Away, a yami no matsuei fanfic

To: Johanna [Birthday present for 18-year-old girlie, who's now officially adult. (Let's leave the mental age out of this one, shall we?)]

Title: Away

Author: Anae

Beta: Azrax (Thank you so much, I owe you. Once again.)

Fandom: Yami no Matsuei, manga verse, pre-series

Characters/pairing: Touda/Soryuu

Rating: T / R

Spoilers: If you know nothing of Touda's past, then yes. Not everything I tell here is a fact; some are my assumptions.

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei with it's characters belongs to Yoko Matsushita and the song is Breaking Benjamin's "Away". Neither are owned by me, but both are deeply loved by both the writer and the receiver.

Summary: Touda has been imprisoned for a long time. Now he's free and Soryuu sees him for the first time in a long time. That brings up both memories and feelings, which neither of the shikigamis know how to react.

A/N: I take great liberties concerning Soryuu's and Touda's past. And the reason of Touda's imprisonment is my assumption.

A/N2: I've never written this pairing before. But I have to admit, I loved the challenge.

A/N3: I've never been in Soryuu's head before. He isn't so very close to me as a character but the challenge was nice. And… His head wasn't so bad place after all.

Cold am I
I'm beside myself
because there's no one else
have I grown
so blind
only God could save you
if you knew your way to the light

A man, dressed in blue-white kimono was standing outside a palace. Gentle wind was blowing, playing with theman's long blue hair. He was Soryuu, one of the most powerful shikigamis of Imaginary World, Guardian of the East.

For once, he was alone. No servants, even his children had left him alone at the moment. Soryuu, great blue dragon in his battle form, had a strange look in his eyes. It was mix of anger, pain and sadness. All those feelings which he had buried deep in his heart, had now, after hundreds of years, risen up. All because of the figure standing further.

Soryuu didn't move. He knew the figure had noticed he was there. Still, neither of them moved. Maybe it was because those two men hadn't met each other for centuries. Maybe it was because they didn't know what to say. Or maybe it was that they didn't know how they were supposed to feel.

Bittersweet feeling rose up in Soryuu. Now that he was lookingTouda, the traitor, from here… It was obvious, he thought, trying to convince himself believing that was the truth. It was obvious he'dend up betrayingus at some point. How wasn't I able to see what he was to become? How could I be that blind?

So fly away
and leave it behind
just stay awake
there's nowhere to hide

Soryuu had known Touda since childhood. Water shikigami remembered all those lessons they had been together in. Both of them were powerful, so it was no surprise their that their parents wanted them to be trained well. Soryuu had been the son of Guardian of the East and Touda… Well, nothing could endure his fire. The flames from hell. The flames that could even kill a shinigami, a Guardian of death.

The friendship between Soryuu and Touda had been a pleasant shock to their parents. They had been, and still were, perfect opposites; dragon and serpent, water and fire.

Soryuu bit his lip, lost in his memories. They had gotten along well, had become best friends, spent not only their childhood and youth together, but also their adulthood. That was until Touda's betrayal and imprisonment of course.

Touda had killed hundreds, thousands. And when he had been questioned, he claimed that the Heavenly Emperor, Imaginary World's rightful leader, had told him to do that. It was nothing but a lie. Everyone knew that. And everyone was suffering not only the consequences of mass murders but also lies.

The blue dragon shook his head. He didn't need to remember this. I left that time behind. All those nights I couldn't sleep. I couldn't understand why you said something like that, Touda. I couldn't understand why you lied. I still can't.

Soryuu glanced at the silent figure. Oh, who was he kidding? As if he could forget it all. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if we hadn't been lovers, he bitterly thought. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if I hadn't loved you back then.

I see you
cause you won't get out of my way
I hear you
cause you won't quit screaming my name
I feel you
cause you won't stop touching my skin
I need you
they're coming to take you away!

"No ones believes me", Toudasaid quietly, knowing Soryuu would hear them anyhow. Servants pushed him forward, straight to the deepest and darkest room in Tenku. Theyoung man stumbled forward and made no resistance when he was shackled.

When the servants had done their job, Soryuu quietly and surely told them to go away. He'd come right after. Maybe they noticed the trembling in his voice, because they hesitated. Or maybe they were just scared.

"I am Protector of the East", Soryuu stated. "Now. Go."

Soon the servants were gone and there were just two of them. Soryuu hadn't wanted to be one locking the traitor here, but after all, he was one of the Four Gods. He was the Guardian of the East, status he had inherited from his father. More than that, he was the unofficial leader of 12 shikigamis and their world.

"You don't believe me either?" Soryuu couldn't look Touda in the eye. He couldn't say he didn't. "I wouldn't lie about this. You know that." Still no eye-contact. Touda bit his lip, shifting his gaze to the blank wall for a second. "Instead of me, you believe the Emperor you've never even seen."

Soryuu lifted his head and looked straight to Touda's eyes. Blazing blue ones met red snake-eyes. Of course he believed in Emperor. Nothing could shake his belief. He couldn't give that opportunity to anything. Not even this.

