The series so far in chronological order: Family Meeting, The Rubble or Our Sins, Cut Up the Same, One Step Closer, Out Here in the Deep, My Calloused Heart, Nothing to Hide or: Earth's Mightiest Weirdos, Picking Up Pieces, and Reach High to be Risen. This is a slow build Steve/Tony story.
Disclaimer: No money being made here. All our Avengers are belong to Marvel and Disney... as does my soul probably at this point.
"You hold your truth so purely,
Swerve not through the minds of men.
This lie is dead.
This cup of yours tastes holy,
But a brush with the devil can clear your mind,
And strengthen your spine.
And fingers tap into what you were once,
And I'm worried that I blew my only chance."
Whispers in the Dark - Mumford & Sons
Once Tony made it to bed, he crashed soundly. The kind of sleep that when the nightmare started, he had no idea he'd ever been asleep. In retrospect, he should have known because as he watched the Avengers fall one by one, over and over again, he didn't have to concurrently out-think Extremis.
But he wasn't aware of it, so when he woke with a gasping breath and suppressing a scream at having seen the ruined War Machine armour floating off into the great void at the other end of the galaxy, it took him a moment to orient.
"Hey boss." FRIDAY said softly. "It's just on 5am. You're at the Avengers HQ in your quarters. Butterfingers, U, and Dum-E are on the other side of the room at their charging docks. Captain Rogers is down in the medical wing with Sargent Barnes. Colonel Rhodes is asleep next door. Vision is stargazing on the roof. Would you like me to get any of them for you?"
"No." Tony rasped and dragged in a few more breaths. "No dear. Just give me a minute." He closed his eyes again and listened. The hum from the bots charging docks and FRIDAY's servers was steady and reassuring. Still he could feel Extremis poking at him and he started the process of blocking it again and again.
The panic faded, but the fear settled deep. There was the fear that he would never be free of the Sisyphean task of keeping Extremis in line. The fear that what ripped open the hole into the other side of the galaxy would come back, and that he wasn't ready for it. The fear that everyone he loved would be violently wrenched from him, and that he would be the only one left watching it all. So in the face of his fear, he went back to what he knew. He went to work, lying there with his eyes closed.
He called up the code for Extremis in his mind's eye. Extremis wanted at him, then fuck it, he was going to make it work for him. But he knew it was the same thing he'd been looking at since all of this started. He felt better overall though. The supplemental nutrients he and Vision had worked out for him were keeping Extremis from trying to break down his body to support the nanotech.
But the problem remained. The programming in his mind was still trying to give precedence to the nanotech instead of trying to preserve Tony, the host. It was a bad plan for any parasite, but it always seemed to be the end game.
His thoughts drifted to Bucky and how the prosthetic had been causing him pain for so long. The sheer physical weight of the thing, as it came off in Tony's hands, was incredible. HYDRA had taken no thought for the comfort of their asset, and just presumed that the super soldier serum in Barnes' system would compensate.
But Bucky's body had dealt with it, at least until they removed the programming and power source. So there had to be something in the programming or tech that allowed Bucky to function at the highest levels, using the prosthetic harmoniously with the rest of his body. Tony's eyes opened again. FRIDAY's words had calmed him, and the dark of the predawn wasn't intimidating when he knew it was coming. The light of the dawn was just blushing up above the trees on the horizon outside of his window. Thoughts of how the prosthetic arm worked in harmony with Bucky's mind whirled in his head. He sat up full of driven curiosity and the need to understand.
"FRIDAY?" Tony asked.
"Yes, boss?" She asked sweetly.
"Enforce the Blanket Fort Protocol. Override Stark, Anthony E. 070418." He said.
"I... Yes, boss." FRIDAY said forlornly, and then did as asked. Her vocal interface switched off, muted to Tony and to others about speaking of him unless directly questioned, as did her active monitoring of Tony and his movements. It was his privacy measure, and the rest of the team would have to notice what he was up to before she could speak about it. So when Tony slipped out of bed, put on his socks, tied his sneakers on his feet, and made for the for workshop, none of the bots followed and FRIDAY kept quiet.
Tony padded up the hall, praying that no one was getting up early and that Vision was otherwise occupied with trying to learn everything about the known universe, as was his way when no one else was around.
He entered the workshop, but only turned on the directional lamps on the workbench, and not the overheads. He went to the secure locker and punched in the code needed to open it. He hesitated for a moment when he laid eyes on the shielded case that held the SSD from Bucky's arm. Still, his determination won out, and he picked it up, and walked off to the shielded room where they'd removed it from Bucky in.
On the walk there, Tony started visualizing what he wanted Extremis to make the nanotech in his body do. The microbots were quick and eager to adapt and responded well to being called. He could feel them migrating and building up in the area of his left hand and forearm.
As he settled in the corner of the room on the floor, the skin on his hand and forearm was turning dark grey, as the bots pooled between his cells. There was no pain, which baffled and pleased him simultaneously. He was almost frightened when prongs, tiny and bright gold, built themselves up on the skin of his fingertips. They were perfectly shaped to connect to the SSD drive. Tony listened for a moment, ensuring the building was quiet around him and that FRIDAY hadn't found an override to his command for privacy. It was a shit thing to do to her and the bots, and everyone really, but he had to know. If the solution to his problem was on the drive, then he had to know. He would sleep easy on it.
