Sacrifice
Sakura lie beneath the white hospital sheets, an oxygen mask placed smugly over her mouth, her chest rising and falling irregularly. Her hair looked as if she had just lain down; when in reality she had been there for a month now. Sasuke sat by her side, not looking directly at her face. He couldn't bear to see her face, still in that expression of such sadness. Why had she done it? Why had she gotten in the way? Itachi was going to kill him…Sasuke was going to die. Why couldn't Sakura just let it happen? Did she really love him that much? Sasuke had always thought her feelings for him were girlish infatuation, not anything to be taken seriously. But to give up her life so that he could live? Sasuke couldn't look at her face…he'd seen it then: speckled with blood and teary eyed, realizing that she'd never get a chance to be with him because of her choice to die… He couldn't look…but he had to.
It was his fault. He wished he had made her hate him. He wished that he had loved her. But he felt nothing then. Now; now he felt immeasurable guilt at taking her so lightly. He looked at her face. He reached out with trembling fingers and clutched her hand. Sakura…I'm sorry. Please wake up. He finally killed Itachi, but now he had a score to settle with himself. He had caused his friend so much pain and drove her to this deathlike state.
The nurses came in and told him to stand back as they changed the sheet beneath Sakura's back. Sasuke made himself watch as they put the bloodstained sheet in a bag, and cleansed the knife wound. Why couldn't she have jumped in facing Itachi! They lay her back down and Sasuke left the room. He walked past Naruto, who glared slightly. He blamed Sasuke for Sakura's condition.
Sasuke walked around town these days with no purpose. He never trained…why should he? He had killed Itachi…what did he have left now? Nothing. He found himself wishing for them. For Naruto to forgive him and come call him an idiot or try to fight him. For Sakura to wake up and annoy him day in and day out. How could he not have seen how much more important they were than Itachi? He visited her less and less…his own selfishness taking over; he couldn't bear the pain of seeing her so he chose not to. He went into the grove of trees where Sakura had bested him and Naruto at molding Chakra and lie down staring at the clouds. After awhile he closed his eyes and remembered those days as he drifted off to sleep.
"Sasuke-kun...Sasuke?"
He stirred slightly but didn't open his eyes.
"SASUKE!"
"What do you want?" he replied nonchalantly.
"I…I thought you might want to see me…I heard…"
"What?"
"I heard you came to visit me…almost everyday."
He suddenly opened his eyes, realizing, but not completely believing, that it was Sakura who was speaking to him.
"You're…you're…"
"I'm back" she finished, with a shy smile and a sideways glance.
He blushed slightly.
"I'm…" he didn't want to say it.
They sat awhile in silence. Sakura sitting on her legs in that familiar way and Sasuke resting back on his hands, legs outstretched beside her.
"It was my fault."
Sasuke looked away from her pained. He knew it was his fault but couldn't bring himself to admit it. Could he really let her believe it was hers? He didn't say anything.
"Alright…well…I'll…um…I'll leave you alone I guess."
When he turned back to look at her she had already gotten up and was walking slowly away, waiting for him to call her back. He didn't.
Why am I always so cold? I…I wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault. I wanted to ask her forgiveness. Why though? Why do I even care? It's not like I have feelings for her…she was just a teammate. I should leave…she'll be so sad. She's already sad. Why do I care! You do care. I care. Why? You like her, she's your friend, she was always there for you, she trusted you, and she almost DIED for you. She did, didn't she? She loves me. WHY? I don't deserve that! I don't deserve her love. But she deserves yours. …Yes.
Sakura sat on a swing, suspended from the tree she used to love to climb…to show off her abilities to Sasuke. It was night and the moon illuminated her. Her eyes were cast downward and were glassy from recent tears. She had lived…she thought this would change things. The look on Sasuke's face when Itachi stabbed her…made her think…it was possible…maybe he did care about her. Maybe she was sacrificing her life with him to save him. She sighed…there could be no such life no matter what had happened. What was she thinking? She had just gotten in the way…Sasuke would've dodged the attack. Why did she think for even a moment that she was important? He had made clear today that he would've been fine without her so called sacrifice. Her tears started once again…No matter what you do…he doesn't love you.
"Sakura…I…"
She looked up from her swing to see Sasuke's dark figure inches away from her. He was holding onto the swing strands above her head. She hadn't even noticed him there she was so into her own thoughts.
"I…it was my fault. Not yours. I'm…I'm sorry."
She looked up at his face…his head hung low, eyes closed but tearing nonetheless. He clenched his teeth, released the swing, and began to walk away.
"Sasuke…please…don't go."
He kept walking.
"Sasuke?"
He didn't turn around. "I don't want to talk right now."
"You don't have to…just…stay…sit with me?"
"…promise I don't have to talk?"
"Promise."
He turned around and walked up to her. You owe her your life…it's the least you could do. He walked past her.
She was a little confused until she heard his hands clasp the rope again. He sighed and then released them. She felt his hand on her back. He hesitated, remembering that his hand lay on scar of her stab wound, the symbol of her love for him. He pushed gently. Each push on her back caused something in his heart to change. He felt the ice around it, in his voice; in the way he stands…he felt it melt away. Sakura swung away from him and this time when she came back…he caught her in his arms. An eternity passed and his silent sobs and unvoiced true apology were the only sounds in those moments. Sakura, unsure of what to do, wanted to lift her hand…to hold his and comfort him…but she liked the warmth of his arms around her chest, and didn't want that to ever go away. He let go and sank to his knees. She carefully got off the swing and sat facing him.
