AN: Ok, hi! Yea, no this isn't your run of the mill "Character comes into the real world" story. I think it's kind of cool, however, I'm concerned if I go onto further chapters it won't be cool any more, it'll be lame… SO, I'm leaving it up to you people to tell me if it's good enough as is, or if I should actually like… further develop and solve the plot line. I'm sure you guys will know when a story should just be left alone. :)
Also, I'm actually Canadian but I always assume no one would get my references to Canadian things like the loony or the toony and like… stuff like that… So if anything seems TOTALLY wrong, blame the fact that I haven't even been to the states since I was 4 and that was just for disney land.
PS: I obviously don't own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters.
"I'm telling you! It's my destiny to defeat the evil Ganondorf!" A blonde boy with blue eyes sat at a metal table, bright light pointed into his face, causing him to sweat. Link, the chosen hero, sat in handcuffs in an interrogation room.
"Oh for crying out LOUD, kid, you expect us to believe these "springs" have little light animals in it that tell you to kill crime bosses?" A man with a cigarette snapped, slamming his fist on the table, startling Link.
"Alright son…" Another one, who was sitting across from Link smiled. "Let's start again shall we? You say you're from a place called Ordon? Now that must be a small town, because I've never heard of it."
"It is, sir, there's only like…15 people in the whole village! Like I told you, I worked as a farm hand on a ranch, when I got caught up in saving the princess from that Ganondorf guy! I was just returning from the twilight realm when… well I ended up in this new place. I lost connection with my friend Midna, so I don't know how to return to Hyrule! What I think ACTUALLY happened is that Ganondorf turned Hyrule into this disgusting hell hole- so the only way to return it to its green and glorious beauty is to kill that Ganondorf once and for all!"
"Alright, this kid has smoked entirely too much grass." The bad cop snorted.
"Son, we don't allow vigilantism in this jurisdiction- I understand you want to help bring down Ganondorf. I mean, we've been after him for years-"
"So, you're the resistance?" Link asked hopeful. It sure wasn't Rusl and the gang, but whatever; he'd have to take what he could get.
"No, ya smart ass, we're the freaking Police!" Bad cop snuffed out his cigarette and turned to his partner, muttering. "We should just lock him up for being too damn weird."
"Son, you're just a kid, but you should still have the common sense to know that running around with bombs and "swords" are not acceptable. You should lay off them Batman cartoons and leave the crime fighting to us professionals."
"You guys are NOT LISTENING! The world is going to end unless I go out there and save it! Look! Look at my hand- if I wasn't who I said I am, would my left hand be glowing with the symbol of the tri-force?!" Link snapped. "I'm a GODDAM HERO! Ok?! LET ME DO MY THING!"
"You're really pissing me off… If you think a freaking tattoo is gonna impress me kid, you're wrong. Last chance before we lock you up kid, WHAT IS YOU'RE NAME?!"
"We just want you're name, alright kid? We'll call your mama up here and she'll take you home- if you co-operate you're looking at 5 months community service- but if you continue to be difficult, you're going to end up in Juvy or worse. You want that?" Good cop asked.
"I don't think so…" Link blinked. "Ok, listen, I'll start over, ok? I'll try to be as DETAILED as POSSIBLE, and maybe you'll see it my way…"
FLASHBACK
"Ready to return to the light world, Link?" Midna asked. Link nodded. He stepped into the light and waited. The mirror reacted and started to pull him through. He closed his eyes as his body began to transport- he didn't like seeing his body all morphed and twisted as it traveled though limbo. Suddenly Link felt funny. "Link something is wrong!" Midna screeched. Link opened his eyes and saw their portal disappearing. "The mirror is being tampered with!" Midna gasped. Link screamed as he was pulled by the force of Limbo in a different direction from Midna. "LIIIIIINK!"
Link woke up, staring at a dark, starless sky. Towers with hundred of windows were everywhere, and not a patch of grass or a tree in sight. It was loud- worse then Castletown. He realized he was in an Alleyway, and ran out into the crowded street. A few people in funny clothes were running around. Machines he'd never seen before whizzed by him, creating a huge ruckus. Link ran back into the alley in a panic, and hid behind a metal bin that held waste in it. He curled up into a ball and tried to calm his breathing.
"Link, this is no time for a panic attack!" He hissed at himself. It was so loud, and scary out there… like Castletown, the Twilight realm and HELL all mixed together! He knew this was the work of Ganondorf. His black and evil heart willed this beautiful world to look like this scummy kingdom of bad air and filth. After a moment of hyperventilating between his knees, the blonde hero managed to pull himself together. Link went through his supplies. He still had everything- just no Midna. She must have been sent somewhere else… possibly somewhere else in this place. He had to find Ganondorf and kill him so he could save Zelda and return home, and carry out a normal existence of baby-making with Ilia. Yes, sexy times a wait!
