A/N Hi minna-chan!
I felt in an angsty mood, and there really aren't enough Angel beats fanfics, so ta-da! This was born… a short one shot that slightly ran away with me.
Have fun! Knock yourselves out ;-)
EDIT: Okay, just found this on my hard drive. I re-read it, and it's not as great as I was hoping it to be, but it has everything I wanted it to be other than that! It has been finished (hopefully satisfactorily!) so enjoy the longest one-shot I've written yet…the longest chapter I've written if we want to go into greater detail…
Oh! And this is a tad AU- this is if Otonashi had stayed in the afterlife after Kanade left, because I love that idea and I also thought that that was what had happened at the end when I wrote this, but found out differently after.
Anyway…here you are!
Of tenshi
Otonashi sat back in his chair with a sigh.
It was approaching nightfall; another day gone by agonisingly slowly, yet as fast as a butterflies' wing. He wasn't sure how that worked, but it did and every day he painfully suffered through it, not alone, but lonely.
It had been this way for years, decades even, ever since he had made his decision to stay here and help new comers. When all the rest had passed on, Otonashi stayed to help the next lot pass on.
They had been nice; Hikari with his infectious grin, Kaede with her obsession with fashion, Satoshi with his caring attitude, along with his twin Koharu who was the opposite with a devil-may-care style, and the first person who'd arrived, his best friend Sora.
Hikari, Kaede, Satoshi and Koharu had all moved on months after they arrived, but Sora refused to leave him. The best friend he'd ever had, Sora knew and understood everything about him. He had finally told his friend about Kanade, Hinata, Yui, Naoi, Yuri… everything that made him as a he was today, and in return, the dark haired boy had spilled the secret about why he was there.
Otonashi smiled.
Even now, Sora had stayed with him.
But today… his smile melted slowly off of his face. Today Sora was in the unneeded hospital, waiting the hours unconscious until he recovered from being crushed by that hammer that someone had jokingly set up again outside his office, the one that Yurippe and the others had installed so long ago. He suspected Kuroshi.
Normally it would be fine, but he needed his best and only friend with him today, he needed the cheerful company to keep him from tears on the anniversary.
The 99th year since Kanade, his one and only love, had left him.
Otonashi breathed deeply, letting the cool air breezing inside through the open window calm him as he slowly opened his eyes again, freed of the gleaming moisture that had glistened there only moments ago.
Kanade was fine. She was living a happy life. She had fulfilled her last request, thanking him, and moved on. There was no need to regret that she wouldn't stay there with him.
That she had left him.
Otonashi leant forwards with a muffled sob, burying his face in his hands.
It was okay. Nothing was wrong. Why would the ice cold, the emotionless boy that was Otonashi Yuzuru be crying?
For that was what he had turned into. To everyone but Sora, Otonashi didn't have feelings; he was just a leader who was arrogant, emotionless, heartless, unreasonable, and who had been there before them.
No one understood how Sora could stand him, or how they could be such good friends when Sora was so popular, laughing and smiling the whole time, whilst he stood on the sidelines watching in. Or over, but they never saw that.
Of course, no one else ever met the real Otonashi either; the one who smiled and laughed and comforted, and was happy, not since many decades ago when he finally learnt not to get too attached to anyone when they would just leave him soon.
Everyone thought that he had only been there a couple of months longer than them and was just a frigid boy who disliked being social, but what did they know.
They weren't the ones who had found an angel, and then lost it.
Otonashi choked back yet another sob, wiping his eyes blindly. Sora. Where was Sora?
…Oh yeah. He was in the hospital, on the day he needed the other the most, all because of some idiot. Thanks a lot, Kuroshi.
Finally giving up on remaining cheerful, Otonashi sunk his head lower into his hands, and let the tears fall brokenly to the floor. Trembling sobs fell from his mouth as his entire frame shook, and he gritted his teeth hard to stop himself screaming.
How had it ended like this? Nearly a century later, and the pain was still as vicious as the day she had disappeared selfishly.
No, not selfishly. She was never selfish; giving up all of her time to help the others and forgetting about herself.
How could he call her selfish?
"She's not… selfish," Otonashi gasped, eyes wide as they stared blankly at the floor, tears still streaming out of them.
Sora. Where was Sora? Was he awake yet?
He needed to know.
Sitting up and taking in deep breaths to compose himself, the boy swiped the tears off his face and picked up the phone, dialling the room downstairs where he was fairly certain Ren was.
