Free! does not belong to me. Neither does High Speed!
This fic was written for the For the Future Festival.
(temporary) happiness
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The car turns right abruptly, and the sudden motion launches Haruka right into Rin's chest. As he struggles to sit up, he reaches for the cloth tied around his head, trying to uncover his eyes on instinct.
Rin quickly grabs his wrists.
"We're almost there," he whispers as an apology, rubbing circles with his thumbs on the back of Haruka's hands before raising his voice to express his opinion about the driver's abilities. Closing his eyes, Haruka leans his head on Rin's shoulder, intertwining one hand with his fingers as he feels his boyfriend's arm sneaking around his back.
"Keep driving like that," Kisumi tells the driver from the passenger's seat, his voice amused. "It's making Haru clingy."
Rin quickly replies, but Haruka only snorts.
Not being able to see is starting to make him anxious, even though he knows he should feel safe. He trusts Rin more than anything else, and the war of glares between Haruka and Sousuke ended long ago. But opening his eyes to find only black, being thrown off balance with each curve and not having the slightest idea of where they are going is worsening Haruka's mood with each passing second.
"Sorry, Haru," Sousuke lightly apologizes. He sounds like he means it, at least a bit. "You see, that asshole forgot this was my lane when he was overtaking a bike."
Haruka is pretty sure Sousuke knows he can't exactly see right now.
"Oh! It's that, isn't it?" Kisumi sounds like he's pointing something. "The place you'll-"
"Kisumi," Rin cuts him off, almost growling. "Shut up."
"Are we close, then?" Haruka opens his eyes and looks around, feeling stupid when he can't see anything. Rin laughs and kisses his cheek.
"Two minutes."
When the engine finally stops after some more sharp turns, Haruka feels lightheaded and nauseous and collapses as soon as he stands outside the car. Rin catches him before he touches the floor, holding him until Haruka trusts his legs again. Haruka takes Rin's hand and follows him –and Sousuke and Kisumi's idle chattering–, paying attention to his warnings so he doesn't trip over and fall.
It's colder than when Haruka got into the car, and it smells like the beginning of spring. There is a light breeze that tousles his hair and reminds him of the sea, but he can tell there's no beach there. Something in the air, though, reminds Haruka of the time when he was a grumpy, bored kid.
He stops for a second, grabbing Rin's hand tighter in an attempt of finding the memory that slips between his fingers like water. Haruka hears Rin stopping too, but resumes walking before he has the chance to ask what's wrong. Rin doesn't say anything, but Haruka feels his gaze fixed on him more intently now.
"Ah, we're here."
Kisumi's voice brings Haruka back to reality.
"At last," he mumbles as Rin lets go of his hand. Haruka is about to complain, but he then feels Rin's fingers untying the knot of the cloth. Haruka hears him taking a deep breath.
"So… here it is," Rin announces, finally taking the cloth off Haruka's eyes. "Ta-dah!"
.
It's a big, big house, with a big, big garden and a big, big pool.
The house is a white, two-story building with a modern design. It has a ridiculously large living room that merges with the kitchen, three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It looks western, with a simple style that reminds Haruka of Russell and Lori's house in Australia. And the garden is bigger than Haruka's entire house in Iwatobi, with blossoming cherry trees among other fruit trees scattered on it and a vegetable patch in a corner. The house stands on the outskirts of a town that, according to Rin, isn't as far from Tokyo as Haruka had thought.
"So?" After showing him everything, Rin is practically bouncing with excitement, his eyes bright and his smile wide. "What do you think?"
Haruka swallows down the lump in his throat. They are standing by the pool, Sousuke and Kisumi lost somewhere inside the house. There are pale pink petals floating on the water, slowly dancing on the surface thanks to the wind. He looks around once more, breathing in the fresh scent of the garden again as he tries to grasp the memory that keeps wandering in circles inside his head.
Then he looks at Rin, realizing now why he has been acting so strange lately, feeling better now that he knows the secret Rin didn't want to tell him. Haruka wants to be angry, because he's always saying he doesn't like surprises and Rin keeps ignoring him, but Rin wouldn't be Rin if he were a docile creature. And Haruka wouldn't love him the way he does if that happened.
"Do you want to live here?"
"Yeah. And you… you'll come too, won't you?"
At that, Haruka can't supress his smile anymore.
"Yes."
.
It takes Haruka two days to gather all his belongings and taking them to his –their– new home. He didn't know he had so many things in his tiny apartment in Tokyo, and the fear of Rin seeing some of them makes packing a slow process.
Rin doesn't insist, doesn't try to impose his will; he packs his own things, considerably fewer than Haruka's, and waits for him to finish while making some calls to make sure everything goes according to his plan. It's one of those silent rules they've established after many arguments: as much as they love each other, there are things they can't share. Yet, at least.
