iBaby got back
Summary: Freddie and Sam are married and have their first baby. This quick little one-shot is about Freddie making her laugh. How does he do it? Maybe a little help from Sir-Mix-a-lot? Inspired by FRIENDS.
Disclaimer: Sadly I am not Dan. If I was I'd be living in LA making millions of dollars instead of sitting in my living room writing this one-shot :P
...
Freddie Benson, age 25, was sitting home watching his baby daughter. He layed her down on the couch and was rubbing her stomach.
"And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. Yes we were! Yes we were!" He cooned as his daughter, Amber, made some noises. He giggled a little and hld her feet. Then he picked her up and set her on his lap.
"Come her gorgeous." He set her in the center of his lap, with her facing him.
"Ah, look at you. You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got...big beautiful eyes. Yes you do." He said as he stared into his daughters big beautiful eyes. Ocean blue, just like her mothers. Amber was certainly a mix between the two. Brown hair like Freddie, and blue eyes like Sam. Her personality is a mix between the two, usually depending on who's around her.
"And a big round belly:" He said in his 'baby talking voice' as he rubbed her belly vigerously. "And a...big baby butt!" He pinched her butt a little as he laughed.
"I like big butts!..." Then he started singing to his daughter. "I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brother can't deny. When a girl walks in with an ity-bity waist and a round thing in your face you get-" His singing was halted by the sound of his daughters burst of giggle-fits. He gasped.
"Oh my god, Amber, you're laughing!" He supplied a bit of his own laughter. "Oh my god you've never done that before have you? You've never done that before. Daddy made you laugh huh?...Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-a-lot." He laughed in synch with his daughter.
"What? What? You wanna hear some more? Umm...but anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun!...I'm a terrible father." He facepalmed himself as Amber's giggle-ftis continued. He kissed her forehead then got up to put her down for a nap.
Sam came home a couple of hours later. Amber was still sleeping and Freddie was sitting on the couch with the baby monitor, reading the newspaper.
"Hi" She greeted him while hanging her coat up.
"Hi" He greeted back.
"I just finished getting Jen all dressed to meet Mark's parents. She is so nervous, it's so sweet!" Believe it or not Sam actually has settled down the past few years. Shocker right? Well, she's settled down around almost everyone. Freddie's not part of that almost.
"Guess what? I made Amber laugh today!" He smiled proudly and held up the baby monitor.
"You what! And I missed it! Because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie!" She sat discouraged on the couch and huffed. Freddie sat next to her.
"Yeah it was a real little person laugh too. It was like ummm..." Freddie demonstrated her giggle. Sam cocked her eye at her husband, who continued his creepy baby giggle demonstration.
"Only, not creepy."
"Yeah." She nodded.
"Well, what'd you do to make her laugh?" Sam asked sitting closer to Freddie.
"I umm...well I sang, actually I rapped...baby got back." Sam laughed and then went mute.
"You what?" She got up. "You sang, to our baby daughter, a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses!" Freddie knew Sam was fuming. He got up to make a reassuring statement.
"But you know what? If you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy body image. Because even big butts, or uh 'juicy doubles' " He said putting quotes around 'juicy doubles' as Sam groaned in disbelief of her husbands stupidity at the current moment.
"Please don't take her away from me." He pleaded.
...
Later that day Sam was bounching Amber in her bouncy chair trying to make her laugh.
"Please laugh for mommy. Please...please laugh for mommy." She pleaded while Amber make little baby noises. Making her hands look like moose antlers, she stuck her tongue out at an attempt to make her laugh. Amber didn't budge.
"Not funny, huh? Well so, is it only offensive novelty rap? Oh just, you know, rap in general? Because mommy can rap." Sam erected her back and started to make her own little rap. "My name is mommy and I'm here to say that all the babies are- Oh, I can't rap!" She gruffed. Dispite what she said to Freddie, she knew there was only one way to make Amber laugh.
"Alright sweetheart, this is only because I love you so much...and I know you're not gonna tell anybody." She sighed and looked up as she began. "I...like big... butts and I cannot lie...you other brothers can't deny...when a girl walks in with an ity bity waist and a round thing in your face you-" Amber, yet again, burst into a fit of giggles.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" She clapped victoriously as she started singing it again. "I like big butts and I cannot lie. you other brothers can't deny." Amber kept on giggling while Sam danced. Sam cheered again.
"Yes! You're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you?" She picked the giggling infant out of her bouncy chair and cradled her.
"Oh, you beautiful little weirdo!" She continued rocking her as Freddie came through the door with some groceries.
"Hey" He greeted his wife and daughter as he came in.
"Oh you missed it! She was laughing! Oh it was amazing! It was the most beautiful little sound." She cooed as she handed Amber over to Freddie.
"Oh I know isn't it? So, what'd you do to get her to laugh?" Sam didn't wanna admit to her husband that the big butt song actually worked. Then he'd win the argument. She lied.
"Oh, you know I just...a couple of things I tried. Sang a little bit of the 'itsy bitsy spider'..." Freddie saw right through that. He knew Sam all too well.
"You sang 'baby got back' didn't you?" He smirked while holding his daughter. Sam gave up.
"Nothing else worked! That girl is all about the ass." Freddie laughed as he put her in her crib.
...
A couple of days later the couple was singing the same song to Amber while she was in her livingroom crib in attempt to make her laugh.
"She swept, wept, got it goin' like a turbo vet." Freddie belted out. The couple danced to the tune as well.
"So fellas"
"Yeah!"
"Fellas!"
"Yeah!"
"Has your girlfriend got the butt?"
"Hell yeah!" Freddie busted out booty dancing as Sam slapped his butt.
"So, shake it!"
"Shake it!"
"Shake it!"
"Shake that nasty butt!" Sam sang as she danced. Some of their friends came in through the door.
"Baby got back!" Freddie stopped and saw them. Sam however, didn't and kept singing.
"One more time from the top! I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't den-" Sam finally saw Carly, Gibby, Spencer, and Tasha at the door looking at her like she was insane.
"Sam please! That is so innapropriate!" Freddie corrected his wife who was still staring at her friends embaressed.