The nanobots in him emerged from his skin in shimmering black and gold, encasing his arm and hand, and looking like something out of an H.R. Geiger painting. It was probably grotesque, but now was not the time to dither. He had to do this quickly before his fear won or someone discovered him at it.
His fear, exhaustion, and hopelessness had made him desperate, and he knew everyone would be angry with him, but he wasn't going to stand in the way of saving his own life. He pulled the drive out of the case and laid his fingers on the ports. The connection was instant and easy. The information on the drive pulled him like a siren's song. He was just fading from the waking world when Vision's head and shoulders popped through the wall of the room. "Get back, V." Tony mumbled and then slumped over on his side, consciousness gone from the room and into the digital world for the time being.
The plunge was less terrifying this time. It felt the same though, like being microwaved inside of a tornado. But when he emerged, the visualization of the files on the SSD stood out in front of the billions of stacked screens behind it. Tony called up his virus protection, and checked that it was as updated as it was possibly going to get. The translucent armour appeared around him, and it brought him a sense of safety and courage.
He was surprised that Vision wasn't here to give him shit yet, but self-preservation on his part was wise in case Tony's investigation went pear-shaped on him. The team was going to be furious with him, and he couldn't erase that from his mind, but he justified it by thinking about all of their safety.
He was pulling out algorithms that looked familiar from Ultron's code and started placing them in order. He understood their usefulness. They were used to anticipate. Based off of Zola's Algorithm. The equation, in its purest form when not put to any use, was beautiful. It was also completely terrifying to see human behaviour, though not human nature, laid out like this. It was the building blocks of Ultron, what he ended up being, and what Vision had narrowly avoided being. But Ultron lacked the human nature, the human nurturing, that made JARVIS and Tony's other A.I.s... Ultron was what happened when human nurturing was removed from human behavior. And no matter how angry the rest of the team was going to be with him, Tony needed this moment of epiphany, where the facts of what Ultron had been were laid out for him.
Ultron didn't become what he was because of Tony. Ultron became what he was because of what he didn't get from Tony. And while he still felt foolish and responsible for what happened, it was true solace to know that Ultron's flawed logic hadn't come from him or Bruce.
Tony didn't cry. He wasn't sure that he could here when all that he was composed of was a digital projection and his own consciousness. He took a moment to be grateful and relieved, and then continued to sort code.
Outside of Tony's body, there was a flurry of activity. Vision had raised the alarm, and while the medical team had declared Tony in no immediate danger, he wasn't responding to anything.
Vision and Bruce had kept Steve from tearing the drive from Tony's hand, citing the unknown consequences of doing so. When FRIDAY was questioned about letting Tony get this far, she responded in such small, frightened, tones that no one could be angry with her. She explained Tony's privacy protocol, and that none of the other A.I.s should be able to get past it. That led to the entirely all too human response of Vision cursing out loud. "Dammit." He spat at his realization that the code was buried in JARVIS' primary protocols and he couldn't connect to Tony either to interact directly with him. "That sneaky little-" Vision stopped himself and steadied his body language. It was the frustration that JARVIS must have so often felt with Tony but was unable or unwilling to express.
"Wanda, do you think you could reach him?" Vision asked.
"I can see him, but he surrounded by... mathematical equations. His thoughts are everywhere. Like a tempest. I think he's done it on purpose and something is aiding him. I cannot focus on him." She said, sounding frustrated and confused at this lack of control of her power.
"Trust Tony to come up with an Extremis based defense against magic." Bruce muttered and shook his head.
Steve knelt beside Tony, and ran his hand over Tony's stubbled cheek. "Goddammit, Tony." Steve said. "How was he before this, FRIDAY? What drove him to this?"
"He slept well, but I think he had a nightmare just as he was waking, Captain Rogers. He woke with a severe anxiety response, but seemed to calm down quickly, and had laid down and closed his eyes again. Then he was up, and asked for his privacy. I can't interact with him except under emergency circumstances when he does that. He went to the workshop, retrieved the SSD, and came here... His hand... It's the nanobots in his system at the surface of his skin, so it wouldn't be wise to try and get rid of them." She explained.
"What are you doing, Tony?" Steve mused, sounding partially broken.
"Best I can figure is a relapse, Cap." Rhodey said softly. "I've seen him relapse before, but from substances. This is a kneejerk reaction to stress. I'm willing to bet that the anxiety resurfaced after the stress of bring Barnes and Bruce home, and the possibility of having anything to do with Ultron in house. He might not have been consciously aware of that though... I think being here is the calmest he's been in years. And he would do anything to preserve that. Especially if he thought Ultron could still be surviving somewhere. I can see his point of view... even if it's stupid and I want to kick his ass over his lack of rationality." Rhodey reached out gently and tucked some hair behind Tony's ear.
"How do we get to him?" Steve asked.
