BATTLE OF THE SEX SYMBOLS
Scott and Ramona were celebrating their anniversary. They went out with their friends to the pub. They had a lot to drink. Scott and Ramona took a cab home. They drunkenly got into their house and made their way into the bedroom. They started to take their clothes off and got into bed.
"Happy anniversary, Ramona." said Scott.
"Happy anniversary, Scott." said Ramona.
Then they had a night of fantastic sex.
That morning, they were hungover. Ramona went on her laptop to go online. She got the shock of her life. A video of her and Scott having sex was on Youtube. It had gotten over 5 million views. Worse of all, it had a name:
"Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers have sex".
Now the world knew their names.
"Did you post this?" Ramona asked Scott.
"No, I don't even have a camera or a Youtube account." said Scott.
"Who was filming us?" asked Ramona.
The username was just said "Anonymous" and there was no information about him or her.
The video was world-wide news. Everyone was talking about the video. Scott and Ramona got angry phone calls from both their families. In just a day, Scott and Ramona were world-wide celebrities. Everywhere Scott and Ramona went, the paparazzi followed them. They were also outside Scott and Ramona's house. They wouldn't leave. They all had tents and camped outside the house for days.
Scott and Ramona kept getting calls from magazines and talk shows pestering them for interviews. It was a nightmare. And things were going to get even worse.
Ramona got voted number 1 of "The Sexiest Woman In The World" list. And at Number 2 was Envy Adams. Envy sat on the bed in her room. She stared at her I-Pad shocked at this news. She had been at the top of the list for years. And now she's lost her place.
"I'm Number Two." she said with tears in her eyes. "I'm gonna go to Toronto and teach Ramona a lesson!"
It's been a week and Scott and Ramona were in despair. Their lives were over. They just wanted to die.
Kim was at work at No Account Video. She was the phone to someone.
"Look just take the video off Youtube. Scott and Ramona have had enough." said Kim.
"I told you I want Pilgrim to suffer." said the mysterious caller in a synthesized voice.
"He's suffered enough. Look for his and Ramona's sake, take the video off." said Kim.
"Don't forget he hurt you too." said the mysterious caller. "Which is why you wanted to film them in the first place. To get your revenge on Scott."
Kim sighed.
"I know. I know. I'm still angry at Scott for hurting me. But, I think he's humiliated enough. You can have your stupid belt back."
"Just bring Scott and Ramona at the warehouse at Mulhern's Peak tonight. I have a surprise for them" said the mysterious caller.
He hung up. Kim put the phone down, put her head in her hands and rubbed her face. She was in guilt.
Kim went to Scott and Ramona's house. She made her way through the huge crowd of paparazzi. She made it to the house. She went inside and told Scott and Ramona everything:
"A couple of days before your anniversary, I got a phone call from someone asking me would I like to make Scott's life a misery. And I said yes. After all Scott, you really did hurt me those years ago."
"I said I was sorry." said Scott.
"Yeah, well it still hurts." said Kim. "I met this guy at this warehouse in Mulhern's Peak. I didn't get a good look at him. He was standing in the darkness like in the movies. He gave me this."
Kim showed them a belt she has on. It had a NES controller for the buckle.
"And if press this..."
She pressed one of the buttons and turned completely invisible. She pressed it again and reappeared.
"So, I used this belt whilst filming you two having sex." said Kim. "But how did you get in our house?" asked Ramona. "He gave me this Master key." said Kim as she pulled a key from her pocket. "Was your camera invisible too?" asked Scott. "No. If you're wearing the invisibility belt on, anything you touch turns invisible too." said Kim
"So when I left the pub, I came here and waited in the bedroom." she continued. "It took a long and boring time to wait for you two to come home. So, I'm happy that you're humiliated, Scott. But now that it's a been a week, I told that guy to take the video off the internet. He said that he will on condition that you two must come to Mulhern's Peak tonight. He said he has a surprise for both of you."