"I'm…I'm such an asshole…all I ever cared about was killing Itachi."
"You don't have to…"
"No…I know…I just…I want to know…how can you love someone so selfish? I never…even thought of you then. I just thought…"
"Sasuke…"
He put his head in his hands and wished he were somewhere else. He wished Itachi were still alive so he could kill him. He wished that Sakura weren't so…He wished he could go back to not caring, it was so much easier. He got angry with himself. It's just not like him to have emotions. He tried to drive them out. But Sakura had placed her hand on his shoulder…the place where his seal used to be. He remembered how she was the only one who could stop him when it spread. He looked up and reached around her and placed his hand on her back. They'd been through so much together and he hadn't even noticed she was there with him…the whole time. Her eyes watered and she looked down again. He leaned forward. She didn't dare move. Sasuke was so close to her face his breath warmed her. His lips brushed hers slightly. She moved her hand from his shoulder and let it hover near his face…not sure what to do. His body moved closer pushing her back on her knees and he kissed her as she sunk low to the ground.
Sasuke woke in that grove and gazed at the clouds over head as he had done so many times in the past. He felt pressured warmth on his chest and a smile crossed his face as he remembered it was Sakura there with him. He stoked her hair and decided that he loved her…he always had…he just didn't know it.
Sakura stirred and looked up at Sasuke from her position on his chest. He looked more at peace with himself as he looked back at her. He still seemed curious though, as to why this was happening and what it was she saw in him. So she decided to tell him.
"Sasuke…"
He propped himself up a little to listen. He could tell Sakura was able to say something serious. She leaned back a little to adjust to this new position and to be able to look into his eyes as she spoke.
"Sasuke…I want you to know…why."
"Why what?"
"Why…I love you so much."
He smiled a little.
"I'd rather…just be curious."
"Really?"
"Well…I just…want to figure it out for myself I guess."
"I guess you're right…but…I kind of…want to know…why you…well…how you feel about me…"
He looked away a little pained.
"I'm…not really sure."
Her hopeful look vanished.
"…oh."
"Sakura…I…I've never even thought about what I'd do after I killed Itachi. Somewhere inside me I don't think I ever believed it would happen. All I know now is that…I owe you so much for everything you've done for me."
"You…owe…me?"
She pulled back a little more. He made a tiny grunting noise.
"See…I knew if I tried to explain it would come out all wrong."
"What do you mean…owe? Are you…just doing this…being nice to me…because you feel like you owe me?"
"…I don't know." Sasuke, a little angry with himself, began to get up.
"Sasuke…I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For not understanding what you mean…for pushing you to understand."
"Stop apologizing all the time…for things that aren't your fault."
She just sat there as he continued to walk away.
Sasuke sat in his room, back against the wall…still thinking of Sakura. It seemed to him that she was all he ever thought about…the same way that Itachi used to be all he ever thought about. He thought about her pained expressions…how much her heart must hurt at the words he spoke to her. What did he feel about her? He loves her, yes. But why and how much is still a mystery to him. He loved her selflessness…the opposite of himself. He loved her because he hated himself. Why does she love him? Maybe for the same reason? No…Sakura doesn't hate herself…why would she? Perhaps this is what he loves…not understanding. After all throughout his life Sasuke always thought he understood everything.
"Baka…you're mind is going in circles…just let her tell you."
He got up from the wall and walked towards the window. He opened the sill and jumped swiftly onto the roof. He looked around and saw Sakura in the distance. She was walking towards the grove of trees again. He decided to follow her. Finally she stopped and again sat on the swing where he first held her. She had held him many times before, and he accepted it because she was the only comfort he had when he was hurting. He sat on a branch in hearing distance and watched her sway with the breeze.
I'm so stupid…to really believe that Sasuke cared for me. He…owes…me. What kind of logic is that? Sometimes he seems so…inhumane…like he just does things and doesn't even think about them. What was I going to tell him? Why do I love him? Is it because he needed to be loved? Because he had no one else. He just…always had so much weight on him…I wanted to help him. I used to think it was because I understood what it felt like…to be so alone…but I don't. I don't want to be alone…and he…he seems to like being alone. What kind of person…wants that?
Sakura sighed. "Sasuke…I love you because…you need me to."
Sakura heard a noise in the branches…
"Sakura…you do understand."
She turned to see Sasuke standing behind her swing once again.
"You…were there the whole time?"
"Yeah…"
"Why?"
"Just watching you…trying to figure it out."
"…and?"
"I get it now…we're both so messed up…that we're perfect for each other. We both…need to be loved."
"Well…if that's the case…then wouldn't anyone do?"
"No…it's because we're so different from each other. I…I hate myself…and you are the opposite of me…so I love you. Wait…that doesn't make sense."
"Yeah actually…it kinda does."
"Earlier…when I said… 'I owe you"…I meant to say what you just did… 'I love you…because you need me to'"
Sasuke took a step toward Sakura, who got up from her swing. They were so close together…and finally…they were there without the confusion and sadness of the previous night. There was no more mystery to their feelings now…just the strange knowledge that they felt the same way…no matter what that meant. Sasuke took Sakura's cheek in his hand. He stared into her green eyes lovingly, the first time he'd ever done so to anyone. She wrapped her arms around his neck, no longer unsure or frightened. They kissed. There was no doubt in either of their minds the love they felt for one another.
A/N: This is my first fanfic so I figured I should post it first. I'm really bad with computers and formatting things so if you have any tips for editting thisand whatnot, please let me know. Also, is it way way out of character? Boring?Please let me know what you think or any suggestions you have!