Me no own diddly poo. No sue.
The local, ghetto, Chow Mart was a fairly peaceful place to get your monthly shopping done. (Only 3-4 heists a week.) That is, until a handsome and somewhat mentally unstable demon slayer made his office in a near by abandoned strip joint and renamed it: DEVIL MAY CRY. (which sounds a lot better then "Skirt central.")
Dante had never been much for shopping. Once in a while he would pick up a stick of gum at the gas station but that was about it. He was your typical Take out man. Pizza and alcohol suited him just fine; however, Trish was a little pickier.
She did not find an occasional snickers bar a rare and fancy delicacy, nor did she find cold pizza morning, noon and night 'scrumptious' every time. And then there were the delivery dreams. The awful disturbing nightmares where she would find herself awake with a startled jumps screaming: "Thirty- five dollars?!"
Such phrases as: "Lets got out to eat tonight," "I am starving," or "I can no longer feel the ach in my stomach because it is eating itself." had no effect on Dante's dinner plans. His most responsive reply had been: "Lick a head. There are plenty on the wall, Trish."
Now, don't think that Trish was just a lazy, female demon. She had tried to shop on various occasions. Her most recent try had been at Freadricksons where she had inadvertently tossed a shopping cart at the clerk and ran out into the street screaming about destruction and mayhem.
And on this particular night... it would be Dante's turn.
Dante sat working at his desk peacefully looking over job offers as Trish wandered into the room and slammed her fist onto the desk, causing a narrow crack to run through out the wood. "What?" He mumbled irritably; his gaze still focused on the papers below.
Apparently, In Trish's mind, no more discussion was needed. Dante was flung out the door, into the rain without another word from his forceful house guest. Trish's head peeked out of the door; her eyes twitching. He looked up from the mud he was laying in with amusement. "It's your turn to get out there and get me some food! Pizza does not classify as the four food groups in one." Her face drew a gentle shade of green. "just thinking about that god-awful stuff makes me want to vomit!"
Her head disappeared from the doorway enthusiastically.
"Oh...so sick! I'm thinking about it right now! Better hurry, Dante!"
"Shopping? How am I supposed to go shopping at a time like this. Do you have any idea how much public property destruction in hell costs, Trish?"
"Maybe I should start with your chair!" the sounds of false vomit echoed within Dante's office.
"Alright, I'll go." Dante stood up solemnly and rubbed away some mud that was sliding down his red pants, as he did so his wallet flew out the window and abruptly hit him in the forehead. Trish watched him hop on to his motorcycle in anticipation. "Get some thin fast bars."
"Yeah, yeah..."
Parking his motorcycle, Dante looked up at the huge red letters hanging over him. "CHOWMART" it read. He hated shopping. This could be due to any of the fallowing reasons: He always had to put up a fight about bringing his weapon in, people stared at him constantly, and there were to many decisions to make. (Who needs 500 brands of cereal? hell, they all taste the same, anyway.)
He glumly grabbed a cart and headed toward the doors. Of coarse they automatically swung open and made him jump back. He hated those damn things. Every time he had to go through one he was SURE that some huge monster would come flying at him with full speed, ready to eat his head.
"Sir?" "Eh?" He spun around to notice a small, one armed, lady clerk looking at him. "I don't believe you can take that in here." She pointed at the large sword hanging from his back. "If you give it to me slowly I can take it to the back counter and you can...aw, pick it up on the way out." Her expression was surprisingly calm considering...
Dante twitched. "This sword drove through my torso and pinned me to the ground for several agonizing minutes. If you think I will just hand it over to some weak mortal your wrong." gumballs went flying as he shattered a near by candy machine with his aggravated fist.
The girl made no more comments. She ran through the sliding doors and into her car. She would be damned if she would have to sit through another high jacking of the chow mart. She had been fired at seven to many times! (Hence the lost arm. That had been a very big gun.)
Dante continued into the colorful and somewhat sickening fruit section. Everything was so.... bright. He nonchalantly knocked some oranges into his cart, fallowed by a coconut. Trish liked cocoa nuts... at least she like pina coladas... and those were like cocoa nuts right?
He stared over at a near by pineapple. Maybe she would make some pina coladas...no, She couldn't cook. Never mind. It would turn out tasting like pure vodka no matter what she put into it.
A disgusted look fell over Dante's face. How can someone make chocolate mild taste like vodka?
"Hey, sir, you alright?" He turned to see another clerk stacking apples. "You look sick." Dante looked down at his shopping cart in pain. "All I wanted was some takeout pizza...and yet, I'm here. I'm here in this hellhole, with all you stupid people who can't just leave me alone. Just watch...with my luck some red portal will appear and I will have to fight off a bunch of marionettes to save you people. I will never get my shopping done.... All I wanted was a pizza, Just one pizza."
"Aw.... well, the frozen food section is that way." He pointed to the right. "I believe they have some frozen pizza over there."
