South by More West

AU and/or missing scene of "South by Southwest" episode. Crack fic. Have you ever been to Arizona?

"Oh—! Dammit!"

McGee pushed himself away from his computer and bashed his head against his desk, with, as far as Ziva could tell, a sincere attempt to concuss himself.

She stood and approached carefully. "Are you alright, McGee?" She kept her voice slow and careful, a tone reserved for small children and high-strung suspects she didn't want to hurt. It didn't seem to have any affect, and now his shoulders were starting to shake and his head rolled back and forth just missing the keyboard, a long, thin, keening nonononono coming from his direction.

Since her call achieved so little, Ziva edged yet closer, snagging a pencil from DiNozzo's desk as she passed. Held gingerly between her first and middle fingers it was just the right length to reach McGee without getting too close.

She poked.

No response.

Ziva stopped, narrowed her eyes. She took one step to the right, without changing her grip on the pencil, she stabbed McGee in the neck—not enough to draw blood, she didn't want Tony's attention.

It worked, though Ziva found herself even more disturbed by the limited response. McGee simply stopped moving, stopped speaking. Then came a muffled , but distinct:

"Sorry Ziva." McGee pushed himself up, straightened in his chair, and turned to her. "Thank you for being my friend."

"Are you dying, McGee?" Ziva asked. If she'd known the word, she would have called herself gobsmacked.

"No, but I'll be dead in approximately..." He checked his watch. "...seven minutes. Or less."

Gibbs flipped open his phone. "What McGee."

"Boss, I was wrong. I shouldn't have used Google Earth, I hit the wrong landmarks. Rissi isn't there."

"How far off." Gibbs scanned the desert, catching DiNozzo's raised eyebrows from the corner of his eye, as the other agent went to interview the sheriff.

There was only silence on the other end. "McGee!"

"A couple hundred miles."

It was Gibbs' turn to hold his silence, although McGee, despite his imminent death, found necessary to fill it.

"It was bugging me, but I couldn't place it and I was sure it was fine until I looked up Kirk's rock and I don't know why I didn't recognize it but when I googled it—and I swear I didn't think I'd find anything—Abby's painting? It's from Vasquez Rocks, a National Park in Southern California—"

McGee kept talking, but Gibbs had tuned him out it favor of scowling at Tony who seemed to be getting a dressing down from the sheriff over his boots, which he'd much rather be hearing.

"It's right near Aqua Dulce and when I did some digging I found Rissi's been known to stay there—she has LA friends who own a ranch in the mountains there, off Sierra Highway, near a borax mine—actually most borax is from Calif—nevermind—and Risi—"

Before McGee finished, DiNozzo turned and yelled for Gibbs. "Hey boss! Sheriff says Risi's been seen getting supplies in town. He figures she's up there." He made a face. "It's too rugged for the jeeps, that's why he brought horses."

Gibbs interrupted a rundown on sandstone and earthquakes. "Good news, McGee. She's here anyway. But I'm telling DiNozzo, and he's just about to take his first trip on horseback."