When the phone picked up with a 'hello?' Otonashi answered "Ren?"
"No, it's Yamata here," the voice replied.
"Oh. Yamata, is Sora awake yet?"
"Sorry, senpai. I don't know," Yamata answered cautiously. You never knew how Otonashi-san would reply, and this was no exception.
"Ah. I see," the phone crackled down from upstairs. The blonde haired boy thought he heard a sniff as his elder paused, before forging on, but knew that he must be mistaken, for the boy upstairs was Otonashi-san, notorious for not feeling anything.
"Can you go check?" the request came, and Yamata tried his best not to sigh down the phone.
"Alright. I don't know why you can't check yourself, but I'll go see," Yamata answered a bit irritatedly.
"Thanks, Yamata-kun… just one last thing,"
"Yes senpai?"
"Please can you remind Sora of the date?" The date? Yamata wondered what was important about the date today.
"Hai senpai. I'll go see," he answered, hanging up.
He would go see if the older boy was awake and remind him of the date, as requested.
Yamata walked quietly into the hospital room.
There, lying on the bed the way he had been placed, was Sora-senpai, one of the older boys at the school.
He was best friends with Otonashi-senpai, but they were almost opposites; everyone liked Sora-senpai who was always friendly and smiling, compared to the heartless, unfeeling Otonashi.
No one actually knew how old they were. There were rumours that they'd been here years, before everyone here now had arrived, but Yamata privately thought it more likely that they'd been there a few days before them. After all, who could stand being here for decades?
And wasn't the whole point of the place to leave without regrets?
Yamata wondered for a moment what kept Sora and Otonashi here: What did they regret?
Did Otonashi even feel enough to regret something?
Never matter. Right now he was meant to be checking on Sora-san.
"Sora-senpai?" the blonde called gently, shaking his shoulders carefully.
Blue eyes flickered groggily open, staring straight into Yamata's brown ones.
"Sora-senpai! Otonashi-san sent me down here to see if you were awake… and he said to remind you of the date?" the boy questioned, tilting his head sideways in curiosity.
"The date? Yamata-kun, what is the date today?" Sora asked from where he lay spread eagle on the bed.
"Huh? It's the 11th of May," a confused Yamata replied, seeing his senpai's eyes widen with an emotion he couldn't identify. Was it fear? Horror? What was so bad about this date?
"11th… 11th… 11th! Thanks Yamata-kun, but I need to get to Otonashi right away!"
And what was so important about Otonashi today?
Otonashi hung up the phone, and replaced it back on the stand with a shaking hand.
He curled into a ball, and thought about how Sora had rescued him so many times from this loneliness, how his best friend had saved him.
Where was he?
Was he awake?
Had Yamata even gone to the hospital wing?
Sitting up slowly, his eyes weary and blank, Otonashi reached for the phone. Putting it to his ear, he listened as the ring tone dialled the people on the floor below Yamata. He needed someone to check if Sora was awake, and the boy didn't seem to have gone anywhere.
"Moshi-moshi?" Kuroshi answered, laughter still echoing through his voice from his prank earlier.
Otonashi scowled, angry. "It's Otonashi," he answered shortly.
"Otonashi-san! Hold just one sec, I'm putting you on speaker," Kuroshi replied in a startled tone.
"No, it's okay…. Ah, fine. If you must. I just want to know if Sora's awake yet," he requested, voice slightly hoarse from the crying earlier.
"Er, I think so… Mori says that Yamata just went and found him awake," the joker said, grinning at the memory of his prank.
"Oh, ok then. Arigato," Otonashi finished, letting the phone drop onto the desk.
So Yamata had done what he asked, and found Sora. Good. So his best friend would be here soon… and then he could cry all he liked without the risk of anything else happening… not that it could happen here. The amount of years Sora had entered the room to find him with a gun or blade had made them both twitchy though, and so now the other insisted on spending the day with him.
Not that he really minded.
Sora leapt off of the bed, running past Yamata in order to reach Otonashi.
The others may not see it, but he knew that his friend was a utter wreck on this day, the day when Kanade had gone so long ago, and the things that he had tried to do before…
Guns, blades and rope swung past his mind eye in quick succession as he remembered what happened when he didn't help.
Faster!
The brunette crumpled back into his original position, sitting on the couch this time. Eyes stared blankly at the computer on the desk; her computer. They'd found it whilst everyone was still here, looking through the files that belonged to 'tenshi', and when they were all gone he had brought it here, replacing the last computer, in order to work on it.
