Diclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the Characters and settings. No copyright infringement is intended. I just want to entertain myself a bit while she writes book 7.
A/N: This story takes place sometime during the first term of the school year in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
A Taste of Your Own Medicine
Seamus Finnegan stepped into the Great Hall early one morning, followed closely by his best mate, Dean Thomas, and made his way quickly to the Gryffindor table, eager to eat. There were many students already up, socializing lazily and enjoying their weekend off. He plopped down at the table, apologizing to Ginny for making her scoot over a bit, and made room for Dean to sit next to him. Feeling wide awake and positively famished, Seamus grabbed the tray of bacon and heaped himself a serving while perking his ears to the conversations around him.
"I think I might have good enough ones for the Daily Prophet, Denis," Colin Creevey was saying, brandishing a box full of pictures of Harry Potter, Seamus' room mate.
And perhaps the most famous teenager ever to live, Seamus thought grumpily. He was still mad at Harry for insulting his mother a few months before.
"I even got one of him in class, can you believe it?" Colin continued. "I got detention for skipping, but I think it was worth it."
Harry's going to love that, Seamus thought, grabbing a piece of toast and tuning in to the next conversation. Lavender was getting quite excited about something.
"So then I told Parvati about it, and she was like, 'No way!'" Lavender was speaking at a rather high pitch that made Seamus wince, and he couldn't help but shake his head to stop the ringing in his ears.
Girls, Seamus thought with a shake of his head, shoving a spoonful of kippers into his mouth. Does Lavender ever not gossip?
He was about to turn to Dean and start up a more interesting conversation involving Quidditch and a new chaser trick called the Double-Sliding-Flumph, when he heard Fred Weasley speak up.
"I can beat that lousy joke any day, George."
Fred, who was three seats down from Seamus, started speaking excitedly to the Gryffindors around him. He had a small crowd around him, as was customary for the Weasley Twins, all paying rapt attention.
"So there are four blokes on an island, all stranded, right? Anti-apparition wards and whatnot." His audience nodded, so he continued. "They are all wondering how to get off, when Merlin suddenly appears in all his ancient glory before them."
"Merlin!" George scoffed playfully, nudging Fred in his enthusiasm. "Can't you come up with someone better?"
Fred laughed easily. "Fine. How about… Lorcan d'Eath." Everyone laughed, recognizing the name of the WWN singer, known for being part vampire.
"So good ol' Lorcan shows up in front of the blokes, and asks them what they want the most. Naturally, they all reply that they want to get off the island. So Lorcan makes a deal with them. 'Vell,' he says, 'I vill help you get off the island, but you haff to do something first, or the spell von't vork.'" The Gryffindors listening, consisting of considerably more that there were originally, all laughed at Fred's horrible accent. "'Go find a tree and bring me three of its fruits,' Lorcan said. Without further ado, the four blokes split up and began looking for fruit on the island. The first man came back, holding three cherries-"
"Cherries on an island?" someone whispered dubiously.
"Yes, cherries," Fred concluded. "Anyway, so Lorcan told the man that in order to get off the island, he had to shove the cherries up his-"
"Fred Weasley, don't you dare say that word! There are first years listening!" Hermione said sternly, although Seamus noticed that she seemed too intrigued by the story to really put her heart into the reprimand. Fred looked at her innocently.
"I was going to say 'buttocks,' Miss Granger. Terribly sorry to distress you." Every one laughed (except for Hermione, who glared) and urged Fred to continue. "Right, so the first bloke stared at Lorcan for a moment, sighed despairingly, and did as he was told. Lorcan, satisfied, flicked his wand and the first bloke was sent home.
"The second bloke showed up, holding three little shriveled up limes. His instructions from Lorcan were the same, and soon enough he was sent home as well, albeit with some bad constipation." Everyone laughed loudly, attracting attention from the other house tables. "Right, so the third man came, holding a few coconuts." The crowd winced and Neville clutched his bottom in distress. "Lorcan gave him the same instructions. The third man, oddly, started laughing hysterically as he shoved the coconuts up his—"
"Fred…" Hermione hissed warningly.
"—Derriere. Lorcan was confused, and asked him, "Vhy are you laughing?' The man was crying with mirth by that point as he replied, 'It's just that… I saw the fourth bloke coming here with pineapples!'"
Fred's audience roared with laughter as Fred settled back into his seat. Everyone else settled in as well, chuckling softly. Seamus himself couldn't control the loud guffaw that emerged from his mouth and quickly muffled it with a forkful of eggs. He nudged Dean to see what he thought of it only to see Dean scowling at the twins.
