Jate – The End Of Forever
(to Paulo Nutini – Last Request)
SPOILERS FOR DEATHS IN SEASON TWO AND ONE IN THREE.
There were smiles all around as every hurriedly packed bags full of everything they had accumulated on the island. Charlie held Aaron whilst Claire piled everything into a case they had found. They would go back to Australia – together. Sun and Jin were both smiling, Sun holding her heavily pregnant belly as Jin packed all their belongings. They would start their life in America.
Sayid packed alongside Locke and Desmond. All three were headed back to America to get their affairs in order, and then they would head off separately – Sayid to find Nadia, Locke to find Helen and Desmond to find Penelope.
Hurley was planning to share his millions with charities, and then go to a WeightWatchers camp to finally drop his excess body weight. Sawyer had taken a strange personality change after Kate had finished it between them, and had a sudden urge to go to America and find Cassidy, and his daughter, Clementine, and make sure no one would ever hurt them. Clementine would be four by now. Eko, well, no one really knew where he was going.
Rose and Bernard were staying. They had given no reason for this, but they were adamant. They would make one of the hatches their home and finish their days there.
Boone was dead. Shannon was dead. Ana Lucia and Libby were dead. That left Jack and Kate.
Jack didn't know what he wanted to do. LA would have to be visited, his mother to be consoled over his father's death, his affairs to be set in order, and then he didn't know. He thought about foreign work, maybe doctoring in an area of extreme poverty in Africa. But it wasn't what he wanted.
Kate knew what she had to do. She had to run. Her heart beat faster every time she thought of it. What if it went wrong? What if she got caught? She couldn't do jail, she knew she wouldn't cope. She knew that she would die if she couldn't run free. This island, this island was freedom. It was hope for the future, it was cheating her fate. It meant hope, it meant freedom and it meant love.
Jack was sat deep in the jungle, not having the enthusiasm to pack that the others did. Kate sat far away from him on the end of the beach. Both stared out to sea, at the fast coming evening and the fast coming rescue.
Kate got up from where she was sat. She needed to run, or her heart would explode. She didn't want to feel this way. The only other time she had felt this way it had ended in disaster. She didn't want that again. She didn't want any of it again. Not the aching pain in her chest, not the gnawing pain in her stomach. Not the deep emptiness in her soul. She started to run, run, into the jungle, away from the hurt, away from the pain, away from the place where she was a fugitive…away from the feelings that ate up her insides.
But the feelings just caught up with her.
So she ran further and harder. Running was her answer to everything. Run, run, run! Her foot caught at a branch and she fell.
Slow Down
Lie down
Remember it's just you and me
The pain in her ankle was so sharp, so bad…but she couldn't cry…she couldn't be stopped from running… she had to get away…everyone was her enemy…even the man with his arms around her, lifting her up…even Jack…wonderful, caring Jack who was holding her up, saying,
"It's ok, Kate. It's only twisted. Where were you going in such a hurry?"
She pulled back and limped a few paces away.
"Leave me alone!" she hissed at him, "I'm fine!"
Immediately she felt guilty. She'd never snapped at him like that before. He looked taken aback but didn't argue. She looked at him and there was something else there that hadn't been there before. It was…weariness. She shrugged loosely and hung her head. This is goodbye, Kate, she told herself, Make it worthwhile.
Don't sell out
Bow out
Remember how this used to be
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I have to run. You know that. I can't get caught. I can't go to prison. Imagine me in prison! I'm staying here. This is my hideout. I can live like this."
He said nothing, just looked at her sadly. His eyes reminded her of the last time they'd met in this clearing in the jungle. And she didn't want to remember how that had ended. Or started, for that matter. So she looked away and finished what she had to say.
"This is goodbye, Jack. I'm not leaving tomorrow with you and the others."
He said nothing. He didn't have words for his feelings. He knew from the look in her eyes that he couldn't try to persuade her otherwise. So he took a step closer. As if she were a shy animal who might notice him and run away at any moment, he edged towards her. She stayed stock still. Her eyes told him she wanted to run, but her body stayed still. He was so close he could feel her breath on his cheek. He wrapped his arms slowly around her and held her to him.
I just want you closer
Is that all right?
Baby lets get closer
Tonight
She stayed in his arms for one minute and forgot, for that minute, what she had to do tomorrow. But she only let herself for one minute. Then she pulled back violently from him.
