So what happens when your reason for living just isn't there anymore?
Do you give up, or do you try to live- for him?
My breathing is ragged. There's an unhealable hole in my heart, one so big that it feels as if the muscle will tear completely. "Edward…." I whisper his name, even though I know he's probably halfway across the world. Every day, I try to put on a brave face. I try to keep living for Charlie, who needs me. Unlike Edward.
Stupid. STUPID, I think. I can't believe I thought he loved me. What was I thinking? What could possibly draw him to me? I'm nothing but ordinary. My skin could be mistaken for an albino's, yet I have brown hair and eyes. I have a boring face, and am a complete and utter klutz. So obviously someone like HIM couldn't have loved someone like me. So why am I still feeling this way? Why can't I forget?
Charlie thinks I'm dead. Well, not physically, but mentally. He thinks that I am an empty shell. And he's right. Without my Edw- no, not mine, never mine, I must remember that- without Edward here, there is no reason to live. For the past year I got up and put on my happy face for Charlie. I made plans every weekend with Jessica to appease Charlie, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. I can't do this anymore. I have to get out, somehow. I HAVE to stop feeling this way. My dark, depressing thoughts slow as I finally fall asleep.
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I hurry to stifle my screaming. Not that it matters; Charlie was used to it. I've been screaming in my sleep for the past year. Ever since HE left.
When the hysterics finally stop, my head feels clearer. I realize it's because I've got a plan. I am going to die. Edward said, before he left, that he wasn't planning to live without me. Why am I not allowed that choice? I've realized that it's not humanly possible to live without him, either, and I was fed up with trying.
I find the aspirin… slowly opening the bottle. Charlie is fishing, he won't be home until- wait, Charlie. I hadn't thought about that. Charlie will be broken, I realized. So will Reneé. How will they react? To find me dead… splayed out on the floor, forever immobile?