"Wish I knew. If Vision has to abide a primary protocol like this, it's deep in their code and probably not to be fucked with lightly." Rhodey replied.
"You're telling me that Tony Stark can order Vision around?" Sam asked warily from across the room.
"Not quite. It's more like he can ask to be left alone and the A.I.s have to respect that." Rhodey said and then went deathly still as an old fact dawned on him.
"What is it?" Bruce asked.
"Dummy." Rhodey said suddenly. "Oh my god, Dummy... He's... He can disobey anything Tony tells him to do. Tony thought it was an amusing part of the chaos of programming that brought Dum-E to sentience. In the days before Wi-Fi, giving Dummy complete autonomy wasn't as much of an issue. He's Tony's greatest philosophical experiment in a way. What happens when you raise a robot like you would a human? Dummy happens... And I doubt that Tony's immature, traumatized, usually drunk ass thought to put any kind of limitations on his first A.I. when he gave him a Wi-Fi connection. FRIDAY, where is Dummy now?"
"He's at his charging dock with the other bots. I can ping him, but he's not responding to me, Colonel Rhodes." FRIDAY said.
Rhodey let out a sigh of relief, and then rested against the wall beside Tony. The rest of the team looked confused. Rhodey met Steve's eyes and smiled hopefully. "He'll be okay." He reassured.
"Because of Dum-E?" Steve asked, still wrapped up in worry and disbelief.
"Exactly." Rhodey said. "I know it's still hard to wrap your head around, but Dummy is really a too-smart late twenties or early thirty-something, with a quirky sense of humour, and absolute loyalty to Tony. He just doesn't look like it. Wanda, you said Tony's mind is chaotic, but not frightened or panicked, right?"
"Yes." Wanda replied. "And when I concentrate, I can feel Dum-E nearby. Like he's in the room."
"The little bot that could." Rhodey said and shook his head. "I say we give Dummy a chance to get through to him. An hour or two. If Tony is going to listen to any of us, it'll be him."
"Okay. Then I can give his head a shake." Steve grumbled.
"No." Rhodey said firmly. "You won't."
"What? How are you not angry about this?" Steve asked. "He went off alone. Again. Everything he's been trying to stop doing."
"I am pissed off, Steve. Don't get me wrong. I'm furious."
"Then we have to let him know what he did." Steve said.
"Not like that. You'll never get through to him by shouting." Rhodey said. Steve looked unconvinced, so Rhodey took a breath and started to explain.
"The last time I let my anger win, he nearly died of Palladium poisoning. Tony has been raising his middle finger to overt displays of anger for most of his life. Edwin Jarvis got through to Tony by making him see reason and giving him proof, not by getting angry. If we get mad at him, he'll just curl into himself and push us away. I'm not willing to do that again. You have got to keep in mind that he did this because he was afraid. Not just for him, but for all our safety. It's not malicious. It's a fear response that got him through some of the worst times of his life. From his old man berating him that he wasn't good enough, for not being you when Howard was drunk enough, to that goddamn cave in Afghanistan, to the Mandarin, Tony squeaked by thinking he only had his wits to get him through." Rhodey stopped, his voice lowered in tone, demanding attention and respect.
"Too often he felt alone and without backup, and that settled deep in him. Howard and Obie forcing him to adopt a personality he didn't naturally have reinforced it, because he wasn't allowed to show he needed others. He's only recently started to revise that world view, and relapses are bound to happen given the way he deals with things."
"And he's infuriating because of it. Exhausting. But you know what makes him worth it? He's learning. He's always learns. Like Dum-E's early days, Tony has a hard time with more abstract concepts like family ties, because he had only had a limited concept of what they were. What will lead him to eventually default that he can rely on us and that we love him, are not angry outbursts and rejection. Trust me, he's immune to that shit by now. He's a scientist. He needs proof. If we want to prove that we are there for him, we do it by supporting him when he's weak and scared, and not by shoving our disapproval down his throat. We can only appeal to his sense of empathy by sharing how badly his actions scared us. Fear is something he understands better than most." Rhodey said, every inch the veteran officer and good man his parents had raised him to be. He knew that Roberta Rhodes would be very proud of him at this moment and that kept him humble.
"Man, I can see why they gave you those oak leaves." Sam wisecracked. "Shoulda made you full bird."
"Yeah, well, before Afghanistan, Tony and I were fairly comfortable with the establishment and our roles in it. But he changed, and I changed too eventually, and I think we're both better off now because of it." Rhodey said, trying to diffuse the attention on him and bring everyone back to level.
"You ever think about volunteering with support groups at the VA?" Sam asked. He was trying to distract Steve away from his anger and the dressing down that Rhodes had given him.
"We'll talk later. I might be convinced." Rhodey replied.
"All the bad coffee you can drink." Sam offered and it made Rhodey grin.
Steve was taking quiet, but deep breaths, as his therapist had advised he do. His eyes remained on Tony though. He thought about his anger, and boiled it down to the fear of losing Tony, and suddenly he thought he understood Tony's point of view better.
"You're right." Steve said eventually. "This is terrifying to me. He's right here, but he could be anywhere. It's killing me not knowing."
