Title: What If
Rating: T
Description: Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. It brings insight and tolerance, where as irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos. That's what this situation was. Irony.
Characters: Quinn F. and Puck
Notes: Well, not a new song, but still a good one for me that caught my ear (haha, get it?) I'm terribly sorry if it's poorly written, I'm a bit on the tired side. Just wrote a ten page essay about Tourism and it's disadvantages. I'm tired. x) Anyway, this pair never fails to make my heart go boom boom. I adore them so much and I need them to just... get together. I know this is almost like a break up song, but whatevssss. Enjoy! Oh ps, don't own anything. Not mine. Not the song, the characters or anything. The song is Ashley Tisdale's and the rest of it is Ryan Murphy's. :) And it's AU. Kbye. Oh and if it's weird it's because it was taken from a roleplay of mine. :)
What If
Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. It brings insight and tolerance, where as irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding. Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos. That's what this situation was. Irony. There was no better explanation. Or that's what Quinn thought. She knew this was actually happening, and yet it all felt so fake. It was like she was in a dream-like state and there was no way of waking him up. But why did she feel so happy if 'irony' in this case was bad? It's been a year since both Puck and her had seen each other. And when they ended their relationship, it was on bad terms. Her baby girl was gone, hopefully in a better home. Through the time they were separated, Beth was always on her mind. She wanted to be a better mother to her. She wanted to be in her life. But when she was able to, she was gone. Quinn hated herself for that. But now wasn't a time to dwell on the past. It was the present and the present had a name: Noah Puckerman. She would make things better, whether it be a friendship or just a simple apology. Things wouldn't feel so cold between them anymore. Quinn had to get ready, the coffee shop wasn't that far away and he needed to get there before Puck did. She wanted to see him badly.
Puck wouldn't know how much Quinn thought about him since they split up. He was all she had when she lost her record deal, her fame, everything. Her teen years were the best. She met Puck, she was in a famous band, she had a daughter. Dwelling on the past again. Wasn't allowed. Quinn found her dark floral dress and slipped it over her delicate frame. She put her black leggings on and soon after that, Quinn was on her way to the coffee shop.
It wasn't such a bad neighbor hood. What was she talking about, of course it was. It wasn't the type you'd raise a family in. It was for teenagers. Quinn wasn't a teenager. She was in her late twenties, so why was she here? She shoved her hands in her pockets and breathed in the crisp autumn air. The coffee shop was in eye sight. She took longer strides and in no time she was there. Quinn yanked open the door, stepping inside and she rubbed her hands together to warm them up.
Quinn stared out the window in front of her. She placed her hands on the table that was in front of her. Puck would be arriving shortly. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a folded up photograph. Quinn unfolded it gingerly, careful to not tear it. Her thumb ran over the angelic face of her daughter. Beth had Puck's eyes. They were deep and brown. She folded it quickly before tucking it away. Her bottom lip was going to give the fact that the tears were coming away. She didn't want people to know she was like that. A women was nothing without her family and she lost that all a year ago. After Puck left her, Quinn's record deal went down the drain. She was so lost in herself that her music started to suffer. Her band left her when she had Beth, they found a new singer and it didn't take long before Quinn had found a solo career. Her pop-rock genre started to turn into country. She was good at it. Puck supported her, although she could of been more supporting for him and Beth.
She took the sugar container, playing with the lid as she thought. Puck agreed to meet her, so he couldn't have been that mad at her. Or maybe he was never mad at her.
And then there he was. The man she was waiting to see. Quinn's heart sped up when Noah Puckerman walked through the door, looking clean shaved and fresh. He got his mowhawk shaven off, his bald head looked good on him. It reminded Quinn of when he used to be sensitive. It still baffled Quinn how much could change in such a short amount of time, but it could leave such a lasting impact on your life. He was walking towards her, and it seemed almost as if it was all in slow motion. He strode over with such a casual step, his jeans hanging in just the right way that they complimented his hips perfectly. Puck wore a white muscle shirt under a red and white plaid long-sleeved button up. It wasn't his usual wear, but it suited him. He looked like he was doing well for himself. And then there were the aviators that sat on Puck's nose, covering his beautiful eyes that Quinn always loved. She caught herself staring and quickly sat up, knocking over the sugar container. One simple word made her sit straight and look him in the eye. Her mouth felt dry.
"Hi." Puck spoke as he took his seat. His eyebrow quirked upwards, indicating towards the spilt sugar.
"Hi." She replied. Quinn tucked her chair in, making her scoot closer to the table, more importantly, closer to Puck. She didn't know how this would go, and the element of surprise was a terrible thing right now. "You.. uh, you look good." He really did. Nothing else changed much, other than his eyes. They were harder, not full of the happy Puckerman she once knew. Quinn couldn't help but think that this was mostly her fault. Brushing away the sugar, Quinn blushed heavily.
"It's been a while.." Puck nodded absentmindedly. It was almost the same head nod from high school.