"They always get the spotlight," Dean muttered, sounding jealous, yet slightly amused. "I told that joke to Lavender and Parvati just last week, and they didn't find it nearly as funny. Fred stole it from me."
Seamus would have laughed at his pettiness, but he saw exactly how serious Dean was in his envy. "Well, what do you want to do about it?" Seamus asked cautiously, reaching for the dish of kippers.
"I want to prank them," Dean said definitively, setting his fork down to punctuate. "Just once. To show that they aren't the invincible Weasley Twins."
Seamus knew Dean would never do anything bad -- he was friends with the twins, same as the other Gryffindors. But Dean wanted to prove himself, and Seamus wasn't about to stand in his way.
"All right, I'm in," said Seamus excitedly. "What are we going to do?"
Seamus sniggered quietly and Dean had to kick him to shut him up from where they were hiding behind a suit of armor in the entrance hall.
"Any minute now…" Dean hissed warningly.
They had been waiting there since five a.m., trying to make sure they got the twins in the morning when they weren't as alert. They had it all planned out, and Dean expected it to work wonderfully. If Seamus' blasted giggling meant anything, his friend thought so too. They had been planning for three weeks, scared they would have to wait until after the Christmas holidays, but they finally had a breakthrough. Now all they had to do was wait, ignoring their grumbling stomachs and the curious looks of the students who saw them as they went into the Great Hall.
Seamus started giggling again, and Dean was about to shush him when he saw two familiar red heads make their way down the marble staircase.
"Ready?" he asked Seamus, who sobered immediately, pulling out his wand and nodding. Dean did the same and they held their breaths, waiting for the cue…
"Mate, I'm telling you, if you wake us up this early again, I'm going to hex you," Fred was telling Lee, looking decidedly pouty.
"You already did," Lee grimaced, rubbing his backside.
Dean took aim. He'd have to fire it a split second before they crossed the point. Ready… aim… fire!
Dean and Seamus shot reducto spells at a bag hanging on the chandelier overhead. The bag split, dropping water balloons from the sky. But they weren't just any water balloons – these were filled with itching powder. Dean grinned satisfactorily at hearing Fred yell, "ARGH!"
But as the powder cleared, he saw that the twins weren't even looking at the mess. In fact, they didn't even seem to have gotten any on themselves. Fred was looking at George in annoyance.
"Why did you stop right in front of me, you prat!" Fred said loudly.
George looked at Fred excitedly. "Look at this!" he exclaimed. "I found a galleon on the ground!"
Fred widened his eyes and looked at it excitedly before rolling his eyes and snorting. "George, you imbecile, that's a D.A. galleon!"
George quickly looked at it to verify the statement before sighing disappointedly and setting it back on the floor reverently.
"What a shame…" As he looked up, his expression became confused. "Hey, what the-"
The disaster that was the Entrance Hall covered a good ten foot radius. Itching powder spread across the floor and created clouds in the area. However, it was clearly harmless, at least to it's intended victims. At George's reaction, Fred and Lee looked over.
"What do you reckon?" Lee asked.
"Failed prank," the twins said in unison. All three shrugged.
"Not much competition, are they?" George asked as they walked into the Great Hall for breakfast.
"Not much competition?! Not much competition?!"
Seamus stood back, alarmed at Dean's fury. He was normally so mild mannered, but today he was fuming.
"I can't believe they had the gall to say that!" Dean raged. "They must have known we were there," he concluded.
"Well," Seamus said slowly. "You know how to fix it, right?"
Dean stared at him dumbly.
"Why, pull another prank, of course!"
After a few moments, the Dean's dumb expression turned into a wicked, wicked grin.
"Got the spell-o-tape?" Dean whispered.
"Yeah," Seamus muttered back, holding up the item.
"Good, now all we have to do is jinx the fake mustaches so they stick to them for the rest of the day. I'll add a charm to make them squeak like mice whenever they open their mouths."
"Yeah!" Seamus said excitedly.
They set to work.
Fred excitedly ran over to Seamus, who was settled in an arm chair near the common room fire. "Hey mate," Fred said eagerly, "have you seen those first years, Maurice and Bongo? It's hilarious! They're running around with little mustaches, squeaking when they talk…." He put his hand over his heart and wiped away a fake tear. "They're just growing up so fast!"
He completely missed the shadow of frustration that crossed Seamus' face.