"Let's go now." said Ramona. "I just want this whole thing to end."
"How are we going to get past the paparazzi?" asked Scott.
"You two, put your arms around mine." said Kim.
Scott and Ramona put their arms around her.
Kim pressed the button on her belt and all three of them turned invisible.
From outside the house, the paparazzi saw the front door opening. They were hoping that Scott and Ramona would come out. But the door opened and then closed. Nothing. The paparazzi stood there disappointed. The invisible Scott, Ramona and Kim made their way to Kim's car. They got in and Kim drove off. The paparazzi looked at the car driving away with no people in it.
"Oh my God! It's a ghost car!" one of them said as they took photos of the car driving away.
As the car drove down the road, the paparazzi were nowhere in sight. Kim pressed the button and the trio became visible again.
That evening, Kim's car arrived at the warehouse at Mulhern's Peak. They got out of the car and entered the warehouse. It was massive. It was as big as an auditorium. It WAS an auditorium. It was a wrestling arena. Above it was a giant video screen which had a list of 'The Sexiest Woman Of The World' on it. Surrounding the arena were over 100 teenage boys.
In the arena stood Envy Adams dressed in a very sexy red dress (similar to the one that Milla Jovovich wore in the first Resident Evil film) revealing her legs and black boots. She was holding a microphone stand. She was going to use it as a weapon. Beside her was a figure dressed in a cowl. The crowd cheered as Scott, Ramona and Kim walked into the arena.
"Hello, Scott. Hello, Kim. Hello, RAMONA!" said Envy, not looking very happy. "So, Miss 'Sexiest Woman In The World', how does it feel?"
"I hate it." said Ramona. "I hate the attention. People won't leave me alone."
"Well, now that you've been voted the Number 1 sexiest woman in the world, I've been voted Number 2." said Envy. "I don't like being Number 2. It's stinks."
"Well, you know the saying, Envy?" said Scott "First the worst, second the best."
"So you agree that Ramona is the worst and I'm the best?" Envy asked Scott.
"No... I... you know... I..." spluttered Scott.
"Look who are you, mysterious man in a cowl?" Kin asked the figure.
The figure lifted up the hood of the cowl to show that this person is none other than...
"SIMON LEE!" said Scott and Kim in surprise.
"Hello, Scott. Long time, no see." said Simon.
He was still wearing his track suit that he still wore from the last time they met.
"I'm the one who made Kim shoot that video of you and Ramona."
Ramona had no clue who this guy was. Simon decided to introduce himself.
"Forgive me, Ramona. I'm Simon Lee, old enemy of Scott. When I was in High School, I became interested in Kim. I kidnapped her one day and Scott stole her away from me."
"So all this is about revenge on Scott for saving his girlfriend who you've kidnapped?" asked Ramona.
"Yes." said Simon. "But years after our battle, I heard that Scott dumped Kim. So I planned this little scheme. Also, I just wanna see two hot chicks fighting. Ramona, you're not dressed for the occasion. You'll be more comfortable wearing this."
He held up a sexy, small black dress and high heels. Ramona just rolled her eyes.
"You've got the curves and the legs for a dress like this." said Simon. "Also, there are many teenage boys in the audience. Give them a bit of fan service."
Ramona took the dress and went away to change.
So Ramona came back wearing the dress.
"I feel like a slut wearing this." she said.
"You are a slut." said Envy.
Ramona walked into the arena and faced Envy. Scott, Kim and Simon walked far away from the arena.
"Who ever wins will be 'Sexiest Woman In The World' for all time." said Simon.
Ramona reached into her bag and pulled out a hockey stick.
"It's stereotypical, but it's long." she said.
"Ladies, when you're ready." said Simon.
Envy lunged at Ramona and their weapons clashed into each other. The crowd went wild as they shouted things like "TEAR EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES OFF!" and "MAKE OUT!"