Quinn heard him talking, heard the words that coming out of his mouth, but her mouth was still too dry to speak. Her words getting caught in her throat with everything she wanted to say. Part of her wanted to hug him, and kiss him, do all the things she used to do with him when they were in love. Puck just wasn't in love with her anymore, at least not in the way that he used to be. He was a different person now than he was when they had Beth. Beth was the light of their life. The little girl was what kept the two going when the rest of the world was falling apart right before their very eyes.
Puck scooted closer and he clasped his hands together at the table. "It's been a long, long while." He admitted softly. Quinn seen the pain hidden deep in his eyes. She knew that what she did was wrong, but how could she possible fix the past now. It was her fault that Beth was taken away and Puck always resented Quinn for that.
"I know. How've you been?" Time to make small talk was what Quinn had decided to do.
"I've been good. Jumping from town to town trying to find a decent job. I've settled back here in Lima. Kind of regretting it. What happened to this place?" A waitress came by. She stood a the table longer than necessary, flirting openly and shamelessly with Noah in front of Quinn. She couldn't help but feel the regret and jealousy build up inside of her.
When the waitress left with their coffee orders and, much to her disappointment, not Puck's number, they continued with their chat.
"You don't want to know. It was a blow up. The mayor skipped town and now we're in a huge debt because he was like, hiding all this money or whatever. I think it was stealing the towns money." Quinn shrugged. She ran her fingers through her newly dyed blonde hair and smiled a bit.
Puck chuckled, a smile lighting up his face, too.
He smiled. It made Quinn smile more. "How've you really been, Puck" She spoke gently, unable to bring her voice up to a room volume. It was like she was shy all over again with him, although at the beginning it wasn't like that at all. Every moment with Puck rushed back to her when he walked in. They were attacking her like tidal waves, one right after the other. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands. She wanted to make this easy. It wouldn't be simple but if she played the right cards and said the right things, they just might share a laugh. Maybe even another laugh over another cup of coffee. Hell, maybe they'd become good friends again and share secrets on the roof of Quinn's house again.
Puck was unreadable as he thought about what to say. Quinn watched his posture, his movements. She could of been over analyzing things, but she was curious as to how exactly Puck had changed over the years. Quinn became closed off, she denied that anything was wrong. Her parents kicked her out of the house four months after they split up. Quinn was alone, bouncing between Mercedes' couch and the park bench. Neither of them were a good place for her, but then she found a cozy apartment building in Lima. It was a place for misfits like Quinn, even more so now. Quinn shivered a bit, catching a cool wave of air that rolled through the room when the door opened, another person walking inside.
Puck opened his mouth to answer but a cell phone ring tone was heard. He dug deep into his jeans and pulled out his phone, groaning when he seen the name. Sliding his thumb across the screen, he put it to his ear.
"Hey sweetie, what's wrong?" Pause. Quinn swore that her heart was going to drop into her stomach. That or she was going to vomit it up. Sweetie? Did he have another women? God, she felt stupid. What if questions ran through her mind like crazy. She could only hear the loud thumping sound through her ears as the blood coursed violently. Quinn's cheeks went red. "Shit, really? Alright, I'm coming. Don't move anywhere, okay?" Puck hung up and sighed regretfully. "Look, Quinn, can I meet up with you tonight or something? I've got to go, something really important came up." Puck rose from his seat. So did Quinn.
"Oh, yeah sure. Come back to the coffee shop tonight? I'm performing and I want you to see it. It's been a while since you've heard me sing and with my burn out and all that." Quinn smiled sheepishly at her invite. It was lame, but in the end Puck accepted and left to go check on his 'sweetie'.
It was show time. The final moment for Quinn. Well, she thought so. Truth be told she hated performing, but how could she not do it? Music was her life. Quinn used her past experiences to get herself pumped up for her shows. The light went on and out she stepped onto the makeshift stage. People sitting at the tables clapped. The light blinded her and she smiled to cover up the anxious look she was wearing. Stepping up nervously to the microphone, Quinn waved slightly.
"Hey everyone, I'm Quinn Fabray, and tonight for you I'll be performing my song, What If." She stepped back, taking a seat at the piano that was on the stage. She adjusted the microphone and tried a few keys on the piano before nodding. Before starting to play, Quinn looked out into the crowd. Sure enough, Puck was there, leaning against the back wall. With a shaky breath, Quinn started to play.
"Don't speak, I can't believe this is here, happening. Our situation isn't right. Get real who you playing with? I never though he'd be like this. You were supposed to be there by my side." Quinn picked the tempo up and bit her bottom lip, eyes glancing out into the crowd. Tonight wasn't like the usual, tonight was different.
"When you say that you want me, I just don't believe it. You're always ready to give up and never turn around..." She stopped and slowed to a stop on the piano. Gulping silently, Quinn started to play again, pressing hard on the keys to make the noise louder. "What if I need you baby? Would you even try to save me? Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true? What if I said I loved you? Would you be the one to run to? Or would you watch me walk away without a fight?"
