalls and your glasses," Zordon read off of the script that HR prepared for him, "from there Alpha 5 will conduct your physicals one at a time."
The little yellow boys walked behind the curtain. Their chortles of glee echoed through the room as they got undressed. They threw their overalls up into the air as they danced around.
"Banana!" they yelled in unison.
Alpha 5 just wanted to get this over with so he roughly pulled Kevin into the observational cubicle.
"What's your age?"
"Banana!"
"Your weight?"
"Banana!"
"Any health problems I should be aware of?"
"Banana!"
"How are your eyes?"
Kevin didn't respond. The sad naked yellow square looked down at the ground. A teardrop hit his bare foot.
Alpha 5 repeated the questions again, never looking up from his clipboard. When he still did not receive an answer, he threw it to the ground in anger, only to see the sad little minion.
"What's wrong?" asked Alpha 5 quietly.
"I can't see very well. I only have one eye," Kevin properly responded for the first time.
"That's no problem, I will just stick you in this machine here…" Alpha 5 picked up the living twinkie and placed him in one of the Power Rangers high tech tubes, "and you'll be fixed in no time."
The machine whirred to life as Kevin panicked inside. A thick grey smoke filled the chamber as the minion screamed. His tiny hands banged against the glass to no avail. The smoke hid him from view until the machine and Kevin ceased to make any sound. A loud ding signified the end of the cycle and Alpha 5 opened the door.
Grey smoke billowed out, and there stood Kevin. He was taller and more slim, less of a square and more of a rectangle. And on his face was not one eye, but two!
"Banana," Kevin laughed. "Banana Banana," he repeated over and over again until he left the door.
A/N: With Kevin's newfound perfect eyesight and depth perception he was able to live out his dreams of becoming a fighter pilot. But he missed his friends so much that he came back for the second movie. This explained his character redesign.
Bob and Stuart looked at each other quizzically before randomly bursting into a fit of laughter.
"It seems like these guys only have half a brain," said the pink ranger.
"Yeah, they seem really stupid," agreed black.
"Hmm…" Zordon thought to himself, "what if we combine them?"
The two remaining minions looked at Zordon, then at the machine Kevin had been trapped and then at each other.
Alpha 5 quickly made his way over to grab both of the minions but they rolled their squishy bodies away and bounced up and down. They bounced and bounced until Stuart landed on Bob's flat head.
"Ahhh, Banana," they both said. Bob then walked around as Stuart rode atop him, it was as if they were one person.
"Or… I guess that could work," Zordon said.
The power rangers hesitantly agreed that two minions were better than one.
The red ranger picked up the crushed velvet box once again and presented Stuart and Bob with the yellow ranger power coin.
THE END