Chapter 1: Thinking of you

Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of ~perfection~.

Donna Noble started up at the clear Irish night sky on the night of her first anniversary of her marriage to Shaun Temple. She felt bad, she really did. She felt so bad about so many things, wanting, needing to apologize to Shaun for things neither of them even knew about. It killed her that she couldn't take his name; she just couldn't like a part of her was afraid if she did she would not be recognizable to someone important to her. When she looked in though the window and saw him sleeping there alone in their rented bed in the motel she felt bad. Still she just couldn't shake the longing that she had whenever she looked up at the stars. Each time she glanced up her heart shattered into a million pieces, and the worst part was that she could never remember why. She felt like the most important thing in her entire life, was locked in the untouchable sky. Then there was the part of her that said not only were the stars touchable, but she had in fact, touched them before. It was the strangest thing when her dreams turned to far off places and pulled her into another life of the truest love. A great, epic friendship. The worst part was, it was with a toothpick.

Well it wasn't really a toothpick, it was a man. He had strange spiky hair, big brown eyes, and a bright smile. Still there was a true and complete sadness in him that left him empty. Something in her heart told her that he needed her. '…to stop you'. The words echoed in her mind. They were in her own voice as she saw the face of the toothpick man run across her eyes in the night sky. She never told anyone about the paper-thin man that invaded her dreams every night, and not all of those dreams were quite appropriate for telling. Granted she only ever got flashes of him in her dreams, but she could sometimes tell what they were doing together. Her dreams were all cut up and only flashes of what almost felt like memories with how real they were. She knew that was crazy, but she couldn't shake the feelings no matter how hard she tried.

The hardest part was when she looked back at Shaun. He was amazing, he really was. He was perfect, and handsome, and sweet, but he just wasn't the handsome man in her dreams. She had been so in love with him when they had met, but not long after their wedding she had started getting the flashes of the man. It had started as just as flash of loving, old, and alive brown eyes. Then it had moved to flashes of spiky almost perfectly messy brown hair. It was funny now that she had the full slashes of his body and some action. He looked familiar like a true love of a past life or something. She'd been thinking that for almost two months now, and that was when the comparisons had started. They were small enough at first, the dream man being MUCH paler and slightly less hairy. Then they had become deeper like the way they acted and the way they saw her. Shaun was so formal and well behaved; while in her dreams the man she saw was adventurous and thrilling. Shaun always saw her as beautiful and sweet and he put up with her demanding personality, the dream guy had this look when he was talking to her. He insisted that she was an amazing person. He looked at her like she was the most important person on earth, even more than that, in the universe. He looked at her with an unyielding love that was so experienced, like it had seen the centuries and still found her the best. It was only in her head though.

"Donna darling, where are you?" Shaun said in a groggy voice from the bed. She looked back from the sky still wishing she hadn't had to.

"Sorry love, I just wanted to see the sky." She said climbing back in the window and closing the window shedding her robe to reveal her deep plumb silk nightgown which hit her mid calf. Then she slipped next to him in the covers not quite curling into him, but letting him put his arm around her. She had fallen into a cycle with him. Something her mother was oblivious to but her grandfather constantly pestered her about. He kept insisting she was better than settling and acted like she was some kind of hero. Like he was waiting for someone to come in and steal her away. It made her smirk to hope he was waiting for her paper man too.

"You and your stars." He said exasperatedly shaking his head at her and smiling at her. "You never used to be like this." He said. That annoyed her, he was always doing that. He acted like he'd known her forever, it used to be endearing, but now it drove her nuts. Yes he was right, she never remembered loving the stars so much, but it was as though he looked down at her longing for more.

"It's new." She said wishing that she had married and explorer and not a business man who thought so logically. He was just too stable and stationary. Her entire being longed to run away from something, fight something, feel adrenaline run though her as she risked her life to save others. All of those instincts were new. Now whenever someone called for help she ran towards it ready to fight no matter who it was.

