Nobody on the road - Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air - The summer's out of reach
Empty lake - Empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm drivin' by your house - Though I know you're not home
His hair was blowing in the wind. It wasn't nearly as pleasant as the singing muggle made it sound. Lucius Malfoy blew a sharp hank of it from his lips. "You still haven't told me where we're going!" He shouted over the stereo.
"I can seeeee you!" Bellatrix sang (if you could call it that) loudly. "Your brown skin shining in the sun!"
"Bella!" He flicked his wand at the car's stereo, lowering the volume suddenly.
"WHAT?!" She screeched back.
"I'm going to pull this contraption to the side of the road. We shall go no further until you tell me what our destination is and why I am speeding there." He slowed the vehicle. It downshifted smoothly, purring like a pleasured griffyn.
"No!" Bella's fingers gripped the leather wheel. "We can't stop here!" She hissed. "This is bat country."
Lucius pushed her hands from the steering. A slap fight ensued, but he managed to pull the car to the road's shoulder. The black haired witch huffed in the passenger seat, crossed cross arms across over-exposed bosom. "Now." The Malfoy man ran his wand smoothly through his long, blonde locks, combing charm easing the wind's ill effects. "Dearest sister-in-law. Please tell me why you felt the need to rouse me from my bed at an ungodly hour of this morning. Thrust me into the driver's seat of this muggle...vehicle. And send me driving as though terrified through the Wiltshire countryside?"
"Does it really matter?" Bella asked.
"Yes."
She sighed. "It's business for the Dark Lord."
"I doubt the Dark Lord needs an Aston Martin."
"No, not the car." Bella flicked a hand. "Although it is a rather lovely machine, isn't it?"
Lucius couldn't argue that fact. He stroked the leather seat discreetly. "The manufacturing and performance of the vehicle is not called into question here," he reminded. "Just our purpose."
"We've a point to make. To one of his magical supporters in mudblood London who might be...falling down on his support."
"I see." Lucius nodded. Doubting the cause was a surefire guarantee of the Dark Lord's wrath. "So we're driving to London."
"Yes."
"To visit whom?"
"The offices of Radcliffe, Baines and Chatsworth."
"And they are…"
"Mudblood solicitors."
"Egh." Lucius scowled. Everyone despised solicitors - mudblood or not. "Why?"
"To drop off this car to Chatsworth, stupid."
Lucius scratched his head. "Wait. This Chatsworth questions the cause...and gets a new car? I don't follow."
"Obviously." Bella fiddled with the knobs on the stereo. "Just drive, handsome."
He swatted her hands away from the stereo. "Drive where?" Lucius gestured. A few metres ahead, a sign read Chippenham.
"Oh." Bella frowned at the sign. "The other way, I think."
"Dammit, Bella! Have I been driving nigh on an hour in the wrong direction? Ow!"
She gave his wrist a resounding slap to reach the stereo again. "No. Two hours, I think."
"Why didn't you say something?" He shouted over more music.
Some boys take a beautiful girl
and hide her away from the rest of the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
"Oh girls just wanna have fun!" Bella laughed as Lucius turned cautiously back into the country road. A lovely sunrise was culminating in a bright sky. They drove into it. "That's all we really waaaaaaaaaant!" She threw her head back and her hands into the air. "Some fuuuuuuuun!"
Lucius scowled and accelerated.
They'd stopped at a convenience store. It was nearing noon and tempers were shortened by hunger. So Lucius went in for tea while Bella skulked into the muggle lavatory for a slash. She was perfectly willing to 'wait in the car' after as she'd been bade. Lucius was far better at pandering to mudblood manner than she. But their master had been quite firm when he told her to keep a low profile, and she had every intention of following his orders to the letter.
In the abused toilet stall, there was random graffiti scrawled on the walls. Butch + Sharon 4-Evr. Cheryl iz a kunt. Leslie Stahlings wuz here.
Her lip curled as she peed and read. Clearly mudbloods were illiterate. She drew her wand. What this stall needed was a Dark Mark…
She may have been overzealous in her artistry. Soon, there was a small fire spreading to a large fire. Keeping a low profile, she skulked quickly out of the muggle shop, snatching at sunglasses as she passed the rack.
Lucius was not at the car. She climbed in and hunkered down against the door, peering over her dark glasses at the muggle at the pump nearest theirs. When he smiled uncertainly at her, she barked. The muggle jumped, startled, and cut short his fueling. His tires squealed when his tiny (obviously inferior) car drove away. Bella chuckled.
