It's the rust that closes every golden age
It's the endless book's final page
It falls into the sea beyond that bend
No tale is done without its end
"How many seconds has it been since you wrote down the first name?"
And so Mikami counted. He began with thirty. As soon as he said the number, it was as if a chill had settled among the Taskforce. The SPK held their guns firmly in their grasps, but Matsuda, Ide, and Aizawa cowered. Matsuda was positively shaking, his hands in his hair, his knuckles white. Light held his breath. Five years, it had taken him to get to this point. Near's brilliant plan had been thwarted, and now the world would enter a new era. It was hard for him to contain the laughter that threatened to burst out of him. Before him, N's men stood grim.
Despite having been chained to him for so long a time as he had, Light had ever really gotten L. His awkward mannerisms, his obsession with sweets, his incessant insistence that Light was Kira, as if his intuition could not be wrong (which it hadn't been, all things considered), but the one thing Light could never understand about him, and the only thing that used to unsettle him in Ryuzaki's presence over everything else was his perpetually bored demeanor, and his unwavering gaze. Even now, when Light thought of it, a shadow of that chill lingered. Even when Watari died, and L'd been in more danger than he'd ever been in his life, there'd been no concern, no fear in his eyes. He'd died, too, then, but even as his eyes closed under Light's triumphant smirk they were bored.
The resemblance between Ryuzaki and Near was uncanny. It'd fazed Light the slightest bit when he'd first seen him, sitting in the center of the warehouse in that awkward fucking pose, wearing a mask of L. Now he stared at Light with eyes half lidded, and in his heart Kira thought he saw a flash of L in them, as if the man watched him from beyond the grave.
"37…" Mikami said. The Taskforce trembled. Near seemed unfazed, still staring unblinkingly at Light. Light met his gaze evenly, a grin slowly creeping up onto his face.
"38…"
Light's heart thundered faster than ever in his life. It felt as though his chest was between a blacksmith's hammer and anvil, and every pulse of blood through his veins felt like that hammer descending upon him. Nobody said a word. Nobody drew a breath, save N. But even if they'd been talking, Light doubted he would have caught a word from their conversation; his hearing seemed muffled, but his sight was sharper than it had ever been. If not for the fact that he couldn't see people's names and lifespans, he could have made the deal with Ryuk already. His breath grew ragged, as if somebody had chopped it up with a blunt knife. He shivered. Still, the kid watched him. It not for the fact he wasn't playing footsie with himself and didn't have his thumb on his lower lip, he could have been a perfect image of L.
"39…" Mikami said, the excitement in his voice a reflection of Light's own. Light looked at him, holding his breath.
And just like that, it was done. Only one more second left, till the first name Mikami had written would die. Only one minute till Kira's Kingdom would begin in earnest.
The smirk that he'd smirked when L had died returned to his face, and his gaze snapped to N. "Well, Near, looks like I win."
"40!" Mikami shrieked.
Silence reigned. Light felt as though fingers of cold steel had ripped his chest open and wrapped themselves around his heart. His skin lost all heat, and cold sweat began dripping down his face. His hands shook.
At length did Matsuda realize he hadn't died. "Huh? We're still alive," he said in astonishment. Mikami's otherwise handsome face scrunched in an ugly scowl. "It's been over a minute, and we haven't died," said Matsuda.
"Didn't I already tell you all that no one was going to die?" N said with not the slightest change in expression.
"B – B – But why?!" He lifted a shaking hand to the Death Note and began to scribble furiously. "Why wouldn't they die?"
Frozen, Light looked at him trembling, and knew he must be in a similar state, with bulging eyes and shrunken pupils. "God!" Mikami said to him. "I DID EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME!" he screamed frantically, spit falling from his mouth.
"Rester, Gevanni, take him now!" Near ordered sharply.
Mikami leapt backward, flailing his arms. He screamed, and tried to cover himself with his hands. Rester and Gevanni lunged forward, the former seizing him from behind while the latter secured handcuffs around his wrists. The Death Note fell from his hands and landed upon the ground. Near raised a careless hand behind him, his gaze still fixed upon Light, but, for the first time, not sounding bored, he said, "Gevanni, the notebook, please."
Gevanni handed it to him promptly. He looked at it for a moment, then turned it around.
"If you didn't believe me earlier, then see for yourselves."
