Halo 3 Screwed Up Version

Chapter 1: Dead On Arrival Level Caboose

Halo my friends! My name is NeptinTheSangheili. How are you? I is great! I finally found the script thanks to the penname:TkeleChoG.

Thanks man I owe you one. I also want to give a thanks to pennames: Cybermat47 and 03-636 Ebullient Ancilla.

Okay I'm talking too much now let's start.

In the night sky a several bright pinpoints of the forerunner ship.

It's starts coming down from the sky.

The scene looks down a little bit of a tranquil forest, with lush forestry and a winding river but for some odd reason there was no river.

Then randomly Cortana starts speaking, "They let me pick. Did I ever tell you that? I had to choose whichever asshole I wanted."

The broken parts of the ship or a random thing that was on fire getting closer.

She continued, "You know me. I did my shit for you. And watched as you became an asshole to everyone. Like the others you were a dumbass and a retard. A natural dickhead. But you had something that no one saw but me."

The fire ball is getting closer.

She continued (Jesus Christ! Are you finished!), "Can you guess? …Sorry figure it out."

Then you hear chief yelling, "BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH"

He was interrupted by the crash.

The camera views down toward the forest, with the sun streaming through the trees onto the smoking ruin where the object hit the ground.

The camera zooms in on Johnson's cap.

It says "Got to love the ladies."

The marines found chief laying on the ground.

Johnson replied, "Stay sharp!"

Then turns toward Marine Corpsman and gave a nod.

Corpsman replied, "His armor is locked up and he has no vital signs."

Johnson replies, "Radio VTOL. We are leaving him here."

He said that while taking out the chip that Cortana was in.

Then chief grabs Johnson's hand while getting up and saying, "Oh hell naw! You are not leaving me here!"

Johnson sighs, "Crazy green fuck! Why do you always jump? One day you're going to land on something as stubborn as Cortana."

Chief eyeballed him. "You fucker!"

He pulls up Cortana's chip and says, "She stayed behind."

Johnson replies, "Oh I was about to ask you but okay then."

Pauses for a moment.

"Corporal? Make it quick."

Then the marine walked to chief then said, "Sorry sir. Your armor's still in partial lockdown."

Chief sighs, "I always hated this part."

5 hours later.

Chief is pissed, Johnson is pissed, The Arbiter is getting pissed.

Then chief finally yelled, "ARE FUCKING DONE YET!"

Marine replied, "I've been done."

Chief still pissed replied, "Why didn't you tell me then?!"

Marine said with a troll smile, "I forgot."

Then started singing the TROLOLOLOLOL song.

Chief grabbed Johnson's pistol and shot him.

He died (LOL).

The Chief looks around, taking in his surroundings.

Somewhere near him is a familiar sight...the heat-wave effect: The Covenant Active Camouflage Johnson gives it a nod.

An Elite decloaks, revealing itself to be the Thel Vadum which is the Arbiter.

Chief points the pistol at Thel.

Johnson steps in front of chief saying, "Don't kill him he's with us."

Then walks toward chief.

"Come on now. We got enough to worry about without you two killing each other even though it will be comedy in my book."

Chief puts down the pistol.

Then the Arbiter said, "Wow."

Then walked away while saying, "We must go the Brutes have our scent."

Then Johnson replies, "Then they must love the smell of rape and I'm kind of scared."

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