But seeing those pleading eyes, Soryuu couldn't say anything. To anyone else, he would've stated his belief easily, saying that those who'd disagree were wrong. He could have easily called them liars. But to this man… He couldn't.

He turned away and took a couple of steps towards the door.

"Soryuu!"

Something in Touda's voice forced Soryuu to stop.

"Please."

Soryuu felt like his heart had been pierced at that moment. Touda never begged. Never.

Soruyy was on the door. He knew he should just walk out of this room and leave Touda, the traitor, here. For all eternity, until the time itself would come to an end, like the sentence itself said. But… Soryuu turned and for the least time, looked straight to the man he loved. In his eyes, he saw a glimpse of fear. Fear, which Touda had never showed to anyone. Not even to him. More than that, there was the silent plea.

Soryuu bit his lip, caught between his emotions and responsibilities. Then turned away, stepped out of the door and closed it behind him.

Then he let the tears fall.

Frail and dry
I could lose it all
but I cannot recall
it's all wrong
don't cry
clear away this hate
and we can start to make it alright

Soryuu was sitting in the garden where wind was blowing. It was playing with wind blossoms, like it had for many days. Young dragon liked it here, he could be in peace. No questions, just silence.

Silence was cold and painful reminder of the last days but it was better than having to talk.

"Soryuu?"

Goodbye peace.

Rikugo, a good friend of Soryuu's and an astrologer, walked past the dragon and then looked him in the eye. Rikugo sighed when there was no answer. Astrologer was dressed in white simple kimono and his white hair was flowingfree. Usually he tied it on one braid but today he had no need to be official.

Older shikigami looked the other through his glasses. This was not the Soryuu he knew. This man was far too silent and reserved. It had been three days since Touda's imprisonment. It had hurt all of them but somehow Soryuu seemed to suffer more than he should've.

"Was there something more between you and Touda?"

Soryuu stood up and grabbed Rikugo's shirt. Blue eyes shot daggers but Rikugo didn't even flinch. He knew Soryuu's temper and he was worried about his friend. That's why he had dared to come and challenge the dragon's temper.

For a moment men just stared each other. Rikugo was the one to break the silence. "If you're worried of others knowing, be at ease. They don't."

Soryuu let go of astrologer and turned away. Rikugo watched him from behind. He didn't know if Soryuu had cried. Probably at some point, yes, but from now on, his feelings would probably develop from heart-breaking sadness into flaming hate. In some way it was wrong, but it was a way of survival. Probably the only one available.

Soryuu grabbed the blossom with which the wind played. He looked it a couple of seconds. "Rikugo? Hasn't there been wind blossoms in the wind for a week now?"

"I think so. Why?"

The answer was three simple words. Behind of those were hidden grief, sadness and pain. "I hate them."

Rikugo also knew the phrases Soryuu didn't say aloud: Wind blossoms are a sign of ill fortune. They bring destruction.

"I hate them."

So fly away
and leave it behind
return someday
with red in your eyes

Soryuu found himself approaching the dark figure. Touda glanced over his shoulder to see the dragon but didn't turn. Water shikigami stopped when there were merely a couple of steps between them. He decided to keep distance to the traitor.

There was short silence between the former lovers. Soryuu cut that fragile web by saying: "Running away again?"

Touda turned finally to see Soryuu. He hadn't expected awarm welcome but not immediate mocking either. On the other hand he hadn't expected the powerful dragon even talk to him if not necessary.

He looked Soryuu through the visor. Fire serpent hated it already; the machine was blocking his powers. It was his first time outside the prison; he would've liked to see and feel the world again, even once. That kind of privilege he'd never be given. On the other hand, the dark visor gave him advantage: through the eyes, you can see person's soul. No one could see his. Never again.

Touda studied the other man closely. Soryuu was probably the only one who didn't fear him. Possibly the only one who had never been scared of him and his deadly flames. Even now, when he had his hair cut short and visor reducing his powers, he could see the fear of people's faces when they looked at him. Well, he was a mass murderer after all.

Smile, cruel smile played on serpent's lips. Running away? Yes, he had done that a lot in the past. Because he had been lonely child, scared of his own powers and battle form. Serpents were rare and despised creatures. But Touda wasn't running away anymore. He was free now, thanks to his new master, shinigami Tsuzuki. He hadn't run from the sentence. There was nothing to run from. Not anymore.

"Soryuu, which one ofus isreally running away?" Touda asked, his tone cold as ice.

"Soryuu, it's fine!" youngster stated while being dragged to the forest by his friend. When he got no answer, he stopped and pulled his hand free. "Really."

Other youngster with blue hair turned around, eyes blazing. "It's not", he grumbled.

"Soryuu…" the serpent tried but was cut off. "It's not!" Soryuu's gaze became more gentle when he looked the other one. "They have no right to say those things, you know that."

