A/N: This is my first Lily/James fic. So work with me. And if you actually think I own Harry Potter etc. I am very honored but unfortunately it was not me but JKR who came up with the brilliant idea. So without further interruptions, here is Past's Gone By
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I've got a story to tell. Or so Belinda tells me, I was going on about how in 20 years I so will not be looking back on how I met him. I mean really 20 years from now we'll probably be broken up, I don't know anyone who met their soul mate in school. But anyways, I was going on like that and she says something like, 'won't you want to tell your daughter how you met the love of your life?' And I was like, 'hell no, and who says he's the love of my life anyway'. And she just gave me a look. One of those that says, 'Give me a break, I know and you know that you two are going to live happily ever after'. God, people have been giving me that look a lot lately. So here I am, writing this, but I want whoever's reading this to know, that it's under protest.
So where do I start, I've never even written in a diary before. I don't know what I'm supposed to write. I'm not starting when I first met him, or even the first time he asked me out. The story would be way too long.
My name's Lily Evans, and unless you're really slow, like some of my friends, you've probably figured out that this is all about James Potter. Sounds kind of familiar, huh? Everything's about guys, isn't it? You know, before fourth year, I hated guys. Okay I lied, I never hated guys, I've hated some guys, but never guys in general. I just ignored them, they weren't important.
I suppose I should start in fourth year then, since I just mentioned it, but nothing really happened until fifth year. And I'm just plain lazy and don't feel like writing four years. Not to mention, except for the fact that guys became 'hot' and suddenly interesting, fourth year was a bore. So I guess that means that I'm starting in fifth year. Well here goes…
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This was before I had any friends. I mean I had some friends, but not any close ones. Everyone just assumed because I did all my homework and read at lunch that I was a teacher's pet, a suck up, and quiet. And if you haven't noticed, once you get me started, I never shut up. But I let them keep believing it because I didn't want anyone to bother me. I thought I was doing just fine.
The only person who had noticed me was James Potter. Or as some call him, 'The Sex God Of Hogwarts', well actually that's what they call Sirius, I'm not really sure what they called James, but it was something like that. I don't even know what he saw in me, sitting all alone at dinner. But one day he came up and asked me out. I knew what he was like though, and I knew that the relationship would mean nothing, he'd sleep with me and we'd break up the next day. So I denied him the amusement.
What am I doing? I said I'd start at fifth year, and here I am talking about third. Okay, I'll really start now, and anytime you need to know something that happened beforehand, I'll just tell you. So onto the train, fifth year.
I lugged my trunk onto the train, after a long tear filled good bye with my parents, and turned down the hallway, looking for an empty compartment. In the first door I opened sat Belinda. She was in my year, and a Griffindor, so I knew her, but we didn't really know each other. She had (well still has) light brown hair, with blonde highlights that I envy her for, and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. She's not extremely pretty, but she's not ugly at all. She hadn't many friends either, so I figured she wouldn't mind if I sat down.
"Can I sit here?" At my voice she looked up, smiling she shrugged.
"Sure." I had noticed that, like myself, she didn't talk much. But I guessed that also like myself, she'd open up. So after I had dragged my trunk into the compartment, and collapsed into a seat, I looked up at her and asked cheerfully.
"So, how was your summer?" She sort of looked confused, like I was on crack or something as she answered.
"Um, fine." I nodded.
"Mine sucked." Her eyes grew really wide, now she was sure that I was wasted. She sort of raised her eyebrows and pretended not to hear me. "I had to spend it with my family, they completely hate me because I'm a witch. They so don't get that I'm the same person I was. I'm muggle born." I added, as an after thought. She nodded, unsure as to why I was talking to her. We may have been in the same room for 5 years but we had never really talked. Sure enough, she asked.
"Why are you talking to me? You're a goody two shoes, who would never even think of sneaking out of school to Hogsmede, which you know as well as I do, is my favorite hobby. Why are you suddenly interested in how my summer was?" See what I mean. People assume that just because I don't talk to those I don't know, and turn in my homework, I'm a goody two shoes. And that is exactly what I told her. Okay, not exactly.
"I beg to differ. I happen to have snuck out of school many times. You remember Christine, she graduated last year, we were friends, and she now works at The Three Broomsticks. So I get free sodas and help on my homework. And I'm not a goody two shoes, I resent that. Just because I actually turn in my homework on time, people suppose that I'm a perfect teacher's pet, which I'm not." I noticed that Belinda was smiling and when I asked why she answered.
"I've never heard you say more than five words, and here you are, refusing to shut up!" I grinned. "I think I'm gonna like you." I laughed at that.
