Hey guys! Kay soo... this is my first writey thingy majig. Good name, eh?
It's just me messing around, playing with the idea of Bella leaving Edward in New Moon rather than the other way around.
Not planning on writing any more in regards to this one, but hey, your reviews MIGHT change that.
Reviewscake. I likey the cake.
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I do not own anything related to the Twilight Saga, Stephenie Meyer does, which means that you can throw away your wedding invitations. Mine and Edward's marriage is off. sigh.
I was at a loss for words
I was at a loss for words. He sat, still as a statue, as beautiful as ever. What would I tell him? What could I tell him?
My cheeks burned and I felt the blood rush up to color my skin. I sighed, my eyes searching for even a flicker of emotion on his stone-still face. My efforts were in vain, of course.
"Edward…I don't know what it is you want me to say," I whispered, apprehensive. His eyes flicked to the bracelet dangling from my wrist. A spasm of anger swept momentarily across his angelic face. Good grief. The boy was ridiculously beautiful, even in anger.
After a moment, Edward let out a deep sigh. "But why, Bella?" he looked at me, almost pleadingly. I couldn't answer him. I didn't quite understand myself.
He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose, apparently struggling to keep his emotions in check.
"I'm sorry, but what can I do?" I struggled to maintain my composure. He mustn't see through my act. "I love him, Edward." I almost choked on the words, the lie that would sever him from me forever, but I managed to hold back the traitor tears.
"I…no," Edward stared at his hands, clenched into fists. His face was frozen in a mask of calm disbelief; it was almost as if he expected me to smile and shout "gotcha!" at any moment.
He lifted his eyes, purposefully meeting mine. They burned liquid topaz, probably trying in vain to lift the thoughts from my mind, to find some contradiction to the treacherous words that snaked out of my mouth. Then his composure slipped, and I was aware of just how much pain I was inflicting upon him.
I tore my eyes away from his, reluctantly. The sorrow emanating from him was almost tangible. I was breathing it in, and it was suffocating me in turn. I fought the overwhelming urge to wrap my arms around his waist and withdraw my cruel lies.
"You said you wouldn't stand in my way," I tried not to sound accusing. "We can't do this anymore. You can't fight what you are. I'm sorry," I dwindled into a whisper, internally cursing myself for the way my voice cracked weakly. I swallowed hard and took several deep breaths in an attempt to beat my emotions into submission.
His eyes became suspicious and I battled the tears that were pushing against the corners of my eyes, threatening escape. I had to do this quickly. He would see through my charade soon, and I couldn't allow that. I couldn't allow him to suffer any more.
"I will not stand in your way, if this is what you choose," he said, unsmiling. I noticed the unusual fluttering of his eyes, blinking erratically. If Edward were capable of tears, I was sure they would come now. I longed to press my face into his chest, to cry and beg and plead for his forgiveness. But of course I couldn't do anything of the sort.
I felt my carefully crafted expression slip for a moment. Torturous pain rippled across my features. I closed my eyes, praying that he had missed my brief mishap.
Praying is apparently overrated. It took all of two seconds for him to gather me into his arms, locking me in an icy embrace.
I shuddered, burying my face in his chest. I could feel the tears escaping; angry, accusing tears that mocked my feeble attempt to save Edward. He would never escape from me. He would be doomed to either watch me wither away and die, or to steal from me what he was convinced was my soul. As long as Edward remained with me, he would be trapped by my mortality, and I was just too weak to liberate him. When it came down to it, I knew I was simply too pathetic to live without him.
He held me like that for a few minutes, his face pressed into my hair. After my racking sobs subsided, he gently leaned away, holding me at arms length.
"Why must you torture me?" he asked quietly. I looked down, heat flaring in my cheeks. I was ashamed to meet his eyes. "Bella, you just confessed to me your undying love for Jacob Black." He searched my face, in a futile attempt to discern my motives.
"I'm sorry," He continued to stare at me, and I broke down under his gaze. "I didn't mean it," I mumbled, almost incoherently. I looked at the clouded sky, at the perpetually wet ground, at the trees surrounding us. I searched for a safe place to rest my gaze, away from his face, riddled with confusion and unspoken questions.
"Please, Bella. Tell me what's wrong." His velvet voice pleaded, compelling me to explain my reasoning.
I stared into the sky, my mouth set in a hard line. How could I begin to explain?
Edward sighed, releasing me from his iron grip. I studied his marble face, searching for signs of anger. He must have known what I was looking for, because he took my face in his hands and whispered, "No, I'm not angry with you. I'm simply confused. Please, love, explain what your insane intention was."
I was helpless under the force of his gaze. "I'm trapping you," I muttered, barely audible. "I never deserved you in the first place, and now I'm making you choose between two evils. It's not right." I turned my head away from him and frowned at the ground resentfully, choking back angry tears. Why couldn't I do anything without crying?
He stared at me, an expression of disbelief coloring his face. "I knew you were hopelessly lost to reason, Bella, but I had no idea that you were suffering from delusions." I moved my gaze to my feet, ashamed. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm hopelessly in love with you," he said sincerely. Then his mood shifted unexpectedly, and he took my hand, mildly amused. "If you think that proclaiming your devotion to Jacob Black is going to alter that in any way, then you really ought to have your head checked."
I tried to force a smile, but my face twisted into an unattractive grimace instead, ruining the effect. Edward leaned towards me, his cool breath fanning out across my cheeks. I couldn't help but inhale the sweet scent. He smiled crookedly and kissed my forehead before once again drawing me towards him.
"I'm sorry, Edward. I just thought…" But I couldn't finish the statement, as I had no idea what I'd been thinking. It was hard to remember anything when he was touching me. I heard him inhale deeply, felt his chest expanding under my fingers, which were splayed across his granite muscles. I was content, for the moment. The instant he was gone, though, I knew that my previous worries would attack again, racking my conscience and tormenting my dreams. I lived in constant fear that these concerns would manifest themselves in the mutterings of my sleep. I prayed that Edward wouldn't hear them, though he came to my room almost every night.
"Do you mind if I come over later?" he murmured into my hair.
"Of course not," came my predictable reply. As if I could ever refuse him anything. He knew I would never deny him entry through my second story window.
"Until tonight, then," he whispered into my ear. Then I was alone.
ReviewsCake. Remember that, now.