A/N: It's 2015 and I'm writing a songfic I know I'm way behind the times but this isn't an entirely serious songfic either so I have no regrets. Okay, I may have a few.
I changed a few of the lyrics to fit the situation because Green would definitely do that.
In hindsight, Green couldn't have thought of a stupider idea for a "nothing could possibly go wrong- let's just have fun" night. Well, maybe he could've suggested skiing down Mt. Silver in the nude, but aside from that, this idea had to be the dumbest.
At the time Green had no clue what was to come when he suggested to his bored best friends, "Why don't we go to the bar?"
He, Red, and Leaf occasionally went to the bar and it was usually uneventful, except for the time some asshole got too pushy when Leaf clearly had told him no and the man left barely conscious on a stretcher. Green had assumed this time would be like any other time; however, there was one thing he was unaware of: it was karaoke night.
Green wasn't a particularly bad singer, in fact, any other night he probably would have received compliments on his voice. When the karaoke machine was brought out onto the small stage in the front of the bar Leaf gasped and started bouncing on her toes excitedly, "Green, you should totally go up there and sing. You'd be great!"
Green thought about denying her request, but an enthusiastic nod and a smile from Red along with the alcohol in his system were enough to send him forward toward the stage on wobbly feet (he may have had one too many drinks). He picked up the microphone and tapped it a few times to make sure it worked, hearing the taps resonate throughout the bar quietly signaling to him that the worn down machine was still functional. His fingers led him through the variety of songs displayed on the screen, from rock classics to the latest top 100 pop songs.
He scrolled past numerous songs he knew he could definitely conquer and astound everyone with, but he didn't stop scrolling until he saw a particular song. Maybe the alcohol was making him bold, telling him that this was the perfect opportunity to confess the crush he'd been hanging onto for nearly ten years. Maybe the alcohol was making him stupid, telling him that even though he would probably make an ass of himself, it would all be worth it in the end.
Regardless of the internal conflict inside Green, one thing was absolutely clear- no one in the dimly lit bar was expecting the man on stage, the fucking gym leader of Viridian, to choose the song "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne.
"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way! I think you need a new one.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your boyfriend.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me.
No way! No way! I know it's not a secret.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend".
He noticed Leaf sitting at their high rise table, eyes wide as saucers in shock, as he made his way off the stage, cordless microphone in hand, belting the lyrics. He headed toward their table, eyes trained on Red as he sang the stupid, cheesy lyrics.
"You're so fine. I want you mine. You're so delicious.
I think about you all the time. You're so addictive.
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don't pretend- I think you know I'm damn precious.
And Hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess.
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right".
If Leaf was shocked, Red was mortified. He didn't always catch onto things quickly, but Green was literally spelling it out for him, staring him down, and singing a song that Red had honestly wished had been purged from the Earth years ago.
"She's like so whatever.
You could do so much better.
I think we should get together now.
And that's what everyone's talking about!"
Red couldn't wrap his mind around what was taking place. His best friend since they were children was singing to him, confessing that he wanted to date him in the worst possible way imaginable… and Red actually thought it somewhat endearing. He was embarrassed for Green, but the alcohol he drank was clouding his judgement, causing him to believe that this confession was simultaneously completely ridiculous, hilarious, and cute. He hated himself for not being able to think clearly.
"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend!
No way! No way! I think you need a new one.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your boyfriend.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me.
No way! No way! You know it's not a secret.
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your boyfriend".
The more he thought, the more confused Red became. He didn't have a girlfriend (He and Leaf were close but nothing beyond best friends). He had harbored a tiny crush on Green for years as well, but he never thought that he was obvious about it nor did he ever assume that Green actually knew about it. But if it wasn't a secret, did that mean that everyone knew? He stopped his train of thought where it was realizing that he was taking all the lines of the stupid song seriously. He was clearly more intoxicated than he thought he was. Green didn't write the song himself (and if he had Red would've had to end their friendship right in that moment because there was no way he would be friends with someone who wrote such a monstrosity).
"I can see the way, I see the way you look at me.
And even when you look away I know you think of me.
I know you talk about me all the time again and again.
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear.
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear!
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again".
Before Green could continue with the chorus for the third godforsaken time Red stood up, shakily attempting to right himself as he did so, and grabbed the microphone from his hand, pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt and kissing him deeply. Green stood dumbfounded for a second before he responded happily, wrapping his arms around Red and pulling them closer together.
The karaoke machine continued to play the wordless track, but the bar wasn't paying attention to the song anymore. Everyone had their eyes on the two men making out in the center of the bar, sloppy through their drunkenness. Someone stood and turned the karaoke machine off and after what seemed like years to Red and Green, Leaf coughed awkwardly to grab their attention.
They pulled away from each other, breathless, and Leaf cocked an eyebrow, giving them an undecipherable look. As they straightened their clothes that got ruffled during their embrace, Leaf burst out laughing, wiping tears from her eyes due to laughing so hard. She helped the two boys grab their things and exit the bar, leaving the dumbfounded crowd behind. Figuring that it would be best if they stayed at her house, where she could keep an eye on them, she brought them home and thought about how the next morning would go.
It was good she recorded the entire performance. Tomorrow would be a fun day.
A/N: In 100% seriousness for the last few years whenever i have heard this song this scenario comes into my head and it kills me every time.