"There's a lot of things that are new, aren't there?" He asked in a way he thought was a joke. "Who's rubbing off on you?" He asked teasingly.

"I guess its Granddad." She said holding back her anger, which was very, very hard for her. "I like the new pieces." She challenged finally giving in to her anger just a little.

"I do too." He said uneasily realizing the thin ice he was treading on.

"Sorry I'm just, stressed." She lied hoping he would make an assumption of what because she didn't want to think up a lie at that point. In truth a good portion of it was coming from the guilt she felt at Shaun holding her. She felt sick, like she was betraying her toothpick man. That didn't help either as she knew this man wasn't real and she felt he was betraying him.

Shaun nodded running her arm in a way that would have been consoling, had it not increased her feel of guilt at the intimacy between them. "Anyone would with that new project at work. You don't have to worry though, you're too valuable of an assistant to give up." he said giving her the excuse she hadn't wanted to think up on her own. Suddenly she was grateful to him. Still his words sounded like he didn't quite believe himself, like he was worried too.

"Yeah I guess, she said sighing, Maybe we should just sleep." She said turning on her side away from him. He pushed up behind her and wrapped his arms around her stomach making her lift her side for him to get the arm under her.

"All right, Darling, sweet dreams!" He said kissing the back of her head as she closed her eyes. She knew her dreams would be sweet; they would have the man in them. At the thought of the man her mind wondered to all she knew of him. There wasn't much, but he was there. She felt the guilt ebb which almost made her guilty for felling better when she imagined Shaun was him instead. She relaxed as she pretended the warm arm under her was the arm of the man in her dreams and he was holding her, breathing on her neck. Soon after, with thoughts of the man in her head she fell asleep.

Before she knew it she was dreaming. "I'm nothing special." She said in a strange place she'd never seen before looking in his eyes softly. His took her hand with strength unexpected for his thin size and looked in her eyes resiliently.

"Yes you are you're brilliant!" He insisted with a conviction that instantly made her believe it to. She squeezed his hand again before the vision changed again. It was the longest dream she'd had to date. They were always getting longer, stronger. She could smell and feel everything like it was happening at that moment. It was amazing to be so absorbed in the other world. The seed was planted, it had for a while, now she jest needed to be reminded of paradise. The word "Doctor" echoed through her mind in both their voices, and just at that she woke up. The instant she did she couldn't remember anything. It was like, when she was sleeping, a big door was open when she was asleep and she could see into the recesses it had in it, and drown herself in them then, but once she woke up all she had was impressions. The love she felt for the man there, the happiness, the energy, the adventure, and a flash here or there. This time she felt the confidence and remembered there had been a scene of him telling her he cared and what he thought of her. The exact contents were buried too deep though. One would expect her to be the type who would try hard, but whenever she did she felt like she was going to burst into flames.

She woke up to Shaun kissing her neck awake and she groaned rolling onto her back trying not to be angry at him for pulling her from her dreams and the man in them. "Morning, Darling." He murmered planting another kiss that seemed to be attempting to seduce her into a mourning round of amorous activity, and doing a rather poor job of it. She smiled at him and put her hand to her head massaging her temple.

"Oh Shaun, I have a head ache." She said sounding very convincing in her excuse to avoid it for now. In truth it was more that the idea of sex with Shaun during the light hours was not one she could manage. Night was fine, it worked well, but she just couldn't fall for his seduction during the waking hours anymore. He just didn't feel right, and in truth he never had.

"Are you feeling sick?" He asked sounding panicked. A panic, she was sure, stemmed from his having to go to work the next morning and not from actual worry for her, but she didn't show that thought.

"I think I'm ok, just a headache." She assured him as he dropped with relief. Her mind again raced to the assumption that it was all for his own self he was worried. When had she gotten so judgmental of him? She used to accept that he was selfish at times, because that was only human. In truth she was selfish too, though it had started to become less and less recently, another drastic change in her personality that happened in correlation to the dreams.