The ride to Hogwarts was rather enjoyable, for the first time in all my years riding it. There was a little incident with the Marauders…
The trolley lady had just left, leaving Belinda and I with a fairly good sized pile of treats, which we were pigging down on. The door swung open and in walked the four trouble makers of the school, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and of course their ring leader James Potter. As they strolled in Belinda and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Apparently she hated the Marauders as much as I did, which was something I found very comforting in a friend.
As James sauntered in, followed by his associates, suddenly the lights flickered out, as we learned later, Peter had accidentally flipped the switch, being the smart ass he is. I groaned and heard Belinda gasp across from me.
"It's okay ladies, we'll protect you." I recognized James' voice trying to assure us, but all it did was piss me off.
"What exactly would you be protecting us from?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my lips (ha, I've always wanted to say that). "The dark?"
"We know it can be very frightening," Sirius said, trying to be extremely calm and sober, something very difficult for him. "But don't worry, I'll be right here."
"Sirius Black that better not be your hand on my ass!" Belinda shrieked, and then I heard a slap, as her hand hit his face. I turned to where I assumed James was and glared, even though it was pitch dark and he couldn't see it.
"If you get anywhere near me, I swear I will beat the shit out of you!" As I lectured Remus spoke up.
"Uh Lily, I'm not planning on it, I don't like you like that." I groaned.
"Not you Remus, James!"
"Oh you mean me?" His voice came from behind me, cheerful as usual.
"No the other James in the compartment!" I joked. "Yes you!"
As I felt a hand on my shoulder I heard him say, slyly. "So you wouldn't want me to do this?" Sliding his hand down my arm. I stood quickly, and spun around.
"What the hell are you up to? If you wanted to make yet another move on me you could have done it with the lights on. Either way I'm gonna shoot you down!" I continued shouting, just basically throwing it in his face, telling him why I wouldn't go out with him, not that he was listening. As I screamed Peter spoke up from the corner, flicking the lights back on.
"Sorry guys, my bad." His voice was quiet and timid, as if he was scared that someone would hurt him. He spoke like that a lot I noticed. As the lights came back on I saw Sirius in another corner nursing his reddened cheek and Belinda standing, looking very proud of herself. James had a smirk on his face, not like he's got any other expression, and Remus was standing behind me, not sure whether to laugh at his friends for both being shut down or to be relieved that no one had slapped him.
Of the four Remus would be considered the nice one. We weren't exactly friends, but we weren't enemies either. We had an unspoken agreement to be civil to each other. Sirius as you have probably figured out is the, well, pervert, but I guess you could call James that too. Well now I wouldn't but 2 years ago I probably would. And little Peter Pettigrew the 'I'll do anything you tell me to because you're so cool' kind of guy, every group needs one you know.
Reaching into our pile of candy and pulling out a chocolate frog James asked. "So how have you girls been, haven't seen you all summer you know." I snatched the chocolate frog from his hands and unwrapped it myself.
"That was the best part." I said cheerfully, popping the chocolate into my mouth before he could take it back.
"Come on Lils, you know you missed me." There he goes, using his seduction voice, the 'you know you want my body' one. Really you'd think that he'd have gotten by then that I didn't like him and never was going to like him, if he was as smart as everyone says. But I guess it's good that he didn't give up, or I wouldn't be here writing this. Did any of that make any sense at all?
"James, let's go," Remus said from his corner. Not only is Remus the nice one he's also the considerate one. Why'd I choose James again? No I'm kidding.
James sort of groaned, but he stood up to leave.
"See you at the feast ladies." Was all he said before he left.
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James just came in and asked what I was writing. I told him: 'Oh just how much of and asshole I thought you were in 5th year'. He smiled and rolled his eyes. Somehow, I don't think he believed me. Instead of leaving like I suggested (okay maybe 'sod off' isn't a suggestion) he sauntered over to me and threw an arm around my shoulders. I knew he was just trying to get a glimpse at this so I promtly turned it over. He groaned.
"Come on Lils," He said, using that damn voice again. "You can show me." And then he gave me the puppy eyes. Too bad for him they don't work, he's really got to get some new material. I told him that too, he didn't appreciate it much though. Either that or he didn't believe me, because he just snuggled closer and kissed me on the cheek. I turned away, there's no way I'm letting him read this. At least not until we're married. Did I just say married? God, I don't want to think that far ahead. Seriously (no pun intended) if he knew what I really thought back in 5th year, or if he saw that I think Remus is the nice one, he'd dump me here and now. And come on, I really don't want to get dumped. I've put too much effort into this relationship. Okay, I'm rambling, James eventually did go away, basically because I've got him wrapped around my little finger.
