11/14/2009
Renesmee,
I wrote to you but you're still not calling. I left my cell, my e-mail and my home phone at the bottom. I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not have gotten them. There probably was a problem at the post office or something. Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when a jot them, but anyways, what's been up? How have things been going? There's not much here that I've been doing. Thinking about you, that seems to keep me going.
I know I've been saying this everyday, but I made the biggest mistake. Leaving you was one chance I wasn't looking to take. I still have a room of pictures of you and me, I walk in there and it's like taking a bullet, seeing how happy we used to be.
Anyway, I hope you get this. Write me back,
Just to chat, I'm always yours.
Jake.
02/28/2010
Renesmee,
You still haven't called or wrote. I hope you have a chance… I'm not mad, I just think it's fucked up that you can't write your man. If you didn't want to talk to me when I was leaving, you didn't have to, but you could have said good-bye to Seth, he's like our little brother, he's only fifteen years old. He waited in the blistering cold for you, you turned around and just said 'no'.
That's pretty shitty, Ness, you're like his fucking idol. Sometimes I think he loves you more than I do. I'm not mad though, I just don't like being lied to. Remember when we lived in Forks and you said if we were ever apart I could write you, and you'd write back?
I'm just like you in a way, I wasn't close with my mother, either. She died before I really had a chance to meet her. I can always relate to what you're singing in your songs, so when I have a shitty day I drift away and put them on. I don't really have anything else to help me when I'm depressed. I even have a tattoo with your name across my chest.
Sometimes I cut myself… to see how much it bleeds. It's like the adrenaline is a sudden rush for me. Everything you sing about is real and I respect you because you can tell it. All of the guys in the pack are jealous because I talk about you twenty-four/seven. I guess they don't know you like I know you, Ness. No one does. They don't know what it was like for us growing up and being in love.
You have to call me, Ness. You'll be the most important thing I ever lose.
I need to be with you.
Jake
05/03/2010
Dear Miss-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Man,
This will be the last package that I ever send your ass. It's been six month and still no word - I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on them perfect.
So this is the last letter I'm sending you, I hope you read it. I thought about jumping in the car and doing ninety down the freeway. I drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"? About that guy who could have saved that other guy from drowning but didn't? Then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kind of how this is, you could have rescued me from drowning. Now it's too late, I'm getting drowsy.
All I wanted was a fucking letter or a call. I hope you know I smashed all of your pictures off of the wall. We could have been together, think about it. You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it. When you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it. I hope your conscience eats at you, and you can't breathe without me.
Jake
05/17/2010
Jake,
You had me crawling for you and that never would have gone away. You used to shine so brightly, but I watched all of it fade. So you don't have to call me anymore, I won't pick up the phone. This is the last straw because there's nothing left to beg for. You can tell me that you're sorry, but I don't believe you like I did before.
You're not sorry.
06/23/2010
Renesmee,
I meant to write sooner, I've just been busy. After the last letter that I sent you, I just had to get out of this city. Look... I'm really glad that you wrote back. What I said about Seth? He's not mad. I'm sorry for everything that I said, I just missed you. I promise that I didn't say that stuff intentionally just to hurt you.
I know I've got issues, I just need you around. To keep my ass from bouncing off the walls when I get down. All of that stuff about us meant to be together? I meant every word, we need each other. I know I need to treat you better.
I hope you get to read this letter, that it gets to you in time. Before you start telling your family that I really lost my mind. I suppose I could just lie and tell them I'm doing just fine. I seen something crazy on the news a couple of days ago that made me sick. Some guy got drunk and drove his car off of a bridge. He had a girlfriend, and she was pregnant with his kid. That's not something that I'd ever be able to do. Having a girlfriend pregnant with his kid... That's the dream I wanted with you.
Jake
Authors Note: The letters written between Jacob and Renesmee take place over one year and are based on the song "Stan" by Eminem, featuring Taylor Swift's "Your Not Sorry". It's going to be pivotal to the story, that song especially, so it wasn't used just for fun and simplicity. Everything is going to be explained as the story progresses.