Written for the Skyrim Kink Meme

Standard disclaimers apply.

" 'Go to Skyrim!' they said... 'It'll be fun!' they said… I'd much rather be drunk off my arse in a tavern!"

Lydia sighed as she watched her Thane flail his arms ineffectually, as he was often wont to do. The man to her left merely gripped his staff and turned to her with a long-suffering groan.

"My dear," he began slowly, "I don't often do this sort of thing, so I hope you can appreciate exactly what this is costing me…"

The Nord warrior closed her eyes and brought a hand to her temple, "What is it, Marcurio?"

"On behalf of all my people, I apologize for… that…" The mage nodded wearily in his employer's direction.

"Oh…" She dropped her hand to face the aspiring wizard properly, "Well... thank you, I suppose…"

The two turned to look at their charge and found him being dragged off by mudcrabs.

"Stop it! That hurts!" His screaming only served to summon more of the local wildlife.

"You can't seriously believe he's going save the world." Marcurio deadpanned.

Lydia squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to find a suitable defense, "Perhaps if he met with the Greybeards…"

More screaming. "I demand that you cease at once!"

"Perhaps if he met with the Greybeards… what?" The mage quipped, but his words lacked any real heat.

"Unhand me you spineless vagabonds…!"

Lydia stared, dumbfounded, "I… don't know..."

"We should probably go save him. If all else fails, and he manages to die anyway, you get a house, and I've got my pay, so…"

"Marcurio!" The Nord snapped, "That is not what we're here for!"

The mercenary simply raised an eyebrow at her, "Then what are we doing, standing here?"

"It's not so bad, yet." she shrugged helplessly, "Maybe he'll learn to do something useful?"

"By Martin Septim's pants, I swear I'll…!"

"You were saying?" Marcurio looked at her pointedly.

Lydia grimaced and drew her sword rather than answer her companion. "Long life to you, my Thane." It was more a prayer than praise, and she advanced on the pathetic scuffle by the river.

Marcurio was not far behind, "That's the spirit!"

THE END…?