Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or "I Will Follow You Into The Dark"
A/N:
This is for my Abigail... who's bet upset lately, so I really shouldn't be dedicating THIS of all things to her, but this is one of her favorite songs, so there.
She's begging for me to post this, so I ought to make this short.
This is my tiredness, and most likely my unchecked bad grammar. I hope it's livable. Enjoy! Review!
I love ya, Abigail, and I hope that whenever you here this song now, you're mind will be filled with depressing Klisses and my annoying happiness!
Blaine brushed a stray hair out of Kurt's quiet face. Even unconscious, he was so beautiful. The way his pale eyelids closed so his long eyelashes met in such a hypnotizing way. The color from his bright lips had drained to a pale, dusty pink, but remained lovely.
"Mr. Hummel," The doctor spoke, and Blaine could only dimly hear him. He stood with his back to the wall, intent on hearing every word of the conversation. "I have some… bad news."
Blaine could feel Kurt's father discomfort, even from around the corner. Blaine flattened against the pale blue wall, eyes regretfully closed as he heard the words he'd been expecting for long and painful days now.
"Your son, he's very sick. We don't know if we can help him, this had gone on so long…"
Blaine didn't bother stifling tears. He'd stopped that last week, it was no use. A long and weary tear fell down his red cheek.
"Sir, I fear your son isn't going to make it much longer. Maybe a few days or so, but I believe it's for the best; he's been in so much pain. He doesn't need to go through this."
Blaine ignored the sound of Burt bursting into hysterics. He ignored his father who'd just walked up in time to hear the news as Blaine did. He ignored the embrace he offered. He ignored the blood coming from his fingernails in his palms. He ignored the rest of the world as locked himself into a clean bathroom stall and stood for an hour with his forehead pressed to the dull green walls. All he felt was pain.
"You know, Kurt, you're so lovely. I love you so much. I wish I told you that more." He whispered, his words echoing off the walls of the room. He wasn't alone, though, Kurt was with him.
He traced circles over Kurt's cold cheek. "I don't know if you remember this, but it was a warm day in the summer, we were sitting on a picnic blanket and you kept complaining about all the pesticides they put in the lettuce you were eating." Blaine whispered, chuckling a bit at the memory. "The sun was setting, it was so beautiful. You told me the shades of pink in the sky were your favorite color and you put your head on my shoulder… I was going to ask you to marry me, Kurt.
"I guess I must have panicked, you were so graceful, batting your eyelashes under the sunset. The thought of rejection was so scary, I didn't do it. I didn't have a ring, either, and I always figured you'd want a ring. Something big and shiny… I bought it yesterday. The ring, I mean.
"I wish you could talk to me, Kurt. I know it's so selfish, but I wish you could tell me you love me back. But I love you, Kurt. Never forget that." He whispered, reaching into his pocket for a red velvet case. He pulled it out, tenderly putting it on Kurt's chest.
"This is it, Kurt. This ring." He said, opening the small case and pulling out a silver band with what seemed like a million diamonds on it. "It's bright. Like your eyes.
"I want you to know I didn't buy it because it's big and flashy. I bought it because it was the most beautiful ring in the store. I really think you'd like it, Kurt."
Blaine took a long breath. "I wanted to propose to you on top of the Empire State Building. That was how I always saw it. But I guess this will have to do.
"Kurt Hummel, you're the most beautiful being on this Earth." He whispered, slipping the ring on Kurt's finger. "Marry me?"
"I went in there this afternoon." Burt whispered, avoiding contact with Ella Anderson's soft blue eyes. "There was a ring on Kurt's finger."
Blaine's mother shoved a truly false smile on her face. She couldn't hide the tear running down her cheek, though. "That's lovely."
"It's not." Burt hissed. Ella looked at him with a hurt look.
"My boy will never get married. Never- never-" He started, his voice cracking with tears. "You know, he used to always tell me, when he was little, about how he'd be on Broadway? That's all he ever cared about, and it still is. He'll never be in the goddamn lights he wanted to badly. He'll never run off with Blaine like the fictitious love story he told me about."
Ella swallowed uncomfortably, nodding like she understood, but they both knew that she didn't.
Burt wiped away the flood of tears coming from his eyes. "He had such a hard life. His mother died, he had to deal with bullies all his life, had to fight for acceptance he never found. His life is going to end that way."
Burt was openly bawling now and Ella new that her comfort was useless, so she didn't try.
"I loved that boy so much, and the doctor is giving him hours."
"Kurt?" Blaine whispered into the room, his voice harmonizing with the deliberate beeps emitting from all the machines. He'd waited for Burt to go downstairs and get food for himself. Blaine's parents had been at his side all this week, so the room was empty except for him and Kurt. He pulled his guitar out from under his chair. "Kurt, I want to sing you something."
Like always, the place for a response was occupied by silence.
"Alright. Listen real close to the lyrics, Kurt." Blaine whispered into the silent room. "I'm promising you right now, everything I say is true."
Blaine was oblivious to his mother and Burt standing at the slightly cracked door. Ella smiled, but Burt remained sorrowful.
"Okay, here we go," He said, and began strumming practiced notes on his guitar.
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
Ella's smile immediately fell with the lyrics. She glanced, panicked, to Burt.
Burt, for once, almost looked sort of happy at the declaration Blaine was making.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs
Ella's breath caught as he continued singing. She pulled the door open, staring blankly at her son.