When they get to the house, they spend the whole day unpacking and writing what they'll need to buy on a paper pinned to the fridge. Haruka wonders how much money Rin has left, but doesn't say anything aloud; after nearly four years of professional swimming, the Olympics and all that advertising he never feels as comfortable as Rin doing, he himself isn't exactly poor, but aside of his swimsuits collection he doesn't usually buy anything unless he needs it.
Except if it's for Rin, but that's not the issue.
In the afternoon they go to the town to buy everything they need and food to make dinner. They argue, and eventually buy both mackerel and steak. Steak for dinner, mackerel for breakfast. Fair enough. Haruka makes dinner, though, because Rin had to imply he isn't able to cook anything else than fish.
Rin falls asleep a minute after falling on the bed. He's been excited like a kid since Haruka saw the house for the first time, and now he's obviously exhausted. Haruka is worn out, too –change is tiring–, but when gets out of the bath and wraps Rin up in blankets so he doesn't catch a cold he finds he isn't sleepy at all.
So he gets dressed again, makes sure Rin's feet are well covered and silently walks to the garden.
It's not like Haruka avoids the pool, but he actively goes as far from the pool as possible. He knows he'll end up sitting by the water, but he really likes the garden and doesn't want to get distracted before he sees it, even if it's already dark. He asked Rin why he had chosen this house, and though he had talked about how the pool was big and deep and beautiful, Haruka knows the cherry trees have something to do with Rin's choice.
It doesn't bother him. Cherry trees are beautiful and strong, and they remind him of Rin.
Haruka stops by the tallest one, which is also the closest to the pool, and looks at the night sky through branches and flowers. He can barely see any stars, but moonlight filters through pink petals. Haruka sits on the ground, his back leaning against the trunk, drawing his knees up to his chest as he takes a deep breath.
Maybe he fooled Rin, but Haruka can't lie to himself. And he knows that what doesn't let him sleep isn't just insomnia.
He shakes his head. It's not like he's never lived with Rin. Whenever Rin came back from Australia, he always stayed some days in his apartment; and when they meet at tournaments they spend almost all their time together. Not to mention the last year, before the Olympics, when Rin lived in his own flat at Tokyo and Haruka almost spent more nights there than in his own apartment.
But now, Haruka needs to tell himself that Rin isn't going back to Australia, and this night isn't just a sleepover.
And it's alright. Haruka is happy for this, because for once there isn't a black weight in his stomach to remind him he doesn't have much time left until Rin leaves again. He's been dreaming of this moment since Rin whispered that he missed him for the first time, so quietly his voice almost got lost in the ocean between them. Now Haruka will be able to kiss him whenever he wants, to touch him instead of a screen.
But he still feels restless.
.
Haruka wakes up at the smell of cooked mackerel. He rolls on the bed until he can see clarity behind the curtains someone has drawn and buries his face into the pillow, already regretting not having tried to sleep earlier last night. It's not like it helped him sort out his feelings, and now he wants to sleep until the next Olympics.
"Haru?" he turns his head to find Rin walking into the room. "Why did you go to bed so late last night?" he asks, sitting on the bed.
Haruka rubs his eyes.
"Were you awake?"
"I heard you." Rin runs his fingers through Haruka dishevelled hair. "Hey, get up. I made mackerel."
Haruka nods, sits up and leans on Rin.
"Bring breakfast here," he mumbles, closing his eyes.
He can feel Rin's laughter vibrating through his skin.
"You're a spoiled big baby, you know."
Nonetheless, Rin complies. They have breakfast in the bedroom.
Rin doesn't let Haruka get out of the bed until midday. Trapped between Rin and the mattress, for once not having to remind him not to let marks on his skin, Haruka doesn't exactly mind staying there.
.
In the end, they don't go out until the afternoon. It's too cold to swim in their pool, but Rin tells Haruka there is a swim club in the town.
"So you bought a pool you can't swim in."
"Shut up! It's not my fault we can't swim outside in April."
Of course the owner knows their faces when they get to the local swim club. The Olympic medallists who swim together. Haruka notices him looking at their intertwined fingers every now and them, as if he wasn't sure they are actually holding hands. The light squeeze Rin gives him tells Haruka he's realized, too. Haruka feels pride bubbling up in his chest- Rin is no longer embarrassed about people knowing, except the temporary defensiveness whenever someone finds out.
They insist on paying two memberships instead of one, like the swim club's owner tries to convince them to. He eventually gives up and lets them give him all the money and go to the pool.
The two of them race until they are exhausted, and Haruka floats on his back while Rin sits on the poolside, already having forgotten who has more victories.
Haruka looks away from the transparent ceiling and finds Rin talking to a little girl. With his ears covered by water, he can't hear their words, but she looks excited and he looks happy, gesturing wildly. Some minutes later, Rin points towards Haruka and says something, and his little friend laughs, eyes shining as she stares at Haruka. He pretends not to notice, and closes his eyes.