He'd improved Kanade's program, little by little over the years in preparation for if she ever came back. Even if she didn't remember him, he wanted something to remember her by, and something to hope for.
Most days it comforted him.
Today it just made him miserable.
He took in a shuddering breath, eyes welling up in remembrance and Otonashi dragged a pillow over to where he lay.
Hugging the pillow tightly, he cried into it for the ones that he'd lost over the years, and for his tenshi.
Sora burst into the room, easily spotting his best friend buried in the pillows on the couch. He walked slowly over to it, glad that there were no sharp or dangerous objects near him this time.
"Hey Yuzuru," he said softly, sitting down at the head of the couch.
"…Junpei," came the muffled reply, as the owner of the voice was buried beneath a cushion.
"You okay?" Sora murmured, reaching out a hand to stroke his friend's hair as he removed the pillow.
"No," the weak answer said, and Otonashi sat up, hair bedraggled and eyes puffy and red.
"You'll be okay though," he smiled, nudging into the space next to the brunette and putting his arms around him.
Otonashi leant towards his friend, and started crying more heavily into his shoulder.
All of a sudden there was small gasp from the doorway, and Sora looked over sharply to see Yamata standing in the open threshold, staring at Otonashi in shock.
He rolled his eyes, and gestured for the boy to shut the door and go away, which he did, wide-eyed.
Yamata walked on auto pilot down the corridor, his mind still full of what he had just seen.
Otonashi, emotionless creature, crying into Sora-senpai's shoulder.
Who would have guessed that he could feel anything?
Suddenly, the boy walked into an obstruction; someone else was there. He looked up, and there stood a confused looking Kuroshi.
"Kuroshi-san?" Yamata asked in bewilderment.
"Come this way for a minute Yamata-kun," Kuroshi ordered, grabbing the other's wrist and pulling him with him down the corridor.
"Junpei… Gomenasai,"
"Don't be silly, Yuzuru. What are friends for?"
Yamata stood in the packed room, shocked at what he was hearing. He turned towards Kuroshi, who nodded.
"Yes. It sounds like Otonashi-senpai is… crying," he stated, puzzled at the thought.
The blonde swallowed.
"Well, actually Kuroshi-san…"
After Yamata was done explaining what had happened, the whole room listening in open mouthed curiosity, he went back to listening to the phone that had apparently never been hung up, just left on the desk on speaker.
"Gomen… I'm sorry I can't be stronger," that was definitely the croaky but recognisable voice of Otonashi, however hard to was to believe it.
"It's okay. You don't have to be strong today…" and that was Sora-senpai, comforting as always.
"I just- I just miss them, Junpei!"
"I know. I miss most of them too,"
"Why did they have to go…. Why did she have to go!"
The sound of quiet sobbing filled the line for a few minutes, and everyone exchanged pained looks. It felt wrong to be eavesdropping like this… but they did want to learn more about senpai.
"Does anyone know who they're talking about?" one of the boys at the back whispered the question. Kuroshi glanced up; Yuji.
"All I can think is that maybe they've been here longer than we guessed…" Hana whispered back.
"Everyone moves on Yuzuru. Maybe we will too, one day," Sora's voice came back on speaker.
"I doubt it Junpei. Maybe we'll just stay here forever… after all, someone's got to tell everyone what's happening," Otonashi replied sadly.
"Yeah… you've told me how wrong it went when you arrived," Sora laughed, sending a shiver down everyone's spine. Normally he laughed happily, but that was a laugh devoid of emotion.
"Otonashi-san arrived first?" a voice muttered.
"Yeah, I always thought that Sora was here before him,"
Yamata stood silent, wondering why they'd thought that the two oldest had arrived mere days before them. And how had they learnt what was going on?
"I'm not letting anyone else go through that again… we were so confused… Yuri even got the guild makers to make those guns…"
"And don't forget how you used to get those meal tickets!"
Meal tickets? What did they have to do with anything?
"How could I? GirlDeMo was amazing, especially when Yui joined them,"
"Maybe you should play their records to the others?"
"I might start crying if I hear them!" There was a watery laugh from both people on the other end.
"I wanna hear them though! Anything that makes Otonashi emotional…" Haruka whispered to Sachi at the front.
"You know, we really should tell stories to the others. I mean, how could we keep the stories of Hikari and Koharu's pranks from them?"
"Remember when they poured that pink paint that the Shinda Sekai Sensen used over Kaede's clothes? And then when Satoshi tried to wash it off, and it got over him too?"
