CoffeeKris: Hello my beloved readers! No I know I havn't updated The Aftermath of Sarah's Victory...but don't kill me, it's in progress. Anywho, I wrote this a while back and I think it's time I posted it. So come in, sit, you are a member of the jury!
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The judge banged his gavel several times to quiet the noisy room full of scribes, goblins, and various other creatures from the Labyrinth. He was happy to be wearing a white curly wig rather than his normal Spanish bird hat; the wig didn't insult him or drain his energy. The Wise man cleared his throat and banged the gavel one more time.
"This is the case of Jareth: King of the Goblins versus CoffeeKris: Scribe to the Kingdom. The charges are: abuse of scribal power, assault with various objects, and forcing indecent exposure. How does the defense plead? "
Kris stood from her seat, walked out from her table and put her shoulder length, dark blonde hair into a ponytail before rolling up her sleeves.
" I plead like this, your honor. " She fell to her knees and clasped her hands together.
"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE don't award judgment to Jareth! PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE, I beg of you! "
Standing, she brushed off her knees and smiled before going back to her seat. The Wise man nodded with a contemplative look on his face.
"I see…now do you plead guilty or not guilty? "
"Not guilty, "
From his seat on the plaintiff's side, Jareth rolled his eyes and inwardly cursed the fact that he was unable to have Kris charged Aboveground where the justice system was much more black and white than the Labyrinth's strange form of justice. The Wise Man shifted in his seat, making a sound somewhere between a snort and a clearing of the throat, before turning to Jareth.
"Would the Prosecution please state their case? "
Jareth stood and cast a dark glance at Kris before he spoke.
"Your honor, and I use the term loosely, the Defendant has : threatened to make me believe I am a tree, threatened to write a story in which I do nothing but speak in rhyme, covered me in chocolate and thrown me to the mercy of fan girls, responded to me with 'your face' countless times, lied to me, tricked me, irritated me, subjected me to being in her presence after she has consumed large amounts of sugar, forced me to take off my shirt countless times, threatened to write a slash story between Hogshead and I, "
Kris pounded a fist on her table and stood.
"OBJECTION! His name is Hoggle!"
The Wise Man nodded and Jareth sighed, continuing.
" She has also: wrote a thirteen part Goblin Opera called 'Thirteen Hundred Reasons Kris Could Kick Our Sock Stuffed Sparkly Spandex King In His Royal Highness's Highny', taught the Goblins about Opera, encouraged them to constantly perform the Opera for me, cast a chicken to play the part of me,"
Kris shook her head.
"Objection! The chicken had wonderful charisma and was the only one able to strut like the Persecution, "
Jareth sighed.
"You mean Prosecution."
Kris shrugged.
"I stand by what I said,"
Jareth scowled and returned to his list of complaints.
"She has threatened to super glue herself to me, forced me to wear a pair of her boxers and nothing else, threatened to tell Sarah I am the King of Bestiality and Goblins, dropped me and one of her stories into an Oubliette for nearly a month, forced me to appear in whip cream and leather for her reviewers, defied me, poked me with a stick, and called me various nicknames that I would rather not repeat. "
The courtroom buzzed with creatures speaking to one another, surprised at the enormous list of offenses until one goblin bounced up and down in the back.
"Repeat names! Repeat names! Repeat names!"
Jareth flicked his wrist and the goblin flew out a window. The Wiseman shifted uncomfortably behind the bench and looked at Kris, who at this point was bopping in her seat and mouthing the words to 'Weasel Stomping Day', before he returned his attention to Jareth.
"And what is it your Majesty is suing for?"
Jareth smirked.
"I would like the Defendant to be fitted with a magic collar to restrict her from using her powers as scribe to further torture me."
Kris snapped back to reality at Jareth's words and quickly replaced her shocked look with a glare. The courtroom began to murmur again and the Wiseman banged the gavel until it was once again silent. He turned to Kris.
"Would the Defendant please make her case."
Kris nodded and stood.
"I would like to begin by pointing out that as much as he whines about it, the Goblin King would be utterly bored without me! I inject the chaos into his life, which then carries on into the way he rules the Labyrinth and as we all know, the Labyrinth is all about controlled chaos! Furthermore, he complains about all the nicknames but when I don't use them: he worries more than an overprotective Mother! It is my duty to call him names such as: Mister Fluffy Mullet, Sparkle Spandex Man, Grumpy Glitter Tights, Mr. Tights Too Tight For His Own Good, Royal Pain In My Highny, Senior Sparkle, Sir Spiky Hair…"
Jareth rolled his eyes.
"I think they get the point,"
Kris shrugged.
"Well I figured they'd get it after the first name but I thought I'd repeat them anyway, think of it as revenge for the poor goblin you sent out the window. In any case, my point is that despite all the how irritating the Goblin King thinks he finds me, he'd miss me if he had his way. If you put a magic collar on me, it will limit me creatively! If I'm limited creatively, my stories will be horrible and it will disgrace the kingdom!"
There was another burst of murmurs in the courtroom, until Kris spoke again.
"Besides, his Mullet-ness tortures and irritates me just as much as I do him!"
Jareth scoffed.
"I am King, it is my right."
Kris glared.
"Your Mom!"
Jareth scowled.
"Don't you dare bring Mother into this!"
Kris smirked.
"Make me!"
Jareth rolled his eyes.
"That's why I'm suing you, so I can make you behave yourself!"
Kris stuck her tongue out at him.
"I am behaving myself, I'm just not behaving the way you want me to!"
Jareth sighed heavily.
"There you go, twisting my words again."
"Pfffff, guess where I learned to do that, Fae Boy! I'll give you a hint, if you want to see who taught me, find a reflective surface and look into it!"
Jareth growled.
"You are so incredibly immature!"
"Your face is immature!"
"What the blast does that even mean!?"
"SILENCE!"
The entire courtroom looked at the Wise Man in shock; shock at not only the volume of his voice but the commanding tone behind it. The Wise Man shook his head and turned to the jury.
"Jury, go deliberate, make your verdict, I'm going to take a nap."
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Kris: There you have it, now all you do is click on the review button, send a review, tell me whether your vote is guilty or not guilty and the next half will be written accordingly. Jareth: If you wish to be spared my fury, I'd suggest voting guilty.
Kris: HEY! THESE ARE MY AUTHOR'S NOTES! YOU GET OUT!
Jareth: (scowls) You have no power over me, besides, the trial isn't over yet!
Kris: No influencing the readers! If you want to campaign for your side, write your OWN story called "Why I, Jareth, Think I'm So Flipping Awsome" and tell all the people how great you think you are there! (turns to readers) So please review and cast your vote! Jareth: Vote Guilty! Kris: VOTE NON GUILTY! Jareth: GUILTY!
Kris: NON!
Jareth: GUILTY!
Kris: NON!
Goblin: CHICKEN!
Jareth and Kris: O.o What?