Nate River, Anthony Carter, Stephen Loud, Halle Bullook, Kanzo Mogi, Touta Matsuda, Hideki Ide, Suichi Aizawa.
The only name missing, was –
"I can confirm that the first four names are definitely the real names of the SPK members. The second four are the names of your team. The only name that hasn't been written down is Light Yagami. If that weren't enough, Mikami also addressed you as 'God', and said he did what you asked him to. It's settled."
Light shook in his place. He drew in a shaky breath.
For an instant, he considered denying all charges, saying it was a trap, that someone had set it up, but then he looked at the men surrounding him. The SPK members, along with Mogi, stared at him silently, while Near's expression was back to stoicism. He looked behind him. Matsuda looked miserable, ready to weep, shaking violently. To the left was Mikami. Restrained Mikami. Spectacular, blundering failure Mikami.
Light inhaled again, but his breath didn't shake. He looked up, and L's face flashed before his eyes.
He exhaled, and felt his muscled relax. It was the end, it seemed. He had underestimated Near. This kid was more able than Ryuzaki had been, it appeared. Where L had failed, he'd succeeded. Light took a deep breath.
"How did this come to be?" he asked. "Why didn't it work?"
"You don't deny the allegations?"
"No," Light said. He took another breath to steady his heart completely, then looked up, and confidently said once more, "No. I am Kira."
"I believe I already told you that no one would die because I modified the notebook."
"No… The notebook with Mikami was a fake. He used the real one today…"
Before Near could reply, another voice had spoken. Soft, from behind Light, came Matsuda's voice, exhausted, desperate, and defeated. "Light…" He fell on his knees. "Why…?
"Light Yagami," Near said. "L," he said, his voice mocking. "…Kira… It's over. You've lost the game. Just a moment ago you proclaimed your victory, expecting us all to die. And to tell you the truth, you might have actually won, and I would have lost. We ended up doing exactly what you expected us to, and altered the fake notebook in Mikami's possession. However, when I said before that we had modified the notebook, I was in fact referring to the real notebook as well as the fake. We only switched part of the fake notebook, but as for the real one, we replaced the entire thing." With one finger, he threw down the small notebook in the ugly Mikami-doll's hands. On his cover was a ribbon saying fake. He reached into his oversized shirt, and pulled a Death Note out. "This notebook here is actually the real one."
Light stared at him, his jaw set, his heart still erratic, doing his best to appear calm.
"We used the same kind of pen," N continued, "that Mikami used and copied his handwriting perfectly, and both the inside and the outside of our fake look exactly like the original. Gevanni was able to do it in a single night."
I see…
"Of course, since I'd touched the real notebook before coming, I'd been able to see the Shinigami, as well."
"Oh?" growled Ryuk in surprise.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Shinigami," Near said. "I'm Near."
Ryuk laughed. "Nice to meet you, too. My name is Ryuk."
He can talk to Ryuk, Light thought. He can see him. So… it must be true.
"Some of the edges of this notebook's pages are torn," Near said. "Tell me: if someone's name was written on a ripped off piece of paper, would they still die?"
"Oh, yeah," Ryuk said. "Of course they would."
"I thought so. I bet you were able to use that to your advantage. I wonder how many times you deceived us with this, and how many people you killed."
This had gone to be a trick… Or could it be that Mikami had betrayed him somehow…?
"You're mistaken," Near said. He raised his finger with the Mello-doll on it. "This was all thanks to Mello. I believe if I explain this much you'll begin to understand." He flipped a few pages back. "Please take a look at this page of the notebook."
Light gasped.
Kiyomi Takada burns self to death. January 26; 2:33 PM.
Did that mean Mikami did the same thing he did…?
He turned his gaze on Mikami.
"God," Mikami said, "you told me you couldn't move freely. I had to make sure Takada was taken care of. Wasn't that my duty to you?!"
"You idiot! I gave you strict orders not to make any unnecessary movements until today!"
"It's all true," said N. "On the 26th, right after Takada's kidnapping was broadcast on the news, Mikami went to the bank."
"I'd been tailing him," Gevanni said. "I knew he went to the bank every month on the 25th. So it was odd, for someone so methodical, to go to the bank twice in two days. I followed Mikami as he went to the bank and went to the safe deposit boxes. It was only at this time that he seemed concerned whether someone was following him or not. I got him to his safe deposit box; inside was the real notebook. Sure enough, Takada's name had already been written inside it."