Ramona and Envy fought for a few more minutes. Ramona was winning the fight as she tripped Envy with her hockey stick and she fell to the floor.
"See the teenage crowd?" said Simon. "The winner will be their idol. They will follow everywhere the winner goes. And I mean everywhere."
Scott suddenly had an epiphany. Ramona can't win the fight.
"Ramona, you have to lose!" Scott yelled at her.
"But I'm winning!" Ramona yelled back at Scott.
"You have to lose! Trust me!" Scott yelled back.
Ramona knew that if she won the fight, something bad will happen.
She looked at Envy and said "Envy, I give in."
"What?" asked Envy in disbelief.
"I just realized that I'm don't deserve the 'Sexiest Woman In The World' title." said Ramona. "I just know that you're prettier, hotter and sexier than me."
She didn't like saying those words, but she had no choice.
"So I'm the winner?" asked Envy.
"Yes." said Ramona.
"So, I'm The Sexiest Woman In The World?" asked Envy.
"Yes." said Ramona.
"Okay then." said Envy.
Ramona walked off the arena and on the giant video screen Envy Adam's name appeared on the top of the list.
Ramona walked over to Scott, Kim and Simon.
"Now the fun begins." said Simon with an evil grin.
All the teenage boys in the audience looked like they were in a trance. They all went into the arena and went over to Envy.
"Come and get me, boys." she said in delight.
She was loving the attention. But then she noticed how many boys there were.
"Wow, there's a lot of you." she said startled.
As they got closer and closer, Envy started to feel scared.
"Take her clothes off!" one of them yelled as they ran over and surrounded Envy.
She screamed as they all started tearing at her dress. She pushed her way out of the crowd and made to her way out of the arena and out of the door. The crowd chased after her. Envy dress was a bit torn and her hair got messed up.
"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed.
She ran away from the teenage boys and out of the warehouse. The crowd of 100 teenage boys chased after her. Envy and the crowd ran off into the night.
"Well, Envy got what she wanted. To be the idol of every teenage boy." said Simon.
"Some revenge plot this is." said Kim.
"Yeah, I was actually trying to get that to happen you, Ramona." said Simon.
"I'm humiliated enough, thank you." said Ramona.
"You know for a super villain, you haven't really thought this whole plot through." said Scott.
"Alright, I suck as a villain, so sue me." said Simon. "I think I'll go into making documentaries. That's what I'm studying at the moment."
"Will you take that video of us off Youtube?" asked Ramona.
"Yeah, sure." said Simon. "Your 15 minutes of fame will be over soon."
"Good!" said Ramona. "I prefer the private life, thank you."
Kim took of the invisibility belt and gave it to Simon.
"Here." she said.
"Keep it." said Simon. "As a gift from me. Ramona, you can keep that dress too."
"Thanks." said Ramona.
Afterwards, they all went home.
Envy was inside a small shed. She had locked herself in. Outside the shed were the 100 teenage boys. They banged their fists on the shed. Envy was in fear.
"COME OUT, ENVY!" they shouted. "WE LOVE YOU!"
Envy took out her Smartphone and called her security to come and get her.
"Oh, I wish I were Number 2 after all." she said to herself.
The next morning, Ramona was on the internet. She was in shock.
"Oh my God!" she cried.
"What?" asked Scott. "Don't tell me Simon didn't take the video off!"
"No, worse!" said Ramona. "There is a sex video of Wallace and his boyfriend!"
It was true. On Youtube, there was a sex video of Wallace and his boyfriend. Just then, the phone rang. Scott answered it and it was Wallace.
"Hey guy, did you see the video?" he asked.
"It was probably Kim using the invisibility belt again." said Scott.
The night before, Scott called Wallace and told him what happened.
"No guy, this video of me and Roaul was my idea." said Wallace. "I never had use for that camera until now."
"Wallace how could you?" asked Scott.
"What can I say?" said Wallace. "You and Ramona inspired me."
THE END