Dante's eyebrows lifted. "They have frozen pizza here?" He smiled faintly and darted off to investigate, joy obvious in his macho run.
Yes...the frozen food section was marvelous. It was a wonderland for Dante. Everything seemed to co exist in this miraculous section of edible items! Bean burritos with, Oh! Different flavors! Bean and cheese! Bean and beef! Been and green pepper! He grabbed a few of each and knocked them into the cart with about fourteen frozen pizzas.
"Its not delivery, its Bonjorno." He smirked and looked down at the cart tossing in a potpie for Trish, which landed among the cocoanut and perpetually smashed oranges. Potpies were healthy as far as he knew. It had peas in it. Peas are vegetables, right? Yeah, it looked healthy, not to mention fancy. Like a real dinner.
Then...he spotted it... Vanilla swirl Ice Cream; the last box of vanilla swirl ice cream. "Mmmm..." he murmured. "I haven't had that in while..." He began to move toward the ice cream when another thing caught his eye; a small pudgy woman also eyeing the delicious frozen desert.
They stared at each other for a moment, daring one another to go for it; go for the splendid and rare dessert. Suddenly, the piggly woman jumped through the air at tremendous speed! Her plump little body beat Dante by about 5 seconds! She snorted in happiness as the box fell into her stubby little grasp, a droplet of drool falling to the floor. "Hee, hee, hee, hee."
Thinking she had one fair and square, she turned and began to leave, but Dante wasn't going to have that...
Oh no, couldn't have that.
With a slight growled he jumped at her, Swooping her feet out from under her. She slid onto the linoleum with a short-lived "Snorph!" And then tried to wriggle away. "Hand it over! You know what I want!" "Nnoooo!" she squealed, "Its mine, you psycho!"
Their small war raged for about 20 minutes. She would occasionally slip away only to be recaught, or snap at Dante with her foaming mouth. Dante would simply look at her in disbelief and go back to retrieving the ice cream he loved so much.
He almost had the cold box, the vanilla swirl was in his reach, but then the woman's high heel entered Dante's eye with a 'pop' "GWRAA!" he yelled, in absolute pain. Finally she had a clear shot and sunk her teeth into his hand. He screeched in agony once again and then finally gave up. She squeezed away out under her captor and bounced a bit, then got to her feet and ran directly for the check out line in a frantic mass, leaving Dante panting on the floor...
Sure, Dante could take out wraiths, nobodies, puppets, other demons and Mundus himself, but NEVER would he come between a fat woman and her junk food again.
The local, ghetto, Chow Mart was a fairly peaceful place to get your monthly shopping done. (Only 3-4 heists a week.) That is, until a handsome and somewhat mentally unstable demon slayer made his office in a near by abandoned strip joint and renamed it: DEVIL MAY CRY. (which sounds a lot better then "Skirt central.")
Dante had never been much for shopping. Once in a while he would pick up a stick of gum at the gas station but that was about it. He was your typical Take out man. Pizza and alcohol suited him just fine; however, Trish was a little pickier.
She did not find an occasional snickers bar a rare and fancy delicacy, nor did she find cold pizza morning, noon and night 'scrumptious' every time. And then there were the delivery dreams. The awful disturbing nightmares where she would find herself awake with a startled jumps screaming: "Thirty- five dollars?!"
Such phrases as: "Lets got out to eat tonight," "I am starving," or "I can no longer feel the ach in my stomach because it is eating itself." had no effect on Dante's dinner plans. His most responsive reply had been: "Lick a head. There are plenty on the wall, Trish."
Now, don't think that Trish was just a lazy, female demon. She had tried to shop on various occasions. Her most recent try had been at Freadricksons where she had inadvertently tossed a shopping cart at the clerk and ran out into the street screaming about destruction and mayhem.
And on this particular night... it would be Dante's turn.
Dante sat working at his desk peacefully looking over job offers as Trish wandered into the room and slammed her fist onto the desk, causing a narrow crack to run through out the wood. "What?" He mumbled irritably; his gaze still focused on the papers below.
Apparently, In Trish's mind, no more discussion was needed. Dante was flung out the door, into the rain without another word from his forceful house guest. Trish's head peeked out of the door; her eyes twitching. He looked up from the mud he was laying in with amusement. "It's your turn to get out there and get me some food! Pizza does not classify as the four food groups in one." Her face drew a gentle shade of green. "just thinking about that god-awful stuff makes me want to vomit!"
Her head disappeared from the doorway enthusiastically.
"Oh...so sick! I'm thinking about it right now! Better hurry, Dante!"
"Shopping? How am I supposed to go shopping at a time like this. Do you have any idea how much public property destruction in hell costs, Trish?"
"Maybe I should start with your chair!" the sounds of false vomit echoed within Dante's office.
"Alright, I'll go." Dante stood up solemnly and rubbed away some mud that was sliding down his red pants, as he did so his wallet flew out the window and abruptly hit him in the forehead. Trish watched him hop on to his motorcycle in anticipation. "Get some thin fast bars."
