Do you ever lie awake at night just between the dark and the morning light? Searching for the things you used to know looking for the place where the lost things go. So, when you need her touch and loving gaze, gone but not forgotten is the perfect phrase. Smiling from a star that she makes glow, trust she's always there, watching as you grow. Find her in the place where the lost things go.
It had been a year since the Turner twins had lost their mother. They were now seven and the light of their father's life. He cherished them dearly. Sometimes when he looked, he could see Marianne's smile in Katie's or her eyes in Tim's. He often lay awake at night, worried about how he would raise his two children without their mother. Sister Julienne had been very kind and offered to have the children during the school holidays and weekends so that he could work. And when he wasn't working, he was spending every moment he could with his children.
Timothy and his sister Katie were bright and lively children, seemingly unaffected by the events of the past year. That's not to say that they didn't miss their mother, they missed her every day, but they were too young to stop and let grief take hold of them. That's not that they didn't notice their father's grief. There were times where he would sit at dinner and look downcast or he would be quiet. There would be times when they were at Nonnatus House and they would look out of the parlor window to see him sat in the car, often crying. Minutes later he would walk through the door with the biggest grin on his face and sweep Tim and Kate into his arms.
On the way home, they had stopped outside a local café and it was raining. Tim and Katie were sat on the back seat and watched their dad silently. They didn't dare say anything, not knowing how he would react. Then Tim's stomach began to rumble. He looked at his sister and she shrugged. Tim looked at his dad and leant forward.
"Are you sad, Dad?" he asked.
Patrick Turner turned slightly to look at his son and daughter in the back seat, "How can I be sad when I've got you."
Tim rubbed his eye and Katie lent on the front seat, looking at her dad kindly, "We've seen you in the car outside Nonnatus, you just sit there."
"Like a sheepdog without his sheep." Tim added.
"Have you?" he sighed. Katie and Tim looked at each other, not sure whether they were in trouble. "How about some fried bread?"
"Yeah!" smiled Kate and she and Tim followed their dad into the café.
They sat down at a table near the window where they could watch the rain falling. Patrick put the order in and stood and watched his children giggling, having water droplet races down the window.
Talk to them Patrick. I refuse to be a ghost in the memory of their minds.
Patrick turned around, expecting to see Marianne but there was no one there.
I may be dead, my dear, but they need to know who I am and that you're ok. Because if you are not ok, they won't be. Just talk to them.
"Did you 'ere me guv?"
Patrick snapped back to attention, "Sorry, was miles away."
"Order's up!" he said, looking at Patrick concerned. Patrick paid and carried the food over to his children.
"Thank Dad!" said Tim, taking a slice and biting into it, smiling.
Katie looked at her dad. A tear was running down his cheek. She took her hand and placed it on his face and wiped the tear away from his face. Patrick smiled softly and took her hands in his.
"My Katie. You never miss a beat do you?"
She shook her head, "You miss mummy."
He nodded, "More than anything."
Tim stopped eating, "Sister Evangelina says its perfectly ok to be sad, Dad."
He smiled, "I know. Its just that I have you two to look after as well." He took Tim's hand from across the table and held it softly.
Tim looked at his sister and smiled, "We're ok Dad."
Patrick chuckled slightly. "I don't doubt that. But you must be missing your mum."
Katie looked down at the table. Tim's gaze shifted from his Dad to the window. Patrick sighed. He had been keeping his feelings to himself, so his children had followed suit.
"I thought Sister Evangelina said it was ok to be sad?" he asked kindly.
"We thought…" Katie began.
"We thought that if we were sad, that would make you sad."
Patrick looked from his son to his daughter. "It's ok to be sad, and its ok to miss your mum. She was a special person. She could light up a room with a single smile. She always knew what to do when someone was sad and she always knew how to take care of you two."
"She used to sing to us when we were in the bath or in bed." Said Katie.
"And she told the best stories!" added Tim.
"See, this is what I mean. I want you to always talk about your mum, whether to me or to the sisters or to each other. Memories you've shared, gone for good you feared. They're all around you still though they've disappeared."
Tim and Katie looked up at their Dad. They'd never heard him sing before, though their mum told them that he had a wonderful voice.
"So, when you need her touch and loving gaze, gone but not forgotten is the perfect phrase. Smiling from a star that she makes glow, trust she's always there watching as you grow. Find her in the place where the lost things go."
The family sat in silence for a few moments and memories of their mother and wife filled their heads. Memories of bath times and bedtimes, of early mornings and sunset walks in the park. And then the memories of the year just gone, of the sadness but the happiness that they found in each other. Tim walking to school hand in hand with Katie, Sunday dinners with the Sisters at Nonnatus, stories with Dad and Saturday walks in the woods. Marianne may be gone, but she would always be with them, in the memories, in the place where the lost things go.