"What could you possibly find so amusing?" Lucius had returned. He eased behind the seat gracefully.
"Nothing." She fussed with the seat belt.
"Did you start the fire in there?" Casual. He was unfolding a map.
"There's a fire?" Avoidant.
"Hm. Yes. They've contacted the muggle emergency...fire control...people." He handed her a bottled beverage and a straw.
"Oh." She fumbled with the lid. "I suppose we should go then." She drank the cold tea with a grimace. "Unless you bought marshmallows?" At his frown of disapproval, she produced a pair of sunglasses for him. The frown disappeared and he put them on.
"How do I look?"
"Sexy." She lied smoothly. Wrapped her lips around her straw.
"Excellent." Lucius flipped up his visor. Cast a discreet point me charm. "We're hitting the M4." He cranked up the stereo.
Livin' easy
Lovin' free
Season ticket on a one way ride
Askin' nothin'
Leave me be
Takin' everythin' in my stride
Don't need reason
Don't need rhyme
Ain't nothin' that I'd rather do
Goin' down
Party time
My friends are gonna be there too
I'm on the highway to hell
On the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
Bellatrix relaxed into her seat, smiling. They peeled onto the highway just as the firetruck clanged into the lot.
The M4 was alternately a blessing and a curse. Lucius had what muggles might call "road rage." During bouts of dense, slow-moving traffic, he cursed passionately. "You son of a mudblood goat-shearer! Move that goddamned...Land Rover before I climb out of this vehicle and fuck your birth cursed grandmother with a poxied dragon cock!" He shook his fist to indicate the seriousness of this threat.
"Yeah!" Bella mostly laughed and agreed. She fully supported Lucius' violence against muggles. It didn't help that the hot afternoon sun followed them. Outside of Reading, they stopped again. Caffeine had abated. It was time to re-up on both fuel and drink. Bella avoided fires at this particular station, but stripped down to her corset and slip in the loo. She raised a few eyebrows walking back to the pumps, but hardly cared.
Lucius had followed her lead and rolled his shirtsleeves. Their matching tattoos revealed to the world, she was convinced they looked quite badass. "Hand me your dress, you harlot." He reached for her attire and walked to the car's boot, intent to stow their excess clothing there.
"Er…" But her intervention was both too late, and too half-hearted.
Lucius popped the boot, then whirled away on a decidedly girly squeal. He dropped their clothes and slammed the boot, leaned on it. Breathed heavily. "Bellatrix."
"Yeah, I was gonna tell you about that."
"That." The tip of his finger tapped the boot. "Is a dead woman," he hissed manically. Muggles at surrounding pumps were looking at them.
"Actually." Bella slipped her sunglasses on. "It's a dead hooker."
Lucius stepped away from the boot. He tried to appear nonchalant as he sat behind the wheel again. "There's a dead prostitute in our boot, Bella."
She was already digging in the bag of snacks between the bucket seats. "Hooker. Prostitute. Potato. Potahto. Is this chocolate?" She held up a Walnut Whip.
"It's the woman we're delivering to Chatsworth, isn't it? Not the car."
"Bingo." Bella had opened the Whip and set to eating it. "Gods, this is good." Her fingers were a melted brown mess. "Want some?" She shoved a finger directly into Lucius' shocked mouth when he made to speak again.
"Gah!" He turned away from her. "Disgusting!"
"Oh, you've had worse parts of me in your mouth." She reminded him blithely. "This is why the Dark Lord wanted us to keep a low profile."
He leaned into her space. "I hardly think speeding into London in a red convertible sports car with a half dressed hell slag is keeping a low profile!"
She patted his cheek with a sticky hand. "Silly. She has all her clothes on." Casually, she popped the tab on an iced coffee. "Chop, chop. We need to be there by five." Lucius took them to the road again, perhaps more nervously than before. Bella found his new caution trifling, and combated it with a hike in the stereo volume.
London calling to the imitation zone
Forget it, brother, you can go it alone
London calling to the zombies of death
Quit holding out, and draw another breath
London calling, and I don't wanna shout
But while we were talking, I saw you nodding out
London calling, see we ain't got no high
Except for that one with the yellowy eyes
The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Engines stop running, the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear error, but I have no fear
'Cause London is drowning, and I...