"And all those names that I found on the papers in the office?"
"You mean the ones that no one could ever decide on?"
"Yeah, those,"
"I remember I joined the 'Like-Hell-I'm-Dead' battlefront. It really was a rubbish name, wasn't it,"
"It was better than the 'Barnacle Battlefront'!"
"Yeah, at least the others had links… even if they were quite bad… Only the SSS would fight on the 'Desperate battlefront', the 'suicide core battlefront', the 'Not Dead Yet Battlefront' or even worse, the 'Almost dead battlefront'!"
"It does sound even more ridiculous when you make a list of it, huh?"
"It does… thanks Junpei,"
"Don't worry about it. I like to think that cheering you up is one of my many talents,"
"Did you realise what next year is?"
"Of course! It's the century, right?"
"Hard to believe we've been here a century now,"
Yamata involuntarily gasped out loud, along with the rest of the room.
A century?
"They've been here that long?" Yuji exclaimed loudly. Too loudly.
The room fell silent immediately as Sora-senpai shushed Otonashi-san on the end of the line.
"Hello?" he called down the line. They all looked at each other, no idea what to do. Did they answer? Hang up? Leave it alone?
"Just get back to what we were doing," Kuroshi hissed finally.
"Yuzuru… I think people were listening on the other end of the phone," Sora stated, switching the phone to wireless.
"To- to all of it?" Otonashi answered, panicking.
"Yup! People might know that you're not an emotionless teme, but a big softie who comes crying to me every year. They might even realise that you can laugh!"
"Sora!" Otonashi yelped as he understood the line was still on.
"Fine, fine," Sora grinned, gesturing for the pad. Otonashi passed it over curiously, and Sora wrote down a message.
Let's go find who's on the other end of this phone. They haven't hung up!
He nodded firmly, dragging away any tear stains that remained on his cheeks.
They had an eavesdropper to catch.
Kuroshi found himself sweating lightly as he returned to his work. What if they were caught?
The sound was still coming through the speaker, the laughter of Sora and Otonashi. Apparently he was a lot more cheerful in private than with other people, but it seemed that there actually was a reason for him to be the way he was. He was musing this a bit more calmly, when all of a sudden the voices on the phone changed to an eerie whisper.
"We're coming to get you…" he squeaked, and backed away from the phone, towards the door.
He didn't notice it silently opening until a hand reached out and grabbed his shoulder.
"Eek!" he squealed as he whirled around to get away from it; finding Sora and Otonashi standing in the doorway.
"Ah! Sora-senpai! Otonashi-san! Gomenasai! I didn't mean to! We didn't realise that the phone was still on! Really! I'm really sorry!"
"Hey Junpei…I think we've found our eavesdropper," Otonashi said flatly to the brunette next to him. Sora grinned evilly and nodded in reply.
"I think…no pudding for a week?" Sora pondered.
"Cleaning duty for a month. And no pudding for a week," Otonashi answered, glaring at Sora as if daring him to disagree.
Kuroshi took the chance to step away again, studying the duo more carefully than he had ever done before. It was easy to see that Otonashi-san had been crying, the red puffy eyes were clear evidence, but it was also clear that he really wasn't emotionless.
He was showing more emotion than he had ever done in Kuroshi's presence before; heck, he was showing more emotion than the entire room had seen before (all of whom were standing around with very poorly concealed interest) and it made Kuroshi brave enough to interrupt the other two's sort of argument.
"Ano…Otonashi-san?" he plucked up the nerve to venture. The boy turned to look at him, eyes cold like normal, and the prankster almost lost his courage.
No, he told himself. This may be the only chance to get through to Otonashi-san.
"Can we listen to some GirlDeMo?"
The boy narrowed his eyes at Kuroshi at the reminder that he had heard their entire conversation.
"No," he stated.
Sora tugged at his arm. "Hey, Yuzuru! You agreed that we should tell stories to them!"
"Junpei, this is-"
"-The perfect opportunity! You can stop acting like such a-"
"-Junpei-"
"-And we can have a concert to celebrate!"
The last comment seemed to give Otonashi pause, and as he considered it, the room stopped pretending they had been concentrating on anything else and looked at him.
"It won't be the same without the others there," he finally said.
"Well, maybe we can have another coming of Girl Dead Monster," Sora wheedled.
"…Fine,"
And when the music was played, that night at a very impromptu disco, no one said anything if they saw Otonashi crying in the corner, and Sora comforting him.
People even stopped staring after a while.