Warnings: Death of one character

Rating: T for language

Shikamaru's Point of View

We're In Love and We're Insane

I told my father girls were troublesome. He told me I'd find someone I'd love, and they'd love me back. The fighting would only mean you still love each other and it would end happily. I feel so stupid for believing him, because the fighting didn't end happily with Ino. I truly loved her, and I don't think I'll ever love another girl, let alone date one. She was something more to me, and I can't believe I lost her to a stupid fight.

I sit here and cry over what I have lost, and I was a coward. Why didn't I fix the problem before it had led to this? She's gone and she's never coming back... Left me with a single note. A poem.

If I killed myself today, would you blame yourself baby?
All the pain you cause me,
And you couldn't see!
Would you take the blame?
All I was is shame,
But you said you cared,
And I was scared,
I stopped it before you could do more of what you've done,
Aren't you happy we had fun!

I understood her words, and I couldn't believe she wrote them. The first half explained our fight and how much I hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt her this much, and I feel horrible. I read the poem she wrote over and over.
Why had I yelled at her that way? Was why I so frustrated with her? Why was she so troublesome? Why couldn't we be happy? Why can't I be happy?

All the good times I see are bad,
All the happy times I see are sad...
Did you even realize when I cried?
I wished you fucking died!

Had she really wanted me dead? Was it so much to wish that she had to take her own life? Was everything we did pointless? Was marriage a joke to her? Was it a joke to me? I had watched her cry, and I yelled at her. I had caused her suicide, and he father blames me. He has every right, it was my fault, and I wish I hadn't told her the things I did. I love her.

And now I sit in a casket cold as clay,
And all you can do now is pray.
Blow your brains, we're in love, and we're insane.

I didn't understand her last line; if we were in love we would have worked it out? Right? I know I loved her, but the way I had treated her must have convinced her otherwise... Why did she have to kill herself? Those beautiful blue eyes will never open again, I'll never wake up in the morning to stare into them and feel a gentle kiss from her lips again. I'll never feel her cuddle up to me in the middle of the night, I'll never feel anyone do that to me again, and I won't allow it. I'll never make love to another, and I know it's true. I never want to hear "I love you" from anyone else. I love Ino, only Ino, and I was too much of a coward to prove that to her even after I had married her... I don't want to do that to anyone else.

Please review!
Arigato,

The Spifftastic Ino