He'd been so depressed this week, and still, he remained with unkempt hair, an annoying stubble on his chin, and nothing more than sweatpants and an unwashed tee-shirt. But something was different about him now.
It was that he was smiling.
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
"Blaine?" She squeaked across the room. "Blaine, what are you doing?"
Blaine stopped strumming on the guitar, his singing slowly coming to a stop. He looked at her innocently, his smile faltering.
"I'm singing to Kurt, mom."
"But, honey," She hissed, gripping his shoulder from where he stood in front of Kurt's bed. "What where you singing?"
"A… a song?" Blaine offered, blinking rapidly in confusion. "Mom, I want to finish singing to Kurt, please."
She grabbed Blaine's wrist, pulling him away from Kurt. "No, Blaine. You can't. We have to find a psychologist, I'm sure there's one in this place. Please, Blaine, tell me you didn't mean it."
"Didn't you hear me, mom?" He asked. "I promised to Kurt. I promised."
She looked at Blaine with alarm in her eyes. "No, no, Blaine, come with me." She demanded, pulling on Blaine's wrist to no avail.
"No, mom. I'm going to finish singing to Kurt."
"Blaine," She hissed. "Come on, Blaine, we're leaving."
"Mom, no." He demanded, his feet planted firmly on the ground.
His mother stared at him for a moment, glaring daggers into the fragile boy's face. She didn't even know what she did next until she'd already done it.
Blaine's barely felt the hand that smacked his cheek; he only saw it, only saw the worry, but the frustration in that worry. That was what sent him screaming, falling to the floor like a child.
His mother backed up, letting the doctor's that followed the scream pick up the boy up from the ground.
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
"Darling," the therapist spoke in monotone, her voice shrill. "That's a wonderful story, sad, too. But I asked you why you told your mother you were going to kill yourself."
Blaine just stared at her, as though that story was explanation enough.
"I thought the doctor's told you." Blaine said, expressionless, after a moment of staring.
"Okay, but I need you to tell me why you're going to kill yourself if your girlfriend passes-" She began.
Blaine leaned back further into the too-puffy chair, pressing his head against the wood of it, hard, until he started feeling a satisfying pain in the back of his head. He closed his eyes, not caring enough to keep them open. "Boyfriend, actually." He corrected.
"Okay, if your boyfriend passes. I know you love him, but darling, death is only natural. Don't you think it would be selfish to kill yourself for your boyfriend, when your mother and your father, and I'm sure so many others, love you too."
"My mom loves me, yes." He stated. "But she gets so frustrated with every mistake I make. She probably wouldn't need to dye her hair anymore if I left." He chuckled with that.
"My dad, no. He tried to kick me out when I told him I was gay… he got used to it after a few months, but I think only for my mother. He even hugged me the other day… I know it was only because my mother was watching him watch me cry, but I think if he meant it, I would have felt it. I'm not naïve- I know what it feels like to be hugged with love or to be embraced out of force. That was force.
"My mom will miss me. The Warbler's probably will, too, and maybe my little sister, but she's so young I don't know if she'll even notice I'm gone. Kurt's really the only one that really cares. I think he's what I'm living for. If he dies, I'm nothing. Just a sad, grieving being. I'm talented and all, but I don't want to live for my talent. I want to live for Kurt. I want to be with Kurt forever. I know he probably wouldn't want me to kill myself for him, but wherever we go when we die, we'll be together. Actually, as of Monday, he's my fiancé. Maybe we'll go to fairytale land and have a wedding more extravagant then we ever could have here."
The woman stared at the smiling boy. The boy smiling with the thought of suicide.
The boy wasn't depressed- so what was she to do? He wasn't grieving. Nothing like that. He was just hopeful. She never learned how to tear down hope in college.
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs
"Blaine." Burt whispered, putting a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "He's… he… passed."
Blaine blinked. He didn't seem as sad as Burt had excepted. "Burt, can I ask you a very important question?"
Burt sighed. "If it's about where you go when you die, boy, I don't know. I really don't."
Blaine shook his head. "No, it not that. Something even more important."
Burt curiously scanned the boy who was supposed to be madly depressed, according to his mother. "Yes?"
"Will you burry me beside him?"
Burt didn't think long. He knew that he should be panicking with this very thought, but he didn't. All he knew was that this boy knew what he wanted. "Yes."
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
They let Blaine see the body. They took all of the sharp objects out of the room, but they let Blaine have a moment by himself with the boy.
In the dark room, he squeezed Kurt's cold hand, looking into his lifeless, colorful eyes. He began to sing again, nothing to accompany him but the patter of rain on the roof. It seemed appropriate enough.
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
'cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
Blaine stopped at the end of the verse, a tear streaming down his cheek for the first time since Kurt's death. He leaned over, pressing his lips to the boy's ever-so cold ones.
"I love you so much, Kurt." He spoke into his hair. "I'll be there soon, I promise."
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs
Blaine snuck downstairs that night, even though his mother was sleeping in his room, she didn't even notice.
He stared at the knife, glimmering in the light of the kitchen lamp.
Before he did anything, though, he took a pen, and wrote down the last three things he needed to say.
Burt said he'd burry me next to Kurt, make sure that happens. Make sure they burry Kurt with his ring, please. And don't grieve- this is something I wanted. I'm happy now.
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
He smiled, drawing hearts around Kurt's name.
Then I'll follow you into the dark
And then, with a quick flick of the wrist, he was with Kurt.
Then I'll follow you into the dark
And he was happy.