"We have to do something bigger!" Dean said, sitting down on an upside-down bucket. They were currently stationed in a broom closet on the sixth floor.
"But what?" Seamus asked curiously, kneeling to hear his friend better. "Maybe we can sent them a tree branch from the Whomping Willow! That'd be a laugh!"
"And an expulsion," Dean sighed and rested his head against an old musty mop.
They sat in silence for a moment before Seamus grabbed Dean excitedly. "I think I've got it!"
Just as he finished his sentence, the broom cupboard door opened, revealing a shocked and slightly disgusted Argus Filch.
They stared at each other for a moment before Filch averted his eyes awkwardly and muttered, "I'll leave you two to it then." He handed them his broom and shut the door firmly.
"It's not what you think!" Dean and Seamus shouted together in the blackness.
"All right, so what makes you so certain it will work this time?" Dean asked contemptuously.
"Well, I came up with it, for one," Seamus said smugly. At the roll of Dean's eyes, he added, "And I've done me research. This prank is in fallible.
"If you say so…" said Dean dubiously before setting back to work.
Hermione Granger toted her book bag down the girl's dormitory stairs, deciding to be a little sociable while she studied, even if it did drive her mad. She had to finish her Transfiguration essay tonight, or she wouldn't have her usual week and a half to perfect it before turning it in. She found a satisfactory table near the center of the room and set her books on top of it. She pulled her chair out and sat, adjusting her prefect pin before setting to work.
"You just wait, Lavender, it will be worth it."
Hermione looked up when she heard Dean whispering from a few feet away. Dean, Seamus, Lavender and Neville were all sitting around a table, whispering excitedly.
"Any minute now," Seamus sniggered. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. Hermione followed it and quickly spotted the Weasley Twins displaying another addition to their Skiving Snackboxes. Hermione's brow furrowed as she looked between the two groups.
"Come on," said Dean, gesturing to those around him, including Hermione upon seeing her curious glance. "You'll want a closer look."
Hermione shook her head politely and refused to follow, not wanting to be a bad example and indulge in something that was sure to end badly. She remained a casual, yet curious observer, watching George faint onto some pillows for about the hundredth time. She kept a sharp eye on Dean and Seamus as well, just to make sure no one broke the rules.
"Hey Fred, George!" Dean called to them. "Come here for a second."
"Why?" Fred asked cautiously, stuffing something into George's mouth and pulling him to his feet.
"Yeah, why can't you just come over here?" George piped up, staggering a little. "And what are you grinning about?"
"Think perhaps they're planning another prank?" Fred asked his twin with a quirked eyebrow.
"I wouldn't doubt it," George concluded, shaking his head sadly before they both began gathering up their merchandise.
"Wait," said Dean, holding up a hand. "You knew about our pranks?"
The twins turned to them and laughed rudely in their faces. "Of course we did!" said George. "You have terrible sneaking skills."
"We do not!" Seamus said indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Yeah, we took every precaution!" Dean protested, coloring slightly.
Fred shook his head sadly. "Well, it wasn't good enough. Perhaps a bit more practice."
"A bit more practice?!" Seamus and Dean bellowed at once. "Why you-"
They launched themselves toward the Twins, but suddenly fell onto their faces due to what appeared to be an invisible trip wire. There was a huge cloud of smoke that caused even Hermione to stand up and take a closer look. The smoke slowly cleared to reveal Seamus and Dean sitting up and looking at each other bemusedly.
Suddenly, from across the room, someone started chuckling. Soon, another snorted and joined in. Then another. Then another. Soon the entire common room was roaring with laughter.
Dean and Seamus looked around them, puzzled. Finally, someone had the sense to shout, "Look at yourselves!" The two boys' eyes widened in horror as they looked down.
"Cross dressers!" Neville shouted.
Sure enough, Seamus was clad in long dress robes, full of glitter and sparkles. He wore a string of pearls around his neck and held in his hand a hideous frilly pink umbrella. Dean wore bright purple high heels, a miniskirt of Muggle fashion, and a much too small tank top. They both wore heavy makeup and their hair had grown at least two feet.
Nearly everyone began to roll on the floor laughing. Hermione, Seamus, and Dean were the only ones slightly composed, though even Hermione couldn't contain her laughter at their horrified expressions and even more horrifying appearances.
"Hermione… can you help us?" Dean asked pleadingly gesturing to the crowd.
"Please?" Seamus whispered in humiliation.
Hermione, still chuckling, shook her head. "Sorry, boys, but I think you've just received a taste of your own medicine."