Touda looked away. Other boys, older than him, had called him names again. Soryuu had stood up for him, but it was no use. It didn't prevent bullying, only made it worse. Theyoungster didn't even want to think about it because there was a seed of truth. His father's status was a lot lower than Soryuu's and others and he was a serpent. Snake, half lizard and half dragon, disgusting crossbreed as those boys said.

"You keep on saying it's fine but you're hurting."

Touda turned his head back and looked Soryuu. The youngster tend to hide his hurt but Soryuu could see right through the bluff. That's why he didn't even try anymore. Name-calling? Of course it hurt. It didn't mean they were wrong though.

Soryuu closed the distance between them. With one smooth move his hand found it's way on Touda's neck and lips pressed on his. Fire shikigami gladly mirrored the motion. They had been together for a while now; neither of them knew when they had fallen in love. No one knew about them. This was something of their own, something precious that belonged only to them.

The kiss didn't last long; after all, Soryuu's point had been to show that he cared. Son of the Protector of the East looked fire shikigami straight in the eye. His another hand was wrapped around the slim waist whereas the other was gently brushing black hair. "Don't care about what those idiots say. Your battle form isn't disgusting, far from it. You're fine just as you are", Soryuu said quite quietly but dead serious. "And… I'm not going to leave you behind because of anything, you know?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Other shikigami just nodded. He had heard all this before and it didn't take the hurt away but especially the promise eased it a bit. Touda gave Soryuu a half-smile, resting his hands on dragon'sshoulders.

Then, as if in wordless agreement, their lips crushed. Neither of them held back; they poured everything they could into the kiss. They were biting, tasting, licking, tongues battling for dominance.

When the youngsters parted, both panting a bit. Touda pressed their bodies together, making Soryuu to bite back a moan. "Want you", he whispered, capturing his lips for a second.

At first Soryuu's eyes widened but then evil grin took control. He pressed his lips on youngster's neck and licked. The answer was pleasant: Touda exposed more of the neck and shivered. "Do you want me to…" Soryuu couldn't finish.

"Yeah." Faint blush coloured Touda's face. "I'd like you to… take me."

Soryuu lifted his head and blue eyes met red ones. Soryuu smiled and captured Touda's lips once again. This time serpent let dragon dominate with pleasure. Neither of them needed to say anything else: The decision had been made.

It had been their first time.

Behind the visor, Touda's eyes were cold. He remembered Soryuu's vow from their first time and so did the dragon. Soryuu was silent, maybe lost in their shared memories but probably just out of words. Men just stared each other for a moment before Soryuu found strength to answer. "It wasn't me who closed that door."

The tone was cold and it only drew bitterness out of the serpent. Even though Soryuu couldn't see Touda's eyes he was still capable of reading his movements. Even though they were mostly very controlled. He knew and could feel the daggers those red snake-eyes shot to him.

"Oh, wasn't it?" Touda asked. His voice was dripping bitterness, disgust and maybe even hate. He remembered that day. He had displayed it in his mind so very many times. After all, in prison there had been nothing but time. "Weren't you the one turning away? I called you, Soryuu."

Soryuu remembered that so very well. The day he had to chose between his love and responsibilities. He had chosen the last one. It had hurt like hell but that had been the right thing to do. After all, Touda was a mass murderer who had killed thousands innocents. No, he wasn't only a mass murderer, he was also a liar. And with those lies, he had pierced loyal Soryuu's heart.

Today, Soryuu was able to feel disgust, maybe even hate towards the man he had once loved. But still, deep inside, he couldn't forget the fear he had seen. He could never forget the powerless plea.

"I needed you", Touda said, turning his back to Soryuu. I loved you. I would've died for you. But you… You let them take me away. You chose to believe someone you've never seen instead of me. Me, who had seen the truth behind the so-righteous and mighty Heavenly Emperor. I worked for him and when he had used me enough, he trashed me like a garbage. Made sure I'd never see the daylight again, never would get to tell the truth. But hey, no one believed. Not even you. It hurt like hell. But what tore me apart was the fact thatyou left me.

Soryuu looked as the black clothed human figure changed into a beautiful black serpent with red wings. He knew what Touda hadn't said aloud. Touda had needed him and he had left him behind. Even though he had promised not to. It kind of ached. Soryuu wasn't the type to break promises.

Soryuu glanced the flying serpent for the last time and turned his back on it. He turned away just in time not to see beautiful, delicate wind blossoms falling down. Walking back to the palace he decided he should keep an eye on Touda. He couldn't be trusted.

That vow he hadn't kept… He was truly sorry for that. But… It hadn't been his fault, had it? At least not completely. Soryuu lifted his head, determination in his blue eyes. He had no time for sulking over things such as this. He was honoured Protector of the East whereas Touda was hated mass murderer and despised liar.

It was funny how love could turn into hate. But besides being funny… it was heart-breaking as well. And those who were forced to experience that… their hearts wouldn't be the same ever again.

Their hearts were too deeply cut, unfixable, broken.

Forever.

Away
Away