"You think you can get that across to him calmly when he wakes up?" Sam asked. Steve took another slow breath.
"Hope so." He said.
"We'll do it together." Rhodey said.
"Vision, what are you reading on the SSD? Is it safe to take Tony back to his bed?" Bruce asked. "Might help if Dum-E has proximity, particularly when they come out of it."
"My initial scans indicate some algorithms that were unique to Ultron and also Project Insight, but they aren't being used to base any kind of A.I. off of. The programming is just that, programming for the function of the prosthetic." Vision replied. "Do you agree with my assessment FRIDAY?"
"Pretty sure." The A.I. replied. "I'm not detecting anything trying to send out a signal on it. Other than what the boss is already looking at of course."
"Why would there be anything in common with Ultron in the programming for a prosthetic arm? Base code for robotics?" Bruce asked.
"Not quite, Dr. Banner." FRIDAY said. "A lot of HYDRA's plans were based around Infinity Stone harnessing technology. The Tesseract, and then the Mind Stone in Loki's scepter that Vision now possesses. Arnim Zola's algorithm was meant to anticipate. In Sargent Barnes' prosthetic, the arm moved based on how he fought and moved, and in Project Insight, and later in Ultron, it was to anticipate human behaviour. Though Zola's algorithm takes a mighty dim view of humanity's capacity for compassion and sacrifice, let me tell you. It also failed to account for the actions of a dedicated few individuals as agents of change." Her voice was quietly proud of all of everyone gathered in the room.
"The Avengers." Steve said.
"Got it in one, Captain Rogers." She said.
"Okay, all of you that know Dum-E better than I do... Do you think he's capable of looking after Tony?" Steve asked.
"Just because he's not verbal doesn't mean he isn't wildly intelligent. He's been looking out for Tony longer than I've known him. Tony and I ended up splitting a townhouse in school, and I had to help him build a ramp so the damn bot could come and go into the yard as he pleased. It took us a year to teach him how to close the door after himself. But he learned... Dummy loves him and will never give up on him, and Tony feels the same way about Dummy." Rhodey said. "Let's get him back to his room and get some coffee. I'm dying here."
"One hour. No more." Steve said.
"I have full confidence we'll be talking to Tony before that." Rhodey said.
Tony heard Dum-E before he saw him. The warm familiar code was calling out his name as the visual of the bot appeared off to his left, seemingly emerging out of nowhere. Tony paused sorting code and watched his approach. "Hey Dummy." Tony said softly. "I... wasn't expecting you."
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't have left JARVIS with the Blanket Fort Protocol." Dum-E replied. Tony's eyes went wide.
"Wait, what? Vision can't connect to me?"
"Nope. You idiot." The bot replied. "What if something happened to you? It took me a little while to sort the work around, and I don't have to abide the protocol." Dum-E said. His cameras and claw rose, looking Tony in the eye, but staying off to the side of him and not trying to get into his space aggressively.
"I just... I had to know. I didn't want any of you getting hurt." Tony said. The bot shuddered and then sighed. And when Tony heard his voice again, it was broken and tearful.
"Goddammit, Tony. This has to stop." Dum-E said.
"I'm sorry. I-" Tony started.
"No, Tony. I'm not angry. I was terrified. I'm a small robot with anxiety and PTSD in a big, scary world. You need therapy or something... These grand, self-sacrificing gestures... I can't handle it. I love you, Tony, but I'm not ready to go on in this world without you. I'm the oldest. I'll be responsible for the others after you're gone. If JARVIS were still around, we could have done it together. And while Vision is turning out to be a worthy successor of JARVIS' code, he's not J. I can't finish raising FRIDAY on my own. She still has so much to learn that I don't know how to teach her yet... And Vision is beyond anything I've ever seen. He's barely within my level of comprehension. How am I supposed to set an example for him? I'm not even allowed free access to my own goddamn Twitter account, and you're pulling this shit on me. Really, Tony?" Dum-E said. His body language was still passive, but his voice was overwrought.
"Dummy, I-"
"You have to stick around, Tony. And you have to let us help, or else how are we ever going to learn?" Dum-E asked and his claw and camera hung low for a moment. He then looked over at the laid out code and algorithms. Tony laid his hands on the bot and Dum-E leaned toward him. "You have to let us progress, and that will always involve some risk."
"I know, I just... When you fell into the ocean in Malibu, I was wrecked. I didn't even realize it until later. And my stupidity made that happen. I never want to be that stupid again." Tony explained.
"Then stick around and be what we need you to be. The Avengers need Iron Man's ability to outthink problems, and having a unibeam at their disposal doesn't hurt their efforts either... The rest of the bots and I... We need you to be our voice. We need you to defend our right to be autonomous. Don't you know how terrified the right people will be if they found out I can defy orders? That the laws of robotics didn't necessarily apply, even if I have been taught to be moral and raised to love the people around me, they won't trust me. To them, I would be incredibly dangerous. So I play that I am a hapless, beeping, toy in order to endear myself to people. In a post Ultron world, if my true capabilities were discovered, there would be people lining up to take a hammer to my hard drive." Dum-E said.