So back to 5th year, where was I, oh yes, the feast.
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So Belinda and I were sitting there making fun of all the adorable little first years, who all looked scared out of their minds. I wonder if we looked like that. Oh well, we were relaxing when the girl next to Belinda leaned over and asked.
"Did you hear what happened over the summer?" I of course being isolated from the Wizard world had no idea what she was talking about so I shook my head. Her eyes lit up and she grinned, evidently she was very excited about something.
"Remus and Casey broke up!" I remember being very stunned. Casey and Remus had been the perfect couple, it was somewhat nauseating actually. They had always been hanging all over each other, and let me tell you, that's very depressing when you don't have a boyfriend. Belinda gasped, one thing you've got to understand is she's a romantic. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, we're best friends, just you've got to recognize this before you try to befriend her.
"What happened? They were the perfect couple!" I agreed, and told them my shpeal on it being sickening.
"Supposedly," Leslie (as we discovered later was her name) started. Let me tell you something. It's never a good thing, when someone starts a story with 'supposedly'. "Remus told Sirius, that he thought this girl named Kayla was pretty, and then he lied to Casey about it. But Casey had already heard from Meghan, who heard from her cousin Bert who over heard Remus and Sirius talking." Okay, is it just me, or is that really immature, to break up with a guy because you heard from someone who heard from someone else that he thought a girl was pretty?!
"Oh my god! How could Remus do something like that?!" Was Belinda's opinion, apparently Casey didn't appreciate us talking about her, when she was sitting right across the table, which none of us had realized.
"Uh guys." She spoke up, and both Belinda and Leslie gasped. As I tell her when ever she puts herself down, Casey is gorgeous. But she doesn't go around flaunting it. She leaves her short dark brown down most of the time, or up in a bun. And she hardly ever wears makeup with the exception of the occasional mascara and eyeliner. "I just want to set you straight. I did not break up with Remus because he said Kayla was hot. That's really not something you can break up with a guy for." And that is were our friendship began. See this was a good year, I got two new friends in one day! God I'm good.
"I completely agree," I said, leaning across the table to talk. " And I'm not just saying that. So what did happen?" She sort of looked down at the plate in front of her, like it hurt to talk about.
"I didn't even break up with him." Another gasp from the peanut gallery.
"Oh my God I'm so sorry." Leslie, although a gossip, was also very nice.
"I went to go see a movie with Ian," She sighed, very much regretting it now. "He's my best friend, and a muggle so I don't see him much. He's got a moped and so he drove me home, and I gave him a hug. Unfortunately Remus had showed up and wasn't too happy when he saw me hugging a strange guy. I tried to explain that me and Ian were just friends, but he didn't buy it." She sighed again and looked up at us. "So he said that he never wanted to talk to me again. And here I am, for the first time in a year, sitting at the dinner table with Remus at the other end." I felt kind of bad for her, she didn't deserve that. Which was why I stood up to tell Remus exactly what I thought of him.
Casey stopped me though. "What do you think you're doing?" Was what she said as I got up. I sort of gave her a look, like 'isn't it obvious?'
"I'm going to go tell Remus how much of an asshole he is." I answered.
"He's not an asshole." She was still standing up for the guy. Now that was dedication.
"How can you say that?" Belinda asked beside me. "The guy didn't even trust you enough to believe you when you said you were just friends with Ian. I'm with Lily, let's tell Remus exactly what we think of him." And she stood too. Oh calm down, the feast had started and all the little first years were sitting, so we didn't make complete fools of ourselves. Belinda followed me down to the other end of the Griffindor table where we shoved Sirius and James, who were on either side of Remus, out of the way and sat down smiling.
James, who I had collapsed next to, grinned and asked: "So, finally decided to confess your undying love for me?"
Laughing weakly I answered. "Ha, but no. We came to talk to Remus, and you just happened to have been in my way." Turning to Remus I smiled cheerfully. "So Remus, friend, how ya been?" He looked confused, as if he had missed something, which of course he had, and answered.
"Uh, fine."
Belinda put a hand on his shoulder to turn his attention to her. "That's great, really wonderful." She said all this with a fake cheerful voice. "But that's really not what we came to talk about." I shook my head.
"Nope, what we really came to talk to you about is how much we think you suck." I continued with the joyful tone. Remus looked somewhat started, by the fact that I just said I thought he sucked. "You see, I've got two friends, which is pretty good for me. And you know what I hate?" He shook his head faintly. "When people make my friends depressed. Can you guess who it was that pissed me off?" He started to understand, and suddenly became very interested in his mashed potatoes. "Take a stab at it."