"Good, we can't have you sick." He said smiling at her and sighing at his foiled attempts. He pushed himself up into a sitting position saying "Well we need to get ready to head out, check out is at 10 and its 7:30 now." He said checking his watch. Great two and a half hours early! She thought knowing she could have had at least another thirty minutes with her spaceman before getting up but he had woken her. She sighed and pulled herself up from the bed walking into the adjoining bathroom with a new pile of cloths. He always asked her about why she didn't just change in the room with him, but she just didn't feel right. His eyes on her made her self-conscious and it just felt wrong, so she didn't. Thankfully he didn't ask this morning.

"Shall we stop in town for lunch on the way back?" he asked her from the room as she slipped off her nightgown and into her new cloths.

"No I packed sandwiches." She yelled from the bathroom brushing her ginger locks and pulling it into a pony tail. Then she started in on makeup: powder base, blush, lipstick, and a light eye shadow. He always disliked it when she didn't wear makeup, he said she looked so much prettier with it.

"I hate sandwiches." He whined as he started into the bathroom, prepping his toothbrush and starting to brush. Donna prepped hers at the same time and tapped it on the sink to see him rolling his eyes. "And must you do that?" He asked pulling the brush out of his mouth and making sure his mouth was clean and had little foam in it when he talked.

She started brushing her teeth and looked up at him puzzled saying "Too bad, it's what we have. And must I do what?" with the brush still in her mouth before starting again.

"Tapping your brush on the sink, and talking with it in your mouth." He nagged before sticking the brushing in his mouth again and finishing. She rolled her eyes and just ignored him finished brushing her teeth before reapplying lipstick and walking out.

Once he was done, about a minute later he walked out. "Don't roll your eyes at me Donna Temple!" he said angrily.

"It's Noble, Donna Noble." She reminded spitefully. "I didn't take your name remember? You don't own me, I can do as I please!" she threw back angrily.

"I wish I'd known it'd be like this when I met you! I would never have married you then!" He shouted as she threw her things into the bag. "I mean can't you even fold your own cloths?" He chastised her like an upset parent to a child.

"Well obviously not!" She said throwing the last of her things in the bag and latching it before walking out of the room. She paused at the door and looked back at him with a glare. "It's not too late to get out." She said simply and in a low tone. She wasn't yelling, she was warning. He had gone too far and she was already half way out the door if she was honest.

"And where exactly are you going?" He asked still yelling but she could hear the fear in his voice.

"To put my things in the car." She said simply and calmly in a patronizing voice. He had no response, he just growled and let her walk calmly off.

On the way back in she felt her heart shatter as she looked over to where breakfast was being served and saw Shaun with a plate full of bangers and eggs talking to a tall, thin woman with beautiful dark skin. There was no mistaking his attraction to her, or his flirtation. Instead she just walked to the counter picking up a banana and some oatmeal walking right past as though she didn't know him. As though she wasn't his wife whom he was telling she was inadequate and not pretty enough. Her heart tore as she picked a table and tucked in. That proved it, it was going to be a long ride home. He walked over and sat across from her.

She looked up at him impassively trying to look as though she felt nothing. "What?" He asked simply and spitefully. She knew that had been his revenge on her for telling him he was free to get out. It burned her, bubbling in her. "Nothing." She said as though she didn't care and taking another bite of banana. He hated bananas, it was glorious. All she could do was think of her space man as they ate in silence. His kind face in her mind speaking his uplifting, if not jumbled, words. He invaded her mind and her heart, he spoke with a promise that he would be with her forever. She was too old for imaginary friends, but she just couldn't give this one up. She could even remember his voice now which almost made her wonder if he wasn't real. As she thought he calmed her, he healed her anger and pain with remembered looks of adoration. While she was healing, Shaun just milled and marinated in his anger until it was time to get into the car and start on a silent, long journey back to Chesswick.

No one mistakes because in your eyes I'd like to stay.