Link ran out into the street again, avoiding the dangerous grey path with the mechanical monsters zipping by. He saw a man standing at a corner, smoking. He ran up to him, hoping for information.
"Excuse me-"
"We'll you're a real freak in town, eh, kid? You come from one of those weird conventions?"
"Uh…can you tell me what happened here?"
"Where?"
"Here… you know…" Link pointed around. The guy shrugged.
"I must have missed the action, kid." This answer confused Link, but he pressed on.
"Oh… Well I'm trying to find this guy Ganondorf…"
"Seriously? Friend of his?"
"Uh-"
"Well you've come to the right guy, I'll bring ya to him, if you buy something from me."
"Ah, ok!" Link smiled. He loved random walking merchants. Even if they weren't Goron. "What do ya got?"
"Well, we got the usual here."
"So blue potion, red potion, bombs…" Link asked.
"No man, I ain't no arms dealer, but I can hook you up with a buddy of mine. What's blue and red potion slang for?" He asked, but didn't let Link answer. "Alright, first, you into chemicals at all?"
"………..Nnnnooooo…?" Link was uncomfortable.
"Ah, I see, a bit of a hippie eh? Ok, I got some grass, and some mushrooms... seeds…"
"OOH!" Link smiled. Grass for Epona- wherever she is… and he LOVED mushrooms! "I'll take a bag of both!"
"Ok… I'll charge ya 40 for the quarter of weed, and 50 for the quarter of shrooms."
"Um…" Link dug into his wallet.
"Kid… no offence but I don't trust that weird currency."
"Oh… you don't take rupees?"
"No, does this look like Russia?"
"………….." Link didn't know what that was- as far as he knew it COULD be…what was that place he said?
"I'll be here when you get some actual cash." The guy looked away from Link.
Link knew what he had to do.
It had been hours of cutting though bushes and grass, and digging up soil- the long part was finding such things in this place- but he had not found much money- and what he did find he wasn't even sure if it WAS money. He was disheartened. His quest depended on him finding 90 cashes!
"Hey sonny, can you spare some money?"
"Sorry sir, I only have Rupees, and that's not legitimate currency anymore. I blame that evil tyrant-"
"Yea since he got elected into presidency things have been rock bottom for me too…"
"How do you get cash?" Link frowned sitting beside the man.
"Well some people work for it… I prefer to sit here and ask for it, and some people give it to me."
"Hm… I'll give it a try!" Link smiled.
"Not on this street you won't! Street kids always make more money then us old street guys. Everyone always feels bad for those street punks, cuz they have some sob story about being abused, or their parents kicking them out…I'm addicted to Heroin, and no one feels sorry for ME. Asses."
"Oh… kay!" Link awkwardly ran away to find a new street to sit on. He took his cap off and held it out. As people walked by he smiled pleasantly "Hello fair maiden, but could you help me out, for the good of the world?"
"Aw, you're sweet." A young girl dropped some money in his cap.
"Thank you!" Link grinned. He kept at it, but got a lot of "GET A JOB YOU BUM." Perhaps this was not the best way to get cashes. He wasn't even sure of the value of the cashes he had.
"Excuse me sir!" Link stopped a young man.
"I don't have any money, sorry."
"That's ok, I have to ask you a question." Link stood up and reached into his cap. "What is the value of this cash?" He held up a paper.
"That's one dollar." The man frowned. Link had an accent he couldn't put his finger on, but he just assumed the boy was foreign.
"So one cash? I need 90 of these to have 90 cashes?"
"…sure. You know the value by the number on the paper."
"I SEE!" Link felt like a moron. "That's so obvious…"
"Yea… there's also a five dollar bill, a 10 and so on. These coins, this is a quarter, so that's 1/4th of the dollar. 4 of these are dollar. 10 of these dimes make a dollar. 50 nickles, these things I have? That makes a dollar. And 100 of these little brown pennies make a dollar."
"Wow… so many ways to make 90 cashes. Now, is there some way I can work for this stuff?"
"Try this place behind you, it has a help wanted sign."
"Thanks for you're help, sir!" Link put his hat on and walked into the store. A man at a counter smiled at him.
"Hello young man! Welcome to 24-7!"
"You have a sign saying you need help." Link pointed at the window.
"Well… do you have any experience manning a shop." The man asked, his accent very thick.
"…No, but If a 7 year old can do it, so can I." The blonde shrugged.