"Do you understand now, Light Yagami?" said Near. "You didn't realize that Mikami made a move on his own and wrote Takada's name in his notebook, because you had already killed her using a notebook clipping yourself. This was the event that made me consider the possibility of a fake notebook. We were able to stop you thanks to the efforts of one person. It was Mello who did it all.
"I bet Mello knew in his heart, that working alone, neither of us would be able to attain our goal, and surpass our mentor, L. But, together – " He raised his hands, the Mello-doll and Near-doll on his fingers behind the L-doll. "Together we can stand with L! And together, we can surpass L! And now, acting as one, we faced the Kira who defeated L, and with solid evidence, beat him at his own game. Let's see you try and talk your way out of this one… If you can."
Light was silent for a long while. He mulled over Near's words in his mind. He knew there was no way of "talking himself" out of this. It was the end.
He accepted it.
It was a shame, really. Since he'd gotten the Death Note, wars had ceased, and the world's crime rate had gone down by over 70%, but even so, this world was rotten. The only hope for mankind was him. He was not only Kira, but he was also god of the new world. Kira had become law in the world. He maintained order. He had become justice. There were too many rotten people in the world. The strong preyed upon the weak; the wealthy preyed upon the poor. The world was chaos. Somebody had to do this. He was its only hope, but now it seemed his time was over.
"Who else could have done what I have…?" Light muttered, almost to himself. "Who else could have come this far…? The only one who could have created a new world was me."
"No. You're just a murderer, Light Yagami. And this notebook is the deadliest weapon in the history of mankind. You yielded to the power of the Shinigami and the notebook and you have confused yourself with a god. In the end, you're nothing more than a crazy serial killer. That's all you are. Nothing more, and nothing less."
Light looked at all of them in turn. Gevanni, Rester, Lidner, and Aizawa stared at him with hard gazes. He met each of their gazes evenly in turn, then looked at Near.
"You are nothing compared to L," he said. "You will never be half of what he was. I defeated him. I killed him. You came in and caught me because of his progress. This victory isn't yours."
"L was our mentor," Near said calmly, still looking bored. "Did you know him well?" he asked, the mild curiosity in his voice making it seem like an honest question, which made it all the more mocking. "I was under the impression you didn't even know his real name."
"L was your mentor, but he was my friend."
"And you killed him."
Light smirked. "And Soichiro Yagami was my father, and I led him to his death."
Matsuda struggled, and it seemed like he could no longer contain himself. "Inadvertently! You didn't mean to kill him! Tell me you didn't mean to kill the chief!"
Light looked at him, raising his eyebrows. In Matsuda's eyes he saw conflict, and raw grief. "No, I didn't, but he died nonetheless. You can see what's wrong with this world. Losers like him always end up dead. This is why this world needs to change. Without Kira it's a rotten world, and –"
"You bastard!" Matsuda screamed. Light blinked. "He gave his life, and you call him a loser?! I'll kill you – I'LL KILL YOU!"
He raised his gun, but Aizawa pushed his arms down. "Calm down, Matsuda."
Light turned back to Near, leaving Aizawa to restrain a struggling Matsuda. "So what now? The NPA is on my side; the entire police force is on my side. Are you going to kill me right here?"
Near looked silently at him. Light stifled a sigh. An idea occurred to him – his last chance. If he were to die today, he would take his own leave from the world.
His head fell. Feeling everyone's eyes upon him, he closed his own.
He first thought of his mother. Sachiko loved her family above everything. He thought of her smile, and the way her voice used to wake him up every day, reminding him to go to school, despite knowing every time that he was already up. He was her pride and joy. He thought of how worried she got when he joined Ryuzaki's squad, and of how she had taken care of his father when he'd gotten his heart attack, and how she'd helped her daughter recover after her kidnapping.
He thought of Sayu next, of how her eyes would light up when he came home from school, and later when he would visit them. He wondered what she would think if she found out her onii-chan was Kira, mass murderer and serial killer, and he felt his heart clench. She'd already lost her father, and now she was about to lose her big brother. He thought of how he'd been prepared to kill her if anything went down, and for the first time in his life, a flash of disgust for himself passed through him.
He thought of Soichiro, chief of the NPA, and dead before his time. He remembered his final moments, when he'd died believing his son wasn't Kira after all. He remembered the tears of relief his father had shed before succumbing to his wounds. He remembered how he'd turned himself in for his son, and, despite being the chief of the NPA, spent fifty days in prison.