"Yeah, yeah..."
Parking his motorcycle, Dante looked up at the huge red letters hanging over him. "CHOWMART" it read. He hated shopping. This could be due to any of the fallowing reasons: He always had to put up a fight about bringing his weapon in, people stared at him constantly, and there were to many decisions to make. (Who needs 500 brands of cereal? hell, they all taste the same, anyway.)
He glumly grabbed a cart and headed toward the doors. Of coarse they automatically swung open and made him jump back. He hated those damn things. Every time he had to go through one he was SURE that some huge monster would come flying at him with full speed, ready to eat his head.
"Sir?" "Eh?" He spun around to notice a small, one armed, lady clerk looking at him. "I don't believe you can take that in here." She pointed at the large sword hanging from his back. "If you give it to me slowly I can take it to the back counter and you can...aw, pick it up on the way out." Her expression was surprisingly calm considering...
Dante twitched. "This sword drove through my torso and pinned me to the ground for several agonizing minutes. If you think I will just hand it over to some weak mortal your wrong." gumballs went flying as he shattered a near by candy machine with his aggravated fist.
The girl made no more comments. She ran through the sliding doors and into her car. She would be damned if she would have to sit through another high jacking of the chow mart. She had been fired at seven to many times! (Hence the lost arm. That had been a very big gun.)
Dante continued into the colorful and somewhat sickening fruit section. Everything was so.... bright. He nonchalantly knocked some oranges into his cart, fallowed by a coconut. Trish liked cocoa nuts... at least she like pina coladas... and those were like cocoa nuts right?
He stared over at a near by pineapple. Maybe she would make some pina coladas...no, She couldn't cook. Never mind. It would turn out tasting like pure vodka no matter what she put into it.
A disgusted look fell over Dante's face. How can someone make chocolate mild taste like vodka?
"Hey, sir, you alright?" He turned to see another clerk stacking apples. "You look sick." Dante looked down at his shopping cart in pain. "All I wanted was some takeout pizza...and yet, I'm here. I'm here in this hellhole, with all you stupid people who can't just leave me alone. Just watch...with my luck some red portal will appear and I will have to fight off a bunch of marionettes to save you people. I will never get my shopping done.... All I wanted was a pizza, Just one pizza."
"Aw.... well, the frozen food section is that way." He pointed to the right. "I believe they have some frozen pizza over there."
Dante's eyebrows lifted. "They have frozen pizza here?" He smiled faintly and darted off to investigate, joy obvious in his macho run.
Yes...the frozen food section was marvelous. It was a wonderland for Dante. Everything seemed to co exist in this miraculous section of edible items! Bean burritos with, Oh! Different flavors! Bean and cheese! Bean and beef! Been and green pepper! He grabbed a few of each and knocked them into the cart with about fourteen frozen pizzas.
"Its not delivery, its Bonjorno." He smirked and looked down at the cart tossing in a potpie for Trish, which landed among the cocoanut and perpetually smashed oranges. Potpies were healthy as far as he knew. It had peas in it. Peas are vegetables, right? Yeah, it looked healthy, not to mention fancy. Like a real dinner.
Then...he spotted it... Vanilla swirl Ice Cream; the last box of vanilla swirl ice cream. "Mmmm..." he murmured. "I haven't had that in while..." He began to move toward the ice cream when another thing caught his eye; a small pudgy woman also eyeing the delicious frozen desert.
They stared at each other for a moment, daring one another to go for it; go for the splendid and rare dessert. Suddenly, the piggly woman jumped through the air at tremendous speed! Her plump little body beat Dante by about 5 seconds! She snorted in happiness as the box fell into her stubby little grasp, a droplet of drool falling to the floor. "Hee, hee, hee, hee."
Thinking she had one fair and square, she turned and began to leave, but Dante wasn't going to have that...
Oh no, couldn't have that.
With a slight growled he jumped at her, Swooping her feet out from under her. She slid onto the linoleum with a short-lived "Snorph!" And then tried to wriggle away. "Hand it over! You know what I want!" "Nnoooo!" she squealed, "Its mine, you psycho!"
Their small war raged for about 20 minutes. She would occasionally slip away only to be recaught, or snap at Dante with her foaming mouth. Dante would simply look at her in disbelief and go back to retrieving the ice cream he loved so much.
He almost had the cold box, the vanilla swirl was in his reach, but then the woman's high heel entered Dante's eye with a 'pop' "GWRAA!" he yelled, in absolute pain. Finally she had a clear shot and sunk her teeth into his hand. He screeched in agony once again and then finally gave up. She squeezed away out under her captor and bounced a bit, then got to her feet and ran directly for the check out line in a frantic mass, leaving Dante panting on the floor...
Sure, Dante could take out wraiths, nobodies, puppets, other demons and Mundus himself, but NEVER would he come between a fat woman and her junk food again.