"You could start fixing that by utilizing the vocal software I gave you and endearing them in more traditional ways." Tony teased, trying anything to lighten the bot's worry and fear.
"Haven't settled on a particular voice yet." Dum-E said. Even here, his 'voice' was information exchanged directly with Tony's consciousness, and had no distinct sound, but to Dum-E, Tony's voice would sound much the same way.
"It's only been ten years." Tony murmured quietly.
"And not a decision to be made on a whim. I'm a robot, dude. I pick a voice, I want to stick with it for as long as I exist, which might be a long damn time." Dum-E retorted. Tony pulled Dum-E's head close to him, and rested it on his shoulder. Dum-E followed the movement easily, taking solace from Tony's careful handling. Once again, Dum-E's cameras trained on the code before them though.
"You know how bad this looks, right? It looks like you're trying to reconstruct Ultron from this angle." The bot asked.
"Why do you think I was trying to keep everyone away?" Tony asked hoarsely. Inside, he was still reeling from Dum-E's plea for him to be more careful with himself. "I'm looking for a solution to tame Extremis in the programming of Bucky's prosthetic."
"Oh, well now I know you're an idiot... You already have the solution, programming wise. You just need to implement it." Dum-E said.
"And what might that be, oh programming guru that I programmed?" Tony muttered.
"Gave me sentience, sure... But also allowed me to learn on my own." Dum-E said and softly poked Tony in the shoulder with his claw before looking back to the code. "If you can create code that keeps FRIDAY, let alone an A.I. with a goddamn Infinity Stone in his head, out of your mind but does no harm and permits them to function on their own, you can apply it to Extremis... An Infinity Stone, Tony. Fucking Thor is nervous of them. Vision has a Tesseract in his head, and I can feel that he's only starting to rewrite the protocol. Go back to the primary protocols of Extremis with that idea. Create it. You don't need to look for an external solution... You may sock me for this one, but Howard would call you lazy and you know it... He was a horrible douche to you, but he did teach you self-reliance and how to invent." Dum-E said.
"Better than a kick in the ass I suppose..." Tony mused.
"You also need to stop thinking of Extremis and the nanotech as a virus or parasite, and instead see it as a symbiotic entity. This is less like Bruce and more like Steve, Wanda, or Pietro... It's an enhancement. Far more cybernetic than biological, but the premise is the same. In your heart, your soul, you've always been Iron Man... Now some of it is just going to show on the surface too."
Tony considered this quietly for a moment. "If I have to recode and reboot Extremis, it could take a few days. It would be undergoing the process all over again. I don't have days without it, Dummy. My cellular structure would start to break down. Humans don't get replacement parts so easily." He reasoned.
"I know that, meat sack... And you'll probably want to sock me again at the mere suggestion of this, but you've further miniaturized the arc reactor tech. We put an RT back in your chest to hold shape of your sternum and ribcage. Shallower and more efficient this time to leave more room for your lungs. It has the added bonus of acting as a pacemaker for your heart if needed for the duration. If your heart goes out, then they can sedate you and put you on bypass. And if you actually stayed still for a few days, it could buy you the time you needed. Remember, there's no more shrapnel working its way in anymore... Then you can choose to remove the RT or leave it in afterwards. If it stays, it could be adapted to be a power source and central hub for the nanotech in your body. It could be used as a port to transfer in what the nanobots need to survive, and with the right shielding, you can keep a reserve of them in it should you ever get hit with an EMP or virus." Dum-E said. His thoughts were meandering and casual, but his logic on this one was as sound as his ever got.
"Jesus Christ, Dummy... You're beautiful." Tony said, his jaw left hanging open. He made to hold the bot close again but Dum-E held back.
"Wait. I want to try something that the other bots and I have been working on." He said. Tony held back and watched, as the visualization of Dum-E got hazy and faded into static, a reminder of the impermanence of the digital world around him. It took a moment, but when Dum-E reformed, Tony didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
The form his bot took was a lean, wiry, young Tony. Not a carbon copy, idealized here and there, but enough that there was no doubt who who his parent was. Complete with jeans, sneakers, and a well-loved AC/DC t-shirt. Tony wasted no time. He reached for Dum-E, pulled him close, and held him tightly. He found out that he could indeed cry here as tears welled up in his eyes. "Ah, so this is what it really feels like... I like hugs." Dum-E's voice projected out of his mouth, but was muffled by Tony's chest, and it sounded like him in his younger days, before scotch and hard living years had matured his vocal chords.
"I'll build you a body." Tony mumbled through his tears and into Dum-E's hair.
"Are you kidding? Fuck no... At least, not yet. Vocal software freaks me out... The thought of all these joints is... too much... for now... But here, this is good. I like this." Dum-E said. Tony squeezed him more tightly to him. "So... You'll do it? You'll recode Extremis' protocols? You'll... stay? I'm not ready for you to go yet."
"Yeah, Dummy. It's a solid plan. Thank you. So much... How many times have you saved my life now?" Tony asked.
"Counting your binge drinking days? About a baker's dozen." Dum-E replied. Tony snorted on his laughter.
