Blue October
("Hey Benson, this is your mother. I was just calling to see how you were doing; you sounded really up tight last night, made me a little nervous. I just wanna make sure you are really okay, and... (record scratch) see if you were checking in on your medications. You know I love ya! See ya. Bye bye.")
Benson opened his tired eyes and groaned, the pill bottle still clutched in his hand. Bottles of broken glass, once containing alcohol, surrounded him like dead bodies, shattered green glass the remnants of whiskey and bourbon that had slipped down his throat and drowned in his stomach. The answering machines button flashed a dim red, telling Benson there was a message.
He let the pill bottle slip from his hand and didn't sit up, letting out a sigh. The message pounded in his head, increasing the screaming migraine already clawing at his mind. One glance at the pill bottle bought back every single memory and he suddenly felt very sick. Sitting up, he held his head, and slowly moved to the edge of the bed, ready to run to the bathroom. Groaning, he looked around the room at the pieces of green glass and at the empty canister. Oh, I took my medication last night. He fell back on the bed, onto the tear streaked pillows, the soaked blankets, the memories washing over him, burning throughout his body. He closed his eyes, remembering last night-scratch that-trying to forget about last night.
His throat was raw from the screaming and it hurt to swallow. Tears unconsciously ran down his cheeks and he didn't bother to raise a hand, the bottles and canister already hurting him enough.
It had been an entire month since Mordecai had left him. With no one to understand, he had resorted to heavy drinking and drug abuse to his body, breaking the promise of going 3 months sober to Mordecai. What did it matter anyway? The blue jay was gone, vanished from his life.
"I can't believe this!" Mordecai yelled, throwing the empty bottle across the room, the glass shattering against the wall, falling like snow onto the carpet. "You promised!"
Benson stared wide eyed at the remnants, sorrow building inside him as he forced his tear stained eyes to the blue jay. Mordecai was looking at him with such intensity, such fury that he felt his heart sink. "Look, it's a habit ok? I promise I'll stop" He had said those words thousands of times, and all those times, the blue jay had forgiven him. But not this time.
"No" Mordecai clenched his fists and stormed off to the bedroom, grabbing a duffle bag and throwing his stuff into it. Benson followed shakily and watched. "This is the final time Benson. I'm sick and tired of coming home and seeing bottles littered on the carpet, empty pill canisters sitting on the tables." He zipped up the bag and lifted his head to look at him. "You promised me you would stop drinking 3 months ago. And now I get home to see you strewn on the couch with an empty beer bottle in your hand" His voice suddenly cracked and hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Raising a wing, he wiped them away. "We're never going to make this relationship work if all you do is drown your sorrows with alcohol and pills"
Benson frowned. "Look, I told you I'm sorry. It's not my fault my fathers a rotten bastard-"
"Well, maybe it is"
Bensons eyes widened and he stood rigid to the carpet, staring at the blue jay. Mordecai set his jaw and held the gumball machines gaze, tears streaming down his cheeks. The blue jay sighed and pushed past him, duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. Benson turned and watched Mordecai walk to the door.
"Mordecai, wait"
Mordecai stopped and dipped his head. "What?"
"I'm sorry" It was pitiful, he knew, but it was worth a try.
The blue jay raised his head and turned to look at his shaking boyfriend. He looked so fragile, so vulnerable. The heartbroken tears streaming down his cheeks, the quivering lips begging him to come back, pleading apology after apology. But the memories came back, and he let a dark frown curl on his lip as he turned back. Grasping the doorknob, he pulled the door open and stepped out, slamming it behind him.
Of course he had waited. Any guy who was so in love would wait for their crushes. 2 weeks he allowed himself to swallow pill after pill, drink beer after beer, till his heart could take no more of the blue jays lingering presence in the house, and he eventually cleared up and left his apartment. With no where else to go, he had retreated back to the park, where he stayed, waiting and hoping Mordecai would come back.
But he hadn't. Thankfully, now they had Thomas, Benson had not had to hire another employee, but he still felt empty. When he moved to the park, he had thought Thomas to be the replacement Mordecai, but no. No man could ever replace the blue jay who once gave his life meaning. He groaned again. Last night hadn't dampened the matter one bit.
To help him forget about Mordecai, Benson had rung his family in hope they would cheer him up. But his hope went out at the dinner table.
Again, his family was arguing, mostly about the food Benson had prepared. He had only cooked a beef stir fry, something he had gotten out of a recipe book his mother had given him for Christmas years back.
He numbly mixed the rice with the beef, stirring the mix around with the soya sauce.
"...Mordecai"
Benson snapped his head up at the blue jays name. "What dad?"
"Mordecais his name right?"
"Yes dad" He answered, looking down at his food"
"I'm so glad you dumped him. He was a bad influence on you"
"WHAT?" Benson lifted his head in anger, staring at his father.
"Telling you what to do, what not to do. He sounded like an over controlling freak"
"For your information dad, he WAS NOT an over controlling freak. He was my boyfriend"
"That's the point son. Why can't you settle down with someone like us. Not a blue jay"
Benson threw his plate against the wall, silencing his father. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?! I LOVED HIM DAD AND HE LEFT ME BECAUSE OF YOU!"
His father swallowed thickly, now shaking. "Because of me?"
"YES. YOU'RE THE REASON I DRUNK, SMOKED AND SWALLOWED PILL AFTER PILL. BECAUSE OF THE SHITTY CHILDHOOD YOU GAVE ME. I INVITED YOU OVER HERE TO HELP ME GET OVER HIM, NOT BASH HIM AND TREAT HIM LIKE SHIT BEHIND HIS BACK!"
His father, mother and sister all sat in stunned shock, staring at Benson with wide horrified eyes. "Sorry son. I-I guess I just got carried away, caring about you-"
"NOW YOU CARE ABOUT ME? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! NOW THAT MORDECAIS LEFT, IT'S JUST ANOTHER CHANCE FOR YOU TO BLAB WHATEVER SHIT YOU HAVE ONTO ME TO CONTROL MY LIFE"
Benson closed his eyes and slowly sat back down in his chair. "I think you better leave now" He rested his head on the table. He heard the sound of chairs across tile floor and lifted his head when he heard the door shut. He let out a cry then sobbed onto the table, hot tears falling one after the other, and they didn't stop even when midnight fell.
His sore eyes dragged across the wall, and when he saw the calendar, they stopped. October 1st. Exactly a month. Moving his hand that was stretched out, he scrambled for a half filled beer bottle. Lifting it to his lips, he let the bitter liquid was down his throat, cooling the burning rawness that had caked over. He closed his eyes and felt the familiar burning in his stomach as he limply let his hand fall over the side, the bottle falling on the floor.
The promise had long gone now.
Gah...please don't hate me for this. Especially if it is too OOC. I tried.
The story came to mind when I heard the song Hate Me by Blue October. Hopefully, someone can write a better fic than this.
Please review...