"Don't, Jack, please."
"Don't what?" he was indignant, "It was just a goodbye hug."
"Don't make this any harder than it already is. I'm sorry."
He sighed. He looked at her closely. Her long, chestnut curls cascading loose down her back. Her deep emerald eyes that captivated his mind, body and soul every time he looked into them.
"Sorry." He murmured, and then he turned to go.
He walked five paces, the most painful steps of his life, when he heard a convulsive sob from behind him. He turned. Kate looked at him furiously through tears she wished weren't there.
"What?" he asked.
"This…this isn't how I wanted it to end…Jack…and I don't think that's how you wanted to end it either…"
Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
He walked towards her, seeing the pain she was feeling and wanting to do something for it.
"D'you want me to show you how I wanted it to end?" he whispered when he was close enough for her to hear his hushed tones. She shrugged. He smiled at her and bent his head and kissed her softly, briefly and gently on the lips. Then he drew back.
"Oh, Jack." She sighed. When she got no response she continued, "You'll just make yourself hurt. You know that everything has to end tomorrow."
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me
He nodded, so close to her face she could smell him, coconuts and tropical fruits and the salty water of the sea. "I know. But let me feel like this…like I've felt all this time I've been on the island…let me feel like that one more time."
She kissed him, but it was restricted, scared of the loss.
"Please." He murmured. She lost control of her self control, she lost grip of her sensibility, and she lost confidence in her cold front. She let him kiss her without a thought to what tomorrow would bring.
Jack's hand knotted in her hair, and she brought hers up around his neck to deepen the kiss. He responded almost instantly, sliding his hands under her shirt. She smiled against his mouth and then she slowly released him.
I've found
That I am bound
To wander down that one way road
"Jack, tomorrow you have to leave me here. You know that as well as I do. D'you want to live a lonely life with a bitter memory of one hunger filled, desperate night…?"
He sighed and sat down on the log with her beside him.
"No." he said finally, "I want to live a life highlighted by beautiful memories, occasional wonderful flashbacks to one moonlit, passionate, amazing night."
She smiled and burrowed her head into his chest.
"We've wasted so much time." He said bitterly and then he put an arm around her shoulders. "We've been on this island for almost four months and now times up and we've spent all that time side by side…not knowing…not daring…not…"
She put a finger up to his lips. "What are you saying, Jack?"
"I mean… I meant to say…" he looked down and then right back into her eyes. That gave him courage. "I love you, Kate."
And I realise
All about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool that I was before
He leant in to kiss her, but she pushed him gently away.
"I need to tell you what I did, Jack, before you can say that."
"It doesn't matter what you did, Kate…"
She stopped him. "Yes it does. I want to tell you. I don't want there to be any secrets when you leave. I want you to listen to me… I need you to listen to me…"
He nodded and held her close as she told him.
"My mom's boyfriend, Wayne…I found out he was my father after…but…he used to beat her. He used to drink and fight and hurt her. He used to pin her against the wall and say he would kill her if I didn't do as he said. The way he used to look at me…" she shuddered before continuing, "I couldn't take it anymore. I told Mom to leave him but she told me she loved him…I needed to help her, Jack; I needed to rescue her… so I killed him. I set the gas pipes on and I put him to bed after a drinking spree… then I drove away… he must have flicked the light…it…it blew up…"
She sniffed and looked into his eyes. "I meant for him to be gassed. I didn't mean to blow him up…"
And then she started to cry. Guilt tears. Tears that made her eyes run with pain and hurt. They were tears that she had never cried before. She had never felt safe enough to cry tears of this kind before. Jack made her safe.
I just want you closer
Is that all right?
Baby lets get closer
Tonight
"It means nothing, Kate. Nothing. And I still love you."
She leant up and kissed him, and instantly hated herself for it. Why could she never say what she needed to? But his kisses drowned out her thoughts. His hands found their way under her shirt again. This time she didn't pull away. This time she pulled his shirt over his head and pulled him down beside her onto the grass and the beaten jungle dirt.
Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
They lay beside each other, exhausted but terrifically happy. Wildly ecstatic. Kate rolled over and touched his face with one hand, lightly caressing his cheek. She kissed his forehead lightly and his eyes fluttered open.
"You woke me up."
"You weren't asleep."