"LIVE BY THE RIVEEEEEEEEEEER! OW OW OW OW OW Owwwwwwwwwwwww!" Bella sang them into the city with abandon. Lucius wore a permanent scowl. His palms were sweaty. The leather steering wheel slipped between them with ease. He couldn't take another roundabout. Absolutely couldn't. And if they didn't find this muggle's office soon -
"There!" Bella shouted, practically climbing out of the moving car. "Radcliffe, Baines and Chatsworth! Go back, fucker!"
"I can't!" He pulled her back into the seat by her corset strings. "I'll have to double back." It meant another roundabout. He rubbed a sweaty hand through his hair. "The good news is we should be right on time." He navigated the next roundabout with the same finesse he'd shown all day: cursing and threatening violence. "What's the plan?" He asked.
Bella shrugged. "I suppose we just wait for the mudblood to walk out, pop the boot, hand him the keys and apparate back home."
"Sounds simple enough." He slowed. Dodged a passing bus. Traffic was dense and crawling. The office building Bella had spotted was on the right. There was a private drive, and a valet could be seen manning a podium.
They were pulling in with more than perfect timing. Three solicitors exited the gilded doors at once, all smiling and laughing. "That's him." Bella said. "It's time."
"Right." Lucius slowed the car and stopped. Bella hopped over the door as the valet approached.
"Shall I park for you, sir?"
"Not necessary," Lucius clipped, slipping smoothly from the car. "I'm afraid we're just delivering this vehicle."
"What the hell?" This exclamation from a portly muggle who'd just seen Bella. "You - you - but -" he stammered unattractively, pointing. His cohorts stared at him with concern.
"Hello, Chatsworth," Bellatrix purred. "Recognise the wheels?" She gestured to their car. Lucius managed to cut a rather menacing figure, leaning casually on the boot. "It's the one you bought your...lady friend. Not your wife, of course. The other one."
"No!" Chatsworth alternately flushed and paled. "I - I - I don't know who these people are!" He grappled at his companions. "Call the police!"
"No need for the authorities, Chatty," Lucius drawled. He was clearly getting into his role. "We're just the delivery crew." Cued, he fingered the key fob and popped the boot. "And I believe this is your lady friend?"
Passing muggles had taken notice. They shrieked and scattered at the sight of the dead woman. Chatsworth fell to his knees, mouth gaping - aghast. His fellow solicitors were scrambling, looking away, then looking back in that way humans are apt to do. The valet clumsily flipped open his cellular phone, but struggled to dial with shaking hands.
Smooth and unhurried, Bella knelt beside the quaking halfblood. "This is a message, Chatty. From your real master: The Dark Lord. Mind your muddy manners and do as you're told or next I'll be bringing you your lovely wife in six separate fishing baskets. Understood?"
Even in shock, the muggle recognized the superior power and nodded stiffly.
"Wonderful." Bella slapped his quivering jowl affectionately in time with her parting words. "Behave, Chatty. And don't. Fuck. With. The. Dark. Lord."
She stood with her usual grace (none) and Lucius reached for her hand. "Shall we?" He asked, genteel.
"I believe our work here is done," she replied.
"I must say." They prepared to fly. "I will miss this car," Lucius confessed softly.
"Don't fret, fancy pants." She folded her arm within his. "I'll get you another...if you're good."
There were sirens approaching. Bella rather liked the sound. Kind of a music of its own, really. But they would not witness the arrival of these sirens. The Death Eaters had dissolved, buffeted into thick plumes of black smoke. Happily they barreled through the busy London streets. Over rooftoops and doubledeckers. Lucius swirled a roundabout madly, upsetting the signals. Bella sent rubbish bins flying, tore signs off corner shops. And finally, havoc wreaked, they shot upward into the rainy cloud cover, twirling prettily.
Within minutes they'd left the city proper. The M5, M4, M bloody 210...all those abominable M's far behind them. They whistled through thin country air, dipping and dodging, flirting in mid-flight.
The muggle car had been great fun. But, Lucius mused as he skimmed a field of lavender, this was the only real way to travel.
AN: Music credits - Boys of Summer by Don Henley. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindy Lauper. Highway to Hell by AC/DC. London Calling by The Clash. Thanks for humouring me on this one. I hadn't written a Black Heart story in a while, and I just really wanted to put Lucius and Bella in a convertible. And do forgive any of my mapping issues. I haven't done much driving in Britain, and I assure you Britain thanks me for that.