He realizes then that he's been unknowingly waiting for something.
And he doesn't want to know what this something is, because he doesn't want it to come.
.
Twilight is beautiful, Haruka thinks as he looks at the garden from the balcony. The cherry trees look orange now, like they were on fire; the water in the pool seems liquid magma. He really likes it here.
His fingers curl around the railing until his knuckles turn white. Haruka doesn't turn around when Rin walks into the room, doesn't move when he listens to his cautious steps, doesn't flinch when two arms snake around his waist from behind and Rin rests his chin on his shoulder.
"You can get your bath now," he announces, but Haruka doesn't really hear him. "Haru."
"Okay." Haruka leans back on him. Rin's wet hair clings to his cheek. "Look at the garden."
He can feel Rin's smile.
"So you like it?"
Haruka looks at his hands, gripping the railing harder. Hundreds of voices scream yes at the same time within his head, making something click deep inside him, yet nothing comes out of his mouth for a minute. And when he finds words, they aren't the ones he wants.
"I… I'm going to have a bath."
Rin lets him move, but speaks before Haruka gets out of the room:
"Are you okay?"
Haruka doesn't look at him.
"Yes."
.
Haruka falls asleep as soon as he touches the bed and wakes up at dawn.
Beside him, Rin sleeps soundly, but Haruka knows he hasn't forgotten about last night. He can't do anything about it yet –actually, it's not like there is something he can do to get free from his concerns–, so Haruka makes breakfast and waits in the kitchen until Rin gets there, following the smell of grilled mackerel.
"I made you mackerel yesterday," he complains.
"Thank you for that." Haruka finishes his breakfast and, after remembering that today the swim club is closed, takes his sketchbook and some pencils to the garden.
It's cloudy, but Haruka still enjoys the warm breeze as he sits under the biggest cherry tree. His mind empties as he doodles petals floating on the pool, being dragged by the wind, getting stuck in Rin's hair… and then he's too busy drawing his eyes, his sharp features, his smile.
It doesn't exactly surprise him when Rin walks out of the house and sits next to him under the tree.
"So?"
Haruka looks up from his drawing, puzzled when he realizes Rin hasn't asked him to show it to him yet.
"What do you mean?"
Rin sighs, and Haruka thinks about how many fights it has taken for them to realize that they can't solve things without talking. He hasn't forgotten, but this is something he doesn't want Rin to know. Because he's supposed to trust Rin –he trusts Rin–, yet he can't stop his fears from clawing on his heart.
"This is getting old, you know." Rin bites his lip. "What's wrong with you?"
Haruka resumes drawing, looking for the right words in each line he makes. His hand trembles a bit.
The beginning of the answer he needs starts in Rin's nose.
"How long will it be like this?"
"Huh?"
Haruka holds the pencil tighter.
"You'll find something else you want. And then you'll leave again. That's how it always works."
.
He knows his words are enough to make Rin angry, but the dreaded outburst never comes. Instead, a shaky hand grabs Haruka's wrist to make it stop doodling, and when he looks up from the sketchbook he finds Rin's eyes full of an unexpected sorrow that makes Haruka's stomach clench.
"Is that what's bothering you?" he asks quietly. Haruka nods, resisting the urge to look away as he puts down the sketchbook for Rin to not see what he's been drawing. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You can, if you want to," Haruka mutters. The last thing he wants is being a hindrance for Rin. But remembering the day he said he would move to Australia, just like that, after turning Haruka's world upside down, still hurts. "Just tell me."
"I am." Gently, Rin pries the pencil from his grasp, only to take Haruka's hand into his. "I don't want to go anywhere without you."
Haruka looks down.
"I'm sorry," and for once, he knows for sure Rin understands what he means.
"It's okay. I wouldn't trust me either." Haruka opens his mouth to protest, but Rin quickly covers it with his own lips. The "But I trust you" gets lost somewhere between their kiss. "Was that the reason you didn't want to move in with me when I got to Tokyo?"
Haruka nods. He remembers Rin's jokes, his own doubts, and the resolve he could only find when he stood on the top of the world at the Olympics.
"Then why now?"
Haruka glances at Rin. Pink petals are stuck in his hair, but he doesn't seem to mind.
"I'd rather spend some time with you than not being with you at all."
Rin's cheeks go red.
"When we were kids you found me annoying."
"Are you implying that now I don't?"
Rin smirks.
"I'm glad you like putting up with me, then." Haruka tries not to look away. "You're blushing."
"It's your fault."
He is too slow to get up and run before Rin grabs him and tickles his side, though.
Haruka knows this peace won't last. When tournaments start again, they'll have to get back to Tokyo, to practice, to travel. But even as he desperately tries to stop Rin and stop laughing, he feels at ease. Rin is always doing what he wants, but he also keeps his promises and Haruka is now sure he won't leave again.