He grinned, "True." Then he kissed her gently. "I love you so much."
She smiled and snuggled herself up into his arms. It was dark now, the real night. The clock was ticking.
"Time's running out." She whispered into his neck. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. "Doesn't matter." He said and kissed the top of her head long and hard. For a minute she was satisfied lying with him, but then the carnal hunger awoke in her again and she drew back to kiss him, seducing him with the touch of their lips…
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me
"You wanna do it again?" she asked, smiling seductively. He laughed silently and nodded, pulling her into an intimate embrace. She let him take control of her body. She blanked out everything; she forgot the impending tomorrow, the future alone on the island for her and then darkness that would consume her soul. She forgot that she was a sinner, a murderer, and that she was a fugitive.
For a time she was happy to be Jack's Kate, his girl, the woman he loved… That sounded so good. So why could she not respond to that? She did love him, she knew that now…and if she didn't tell him soon she never could…
That brought her back to the situation they were both in. Tomorrow she left him. She wasn't just the girl in Jack's arms; she was a criminal who no one could pin down. Then the tears started.
Baby baby baby
Tell me how can
How can this be wrong?
She sat up. A faint light was creeping into the sky, and that made her cry harder. Slowly he noticed her tears.
"Why are you crying?" he asked, "Did I hurt you?"
She shook her head. "Of course not." She murmured, "No."
He stroked her hair softly, feeling her shoulders shake with sobs under his hands. "What's hurting you, Kate?"
"I have to go." She whispered, "I have to run to the other side of the island and find Rousseau. I'll stay with her, I'll live like her…I'll forget everything else…"
He buried his head into her dark hair, and inhaled her scent. Strawberries, guava and something else…the faint metallic scent of pain…
Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me
"Promise me you will come onto the beach and wave once the boat is far enough away…I have to have that…"
She smiled, "Of course."
"Please let me have one more kiss…" he whispered, "My last request…"
She planted a kiss on his cheek lightly and let him take her in his arms one final time. Then, regardless of what she felt in her heart, she took one last lingering look at him and ran deep into the jungle as he turned and headed back towards the beach, and to freedom.
Grant my last request and just let me hold you
Don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me
She watched through the thicket as the boat slowly sped away. She wanted nothing more than to be held one more time, and another, and another. She didn't want him to go…she had been too scared to say what she had to say… what she should have said…
"I love you." She called, praying he could hear from the boat, metres away now. She stood on the beach and kept eye focus, hoping that if he turned and looked into her eyes he would know how she felt…or at least would be able to comprehend a tiny little bit of it.
"I love you, I love you, I love you!" she yelled, but the boat was only a tiny speck in the distance now. She didn't know what she wanted. She wanted the boat to come back for her, but it was too late. She wanted him to take her and keep her safe. She wanted everyone to stay on the island with her and the rescue to never have come… She wanted him to hear that she loved him, and to understand her…
Oh, Ooooooooooh…
Yeah lay down beside me
But one last time let's go there
"I love you…" the frantic whispers left her lips again and again.
"Glad to hear it," said a voice behind her. She spun round her, her hand flying to the gun she had taken to protect herself with. She pulled it out and pointed it…into Jack's face. She gaped.
"Nice welcome." He smiled, "Glad to know you're gonna appreciate my company."
She tossed the gun aside and threw herself into his arms.
"I do, I do, I do love you… I didn't want to admit it… the last man I loved died… but I realised my mistake…why are you still here?"
He bent his head and kissed her on the lips, sweetly and perfectly and then he held her gaze, and she saw that in his rich chocolate eyes there was nothing but love.
"I couldn't leave you."
She didn't say anything. She was content to listen.
"I had to sort my priorities out. If someone asked me what was more important to me, you or a healthy, wealthy, comfortable life in a stylish flat in LA I wouldn't hesitate to answer. There is only one possible response to that. I love you so much, and so many times I've let you slip through my fingers…I can't let that happen again. I'm never letting you go, Kate Austin."
She kissed him once, twice, three times and then snaked her arms around him to kiss him some more. When she looked up, the boat had disappeared over the horizon and into the real world, the world they would never know.
"Let's go find Rose and Bernard." He said, breaking the kiss. She brushed her lips against his again, reluctant to stop. Then she smiled, and they walked, arm in arm, back to camp, and towards forever.
Lay down beside me...
FINIS