A deep breath was what she needed while the piano kept playing. Another one to start her off with the next chorus. "I'm so sick of worrying that you're gonna quit over anything. I could trip and you'd let go like that. I'm everything that we ever were, seems so fake but not the hurt 'cause you don't know the good things from the bad."
Her eyes darted out to where Puck was standing. He was still there, his arms crossed. But he had his sunglasses on now. He didn't before. Quinn looked back at the piano and suddenly her throat got dry again. A lump was blocking her voice and she choked on her next words.
"When I say that I want you, you know that I mean it and in my hour of weakness there's still time to try." Her bottom lip started to quiver. This song was a popular hit when she was in her solo career. It suited her at the time. This was like she was accusing him. She wasn't. It was never like that. It was her fault. "What if I need you baby? Would you even try to save me? Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true? What if I said I loved you? Would you be the one to run to? Or would you watch me walk away without a fight?"
She let her fingers pass along the keys smoothly and all from memory, her eyes were blinded by welling tears that were slowly showing up. "Every time I speak you try and stop me, 'cause every little thing I say is wrong. You say you're noticing but you never see. This is who I really am that you can't believe.. Makes me wanna know right now if it's me you'll live without or would you change your mind? What if I need you?" Quinn dragged out the last note in 'you', slowing into the final verse, singing it gently.
"But what if I need you baby? Would you even try to save me? Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true? What if I said I loved you? Would you be the one to run to? Or would you watch me walk away without a.." Quinn glanced out to look for Puck again. Where he used to stand was bare, empty.
A single tear rolled down her cheek and she looked away. "Oh baby what if I need you? What if I need you? What if I need you? What if I need you? What if I need you? What if I need you? What if I need you?" Her voice gradually got slower and quieter, the last line coming out in a whisper, her fingers barely pressing on the keys, "But what if I need you.."
As the audience clapped, Quinn rose from her seat calmly and left the stage, not bothering to do a bow.
Back in the employees washroom, she was wiping the streaked make up down her face away. Quinn couldn't believe what she had just done. The song was basically pinning all the blame on the person who didn't deserve it. It was Quinn's fault. She was the one who let the fame go to her, let her manager talk her into thinking she was a flawless human being. When Quinn got pregnant with Beth, Quinn's manager almost talked her into an abortion. She was going to do it, but then Puck, her adorable Puck, told her he wanted Beth. She couldn't say no. But now here she was, no Beth and no Puck. Her life was in the dumps. Quinn finished and tossed the paper towel in the garbage and opened the door, running into a man's chest with an oomf.
"Oh, I'm sorry.." She spoke, trying to make her voice clear. Her head was down as she shifted out of his way. A hand reached out, taking her arm gently into his hand. Quinn's body went rigid and she sighed.
It was the same touch she missed all those years. He spoke. "You still sing beautifully." A small blush crept over Quinn's face. She blinked at him, biting her lip.
"I didn't mean the song to be... I never wanted it to have that... You should know that .." How would she start this. Quinn was stumbling over her own words. "Puck, I didn't want you to think–" Quinn was cut off by a soft pair of lips against her own. It was everything she thought that their first reunited kiss would be like. It made her knees weak, her heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Quinn moved her arms around her neck and held on as tight as she could, because if she were to let go, Quinn would just float away.
Puck pulled away first and no sooner than he did, Quinn blurted out, "You have a girlfriend."
A small chuckle came from Puck. "I was hoping I would have one by the end of the night.."
"But... you said sweetie on the phone..."
"Let me explain." Puck took Quinn's hand and lead her out to his car.
Some how he had managed to talk Quinn into coming to his new apartment. It wasn't the same building as hers, but it wasn't that far away either. Puck spoke for the entire ride. He explained how after Quinn lashed out and they split up, he worked hard to get his life back together. He slept with tons of women trying to get over her but it never worked. When he finally met this one blondie with a pixie cropped hair cut and beautiful green eyes, he knew that he really missed her. So Puck came back to Lima. And he ended up finding something that he was missing.
Although Quinn suspected that it was her that he was missing, he never did say. He also never mentioned the 'sweetie'. They arrived at his apartment.
"Quinn. I want to make things right," He said at the door and Quinn looked at him confused. "What I'm saying is, is that Quinn, since we started, we were meant for each other. I want to make things right because over time, I've learnt that forgiveness is the way to go. I don't care what you've done, and I just want my future with you. So you can't freak out when you see this." Puck opened the door and walked inside.
A small girl with blonde curls came running down the hall, her arms open wide and she wore a contagious smile. "Daddy!" The girl was shouting and Puck picked her up, sitting her on his waist.
"Hello little angel. I'd like you to meet someone." Puck turned her towards Quinn.
She watched the girl. When her angelic face turned towards Quinn, Quinn's eyes widened. No.
"Hi." She spoke in her childish voice. "My name's Beth. What's yours?"
"Hi Beth.." Quinn's throat was dry, again. "This is going to sound so strange... but.." She moved forward, smiling as her eyes watered with happy tears. "I'm your mommy."