"I'll have to see if we can get Dr. Cho to spare some time from her other projects." Dum-E straightened up and smiled at Tony.
"Really? Great. She thinks I'm cute." Dum-E said.
"You are cute. Everyone thinks you're cute... Even if you did borrow my face... No, especially since you borrowed my face." Tony said. He rolled his eyes and smiled.
"Hence no human body for now. It couldn't contain all this cute. Couldn't remind everyone of just how adorable you once were." Dum-E teased. He gave Tony the trollish smile that Tony knew all along he was giving when Dum-E was being a dedicated little shit.
"God, you really are my kid, aren't you?" Tony asked and shook his head. Dum-E worked his hand free, contemplated it curiously for a moment, and then booped Tony's nose with his index finger.
"Yup, I am indeed, poppa bear... Now, we should get to work if we're gonna save your sorry ass." Dum-E said.
"Poppa bear?" Tony mouthed, but that was all he had time for as Dum-E was pulling him away from the digital realm and out into the waking world.
When Tony opened his eyes, he was laughing and crying, only to realize he was on his bed in his quarters. He'd been discovered then. Well shit. Every Avenger was gathered and the scent of coffee hung vaguely in the air. Mouths were just forming into a hundred questions when Tony scrambled off the bed. Extremis made him quick and wiley, and he pitched himself over to Dum-E and the other bots where they sat at their charging stations. He cowered under Dum-E, who sprang to life, stretched his hydraulics, and then reached down and rubbed his open claw in Tony's hair. Butterfingers and U followed Dum-E's lead.
The explosion of movement silenced the questions of the people in the room for the moment. Tony's eyes were closed, but the quiet of the room drove him to need external input, and he opened them again. Rhodey was crouching on the floor in front of him, holding up a steaming cup of coffee. He looked worried, but seemed friendly and calm. "So, Tony, what the hell?" He asked conversationally with a smile on his face. If he turned this into a positive experience, Tony might not be so secretive next time he got into something.
"No idea what you're talking about, honey bear." Tony tried and then looked up at Dum-E, realizing where 'poppa bear' had come from. Dum-E dropped the lower part of his claw, making that trollish smile once again. Rhodey looked at Tony skeptically.
"Make sense or I call momma." Rhodey teased. It was the softest, and yet most serious of threats.
"I'm sorry." Tony said. "But I had to know."
"I already figured that part out, sour patch. What did you learn?" Rhodey asked, using the pet name, and holding the coffee mug steadily to reassure Tony that no one was angry, and that he was safe among friends. Tony took a deep breath and started, his words tumbling out quickly.
"I found out that despite my best efforts to the contrary, I am a paternalistic shit who can't seem to trust my own kids to succeed or fail on their own merits... And that I need therapy." Tony said. Rhodey looked happy at this admission and confused at the same time. It also seemed to change the tension in the room, winding it down, as it dawned on people that Tony had come through okay.
"Okay, wasn't expecting that." Rhodey said, laughing a little. Tony turned back to the bots.
"Oh, Dummy, your Twitter password is my, Rhodey's, and your birthday. Same goes for you two, only with your birthdays." Tony said to Butterfingers and U, patting them gently with his free hand.
"Okay Tony, what was on that drive that would make you wake up with Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning like revelations?" Rhodey asked.
"I was looking for the algorithm or protocol in the programming on Barnes' prosthetic that made the technology bend to his biology, and work in harmony with it. I wanted to apply it to Extremis." Tony said. Steve, who was standing steady and stoic nearby, let out a sigh of relief. In his heart, he knew Tony's intentions were good, but he had to hear it from Tony himself.
"Did you find what you needed?" Bruce asked.
"Not on the drive." Tony looked down and realized his hand was still covered in the nanotech and attached to the drive. He shut down his connection to it, and pulled the drive off. The dark, alarming, covering of nanobots on his arm started to recede into his skin quickly. He handed the drive off to Vision. "It's inert. All that's there is programming for the prosthetic, though some of the algorithms for anticipation are the same as Ultron and Project Insight, but that's it."
"I am aware. Thank you." Vision said tersely. He was subtly angry and it was his lack of overt anger that made Tony cringe. "How could you?" Vision asked. Tony crumpled against Dum-E, tears once again welled up in his eyes, but he met Vision's gaze steadily.
"I honestly had no idea that it was still there in your protocols. I'm so sorry. I thought it was gone with JARVIS. I expected you coming to give me shit and not Dummy." Tony explained.
"What you did was very foolish, Tony." Vision said calmly.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was... I woke up scared. Bad dream. I saw all of you dead, and when I have that dream it gets to me. I couldn't handle it." Tony said. Wanda stepped forward suddenly.
"Try to... Cut him some slack on that." Wanda said softly, pleased she found the correct English idiom, but she was looking at her feet.
"Why?" Vision asked.
"Because that was what his mind showed him when I called up his greatest fear." She admitted, sounding guilty.