The last person he thought of was Misa, of her blonde hair cascading down her back like a waterfall of liquid gold, of her soft lips and sweet mouth, and of how she was beautiful beyond compare. She could have had any number of men in the world, but she was completely devoted to him, shortening her life in half twice just to gain his approval, just so he would love her half as much as she loved him. His breath caught in his throat. He thought of her wide eyes, and how she latched onto him when he came home. For the first time in his life, Light Yagami hated himself. He'd had it, the most precious thing in the world. He'd had her love, her devotion, and her completely faithfulness, to the point that she wouldn't even kiss another man for a movie scene. He felt a lump in his throat, and his eyes threatened to water.
Yeah, but… to me, Light is more important than the world.
He did not take a breath, for he feared the others would see him shake as he drew it. Never did he think Kira would ever feel regret.
Yeah, but… to me, Light is more important than the world.
Hate, yes. Fear, perhaps. But regret? Never in a million years.
Yeah, but… to me, Light is more important than the world.
She hadn't been trying to prove anything, or use him. She'd said it innocently, simply. It was the truth, and that was all there was to it.
He'd even been abusive to some degree. Certainly verbally. He remembered her bringing him a drink, and he remembered knocking it out of her hands. He dated other girls, stabbed her in the back more times than he could count, yet still she stuck with him.
Yeah, but… to me, Light is more important than the world.
Suddenly, calm washed over him. He opened his eyes, and looked straight into N's. The kid raised his eyebrows slightly but Light didn't think anyone else would have noticed it. He took a deep breath, and then spoke.
"Ryuk," he said, and it almost surprised him how calm and smooth his voice was.
"Eh?" Ryuk said. "What?"
"We spent good time together, you and me. Call this a memento, if you will – a toast, to all the apples."
"What are you talking about?"
"I have two small favors to ask of you. Consider them a repayment for all the apples I gave you."
"And what's that?"
Light addressed Near. "You think you've uncovered my secret, N, but it was Ryuzaki who did it. I'm about to die, but you should know that you have not defeated me. I will take my own leave. I'll die on my own terms. I'll put myself down. Live the rest of your life knowing you couldn't avenge your mentor."
N raised an eyebrow.
Light ignored him. "Ryuk. Write my name on your Death Note. Let me die of a heart attack right now."
Ryuk laughed. "You have lost, Light. Didn't I say in the beginning... when you die, the one who'll write your name down in a notebook will be me? That is... the deal between the Shinigami... and the first human to get their hands on the note in the human world. Once you enter the prison, I don't know when you'll die. It's annoying to wait... Your life is already over. You'll die here. Well, it was good while it lasted… We killed some boredom, didn't we? We did some various and interesting things…"
"And second," Light said, overriding him, "I want you to go tell Misa what happened here."
"What?"
"Yes. Tell her everything – " He hesitated. " And tell her – Tell her I'm sorry, for everything," he said softly. "I hate saying this here in front of everyone, but tell her – Tell her I love her… Tell her I didn't deserve her…"
"Light… Where is this coming from? Why now, of all times?"
"Because… Because to me, Misa is also more important than the world."
Ryuk was silent for a while. "She won't be able to see me," he said at length.
Still looking at Near, Light raised his arm, and pulled the pin on his watch four times. The piece of the notebook emerged. Light held it out to Ryuk. "Touch her with this."
Gevanni made to raise his gun.
"No," Near ordered. "Don't. She doesn't know our names."
"But Near – "
"Lower your gun, Gevanni."
"I – Yes, sir."
Ryuk took the paper out of his hand, and Light pushed the secret compartment back into the watch.
"Perhaps Misa and I will meet in the limbo place someday."
"Those who used –"
"Yes, I am aware. We shall see what happens." He turned to N. "Well, N – or L is more fitting now, I suppose. I'll take my leave now. We won't be seeing each other again."
Near was silent.
Chuckling to himself, Ryuk opened his own Death Note, and scribbled the name Light Yagami.
Light fixed his gaze on Near.
40…
35…
The people watched with bated breaths as the seconds trickled by.
20…
15…
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
Light collapsed.
A/N: I just couldn't accept that Light could have been abusive. Verbal abuse is bad enough; physical abuse in on a whole other level. Ah well. Please review. The poem in the beginning is mine.