"Fair enough sir. Here is you're uniform!"
"Can I keep my hat?"
"Eeeeeeh, ok." The shop keep shrugged, figuring it to be some weird religious thing. "Now, to use the cash, swipe their purchases under here, than press this BIG button. Then take their money and put it in here and give them back their correct change. It's EASY! Good bye!" The shop keep left abruptly.
Link frowned at his uniform. It was a red shirt with a blue collar. He took off his tunic, chainmale, and white long sleeved shirt, tossing them under the counter. He put the stupid shirt on and put his sword and shield over top of it and waited. The man made him a little name tag, and Link struggled to get it on his shirt- stupid fiddly pointy thing…
Hours went by and Link was just tempted to take the money right out of this stupid box and get his stupid grass so he could find stupid Ganondorf!
"How much are you're hot dogs?" A man who had been loitering for an hour asked- of course the sign that said how much the hot dogs cost was right in front of his face. Link's eye twitched in irritation.
Some teenage boys walked in and Link saw them put some stuff in their jacket. Stealing? Not on his shift! Link jumped over the counter and rolled into action. He pulled his sword out and slammed it into the wall, an inch away from the first boys head.
"AAAH!"
"Stealing in MY 24-7 shop? I think not, thief!" Link gave the boy the look of death, with his piercing blue eyes.
"You're crazy!" The boy squeaked. "Come on, be a pal to you're fellow delinquent youth! Don't make a big deal out of this."
"Return those junk foods to me and I'll allow you to live!" Link didn't even blink.
"Ok!"
"No one ever got anywhere with stealing." Link snorted at them as they ran out- never mind he steals rupees out of people's pots all the time…
"Nice work kid." A man in the shadows chuckled.
"Who are you?" Link asked, although he recognized his as the annoying loitering man.
"Just a humble customer. Kid, how do you like this job?"
"Well it's not what I really want… See I'm a hero, and I need to save the world right now, but to do that I need some cash. But jobs take too much time. I need a quick 20 minute job that I get paid big cashes for!"
"Well I might be able to help you with that… meet me out back in 5 minutes."
"Ok…" Link watched the man leave and looked around. He changed into his hero clothes, and opened the till taking out the key- and as an after thought he helped himself to the money he was owed for working. He locked the door and went to the back alley. "Hello?"
"I said five minutes!" the man snapped.
"I like to be early."
"Oi."
"So, what can I do for you to make some serious cash?" Link asked, curious.
"You're pretty skilled with that sword… you wanna be a hired…. Uh…swordsman for me?"
"And kill monsters? SURE!"
"Alright, you kill this man here…" The man held up a picture.
"He's not a monster."
"He sure is kid, don't let you're eyes fool ya… he was messing with my wife… well he's going to get it! You do this for me, and I'll give you 1000 bucks!"
"Is that cash?"
"…Yes…"
"I'll slay this villain for you sir, no problem! Where can I find him?"
"I'll mark his house on this map."
Link held the map above his head. "I have acquired the city map! Now I will know where I'm going!" Link ran off, sword drawn. The man wondered if maybe this was a mistake…however, he had to appreciate how cheap getting this man killed ended up being.
"Hm…" Link looked at his map. It looked like the right spot. He couldn't get the door open. He knew there had to be a secret entry somewhere… He looked all around the house. No switches, or cracks… nothing. And even the side door was locked… He slumped to the ground and sighed. This quest was too hard.
Link glanced to the step and saw a rug. He wondered if maybe… he lifted the matt and under it was a key! He held it up high, in triumph.
"I'm too awesome." Link smiled, unlocking the door. He entered the house, quietly. It was dark. He brought out his lantern and tip toed through the bottom floor. Nothing. He decided to sneak up the stairs… a light was on! Link hid behind a door, and saw the man from the photo on a cell phone.
"Don't worry baby, he may have found out about us, but he wont do anything. What? YOU BITCH! You're picking you're husband over me?! Wedding vow- like I care about you're wedding vows with that loser! Oh you whore! You just wanted to make him JEALOUS?! Forget that trip to the Caribbean, you back stabbing tramp!" He slapped the cell shut and threw it into a pillow. Link was certain this guy was evil by the words he called that poor damsel. Link slammed the door open and presented himself.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!" The man screamed.
"Villain, I'm here to put an end to your infidelity!"
"Did my wife send you?" He asked.
"Wha… No… the husband of… WOW you really are an asshole… Prepare to battle!" Link pulled his sword out and held his shield in front of his body. The man reached into a drawer and pulled out a gun. Link ran at him and swung his sword, breaking the lamp on the bedside table. The man aimed and just barely missed Link. Link screamed in shock and in pain as the bullet made a cut in his fore arm.
