Just an idea I got after listening to Absolutely Invincible British Gentleman again. Please review, every little criticism will help me greatly. By the way, English is not my native language so I beg your perdon for any possible mistakes. Re-uploaded due to some strange error with formatting. Sorry for any inconvenience.
America watched England, thick sweat descending his forehead. The world superpower wouldn't admit it for all the hamburgers in the world (perhaps he would, but only if they came with fries) that England was now scaring him. America knew that the former superpower was still a formidable fighter, and still remembered vividly his different feats. However, not even when he was a young rebellious colony had he felt so much fear. No, England was not subjugating a colony (those were things of the times of old). He wasn't kicking Argentina's ass over some Islands in God-knows-where. No, England was doing something far worse… He was watching football and cheering for his team.
Now, most nations would laugh hysterically if they heard that America was trembling at the sight of England doing something so apparently harmless. The ones that knew, however, would tremble alongside him. They had warned him, but he, being a thickheaded idiot, didn't listen. But now he knew just how terrifying England could be when he was watching football.
"Oi, just shot already you –"America covered his ears just before another string of profanities began. He felt like he was a kid again, shelling himself from the insults usually uttered after some failure or seatback.
"U wot, m8? Did you see that America? The arbiter just gave a yellow card to him. How could he that little –"the profanities began again. America thought it was just convenient that England didn't see how his player tackled another player in a completely unjustified move.
America continued watching England. The game, to be truthful, didn't interest him that much and he couldn't see how it interested England either. Sure, his team was playing, but nothing was interesting if the greatest nation in the earth wasn't involved. He only accepted going with him out of pity. It's not that he wanted to spend time with Englan– dammit, America stopped his line of thought when he realized he was sounding just like his former protector.
At first the reactions of England and his people were entertaining to watch. America giggled to himself while watching them getting so heated up for some stupid match, ignoring how he himself often got really passionate over his own football (a real sport and the only one that deserved to bear that name!).
But now everything was just scary. Everyone was throwing insults left-and-right and they also were throwing other things, like beer cans and trash. Some were even burning the opposite team's flag and furiously shaking the fence, fence which America was sure was put there to stop them –how are they called?– from jumping into the field.
America winced as England started yet another tirade, peppered with "wanker", "bugger" –great, now America's craving for burgers increased– and… oh, God, did England just say the c-word?
America now wanted nothing more than going home. He had a stop in the gym scheduled, but that didn't matter now, he only wanted to go home. Perhaps he could stop in a McDonald's in the way, though. Ah, and then he could eat it in the gym so that he didn't stop his three day streak. America smiled and patted himself in the back. He had the best ideas.
The game continued but the insults didn't stop. How long was it before the game was over? He didn't know and that was driving him crazy. Not crazy enough to ask one of the people around him though. Hmm… he knew they had a name, a special one.
"Eh, watch it you Hooligans!" A guard near the fence yelled at several men who were hitting the fence.
That was it! Of course! They were the watchers, because they watched all the games! Wait, that wasn't completely right…
"Hooligan! How you dare call me you that, you wanker?" England started shouting, completely missing that it wasn't even directed at him. Of course, hooligan. The British hooligans were really infamous, but also a point of parody or mockery. Some people were fascinated by the fact that British people were either seen as the ultimate gentlemen of either drunken hooligans. That was, at least, what America had heard from Spain, before he started rambling about tourists and Gibraltar.
America finally knew that England wasn't a gentleman, but a hooligan! Well, he obviously knew that England wasn't a gentleman, but he wasn't sure what England was exactly. A drunken hooligan was the perfect description. Sometimes violent, prone to mood swings, loud and crude, the exact opposite of a gentleman. Oh God, America was going to have so much fun teasing him with that.
"What's wrong with you, you wanker? You should just bugger off!" America winced again. He wasn't stupid enough to try and tease England right now.
After what seemed like forever the match was over. Thank the heavens, because England's team won. England was –gasp!– smiling, surely thinking about how the other team were wankers and losers. When they were finally out of the stadium England turned to America.
"America, did you see that? We just crushed, I tell you, crushed those wankers!" England started, more excited than ever. He seemed to realize that, and caring now because the game was over, he stopped and started again, now slower and more relaxed. "America how did you like the game? It was a really great match, don't you agree?"
America jumped a little, still a little scared but he quickly changed to a neutral expression. A smile was creeping over it slowly though. England thought it was because he did enjoy the game, but it was really because America was getting his spirits back. He was remembering that he was taller than England, stronger than England and just how fun it was to tease him.
"I think so… hooligan". England had been smiling until he heard that. Immediately, in one of his famous mood swings, anger overpowered him. "Hooligan?" He asked, glaring at the younger nation.
"Yes, hooligan" America repeated, saying the last world slowly.
England exploded in fury and started shaking America while yelling loudly at him. It was remarkably similar to what had happened in the stadium, but America was no longer scared. He knew he could probably send good ol' England far away with ease if he wanted. Heck, he'd already done that accidentally several times.
After mentally omitting the insults, what England said was basically"U wot m8? I'm not a hooligan, I'm not! I'm a gentleman"
America laughed his obnoxious laugh before saying "You, a gentleman? England, I'm not a kid anymore…" England rolled his eyes before muttering "The only difference is that you don't wet your bed anymore, I hope". America ignored that and continued "…so you can't lie to me. I know you're not a gentleman. I just saw you acting like a hooligan"
England violently yelled at him, informing America of his perfect manners and polite demeanor, while also informing America of his tact and chivalry towards the ladies, only stopping to yell to a woman that dared interrupt him.
America finally decided that it was enough. Not enough of annoying England, of course, that doesn't ever get old, but enough of not eating some 100% beef McDonald's Burger (made in a laboratory). So America stopped England by taking his hands and, with a smirk, said "England, you're just a hooligan and there's no way you can convince me otherwise."
England glared at him with his big gentleman (or hooligan) eyebrows, before something seemingly clicked in his head. Whether it was his brain finally succumbing to America's idiocy or a light bulb, he got an idea.
"What if I can prove it to you?" America barely managed to stop his thoughts about fast food enough to listen to what England had just said. "Oh? And how would you do it?" He replied, immediately going back to his FREEDOM fries.
"I'll just get a testimony from someone, someone older and less… stupid that has known more for more time."
America frowned slightly, but not because of what England had said but because he remembered that FREEDOM fries are actually called French fries. And America and France are, like, antonyms.
"Are you listening to me twit?" England yelled.
"Yeah, alright, but that testimony can't be from one of your friends".
England smirked. He had no friends! Wait, that shouldn't be something to be happy for… America realized that as well and promptly amended the challenge. "The testimony must be from France, Germany, Russia, Japan or… I don't know someone who doesn't like you. I mean, nobody likes you, except Italy who likes everyone, but you know what I mean"
England finally allowed himself to smile, but it wasn't a happy smile. He shoved America back with all his strength, which meant that America stumbled back a little, and walked away. He would show him. He would show everyone that he was an absolutely invincible English Gentleman!