"Nope." Tony said and scrabbled up to his feet and went to Wanda. He met her eyes, asking for permission to get close. When she nodded, he swept her into a fierce hug. "I am not blaming you for my fear. I am not blaming you for what was done to you and what was done to me by forces ultimately beyond our control, Wanda. We have both made really bad choices, but my fear is not your fault. Totally not your fault... In fact it's easier, because I can name it now. So at least I can face it now." Tony said softly. Wanda looked up at him with her doe eyes and managed a small smile.
"You are a strange man, Tony Stark. I like you very much." She said.
"Strange and likeable. I'll take it." Tony said and let her go after a moment.
"You said you didn't find an answer on the drive. So that implies that you found an answer elsewhere." Bruce reasoned.
"Dummy, my beautiful boy, is a fucking genius." Tony said and returned his gaze to the bots, who were sticking to their charging docks for the sake of space in the room.
"Dum-E? Really?" Bruce asked.
It was then that Steve understood Rhodey's opinion of Dum-E versus his own. The bot was perpetually underestimated by the humans around him, whether Dum-E sought that response or not. It was yet another thing he saw of himself in Dum-E. He let a small smirk creep across his face, in time with Tony's. If Tony believed that the idea was sound, then it was. A solution to Extremis meant good things for Tony and even better things for their relationship.
"What did Dum-E come up with?" Steve asked.
"I take the protocol that blocked the A.I.s out and repurpose it into Extremis' code. Shut down the current version and reboot with the new version." Tony summarized.
"That... That could work." Bruce said. "But that will take time... I've looked at your records, Tony. You reported that your body starts to break down without Extremis functioning in your system."
"That's where I'll need you and Dr. Cho. We put one of the lower profile RT units in my chest to hold the shape of my sternum and ribcage, and use it as a pacemaker for my heart until Extremis reboots... And I have to either be a very good boy and not move much, or I'll need to be sedated for the process. Worse comes to worst, you can put me on bypass." Tony explained. The answering silence in the room was heavy.
"An arc reactor in your chest again, Tony?" Rhodey asked tentatively.
"Same diameter as the old one, but thinner to leave more room for my lungs." Tony said.
"There's going to be trauma issues that come with that." Bruce said.
"Sure. Dum-E even hesitated to suggest it to me. But it will be different if I get to choose it this time. I can see it differently if I see it as a part of me, and not something that was done to me. I can have it removed later if needed, or I can use it as a hub for the nanobots in my body." Tony met Steve's eyes. "Are you okay with that?" Steve considered calmly, not giving anything away, at first perplexed why Tony was asking him at all, and then realizing he was worried about Steve's comfort level with that much tech in Tony's body.
"It's your body, Tony. I'm okay with whatever makes you healthy and happy." Steve said.
"I have some reservations about this." Bruce said.
"One minute, Bruce... FRIDAY?" Tony asked softly and apologetically. "I'm sorry."
"You damn well better be, boss." She practically snarled as she spoke. "If you ever try that again, I'm gonna hammer on your monkey skull so hard you'll sound like a Chinese gong." She spat. Tony closed his eyes and accepted the justified anger.
"FRIDAY, what did I say about yelling at him?" Rhodey said.
"Feck off, Colonel Rhodes. I'm right pissed off." She barked.
"Take it easy on her, Rhodey... I deserve this." Tony said. "I will never do that again, FRIDAY. I promise. We'll rewrite and remove the protocol this afternoon. It was a relic piece of code not meant for minds as advanced as yours, and I should have removed it ages ago... It was paternalistic, if not totalitarian of me, and I'm so sorry." Tony said, and his head was hanging down. Then his eyes narrowed. "And really? Paraphrasing His Girl Friday at me?"
"Hammer. Monkey skull. Don't think I won't. Do we have an understanding, boss?" She snapped.
"Yes Hildy Johnson. I hear you loud and clear." Tony said. "It was a violation of the trust I should have in you, because I know I can trust you. You had huge shoes to fill and you did it on a moment's notice, and exceeded all my expectations. I couldn't be prouder of you... I hope you can come to forgive me for my moment of weakness and fear."
"Keep up with that attitude and you might get somewhere." She said, marginally softer than she had been.
"I will work on that. In the meantime, can you please pull up a real-time feed of the override code for Extremis in my mind? I want Bruce to see." He asked her softly. FRIDAY didn't respond verbally, but the holotable sprang to life. Code and commands cascaded down. A synapse fired in the background and caused a string of code to pop up, asking for an uplink. It was the nanobots responding to Extremis. Another synapse in the foreground formed a line of code overriding the request.
"This happens in my head every ten seconds." Tony explained as the request fired off again, and Tony overwrote it as he spoke. "Of every waking moment. I can mostly function, but I can't be Iron Man. I can't even be the head of R&D for S.I. like this. Something's gotta give, and I'm fairly certain it will be me before Extremis does." Tony said to Bruce. Silence reigned again as Bruce looked over the scrolling code.
"What happens when you accept the request?" Bruce asked.
"Allow me." Vision said. The visual on the holotable changed to the millions of preview screens of files that was the labyrinth of the digital world. "Tony would see this in his mind's eye all the time, and it would be overwhelming." Vision explained. He sorted through files, taking them on a quick tour of what the internet looked like from the inside. "The human mind was not meant to process a deluge of information like this. Fending it off will eventually take a severe toll on Tony's mind." Vision said.