"What is that!?" Link cried, holding his arm. "OW! Why don't you use a sword, you jerk!" The man took aim again, and Link decided to not play fair. He brought his blade down through the man's arm, slicing it clear off. The man screamed in pain. "Don't mess with the tri force, ass hole." Link drove his sword through the man's chest and took the man's gun to prove he killed him!
"And here is his now useless weapon." Link presented it to the man who hired him.
"It's not useless…"
"Really?" Link frowned. "Hm I should keep it then, it may come in handy later in my quest."
"Maybe… So as promised, you're money. Great news, my wife is going to stay with me, she told the marriage councilor this was just a ploy to bring the spark back! Sex has been AWESOME! You didn't really need to kill him after all…"
"Oh…" Link frowned, feeling guilty now. He took his money and returned to that first corner.
"Back eh?"
"Yep! That deal still stand?" Link asked hopeful.
"Sure thing, kid. Cash?"
"Right here!" Link smiled, presenting it to him. He handed Link two bags and Link held them up triumphantly- until he was smacked.
"Wanna get us busted, ya moron? Hide it!"
"Oh, sorry!" Link shoved it in his pouch. "Now, take me to Ganondorf!"
"Alright, follow me." They headed into a shady run down building along the river front. Link glanced around, wondering what Ganondorf was doing in this place.
"Hey boss. I have a kid who was looking for ya, friend of yours?" The corner man addressed a chair behind a desk. The chair spun around to reveal a man with red hair… but oddly pale skin. Hm. Link thought Ganon had red hair and DARK skin. He also was under the impression he was... like… tall and strong and intimidating. This guy was more like Jaggle… strange.
"Boy, who are you? What do you want of me?" He asked bored. "Are you another one of my ex's kids I never met, coming to get money from me?"
"…NNNNOOOO…You know who I am. I'm here to put an end to you're evil! I am LINK the chosen hero!"
"… cute… Kill him." Ganondorf sighed. The men pulled out their guns, and Link knew now was the time to use his newly acquired weapon. He shot it at the first guy he saw- but that was it. Nothing else came out of it.
"Dammit! I don't know how to restore it's power! Shit! Screw it…" He pulled out his bow and arrows, and with his speed killed all the men in the room but Ganondorf. They had really hurt Link with their weird loud weapons. He was bleeding everywhere. He fell to the floor in pure pain, looking at his leg, which had gotten the most damage. He was struggling to breath- he was pretty sure he was going to die if one more person attacked him. Nothing in his life had ever done this kind of damage before… Link reached into his bag and grabbed some blue potion. The blue potion magically healed his wounds and he was able to stand again.
"Kid, I don't know what you want, but you're not going to get very far." Ganondorf was totally weirded out.
"I want you're head Ganondorf! Where is the princess!?"
"…I'm going to assume you mean that beautiful young girl I kidnapped for ransom. I see. It's business, kid. I have people who won't co-operate with me, I find ways to MAKE them. If that man ever wants his daughter back, he'll have to agree to my demands."
"Tell me where she is, NOW!"
"No, I don't think so." He smirked. Link pulled out a bomb, and threw it at Ganondorf. Ganondorf gasped. "You're mad!" He fled, and it blew his desk up. Link chased after him, up to the ceiling of the building. Link didn't see him anywhere… But he did see a big flying thing… He used his hawk-eye to see it better. Sure enough, Ganon was inside. ESCAPING. Link put a bomb on his arrow, and aimed. He released, but it missed, and hit a dilapidated building beside them. Some debris struck the flying machine and it caught fire on its tail. Link sighed and returned to the main floor. As he stepped outside, finding that there was no Zelda in this place, he was surrounded by flashing lights.
"Don't move! We have you surrounded! Drop you're weapons or we'll be forced to shoot."
"Hm." Link frowned. He dropped his sword, bow, bomb bag, quiver and the ball and chain. The voice waited a moment before continuing. "Uh… put your hand on your head, and get on you're knees…" Link sighed and did as he was told.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Yea… sounds WORSE when you tell it in detail… So you kill a man for money, buy drugs with it, then go and kill a ton of drug dealer's hench men… and we're NOT arresting him, why?" Bad cop turned to Good cop, inhaling his fourth cigarette.
"Kid you sit tight, we're gonna check you're fingerprints to see if you're in our records." The two left, whispering to each other as the door slammed shut. Link sat in silence for a moment, glancing around the room. After a long while of silence he sighed sadly.
"This Quest is WAY too hard."