"Uh, me?" He asked, under his breath.
"Ding Ding Ding! We've got a winner." Belinda kept up the cheerful voice. "And can you guess what exactly it was that you did?" Remus started to stir around his pumpkin pie, still refusing to look at either of us.
"I don't want to talk about it." He abruptly became very confident, as if he actually thought he had done the right thing. "She was the one who went to a movie with some other guy."
"Hello! The guy's her best friend! What are you forbidding her to even look at another guy?" I mean come on, who did this guy think he was? I didn't say that though, I thought he might get a bit upset.
Belinda followed that up by saying: "You don't trust her enough to let her talk to another guy! How do you ever think your relationship is going to work out if you can't even trust each other?!" She was getting rather worked up, as was I, and people around us were starting to stare.
"Although that's really not a problem any more is it?" I asked, and maybe my voice was getting a little tiny bit too loud. "Because you made sure that there wouldn't be any relationship!"
"Uh Lily," James said from my right.
"What?" I asked, my patience running thin.
"Just that people are starting to gawk." I glanced around and people were indeed watching our little conversation very intently. I smiled weakly at our audience before turning back to Remus.
"She deserves another chance," My voice got quiet, and I stared into his eyes, making sure he understood what I was saying. He sighed deeply, one of those, 'God you're right' sighs, okay no not really, but he did sigh. It was more like a 'what the hell am I going to do?' sigh.
"Am I just supposed to forget that she went to the movies with some guy?" He asked, with the 'come on, what are you thinking' tone.
"Yes," Belinda answered quietly. "The guy was her best friend, you've got to believe that she honestly didn't want to hurt you. But you've also got to trust her enough to let her have some guy friends." He nodded.
"You're right, I know you're right."
I smiled, God you could so tell they were in love. "She misses you." I told him, to which he smiled. "And I can see you miss her." I wonder if I look like that when I think about James, the sappy look people get in their eyes. He glanced down the table to where Casey was sitting, staring straight at him. With the same look in her eyes. I guess I lied, at the beginning of this, when I said I don't know anyone who met their soul mate in school. Because when Casey and Remus look at each other like that I truly believe that they're meant to be together for the rest of their lives.
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I looked up from writing this, and saw James standing in the doorway, gazing at me, with the look. I love when he looks at me like that, I feel like I'll always be happy. When he saw me watching him he smiled. God I love that smile. I love his dark brown eyes, that sometimes I think I could get lost in. I love how his hair sticks up, defying any gel or comb. I love how he looks in the morning when I come to wake him up in his dormitory. How he rolls over once, and then his eyes creep open and his drunken smile stretches across his face when he sees me standing over him. I love how he wakes me up on the random morning he gets up early, just to prove that he can. He'll pull the covers back and climb in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Snuggling into my neck he'll breathe slow, later claiming that he just loves the way I smell.
Come to think of it I love the way he smells. Like the colon that his mother bought him, and he refused to wear, so he stuck it in his trunk. And on the way here it spilled over all his clothes, and no matter how much soap he uses it won't come out. But mixed in with colon is the smell of his shampoo, that I love. Sometimes before I wake him up I'll sneak in and steal his shampoo, and then after my shower return it. Later that day he'll stick his head in my hair, and go, 'did you use my shampoo?' pretending to sound very upset, and I of course deny it.
Okay, I've got to stop. If I wrote all the reason's I loved him it'd be longer than the actual story. Belinda calls me a hopeless romantic when I get in these moods. But I can't help it, James gets me that way. I wonder why he loves me. I mean seriously, I'm nothing special. Just like any other girl. Why the hell did he choose me. He's probably going to break up with me as soon as he sleeps with me. No we haven't yet, we're only 17 and I told him that I was going to be a virgin until 18. But the thing is, he never fought it. He was just like 'whatever you want, I'll wait forever for you'. Is that sweet or what?
Okay really stopping now. I couldn't help it. But I promise, no more mush. At least for now.
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A/N: So what do you think? I like it, and might get pretty far, maybe. Sorry about the fluff at the end, it just came out, and I couldn't stop it. Next chapter probably not a much fluff. I think Lily's going to get a boyfriend. I got a little off track this time, with the whole Casey and Remus thing, I'm not exactly sure where it's going. Can you tell I like to babble? Okay I'm done now. Oh and the whole lights off thing, I got that from a different Lily and James story, but I can't remember which. So I'm not saying I own that. Actually I really don't own any of it. Okay one last thing…REVIEW!
-Gretch