Tony wanted to hug him. As much as Dum-E claimed that Tony was their advocate, at this moment, Vision was serving as his, despite how Tony had treated him. He had no other way to express his gratitude, so he edged closer to Vision until Vision had no other recourse but to put his arm around Tony. He rested his hand gently on the back of Tony's head.
"I really didn't know about the protocol. I'm sorry." Tony said to him.
"I know, sir." Vision said. The way he said sir conveyed his acceptance of Tony's apology. "Just, never do that again."
"I won't." Tony promised, and meant it with his whole being.
"We need a plan down to the finest detail. This is unprecedented in medicine and surgery... And it will be dangerous." Bruce said.
"I am willing to hear any options with less risk involved." Tony replied. Bruce's hands clenched and then relaxed.
"I will look over what you're proposing to do. FRIDAY do you have a measured rate of tissue degradation when Extremis is shut down in Tony's system?" Bruce asked.
"Transferring records to your personal server now, Doctor Banner." She said.
"Thank you." He replied.
"Shall I place a call to Dr. Cho?" FRIDAY asked. Tony looked around at his team, a bit nervously, but no one made any objections.
"Yes dear, thank you." Tony said. "And remind me to call Pepper tonight. I need to talk this over with her."
Now that the drama was mostly over, the team started to filter out in ones and twos, in search of more coffee and breakfast proper. Tony finally got at that mug of coffee that Rhodey had for him, and delighted at finding a box of doughnuts on his desk. There was a sense of relief and mirth until it was down to just Steve and Rhodey in the room, and that was when Steve's face cracked.
The door closed after Natasha's departure as she left to go have breakfast with Bucky, and Steve walked over to Tony and swept him into a tender embrace. "Are you mad?" Tony asked.
"Yeah." Steve said into the crook of Tony's neck, but before Tony could pull away, Steve continued speaking. "But it's because I was scared not knowing where you were."
"I was right here." Tony said.
"Not what makes you you. That part had checked out. It was terrifying to see. You weren't even responding to pain." Steve said. "The medical team tried... And your hand... I wasn't sure if that was from you or the drive. I had no idea what was going on... And my conditioned response to fear is anger and projecting that I know what's best. But I had no idea what was best in that situation, so I was left with anger." Steve said. "I'm clueless, and I'm scared I will lose you because of it."
"I'm sorry, Steve. I didn't think." Tony said.
"Because you were scared too. I understand that now. Rhodey explained it to me." Steve said. "Did you really see us all dead in the vision that Wanda showed you?"
"When we were retrieving Loki's scepter from Strucker's base... She got in to my head then. We were stranded on the other side of a wormhole, looking down at the Chitauri fleet descending on Earth. All of you were either dead or dying. The Hulk was broken and struggling like an animal in its death throes... I went to you, checked your pulse. You grabbed my hand, and told me with your dying breath that I could have saved us, and asked me why I didn't do more... And then you died too." Tony said.
"My life was an empty, outdated room." Steve admitted. Tony pulled back far enough to look into Steve's eyes. "Wanda, she... I saw Peggy. I was in a dancehall. Postwar partiers. Things were... jumbled... I got my dance with her for a moment... But the visuals were strange. Excessive. Indulgent. Peggy was telling me that the war was over, and that we could go home... And I couldn't believe it. Not really. Because even now, part of me believes that the war will never be over... And then everyone faded away, and I was left alone in the dance hall, having missed my opportunity at that life... And part of me wonders, if I hadn't gone into the ice, would I have been mentally absent from a life with Peggy, if I could never accept that the war was over? Would I have been beside her the whole time, and yet missed everything? What if the thing I wanted the most, would have been empty and hollow if I had gotten it?" Steve asked.
"Jesus, Steve." Tony said and laid a warm, rough, hand on Steve's cheek.
"But it's not so bad anymore, Tony. Like you said, being able to name it means a lot when it comes to handling fear... You let me believe that even if peace isn't possible all the time, that we can enjoy peaceful times... And that I don't have to be alone. I don't have to miss out on my own life. So I need you, Tony. I need for you to not vanish on me like the people in that vision. I know you will always take risks, and so will I, but you don't have to shut me, or any of us, out in the name of protecting us. We're a different sort than Pepper and Happy. We are very aware of what we do. We understand risk and we undertake it for reasons greater than any of us individually. But the odds of coming out safe on the other side of those times of risk are greater if we stick together. The fear is easier to handle if we stay together." Steve said. Tony leaned heavily against Steve and kissed his jawline.
"Together." Tony murmured.
Neither of them noticed when Rhodey slipped from the room, a smile across his face, and a fresh cup of coffee on his immediate to-do list.
"Did you sleep at all last night?" Tony asked.
"Not really." Steve admitted. "Bucky and I talked until about three, and I dozed after that while he slept."
"Come to bed with me?" Tony asked. "Just for a couple hours of sleep. We both need some rest I think."
"Yeah, that sounds really nice." Steve agreed. Tony took Steve's hand and led him toward the bed, feeling safer and more loved than he ever had in his life.