Disclamer: I don't own any of these characters they belong to ABC.

Strong Convictions

Intro: Natalie had lost so much in her life so many things had gone wrong. She had been through more danger and sadness then most her age. She has buried her husband twice. And lost another man she thought she loved and loved her only to find out that is was not true. Then when her twin sister split into another personality she was blamed for that. Natalie had been so strong through it all. Now Natalie's live is about to change in the life altering proportions.

Chapter 1

Natalie woke up in the motel room she had rented last night. She had left Llanview and Llanfair. She could not take it anymore all the anger and blame that was being thrown at her constantly. Natalie knew that they were worried about Jessica/Tess but that did not lessen the hurt that Natalie felt. "What am I going to do with the rest of my life," Natalie thought out loud. Natalie got up and showered and went to checkout. She had stayed at a motel right outside of Llanview last night since she left so late. She had no real plan but knew she could not stay in Llanview.

Tess seemed to be in a real mood this morning; she had already had an argument with Antonio. Viki/Niki was sitting at the table in the kitchen. "So glad to see you would grace us with your presents this morning." Niki said. Tess gave Niki a look and said, "What's it to ya". Niki just sat there and rolled he eyes. "Where is that no good loser of a twin sister of yours?" asked Niki. "Who knows and who cares, she is always in my face about something is nice not to have her around," said Tess.

Natalie got into her car and sat in the parking lot for a long time just drifting back and remembering. "Fighting back the tears as she stood once more at the grave site for Cristian. "Life is to hard and love means nothing without you Cristian," said Natalie. Natalie's mind drifts back to the other day when she found out the man she thought was Cristian revealed that he was an imposter. That meant that Cristian truly was dead and never coming back. That is the day Natalie's heart was shattered beyond repair. Natalie was tired of trying to be understood by everyone. John McBain was gone now too. Killed in the line of duty she had seen the whole thing happen. But now she is questioning did she really love John could she ever have truly loved him after everything he had caused to happen in her life. Then the affair John had with Evangeline Williamson which he never failed to throw in her face constantly. But she does not have to worry about that anymore as Evangeline is also gone when she was disbarred and left Llanview in shame. Natalie knew that John never really loved her that Cristian was the only man that truly loved her and now he truly was dead."

"Natalie knew she had to start to live again but she just did not know how to do that. How should she begin to start to pick up the pieces of her life? "I thought I would find you here," Natalie heard Jessica say. Natalie turned towards Jessica with tears streaming down her face. "What am I going to do now?" Natalie said in a scratchy voice. "I am lost and broken and do not know how to fix myself and I'm not sure I even want to try, what is the point when I am just going to be hurt again" Natalie told Jessica. Jessica went and wrapped her arms around her sister. "I wish I could take all the pain away for you but Natalie you can not think like that," Jessica told her. Natalie broke the hug. Natalie had a far empty look in her eyes; Jessica noticed when she pulled away. "Natalie, sweetie come home with me please," Jessica begged. "You can't stay out here all night; mom is very worried about you." Natalie just kept looking out with the empty look in her eyes. Jessica reached over and touched her shoulder, "Natalie lets go home," Jessica told her. "Home, I am not sure where that is anymore," Natalie said as she looked out in the distance. "It is with your family and the people who love you," said Jessica." Natalie could hear their conversation in her mind just like it was.

"Home where is it for me?" Natalie thought to herself. She started her car and drove in the opposite direction of Llanview. She had not idea where she would end up she just drove all day and night. She stayed a local motel that night and the next morning just got into her car and kept right on driving.

Lois one of the servants' at Llanfair told Clint Buchanan that Natalie had not been seen in the last few days and that her bed had not been slept in. "Lois, when was the last time you saw Natalie here?" Clint asked. "I personally saw her one day last week," Lois said. "Lois, will you please ask the other staff member when the last time they saw Natalie was and get back to me," asked Clint. "Yes, Mr. Buchanan" said Lois.

Clint went to see Bo at the police station. Clint knocked on Bo's door. "Come in," Bo said. "Clint what are you doing here?" asked Bo. "Have you seen or talked to Natalie in the last few days?" Clint asked Bo. "No, but she asked for some personal time and I let her have it," Bo told Clint. "I know she has been under a lot of stress with everything about the imposter and now this Tess thing," said Clint. "I have not been around a lot and when I am I am usually dealing with Tess or Niki," Clint said.

"Natalie is hurting and I feel useless because I can not help her," Clint told Bo. "I know Clint that is how I feel. Natalie has been through so much and now this DID thing with Jessica blaming Natalie for her split personality is just wrong," Bo said. Clint's cell phone rang it was Viki. "Clint she is gone," an upset Viki said. "Who is gone Tess?" asked Clint. "No, Natalie she wrote me a letter explaining that she felt she had to leave," Viki told Clint. "Ok, Viki I am on my way, try and stay clam we will find her and bring her home I promise," said Clint. "What is going on?" Bo asked. "Natalie wrote a letter to Viki telling her she felt she needed to leave. Viki is very upset I need to see what I can do," Clint said. "I will put an APB out on Natalie and her car," Bo told Clint. "Thanks Bo but Natalie is probably out of the state by now," said Clint. Clint is at the door. "Let me know if I can do anything Bro," Bo said. "Thanks, Bo I will," said Clint. With that Clint went back to Llanfair.